


Mikasa, I'm With Child

by NeigeAuSoleil (angstyourwayin)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, Asexuality, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-01-14 23:39:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 99,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1282918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstyourwayin/pseuds/NeigeAuSoleil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally a fill for the following prompt at the SnK Kink Meme:</p><p>"Maybe Eren's titan blood and body allows him to reproduce. Maybe he has a heat phase or produces a pheromone that lures Levi into having sex with him. They both could regret it right after and act like nothing happened.</p><p>Then Eren's body changes and... he's mpreg!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by [ieatkitcat](http://ieatkitcat.tumblr.com/). (Thank you so much for all your help!)
> 
> This chapter is slightly different from the one posted originally, but the rest are practically unchanged, except for a few details that don't have much relevance in the long run.
> 
> ((And since it was for the Kink Meme, the first chapter is, of course, full of mindless porn. That's just the first chapter, though, the rest are -mostly- SFW.))
> 
> Hope that posting this fic here on AO3 makes things easier for everyone following it!

Eren presses his hand against his forehead nervously. His skin feels too hot and sweaty. His trembling palm is damp, flushed, and he notices that his breath is uneven, coming in sharp inhalations, faster and shallower with every second that goes by.

At first he dismisses his symptoms as the beginning mark of what will probably turn out to be nothing more than an annoying cold. Long nights in a tiny freezing cell had probably taken their toll on him, so there was nothing to worry about. As soon as he got back to his cell and plopped down under his covers, proper rest would do the trick and he’d be as good as new in no time.

Unfortunately, the thought doesn’t manage to settle his mind, for right then, an intensely painful spasm runs all across his belly, originating in his low abdomen. It makes him balk, double over as he pants and tries to find leverage by leaning into the wall closest to him. Uselessly, he curses his decision to succumb to the need to execute a little escapade to the toilets in the middle of the night.

Another thought takes over his consciousness suddenly, and his eyes shoot right open, looking around him completely mortified. This uneasiness, this heat… he recognizes them. He’s felt them before, and the unexpected realization makes him whimper as leans his forehead against the soothing coolness of the wall.

Why now?

Any moment then—he’s sure of it, so sure— a cloud of vapor and heat will explode all around him and the next thing he’ll know is that he’ll have blown it. Damned it all to hell because he’s involuntarily turning into a titan, and he’s not controlling this transformation. There is absolutely no reassurance that he’ll be the brain behind his huge titan body once he’s transformed, that it won’t be running on instinct.

Instinct to kill.

He groans miserably and forces himself away from the wall and onto his unsteady, shaky legs. Breaking into a run, he knows precisely where he’s heading, only wishing he arrives in time before he manages to cause a monumental catastrophe.

There is only one person capable of stopping him if things get worse.

Before he can fully measure the weight of his actions, he realizes that his knuckles have already rapped insistently on the hard wood of the door directly in front of him. He doesn’t have enough time to think about words to say when the door of the Corporal’s room is already open. Eren can tell the man beyond pissed just by looking at him, although his glare definitely moderates when he catches up to Eren’s general state.

“Is there a situation, Jaeger?” The man asks, and Eren notices the muscles of the Corporal’s jaw clenching, his posture straightening. Ready for battle, as always.

He cannot answer, though, for another spasm strikes him and he falls to his knees, cursing. He’s sweating, hot.

So _hot_ …

The moment Corporal Levi sets his hand on his shoulder, Eren feels like all the heat in his body pools around that area, and then explodes throughout his chest, down his belly, to then giddily congregate by his groin. He shakes his head, unclogs the thought and tries to issue a coherent answer.

“I’m not feeling very well, sir,” he whispers. His mouth is dry, his tongue feels parched, and could Levi please stop touching him? He’s turning the heat so unbearable. “I’m afraid I might be transforming… it’s hot. I— I hurt all over…”

Another spasm runs through him, making him gasp, but this time it ends with a tingly feeling inside of him. This sensation extends through his body until it reaches between his thighs and a certain dampness in his underwear has him turning his head away in embarrassment.

His eyes briefly flicker back to Corporal Levi, mortified beyond belief.  He might as well be suffering from a stomach bug, yet he’s just gone and informed Humanity’s Strongest that he’s turning into a menace. Perhaps all he’s really doing is shitting in his pants and sweating all over the place.

Something in the back of his head, however, successfully convinces him otherwise, even if he can’t exactly determine what.

Then Levi inhales sharply and Eren reluctantly focuses his gaze on him. The Corporal’s nostrils flare like he’s caught on onto something delicious, absolutely superb and nearly bordering on maddening. His grasp tightens around Eren’s shoulder, pupils blown as he seems to try his best to control his form from shaking.

It’s stopped hurting, Eren notices in a haze. What he feels now is an overall tickly sensation that grows stronger and then subsides as heat waves run through him again and again. Another painless spasm ends with yet another pulse of wetness spurting between his thighs.

Levi seems to notice, if the way his lips purse in an impossibly tight line are anything to go by. His fingers close around Eren’s night shirt, and when he least expects it, he’s roughly yanked inside the Corporal’s room and the door is being slammed and locked behind him. Next thing he knows is that he’s now sitting on the floor, legs thrown wide apart, his body caught between his superior’s and the door. The Corporal has sunk his nose in his neck, and he’s inhaling as deep as he can, his hands fastened on Eren’s shirt by his waist.

When he finally releases his breath, it certainly comes out as a moan, and Eren distinctly feels the noise incite not only an interested twitch from his cock, but also another spurt of warm liquid to drip from his ass. He responds with a moan of his own, bringing his hands to Levi’s head. His trembling fingers leisurely tangle in the inky locks, and he is not exactly conscious of his actions when he begins to push his superior’s head down. Levi complies without any kind of resistance.

He allows Eren to guide his head down until he’s pressing his nose right into his groin, and his hands have descended and are now squeezing Eren’s ass. The Corporal seems to need to sink even lower, to the source of that smell that is making him delirious with lust, clouding his thoughts, controlling his mind and his actions.

“You,” he hisses, Eren whimpers from the friction and the Corporal’s warmth breath washing over his balls. “I want to fuck you.” He shakes his head, inhaling deeper.  

“No, that’s not quite right.” His voice sounds vicious, pained and urgent.

Eren pets Levi’s hair softly, his cheek resting against his shoulder as he glances down. Many more heat waves work restlessly to set his insides ablaze, to completely annul his autonomy, render him a dependent mess whose only solace comes in the form of the Corporal’s heat. His breath brushing over his skin, his hands dominating him into compliance. Yes, perfect. Dizziness flogs him, confuses him into the sensation of being lost, hot and unfulfilled. Levi looks up, into his eyes. His smirk makes Eren shudder.

“I _need_ to fuck you, Eren.” He breathes out.

A soft whimper leaves Eren’s lips at his words, and he nods. It takes him a few seconds to find words of his own, but he finally does and agrees, “Yes, _please_ …”

He’s yanked again by his collar and thrown across the floor. He lands face down, knees parted, ass in the air. Eren doesn’t move but to peek from above his shoulder at Levi, crawling towards him. Biting his lips is the only thing he can do to prevent his throat from voicing his content as Levi takes a hold of Eren’s hips and sinks his nose between his cheeks. Fingers tighten around Eren’s body, and he mewls in pleasure, pushing his behind backwards, needing the contact with an urgency that he had never experienced before.

“You smell—” Levi groans, straightening just enough to look into Eren’s half-lidded eyes. “Why?”

He lowers again, spreading Eren’s legs further apart and snaking his hand in between to cup his subordinate’s erection in his palm. Another especially powerful wave rides through the younger soldier, and he keeps getting more and more wet.

“I shouldn’t,” Levi ventures, squeezing Eren’s cock softly.

“No, please,” Eren answers in a heartbeat, panting, moaning, coming undone before his superior, before the person he’s come to admire the most in the world. “Please, I need this. I hurt inside. Sir, help me…”

And Levi needs no further convincing. In a second, he’s turning Eren so that he’s lying on his back. He crawls between his legs and places each of his hands by Eren’s head. Looking down at Eren, he takes in his squirming form, his flushed face, his pleading lips, and Levi can’t resist him any longer. He can’t fight this. The only thing he can do is surrender to this filthy desire that screams to make Eren his time and time again until they’re both spent and unable to move for days.

When Eren feels Levi’s lips on his own, a sharp wave of fresh relief washes all over him. Not a second later, however, his fever returns with a renewed strength that has him moaning desperately. His mouth opens for Levi’s tongue, he sucks on it, delighting on the wet and hasty sounds they are making, soaking himself even further. The thought that his clothes are nothing more than inconvenient right then is so strong it effectively serves in forcing his mind to detach from the maddening sensation of the Corporal’s mouth fitted perfectly against his.

As he tries to slide his hands to his pants, they are snatched by Levi’s to rest by his head. Eren cries out in frustration, undulating his hips and trying to make contact with anything, whatever, immediately. He’s on the verge of tears, he discovers, and he bites on Levi’s lower lip a bit too hard in retaliation. The Corporal only smirks, rising from his prey, sucking his lip inside his mouth and faking a hurtful stare.

“Corporal— _Pleas_ e…”

Levi lowers the bottom half of his body so that his cock aligns with Eren’s through their clothing and presses down in a long, lashing slide. Completely elated, Eren throws his head back uncaringly, exposing his throat which Levi takes no time to reclaim as his own by nipping at it, licking, enthralled by the low vibrations that each of Eren’s moans produce. “Look at you,” Levi whispers into Eren’s ear. “I swear I’m going to fuck you so good you’ll be ruined for anyone else.”

Eren wants to cry out his agreement, kiss his superior senseless, keep feeling every bit of his body against his own. Never let go.

But then Levi’s sliding his hand between them, lifting from Eren’s body and setting a terrifying glare on the younger soldier’s pants like they’ve personally offended him. It doesn’t even take a few seconds before Eren’s feeling the cold chill of the night biting at his lower regions. It helps a bit with the heat, and he sighs in relief, pressing his knees together, stretching his arms above his head. “Levi,” he sighs through a half-parted mouth, reddened and abused.

Then he feels the Corporal’s hand on his knee, pushing to pry his legs open. His rough yet slender fingers slide over the skin of his knee and Eren swears he’s never felt so alive, so sensitive everywhere, so conscious of where every part of his body is, so open. So achingly aroused.

He looks at his superior, and he swears Levi’s mouth is almost watering with the way he’s devouring him with his eyes. Levi slithers his hands over the sharp edges of the muscles in Eren’s abdomen, the dip right before the rise of his ribcage, pushing his nightshirt along with him. Then he pulls the cloth off. Eren doesn’t even feel ashamed at this point. He’s naked and shivering and pulsing on the inside and there has to be a small puddle below his ass with the way he’s leaking with desire for the Corporal.

Levi places his warm palm on Eren’s cock, runs his fingers up and down its length before wrapping his small hand around it and squeezing unrelentingly by its base. It earns him another fit of moans from his subordinate, the desperate biting of his lips, his hands balling into fists by his sides, his back arching until it seems like it will snap. Levi thinks it’s beautiful, and he moves back to contemplate his creation. Eren wants to cry and destroy and kill, because how dare Levi deprive him of this pleasure, of the cure to the heat burning slow under his skin.

“Eren, I want you to do something for me,” Levi says, taking his own shirt off, and before Eren can refuse, the Corporal’s hand is touching him again, caressing the thin and delicate skin of his thigh. He inches closer to Eren’s opening, teasing, testing. Playing with the dense, transparent and warm liquid that’s coating his buttcheeks, he takes a finger to his mouth and tastes it, laps at his digit like it’s covered in the most delicious treat he’s ever had. Eren squirms, sure that it won’t take much more than that to make him come.

“Yes, anything,” he answers, and he can’t recognize his voice. It’s hoarse, needy and low and he will agree to whatever the Corporal asks of him, he knows.

“Suck it,” he hisses, pushing his hips forward, his knees parting to allow Eren a glimpse of the cloth of his pants painfully containing his own erection.

It’s an order. Eren follows orders on a daily basis, so he doesn’t even question it and he pushes himself up, shaking all over, making a mess out of the self-lubrication that’s leaked from him all over the floor when he gets down on his knees and elbows, practically rips the pants as he pulls them out of his way and takes the Corporal in his mouth.

He hears a low moan come from Levi, and that’s the only motivation he needs to make his attentions better, take him deeper, emit moans of his own to demonstrate how much he enjoys pleasing the Corporal in any way he could suggest.

Though he doesn’t particularly know what he’s doing, Eren tries his best to catch and follow the signals the Corporal drops his way, the low groans, the swaying of his hips, the particularity of his slender fingers trembling over Eren’s scalp before he tightens his grip on Eren’s hair and guides him deeper, until his jaw hurts with exertion. Shame has never been a dominant factor in Eren’s personality, and this time is no different. He doesn’t mind one bit the sporadic choking sounds or the spit that slides from the corners of his mouth, he only cares about the blazing contact with the Corporal, about having him as close as humanly possible.

But then Levi’s pushing at his shoulder and the younger soldier forces his eyes to open and look up at him. He lets the Corporal’s heavy dick slide out of his mouth, whimpers as he feels that aching emptiness once more wrap around his senses until everything seems blurry and opaque. His superior is biting his lower lip. His eyes are half-lidded, his cheeks flushed, his breathing slow and deep, uneven. Perfect. The need to have Levi inside of him directs his movements, forces him to take a hold of the Corporal’s cock once more only to have the man push him away harder.

“Stop,” he murmurs when Eren hisses with frustration at his failed objective. Placing his hands on Eren’s face, the Corporal guides him back to his lips to kiss him thoroughly, glide his tongue over his damp lips, grant them soft and apologetic nips. “Got a better idea.”

Words elude Eren, his vocal communication has reduced to the guttural spectrum almost strictly, but his eyes can still plead, his fingers can still dig into the Corporal’s flesh as he tries to pull him closer. Levi indulges him in another kiss, leans against Eren so their chests are pressing together and they can feel each other's accelerated heartbeats.

“Get on top of me,” he commands in a hushed whisper, his words crashing against Eren’s parted lips.  Pushing away from Eren, he lies down on the floor, pants discarded in the near vicinity, forgotten. “But facing the other way,” he adds, when Eren follows his fugitive heat.

A shiver of anticipation runs down Eren spine, and he feels like he’s suffocating, slowly dying. He manages to get on top of Levi, his behind completely exposed, at the Corporal’s mercy. Warm, strong hands take a hold of his ass, and then the Corporal digs in. Laps at his crease, licks his balls. The attentions he’s delivering are messy, yet definitely riveting, Eren thinks, resting his face against Levi’s flushed thigh and lazily latching onto his cock.

The action makes Levi’s attentions falter for a moment before he regains his pace, licks him clean, gulps down the liquid now pouring down Eren’s thighs, sinks his tongue into his hole and sucks, leisurely, thoroughly until Eren has completely lost his breath, shaking so badly he can’t understand how he’s still upright.

But then Levi pushes a finger inside of him and Eren loses it completely. He presses his face against Levi’s crotch and tries to asphyxiate before he makes so much noise everyone at Headquarters hears them. He doesn’t even feel the tension building up until it overflows, his orgasm takes him by surprise as he comes hard all over Levi’s belly pretty much untouched but for a few tugs at the very beginning that he’s sure don’t count.

Instead of putting out the fire inside of him, his orgasm only serves to empower the burning to the intensity of a thousand suns, and it hurts him in such a mind-numbing way that Eren isn’t really thinking when he spins right around, come still leaking, and impales himself on Levi’s cock without as much as flinching in a single movement. A cry of absolute ecstasy escapes Eren’s lips then, so loud that someone’s sure heard them this time.

“Fuck,” Levi hisses, throwing his head back, hands shooting to Eren’s thighs to hold him steady as he descends and rises simultaneously while making circles with his hips, his eyes tightly shut. Levi uselessly tries to contain the heavy plummeting of Eren’s body down on his. He feels Eren’s tight insides, burning so hot he’s sure to be left sore afterwards, he feels the intensity of nearly erratic movements that will leave him raw and sensitive, so sensitive and fuck. He doesn’t care, he doesn’t care at all.

Levi’s own thighs go sleek from Eren’s sweat and self-lub, he grips him tighter, and his hips snap forward to meet his subordinate’s. Eren has placed his hands on the floor somewhere near Levi’s knees, arched his back, head hanging helplessly and he can’t stop his movements, can’t stop his moans, can’t stop from wanting to suck out all of Levi through his cock and let the heat inside feast on it. He needs that, he realizes as he lets out yet another groan.

“Levi, fuck,” he gasps, rolls his hips. “Fuck, just fill me. Fill me to the brim, come on!”

“You’re getting—” Levi replies, pausing for breath. “Too fucking bossy.”

Then Eren’s on his back again on the floor, rocking against it with Levi’s momentum. He throws his hands over his mouth to keep from screaming out loud. He’s being ripped from the inside, he’s hurting, he’s hurting so good. _Too_ good.

He’s coming again. While it lasts, Levi keeps hissing by his ear, complimenting how good he’s being, how tight and hot he feels, how amazing his clenching muscles are making it for him. Eren hurts even more so. He’s desperate. He needs Levi to put out this fire. Can’t take it anymore. Not for a second longer.

But Levi pulls away.

He pulls away and rolls him over, sinks back into his flesh in a moment and Eren couldn’t care less about the bruises on his knees and elbows that are sure to form. He just rocks forward, silently cursing as he moans, grunts, gasps, claws at the floor, and it’s too much.

He comes one last time. And this time Levi can’t take it, he abandons himself to that pleasure and just holds fast to Eren’s waist as he spends inside of him. Eren can feel him shudder above him and he smiles. He’s privileged. He’s seen the Corporal at his most vulnerable.

Levi’s come is like a balm that soothes everything that hurt before. His shivering stops but for the aftermath of his orgasms. He feels full and satisfied. And happy. Exhilarated.

He has succeeded!

‘At what?’ he wonders to himself, silently.

Levi pulls out, and Eren whimpers when he feels a bit of his load slide down his thighs. What a waste, he thinks as he closes his eyes and blacks out from the exhaustion.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing his brain registers as he approaches consciousness is a swarming bright light hurting his eyes. Eren throws his arm over his face to stop its intruding advance and groans. The cell did not have one window, where was all this light flooding from?

  
The second thing he registers is a cold chill running down his spine, the kind of shudder that overcomes whenever he’s being surreptitiously observed from afar. Every alarm goes off at that exact moment, when he realizes something is terribly, horribly wrong, and he shoots right up into a sitting position, sending frightened glances all around him.  
  
Both the stinging pain by his lower back and a dull pair of pale blue eyes dangerously focused on him cause an avalanche of blurry, more-than-improper memories to overflow his immediate perception.   
  
He holds his breath.  
  
Levi is sitting hunched over on a chair by Eren’s left. His fingers are intertwined, and his pointy chin rests above them. He looks certainly, positively disturbed beyond repair. Eren’s nape starts to dampen with cold sweat, his knees press close unconsciously and he lifts the sheets higher to further cover his very naked form.  
  
He vaguely remembers waking up in the middle of the night, still feverish, covered in sweat, and forcing his superior awake by sucking him off until he could ride his brains out once again. He’s sure Levi can feel the heat of his blush as Eren looks down into the mess he’s made of the Corporal’s bed.  
  
Before he can apologize, Levi clears his throat and Eren stiffs, very straight, waiting for a reprimand that will surely leave his ears ringing for the rest of the day and weeks to come, possibly. Or death.  
  
“Jaeger,” he says; however, in contrast, Eren’s till foggy mind supplies that the night before the Corporal called him ‘Eren, Eren,  _Eren_ ’ desperatly and urgently. Eren cannot stop his shivering for Levi’s voice is calm and composed and that proves to be definitely daunting. “Get the fuck off my bed.”  
  
“Sir, yes, sir!”  
  
In a moment he’s on the floor scrambling for his clothes, trying to make sense of them as he very obviously crawls towards the door. He’s in the middle of pulling on his pants when Levi, still facing the bed, maintaining his posture with his back completely turned on Eren, speaks again.

  
“We don’t talk about this,” Levi mumbles, and Eren thinks he sinks lower in his chair. “We never talk about this, is that clear?”  
  
“Y-yes, sir!”  
  
“Right, then. Get the fuck out of my room.”  
  
“B-but I haven’t finished dressing and I—”  
  
Levi inhales deeply, straightens in his chair, and even though he doesn’t look back, Eren can sure tell that he’s scowling like it’s a national sport and he’s aiming for the gold.  
  
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY GODDAMNED ROOM!”  
  
And just like that, Eren’s running down the hall, wondering on the best method to move as fast as he can while putting on ruined clothes and getting swallowed by the floor all at the same time.

  
  
\--  
  
Hanji looks up from the report she’s reading with a bored expression when she hears the door to the office she’s been occupying open. The motion produces a creak that only one person in the wholeness of the Headquarters manages to create, no matter how well oiled the stupid door is. Of course, the more horrible the chirring, the more pissed off the Corporal is, and Hanji prepares herself for a good two hours of the Corporal whining about incompetence and filth and the general nastiness of everything ever.  
  
“There’s a practice of common knowledge that signals good manners and respect called knocking, you know.” She informs, arranging the sheets of the report into a neat pile by tapping them on the desk before Levi has the impulse of fixing them himself.  
  
“Got no time for knocking,” he answers, looking anywhere but at her. Then Hanji defines that this might be, for once, a true problem and not just all of the Corporal’s flaws leaking through his awkward personality.  
  
“Something wrong?”  
  
Levi sits on the chair in front of her, across the desk, with his sight focused on the ceiling, then the tiny window in the general direction behind Hanji, then he looks at his fists and is he blushing? Hanji would bet the H of her name that he is. How interesting! She could very well start rubbing her hands like a fly before a feast for she can just feel that this is going to be juicy gossip of the best kind. She opts for leaning forward on her chair, in what Levi would interpret as ‘Go on, I’m interested in your issues’ in body language. Hopefully.  
  
“The thing is,” he says, and he’s tapping his fingers on the desk anxiously. Hanji is at the verge of rocking on the chair in anticipation, but she manages to conjure a serious expression and nods, urging Levi to proceed.   
  
“What is it? You’re making me nervous,” she lies. More like impatient. Out with it!  
  
“I just might be sexually active now.”

  
  
\--  
Eren blames how well he’s taking the whole Corporal issue on all the weird shit that has had him as protagonist lately. Ever since he first turned into a titan, events have been going from peculiar to just plain bizarre, so this one in particular doesn’t freak him out as much as it should.  
  
Even though he had never been attracted to the Corporal before last night.  
  
Even though he had never been attracted to a man before, for that fact.  
  
He could admit, however, that there had been the slight possibility that he’d had a tiny, little, insignificant, completely platonic crush on his superior. But everyone did. He knew that. Even Mikasa did, when she was able to detach her attention from Eren for one second. Besides, he found that crush to be founded on his admiration for the Corporal and his abilities, and not a direct consequence of his being drop-dead gorgeous and just every kind of alluring.  
  
Eren rests his cheek against the hard surface of the table, his breakfast completely untouched and forgotten by his side and he wraps his arms protectively around his low abdomen. But he now has something that belongs to the Corporal inside of him, he reflects with a small smile.  
  
He scrunches his face right after having that thought and deems himself the most disgusting individual on the face of the earth —titans included— for having those kinds of ideas. His cheeks are flushing again, Eren can feel it. The awkward churning of his insides is something that he can also feel, and the realization that he’s still full with Levi’s come is enough to start to get him hot and bothered again. He moans softly, pressing his legs together and is seriously contemplating on drowning himself in his morning oatmeal when Armin sits by his side.  
  
“Today is going to be a hard day.” He says. Eren turns his face to the other side, so that Armin won’t notice anything strange and a groan is his only reply.  
  
“Rumor has it that the Corporal—” Eren stiffens at that, he can’t avoid it. “—was sighted in the worst mood ever reported practically burning his way towards Hanji’s office.”  
  
Armin seems lost in thought. “That means that he’s gone to vent out his frustrations, but Hanji is never very helpful with that. We know it. Ah, jeez… he’s going to abuse whomever he encounters today. We’re doomed.”  
  
‘At least you didn’t bang his brains out last night and you’re not the reason he’s this pissed off,” Eren grieves, shuddering. Even though he knows that the next time he sees the Corporal he’s going to be oh, so dead, he can’t help but to feel some sort of excitement at meeting him again.  
  
He’s clearly lost his survival instinct.

  
  
\--  
  
“You— what?”  
  
Levi meets her eyes for just a second, before immediately looking away with the deepest— and foremost unusual— blush Hanji’s ever seen him wear.  
  
“Oh.  _Oh._ ” This time she can’t control her excitement. In a moment she’s out of her chair, crawling across the desk and sitting on it right in front of the Corporal. Although she’d rather be holding Levi’s, she has the good sense to keep her hands to herself.  
  
“Oh, some news this is!” She squeaks, bouncing lightly and making all sorts of questions that go from ‘what’, ‘how’, ‘who’, ‘when’, ‘why’ to ‘was she any good? (Tell me she was or I’ll kill her for ruining your first time for you!)’. But Levi seems reluctant to answer any of that, so Hanji infers that Levi’s not here to brag. He’s worried, and her approach this time is a bit more sensitive. Or so she thinks.  
  
“Are you worried about getting her pregnant? Just tell me who it is, I’ll take care of that!”She beams at him. “There’ll be no tiny sour midgets roaming around these Headquarters anytime soon!”  
  
Levi starts shaking with fury, which signals that Hanji’s got this all wrong. She holds her breath as she defines the exact moment that Levi’s decided he’ll start screaming and hopes for the best. However, the Corporal only breathes deep and finally makes a lasting eye contact.  
  
“That’s not what bothers me.” He seems shifty, but he keeps talking before he ends up chickening out, like he’s been meaning to do since he very well planted a foot in that office. “It was fucking weird, Hanji.”  
  
“Sex often is, silly!” She laughs. “It’s not what people make it seem. It really is quite awkward, isn’t it? Goodness, I can’t believe I can finally discuss sex with you!”  
  
“Shut up!” Levi hisses. Hanji is still smiling when she mimics zipping her mouth shut and nods frantically. “That’s not what I mean…This was…” He takes a deep breath again, and is ready to let it all out.  
  
“Before you make a big fucking deal out of it, let me tell you something.  _But_  you make any sort of lame-ass comment about it and I’m out of here and, fuck you, I’m keeping this to myself. Are we clear?”  
  
“As water, sir!” She half mocks, tilting her head to one side. Levi seems to consider how to put his concerns in words, his mouth scrunched up, moving from side to side.  
  
“Not a girl.” He says, finally, “I fucked a guy.”  
  
Hanji’s face gets all red, and she’s mentally smirking, Levi can tell as much. She’s still bouncing on her seat, clutching her pants in her fists and she looks like she’s about to have a heart attack with the way she’s trying to control her excitement. Or burst. Or both. Whichever way, that looks dangerous and unhealthy, so Levi glances away for a moment, pondering. Soon he sighs in defeat. “Alright. Say it.”  
  
“I knew it!” Hanji cries. “I so knew it! I should have made bets with everyone here because I had it right!” Her eyes gleam in an unnatural way. “Why, Levi! You should’ve told me before that you fancied cock rather than—”  
  
“Hanji, seriously, shut the fuck up.”  
  
“I can’t believe that you’ve been playing asexual all this time when all it took was some tender new recruit’s soft flesh to lure you into the dark side. Unless you banged Commander Erwin, which I can totally see happening, too. I think he’s been infatuated with you forever.”  
  
“Erwin—? What are you on about?”  
  
“Was it Erwin?” She wonders, all smiles, about to run out of the room and throw flowers over everyone while humming songs of beauty and times of old.

“No,” but Levi’s going straight to his more-than-pissed mode and Hanji has the good sense to go back to a reserved mood of quietness and stillness. “Listen to me, this is serious.”  
  
He shakes his head, goes on.  
  
“So one moment I’m tranquily resting, still very much not plausibly attracted to any living thing— yes, yes I was, Hanji, we’ve had this conversation before— and the next I’m jumping some guy like I’ve been horny and deprived all my life.” He pauses for breath. “I just… When I opened the door he started babbling on about danger and then I’m being flooded by this definite need to breed the guy like we’re fucking animals, and I can’t stop myself. Sooner than not I’m banging him ‘till he’s passed out on the floor and—”  
  
“Wait just one second,” Hanji very much interrupts and Levi wants to  _kill her_. “You mean to tell me somehow you managed to effortlessly convince some kid to sleep with you while you weren’t even awake and you made him faint from the pleasure on your probably very unskilled first time? Is that what you’re saying? Could you be more full of yourself?”  
  
The Corporal blushes furiously and glares at Hanji with all the intensity he’s capable of mustering. At what point did he think it’d be a good idea to tell such a shallow woman about this? Oh, when he deemed the whole thing as right down creepy, and it had been Eren, and he had been burning up and leaking from his ass everywhere, and as far as he knew that was not how sex between men happened. Did he mention that it was Eren and just because of that the situation automatically acquired a red flag of danger?  
  
Besides, it wasn’t like he could just run to Erwin to tell him… what? That he had slept with a subordinate, a male subordinate at that, and that it had been all kinds of freakish and something to worry about? No, that could not end well. Hanji, on the other hand, was crazy and her weirdness spectrum highly differed from everyone else’s. So, yes, he was better off with someone like her.  
  
“It was Eren, Hanji.” He confesses.   
  
Hanji shuts up right then and gawks at Levi like she’s suddenly failing to remember every word in every language. Her eyes are like plates and her mouth trembles without the ability to make even one sound.  
  
She finally produces a strangled sort of murmur. “Eren?”  
  
“He’s never shown any sort of attraction towards me,” Levi says. “He was hot— I mean his body temperature, you fucking pervert, it was way beyond normal. His eyes were glassy, pupils blown, he made no fucking sense. He said something about turning into a titan and then I’m mounting him, just like that. Without any sort of preparation because he was all wet, like he was a woman.”

  
“That doesn’t happen to—”  
  
“I know it doesn’t! I’m not a fucking idiot!”  
  
“What are you trying to say?”  
  
Levi clicks his tongue, wiping his hands on his trousers and leaving a damp trail behind. He sighs, disgusted, after he notices.  
  
“I’m saying that we got ourselves a problem, and that you better look into it before this gets out of hand.”

 

\--

In the end Hanji concludes that instead of raising hell and attracting the kind of attention that they could and should spare, they should minimize their efforts to keeping a private yet close observation on Eren. Hanji insists that perhaps Eren did have the hots for his superior and had come prepared, wet and open, for the impious activities that only the night could contend with and Levi had mistaken that for a function unnatural to male bodies. In return, Levi claims time and time again that he's not that lost when it comes to sex, even when he'd never actually gone as far before with any other person.

That maybe Levi  _had_  been horny and deprived all his life becomes one of Hanji’s favorite arguments for any statement the Corporal dares throw at her even a few days after the incident.  
  
"Hanji, please! Women have come to me in their lingerie, touching themselves, showing me what not even the goddamned sun has seen before and I was never the least bit interested."  
  
"That's because, as we now know, you're gay," the Squad Leader explains matter-of-factly, casually leaning against a pillar and following all of Eren’s movements with her quick eyes across the practice field. The boy has seemed distracted as of late, which she completely blames on the Corporal’s not-so-subtle methods of observation and general behavior. If Eren is, indeed, infatuated with the Corporal, then she completely understands what a distressing thing this might be for him, which absolutely explains his erratic movements and failed tactics. What’s worse, Levi’s refused to as much as acknowledge Eren’s existence when being in the same room as him, leaving the young recruit baffled and confused most of the time, and then counterattacking his actions by never letting him out of his sight in any other occasion.  
  
Hanji finds that she really pities Eren.  
  
"Do you want me to tell you about what men have done seeking the same shitty purpose? It really is rather grotesque, though I reckon  _you_ ’d probably find it sexy." The Corporal throws back, to which Hanji only laughs in amusement.  
  
"Then you're a fetishist and you have a thing for danger,” she supplies. After a few seconds she decides on awarding Levi a disbelieving look complete with raised eyebrows. “Well, now, why do you need it to be something bizarre that endangers our Eren?"  
  
The Corporal honestly thinks that he would prefer not to have these kinds of thoughts, or make all these assumptions but facts are facts, and Hanji wanting to believe that Levi’s just a few decades behind on sex doesn’t make a difference on the disturbing truth.  
  
"Do you want him to go around raping people?" He says in the end, because this useless banter is getting real old.  
  
"Did he rape you, Levi?  _You_?”  
  
"He might as well have. I was not in my right senses. Not acting on my own accord."  
  
"Levi," and the look Hanji gives him is skeptical, bordering on bored. "You're our strongest soldier. You could kill anyone in here— while they have their 3DMG on, mind you— blindfolded, without a weapon, in fifty different ways, and you're telling me that a puny and angsty teenager somehow _forced_  you into engaging in physical activities of a sexual nature with him? That's what you're telling me?"  
  
Levi seriously wants to make a dumpster out of everything Hanji’s ever loved.  
  
But Levi’s rather clever comeback dies out in the loud sounds caused by a commotion by the center of the practice field, where a small group of people have gathered in record time. Hanji included.  
  
As he approaches, Levi determines that that strange woman does have a gossip-radar encrusted into her brain, because there is no other understandable explanation.  
  
What he finds, when he rudely pushes the recruits out of the way until he reaches the center of the turmoil, is a bruised and screaming Eren, doubled over in what appears to be excruciating pain and clutching his belly for dear life.  
  
Levi’s first reaction, of course, is to get him the hell out of there.

  
\--  
The medic doesn’t find anything that can explain Eren’s sudden distress. He scratches his forehead clearly confused as he rises from where Eren’s resting on his bed, pain episode in the past, and heads for the exit still excusing himself to which Hanji only politely nods.  
  
What’s even more disturbing than having random pain attacks, is that Levi has decided to acknowledge his existence in close proximity again and not just from afar, and the way his eyes bear holes into him has Eren shaking even before they’re left alone in the dimly lit underground cell.  
  
“The fuck was that about?”  
  
Eren’s not surprised to hear a curse in the first sentence addressed to him in ages by the Corporal. He shakes his head, as lost to the cause as anyone else who witnessed the episode probably was. He shifts and pushes on the mattress until he finds a comfortable sitting position, still alert to any kind of signal that the subdued pain intends to return, and finally meets the Corporal’s eyes.  
  
Levi still waits for an answer, and when he gets none, he clicks his tongue and looks away crossly.   
  
“Going to put on a show like you did the other night, eh?” He says, crudely. “Going to go for some other nice fat cock to suck on, were you, Eren?”  
  
The thick silence makes him look back to find that the alluded has pressed his face against his palms and shakes his head like it’s beyond him how someone can be so bold and ridiculous.  
  
“We don’t talk about this, remember,  _sir_?”  
  
And Levi wants to shove some damn respect inside that hard-ass skull like they were paying him to do it. Strangely enough, as Levi breathes in deep and counts to ten like Erwin and Hanji insist that he do when he’s feeling murderous, he begins to notice that Eren’s mask of cockiness has a crack, one that slowly, but surely grows longer. His mask is fragile, about to break. Sudden and almost unnoticeable shudders mark the beginnings of it.  
  
So the Corporal massages his brow and approaches Eren’s bed, sitting on it just as far as he can without actually attempting to float a few long inches over the floor.  
  
“Hey,” he tries, it definitely comes out like a croak. “I didn’t mean that.”  
  
Eren shrugs disinterestedly. Apparently his palms have developed a weird magnetic field that prevents his eyes from looking anywhere else. Levi has to count up to twenty this time. Why do teenagers have to be so damn difficult?   
  
“Just what is going on?”  
  
When Eren doesn’t reply at first, Levi thinks about leaving it at that and retiring to just the entrance of the cell until someone else comes to check on the younger soldier. However, just as his muscles start to clench to propel him upwards, Eren looks up into his eyes. His gaze is intense, and it fills the Corporal with uncomfortable memories and shame.  
  
“I don’t know,” he pauses, trying to translate his thoughts into words. “That had never happened to me before. The other night, that was… I definitely felt like right before I burst into my titan form, when I experience intense waves of heat lapping at my muscles just below my skin and then I—”  
  
His blush is evident even in the poor lit room, and Levi understands. Nodding is both an acknowledgement and a signal to continue.  
  
“I still feel funny inside,” Eren confesses. His hands move to protectively wrap around his middle and he looks down at his flat stomach, blinking slowly. “Like there’s a spark that won’t go out. It tickles. And sometimes hurts. Hurt a lot more just right after—  _you know_. Now it’s just random, like what happened in the training field.”  
  
Racing thoughts crash against each other in the Corporal’s head as he assesses his subordinate. He can’t bring himself to be worried, for some strange reason, although he does think of what a terrible loss it would present to humankind if Eren were to die because of some sort of freakish illness that his titan form brought on. Placing his hand on Eren’s covered ankle, Levi squeezes lightly in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture. He removes his hand immediately after, uncomfortable.  
  
“We’ll get to the bottom of this,” he offers. To him, it sort of feels like an empty promise.

  
\--  
A whole month manages to go by without incident. Commander Zacklay forbids, by orders of the King, that the Scouting Legion wanders out into wild titan land until they’ve revised and improved the riding formation, completely reorganized their scouting plans and compared the old maps to the new ones in search of better and safer routes to follow, which everyone knows is just an excuse to keep the units inside Wall Rose in case of a titan assault. The fact that the soldiers of the Scouting Legion are the best of the best when it comes to dealing with titans and getting rid of them encourages every higher up safely cloistered up inside Wall Sina to conjure all kinds of bullshit to prevent the Scouts from leaving human territory.  
  
This means that the only thing the recruits have to worry about as of late is continuing with their training and further developing their abilities, which Eren hasn’t been managing to accomplish very well. For some awkward reason that he can’t even begin to comprehend, he hasn’t been feeling his best in the mornings.   
  
Sometimes he has to lie in bed for at least forty minutes before conjuring up the strength to stand in order to avoid feeling dizzy and upsetting his feeble stomach. For this reason, he forces himself awake around an hour before someone comes to retrieve him from his cell so that no one notices his indisposition and starts asking questions.   
  
Add to that the fact he’s been feeling rather worn-out lately, even if he lazes around slacking-off in every chance he gets. He hasn’t leaped into the air in 3D Maneuver practice in over two weeks. Someone was bound to notice that, and Mikasa and Armin call him on this, but he just waves them off, upset, and finds something else to do. Like clean. Like seek any kind of activity that can keep him around the Corporal, for he somehow feels more comfortable with him that with anyone else right now.  
  
It probably has something to do with the fact that, if only superficially, the Corporal is aware that there’s something wrong with him, even if Eren doesn’t tell him any of the symptoms that have been plaguing him lately. But there’s some kind of understanding between the two of them, and Levi never asks if there’s anything wrong, which is more than refreshing.  
  
Ever since the awkward conversation they’d had in Eren’s cell, the tension had started to ease and eventually died down. Though Levi was now extra self-conscious of physical contact with Eren— to a more than plainly evident level—, that was the only remaining indication of his former harsh treatment, and only Eren, and probably Hanji, were ones to notice.  
  
Speaking of Hanji, Eren sometimes discovered her looking from him to the Corporal and then back to him with a somewhat pleased and pensive gaze, to then mutter some very private and very disturbing things to herself. Eren wondered about just how much she knew about the two of them, and whether Levi was the kiss and tell type. He didn’t seem like it. Eren had never actually heard any odd rumors about the Corporal’s sex life like he did about other soldiers. The Scouting Legion was a closed organization, so whatever happened between its members was bound to be known by everyone quickly, rumors sometimes spreading even more rapidly than the flu.  
  
As he ponders on that, sitting sweaty and flushed over the damp floor, his task of polishing the tiles completely deserted, he finally realizes that Levi and Hanji have been muttering by the door. Although he can’t hear what they’re saying, he gets the awkward feeling that he’s the subject of an undisclosed conversation when Hanji lets her eyes skid over to him in a swift motion. She nods a few times before loudly sighing and turning to him, bright smile in place.  
  
If Eren hadn’t just witnessed the exchange, he wouldn’t have been wearing a suspicious frown and would have not suspected one thing when the Squad Leader plopped herself down next to him and grabbed the wet cloth Eren was cleaning the tiles with to wring it between her fingers. The Corporal remained by the door, eyes set on them.  
  
“Say, Eren,” Hanji began before the alluded had time to hotly wonder ‘what!’, “You’ve put on a little weight lately, huh?”  
  
That Eren wasn’t expecting. He looked down at his stomach in disbelief, then at Hanji and finally at Levi, only to shift his sight immediately after, swearing there was a dreary discontent in the Corporal’s eyes. Had he, really?  
  
“I don’t know. I haven’t noticed.”  
  
Hanji nodded with a small complicit smile. “Do you know what else we’ve noticed?”  
  
The loud sound of Eren gulping was heard throughout the room. He shook his head no.  
  
“You haven’t been training.”  
  
“Oh,” he replies, eyes shooting to the floor, deep blush of embarrassment in place.  
  
“Oh,” Hanji agrees. “One of your friends, Mikasa, talked to Levi earlier. They’re concerned about you, Eren. Are you not feeling well?”  
  
Hanji notices how Eren’s shifty eyes set shyly on the Corporal, only to divert them immediately after. A sigh escapes her mouth and she turns to the man by the door.  
  
“Can you step outside for a second, Levi, please?”  
  
Eren’s jumps on the spot and shoots mortified glances at the both of them. “That’s not necessary, everything’s okay, really!” But Levi’s shrugging, feigning disinterest and in less than a second Eren and Hanji are alone in the room. The woman sits more comfortably, her body facing Eren and her posture seems relaxed and friendly. A mighty need to just vent out everything that’s been bothering him assaults Eren, taking him by surprise and he has no idea why his eyes have started to burn.  
  
“It probably wasn’t a very smart move from Levi,” Hanji starts, trying to maintain eye contact. “But he told me about what happened between the two of you.”  
  
That feels like a bucket of cold water drenching over Eren’s shoulders. So the Corporal was loose-lipped, what a surprise.  
  
“He didn’t tell me anything overly personal, he’s not like that. I think he was worried about what you were going to think of the whole situation, and your motives behind your actions.” She makes a pause to soak her next words in the importance they should convey. “I don’t need to know them, Eren. Whatever you and Levi decide to do with your lives is your own decision, but if it is affecting you, then we need a solution.”   
  
His throat is stinging with that uncomfortable feeling he recognizes from right before he started crying when he was younger, and it upsets him to think that he could shed tears over something as silly as this. Overemotional is what Mikasa would call it. But he’s been feeling weary, sick, unmotivated to do anything, knee-deep in expectations that he won’t ever be able to carry out. Sometimes he feels like he’s drowning in a glass, but other times he realizes that he’s actually been drifting in an endless ocean for too long.  
  
“I don’t—” He attempts to say, but his voice catches in his throat. He’s not going to start crying over this, is he? Seriously? He sinks his nails into his palms and tries again. “I’m fine. I’m over that now.”  
  
“You sure?”  
  
“Whatever. I mean, I barely remember it, and I’m sure that the Corporal has better memories of feistier lovers to call to mind, unless I was so awful that he can’t stop thinking about how much he regrets it, but I don’t think he even remembers all that well, either way.”  
  
“Hm? You think that?” Hanji asks, and the amusement is evident in her voice. “Here, let me tell you something. Since the Corporal so inappropriately told me about your secret affairs, why don’t I let you on a secret of his own?” Her eyebrows rise expectantly to which Eren nods in a heartbeat, eager.  
  
“You have four chances to guess how many people the Corporal has slept with, I’ll tell you how close or far you’re getting, hm?”

Eren blinks a few times and sets his jaw, determined. “Fifty?”  
  
Hanji nearly chokes on her own saliva. “Fifty?! Who do you think he is? Headquarters’ official courtesan? No, no, much less… think of single digits.”   
  
The young soldier looks at her in disbelief. “Umh… nine?”  
  
Another finger rises in Hanji’s hand as she shakes her head no and signals lower with her other hand.  
  
“Five?”  
  
Another finger in the air.  
  
“Three?” And Eren sounds just desperate right then, clutching the hem of his shirt in his fists. Hanji chuckles, delighted, and mouths ‘no’.  
  
“Well, you had four chances. It wasn’t that hard, I was sure you were going to get it, but, well, I guess you’re going to have to ask him now, if you really want to know.”  
  
“I can’t be the only one he’s ever slept with!”  
  
“Woah, I didn’t say that, Eren, don’t get ahead of yourself,” but Hanji’s chastise is empty of threat and rather falls on the joke side. “Now, why don’t you ask me something? Anything at all. It’s not fair that I know personal stuff about you and you know nothing confidential about me with strong blackmailing potential.”  
  
Eren taps his fingers against his chin, thinking, before he comes up with something he had sometimes wondered about Hanji, and that uneasily tugs at his chest now for some reason.  
  
“I always thought that you and the Corporal were lovers in secret.” Hanji actually laughs at that warmly.  
  
“Oh, goodness, no!” She says. “I stopped trying to get into Levi’s pants a long, long, looong time ago. It just gets really old after so many rejections.” She scratches her chin in deep thought before speaking again, more solemn this time. “I won’t lie to you, I was besotted with him for the longest time. I grew out of it eventually as I began to know him better, he’s like a brother to me now. An annoying, clean-freak, minuscule brother with a skull harder than the Armored Titan’s skin.”  
  
And Eren laughs freely at that like he hasn’t laughed in forever. He feels so at ease now talking to Hanji that his initial desire to come clean to her intensifies and he’s speaking before he can control himself.  
  
“Did the Corporal tell you about my sickness?”  
  
“I don’t think he did,” she says, serious all of a sudden. Her eyebrows set low, and she seems to scan Eren’s face in hopes of finding a sign that would let on to what kind of disease menaced the young soldier. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“The night I visited the Corporal, I wasn’t feeling like myself,” he began. He proceeded to explain to her the strange oddities of the encounter, without going into much detail, of course. He told her about the pain, and the slickness in his pants, the heat waves and the subsequent pain he suffered ever after, which had only stopped once he too stopped flying across the air with the 3DMG. Eren also told her about his general state of exhaustion, about his stomach refusing to cooperate with him every morning, and the heaviness he experienced after being standing for too long.  
  
“And these all began after your encounter with Levi?” Hanji wonders and Eren thinks he notes unsteadiness in the Squad Leader’s voice. She’s actually eyeing him very weirdly, and Eren feels a bit uncomfortable. There’s a crazed look to her, like when she’s about to go on a long, tiresome speech about titans and their extraordinary traits.  
  
“Y-yes?”  
  
“How so very interesting.” She sings, standing up in a swift movement and offering Eren her hand to haul him up. Once they’re both facing each other, Hanji places her hands on Eren’s shoulders to turn him 90 degrees to the right to better see his profile. “Will you lift your shirt up a bit? Just to your sternum will be enough. Like that, good. Stand straight.”  
  
Eren tries to look beyond his crumpled shirt at where Hanji has set her studious sight, but he fails to notice anything out of the ordinary. So he’s put on a little weight, so what? He’ll lose it as soon as he gets back to flipping around in the air. Inadvertently, his insides agitate with the mere thought, and he’s rethinking his options.  
  
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about right now, Eren.” Hanji finally says, straightening still with that freakish scientific gleam in her eyes. “The morning sickness will disappear in due time. I’d say one more week, if my calculations are correct. About the heaviness and exhaustion, I’m afraid I don’t have good news for you: they’re only going to get worse.”  
  
“You know what’s wrong with me?” The question sounds more like a surprised statement, to which Hanji shrugs.  
  
“I think I have a fair idea,” she answers, mildly. “Let me go do what I’m best at— that means research!—, and I’ll tell you more about my hypothesis then, okay?”  
  
But she doesn’t wait for an answer before she’s bolting out the door without another word.   
  
Confused, for Eren right now, is an understatement.

  
\--  
Another few weeks go by and Eren thinks he’s going crazy with desperation at being locked up in the castle Headquarters for so long. The Scouting Legion has gone out on a practice mission—as practical training for the new recruits so they wouldn’t be completely in the dark when their actual first mission on the outside of the walls happened—, but he was left behind to rot and be bored to death in his cell. Hanji stayed, too, for she was the one who convinced the higher ups that Eren was in no condition to go out, his training having been put on hold by her experiments, his titan powers still very much in the dark. The Commanding Officers were going to sleep better knowing that a menace such as a titan shifter was still securely enclosed underground and not out there, possibly plotting how to get rid of the whole Scouting Legion in one swift move, so they agreed without the need of further convincing.  
  
Hanji comes by three or more times a day to check on him, chatter for a while –she never addresses the subject of Eren's disease, though, even if he subtly and later very bluntly asks about it— and reassure him that everything was going to be alright with the Scouts. The mission was nothing special and they’d be back that day by noon if they hurried, after only a week out. They were going to follow the formations, learn how and when to use the different types of smoke signals, and what to do in case of an emergency. Aside from that, they would put to use their past training in setting up camps and basic survival skills, which were things Eren already knew, so Hanji assures him time and time again that he wasn’t particularly missing out on anything relevant.  
  
Sometimes that fact makes Eren feel better. Some others he will start to feel so anxious that he somehow manages to convince himself that what he’s feeling is some sort of omen that he’ll be discarded, once Commander Smith and everyone else in a position of power realize that Eren is nothing special, and that they have no particular use of him.  
  
He is in the middle of one such attack when Hanji comes hopping into the room, carrying a small backpack with her.  
  
“Are you up for a walk?”  
  
Eren is on his feet before she even finishes her sentence. “Is that okay? Won’t people be scared if they see me outside without the Corporal around to put me down if things get out of control?”  
  
Hanji’s hand flaps in the air, resting the matter of importance. “Of course not, Eren.” She says with a sufficient look. Then Eren remembers that Hanji might not be as strong as Levi, but she is still outstanding when it comes to defeating titans and feels a little better. “Besides, what I’m going to do to you could trigger your titan powers, and I don’t want you to go to meet your maker crushed to death in this tiny and smelly cell. Come on.”  
  
He doesn’t have time to reply when Hanji’s already walking down the hallway. His cell feels terribly small all of a sudden, so he rushes to catch up with her.  
  
Once outside, he finds the sunlight too bright. When he looks at his arms, he notes with dread that they are paler than the last time he saw them under better light and he cringes. He’s turning into a ghost.  
  
Hanji leads him somewhere private around the eastern side of the castle and plops down on a bench, patting the space beside her so that Eren will sit. He does so, a bit unnerved.  
  
Hanji then brings her backpack to rest on her lap and starts rummaging through the contents. With a wiggle of her fingers she urges Eren to lend her his hands so that she can place objects on them. Eren quietly observes as a small capped container and then, frighteningly enough, a crystal syringe fill his hands. He shudders, looking desperately at Hanji.  
  
“Now, there are two ways to go about this.” She begins to explain, and Eren is not sure he wants to hear the rest. “You can either go and pee into this cup,” she holds the container up, offering it to him. He, of course, makes no attempt to take it. “Or,” she puts the container down and picks the syringe between her thumb and forefinger. “I can practice my phlebotomy skills and take out a blood sample from your arm.”  
  
Eren looks gloomily at both prospects.  
  
“Why?”  
  
Hanji squirms in her place, delighted.  
  
“Always so eager for knowledge, Eren! I like that about you.” Eren doesn’t have the heart to tell her otherwise and listens patiently to her explanations. “There are a few rudimentary ways to test what I’m trying to find out with your pee, but there’s this new method that’s statistically more accurate and also a lot less gross. It was kind of hard to obtain the reactives. I had them ordered from inside Wall Sina where people have other things on their minds than imminent titan attacks. Now imagine the kind of show I had to put on so that I would get the permit to have them shipped. I may or may not have used your friend Mikasa’s— in this case doubtable— modesty as an excuse, but you’ll both thank me if—or rather  _when_  I’m correct.”  
  
“Mikasa’s modesty? W-what?”  
  
“Don’t worry, I’ll have her take the test anyway to send back negative results and it won’t come to worse.” Hanji taps at her nose, deep in thought and ignores Eren completely.  
  
“What kind of test?” Eren presses and is yet again ignored by the Squad Leader.  
  
“Now, which one is it going to be? To tell you the truth I’m partial to the blood drawing, ‘cause I may not be as finicky as Levi, but I’d still rather not touch your pee.”  
  
Eren would rather  _no one_  touch his pee, so even if it turns him a sickly green color, he allows Hanji to tie a shred of cloth tightly just above his elbow and then poke around in his arm with a needle.  
  
“Try to think of nothing.” She pleads as she attempts to penetrate the vein again. “I can’t believe we never tested this, but we’re not sure if you can turn into a titan when hurt by something other than yourself, and as much as it thrills me, I wouldn’t like to find that out just now. Aha!” she cries in triumph.  
  
“My objective right now is not to turn into a titan, does that help?”  
  
“Brilliant, you’re brilliant, Eren!” She exclaims as she fills the syringe, having found the vein after not very long. “I think this will be enough.”  
  
Once Hanji has untied the piece of cloth and instructed Eren to keep his abused arm bent, they sit in awkward silence from Eren’s part for a while. The blood inside the syringe was emptied into a tiny crystal veil and it has started to clot, fast, so the red sinks to the bottom, while the yellowish serum occupies the top of the container. Hanji observes it intently, smiling like a very unstable woman. Her enthusiasm can be felt by Eren from the other side of the bench and for a brief moment he wishes he could be as passionate about something as she is. Something pleasing, for a change, because as much as he enjoys cutting titans and smashing their heads with his fists, he understands it’s not a very healthy hobby, and one that is more likely to get him killed than not in the long run.   
  
He doesn’t even know he’s drifted off when Hanji’s keenly prodding his forehead to force him awake.

“I think we’ve been out long enough. The troops are coming back.”  
  
Eren shoots to his feet immediately, bouncing lightly. For a second he’s not entirely certain whom he wants to see first, Armin and Mikasa, or, surprisingly, the Corporal. But Hanji’s tugging at his sleeve before he makes his mind and urging him to get back to his cell before someone notices his absence.  
  
“Ah, I totally forgot! I should’ve made you take a bath… Ugh, the Corporal will not be happy about this.” She worries as she walks him to the entrance to his cell. “Think you can get back safely inside? I must go finish that test and I don’t want people asking why I’m carrying a veil with clotted blood around the building.”  
  
Eren doesn’t even try to reply, because he knows by now that Hanji never expects one, but he’s surprised enough when she turns before completely disappearing around the corner. “I’ll come back later with the results! If the Corporal comes visit, make sure he doesn’t leave, ‘cause chances are he’ll want to know as well!”

  
\--  
Because of Hanji’s comment about a shower, Eren is specially self-conscious of his filthiness and smell as he waits for anyone to come visit, or at least acknowledge his existence. More specifically, he’s worried about what the Corporal will say. Through the years, his friends and he have come to accept each other at their best and their worse, and a few days without any proper personal hygiene won’t even stir a bit of distress from Mikasa and Armin. On the other hand… the Corporal will probably be able to tell before he even enters the room.  
  
Which he does.  
  
“Holy mother of fuck!” The Corporal scrunches his mouth and completely aborts his advance to then cover his nose with his forearm. Armin laughs a bit at it, and Mikasa can’t help but smile as they both walk further into the room, undisturbed. “How can you live with yourself?”  
  
Eren can’t describe the happiness he feels right then, at finally seeing three of his favorite people after they'd been away for a while, and yes, he’s come to appreciate Levi that much.  
  
Armin tells him all about their training, about Jean’s antics and Connie and Sasha’s precarious adventures. Mikasa remains silent, nodding when Armin asks for her confirmation and shaking her head when she deems the conversation almost ridiculous. Particularly, her eyes depict slight discomfort whenever she focuses her sight on Eren, and small, flickering glares at the Corporal have Eren guessing she wants him out of that cell just as much as he does, perhaps even more.

Even if Armin’s descriptions make the event seem more like a field trip than an actual practice mission, Eren gets the feeling that his former squad had taken the whole thing seriously. Maybe Armin is just trying to dissipate the tension, however Eren notices Armin’s wandering sight, an action that Eren has come to associate with Armin’s lies. He appreciates the effort, and he doesn’t mean to feel a bit jealous at the prospect that he didn’t get to participate in the mission and they did. Still, he tries to push the feeling aside since it wasn’t his friends’ fault in any way.  
  
Sooner than not, it’s time for them to leave, and they walk out of the cell with reluctant faces and promises to come back as soon as it’s possible.  
  
The Corporal turns to leave too, and Eren sighs in disdain, nonetheless he conveniently remembers what Hanji had said.  
  
“Ah, Corporal!” The alluded only turns his head, but makes no sound whatsoever. Eren doesn’t know what in the world he could say that would persuade the Corporal from leaving and he’s pretty sure that informing him that Hanji wants to let them on about the results of some experiment is going to drive Levi away faster than lightening. So he goes the dumb road and begins to talk about something that’s sure to ruin everyone’s day. “C-corporal, I’d like to ask you something.”  
  
Levi squints, but turns around anyway and walks a few steps towards Eren. “Yes?”  
  
Eren squirms a bit. The attention the Corporal had granted him begins to evaporate quickly, he notices, so he just spits out whatever is on his mind and to hell with the consequences.  
  
“Were you a virgin when what happened… uh…  _happened_?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contents: Angst.

The question meets a blank gaze from the Corporal, but a few seconds later it morphs into a deep frown and he looks away, fuming. “Why the hell would Hanji tell you that?”

  
“How do you know it was Hanji?”  
  
Levi looks at him like he’s stupid beyond belief, comes even closer to the bars of the cell to survey him calculatingly.  
  
“Because you’ve been deeply bonding with her for god-knows how long now, and she’s the only one who cares about that shit.”  
  
But he hasn’t denied the assumption, he’s just there, looking at him expectantly, like he’s actually curious about Eren’s thoughts on the matter. Truth to be told, Eren only feels a hot shame burning on his cheeks and neck and an uncomfortable void growing inside his stomach.  
  
“So you were?” Levi blinks as all answer. “You were, weren’t you? Oh, no.” Eren makes this face of pure pity that has Levi tightly curling his fingers into fists to avoid storming into that cell and scratching Eren’s eyes out.  
  
“Fucking stop it,” Levi growls at him. “I don’t give a rat’s ass about that, alright?”  
  
“I’m just saying that was pretty deviated for a first time and I apologize.”  
  
Another blank stare is all that Eren receives. He’s getting used to it pretty fast, unsurprisingly.  
  
“Are you a fucking idiot, Jaeger?” He says. “Do I look like I care about first times and all that bullshit?” At Eren’s shrug of ‘maybe’, Levi sighs in exasperation. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”  
  
Silence stretches between them, but Eren doesn’t dare break it for fear of unleashing the Corporal’s fury. That’s the last thing he needs, really.  
  
“So was your first time merry and blissful? Were the two of you  _in love_?” The tone of Levi’s voice is sardonic, Eren faces him with a fierce and annoyed gaze.  
  
"I wouldn't count my past experiences as full—"  
  
"Get to the point."  
  
Eren bites his lower lip, doubtful. “No, it wasn't.”  
  
“Fucking exactly.”  
  
“But then why hadn’t you ever…?”  
  
Levi scrubs his face with his palm in aggravation, then fixes a measuring stare on Eren. “Have you ever looked at a large gray rock and went ‘Hot damn, what strong, firm curves, I would so bang the fucking life out of you, you sexy bitch’?”  
  
At first Eren thinks it’s a joke, so he smiles complicity, however Levi’s still looking at him as serious as he were delivering the message of a demise. He shakes his head no, thinking that that’s what Levi expects of him.  
  
“Well that’s how I feel about human beings. To me everyone’s a rock that holds no sexual appeal whatsoever. That’s it. There’s no big mystery.”  
  
Eren’s about to ask ‘Is that even possible?’ when Hanji interrupts, appearing out of visibly nowhere and laughing somewhere close to maniacally.  
  
“Levi! Fancy seeing you here!” She says, pats him on the shoulder. She opens the door to the cell and enters, waving at Levi to come closer as well. When he doesn’t, Hanji goes back out and drags him with her, not without a few complaints, of course. “You’re never going to guess what came in the mail this morning.”  
  
“Do I care?”  
  
“Sure you do. Oh, and tonight’s dinner is going to be fantastic. One of the guards caught a rabbit earlier today. They made stew. It’s not going to have much meat, but at least it’ll taste like rabbit, amazing, huh? Oh by the way, Eren’s pregnant. Wonderful weather today, eh?” She pauses, expectantly and is met with twin vacant gazes.  
  
“Stew?” Eren asks.  
  
“Yeah, rabbit stew. And you’re pregnant.”  
  
“Right, I give up. What came in the mail this morning?” Levi says. He glances back, intending to sit on Eren’s bed, except he looks at him and seems to remember that the boy hasn’t had a bath in god-knows how long, so he steps away, disgusted.  
  
“Oh, just a recently developed lab test to confirm pregnancy. Which resulted positive in Eren's case, by the way.”  
  
“You’re seriously fucking damaged.” The Corporal tells her before turning away, ready to leave the pair of retarded individuals to their stupidity.  
  
“It’s actually kind of strange. I never expected titan shifters to have some sort of mating cycle. But if we think about it, everything makes sense now.” This makes Levi’s steps come to a complete halt. He stands still, listening. “The sudden heat waves, Eren’s self preparation. The fact that neither of you could control your instincts when you’re not even remotely attracted to each other. I also think the pain you felt was your body making room for some sort of uterus-like organ where the embryo could implant and grow, Eren. I mean, you can materialize a whole fifteen meters high solid body, like hell you can’t grow a uterus, right?”  
  
Hanji’s smiling.  
  
Levi wants to laugh out-loud and pat Hanji’s back. She must have really thought about that story, because if one deliberated really hard on it, it made perfect sense. Nonetheless it was also impossible and quite on the mad side.  
  
Then he searches Eren’s face, expecting to find him as amused as he is. Instead, Eren’s looking at his stomach, where he’s placed his hands. His fingers tense above his clothing, his form begins to shake. Levi thinks for a moment that he’s going to burst out laughing, but Eren lowers, hands clenched now, and he tears at his clothes.  
  
He manages to rip his shirt on the second try and claws at his belly next, screeching.  
  
“No! No, I—” He cries out loud, lifts his face to the Corporal’s, eyes wide in shock. “CUT IT OUT FROM ME.”  
  
Hanji’s frozen in her place, arms limp by her sides, and Eren’s scraping at his skin, wild, demented. He screams again and Levi sees red, not yet blood, but close… and if Eren hurts himself with a clear objective in mind…That breaks him free of his daze. He bolts forward, forces Eren down on his bed using his own weight and pins his hands by his head.  
  
“I CAN’T. I CAN’T DO THIS.”  
  
Eren trashes violently, still screaming, but Levi won’t budge. A few minutes have to go by before Eren begins to settle down, exhausted, looking everywhere still desperate, unfocused, worrying on his lower lip like it is his only link to sanity.  
  
“I-I’m sorry… I didn’t think he was going to react like this—”  
  
“Get the fuck out of here, Hanji.” The Corporal’s voice is composed, but Hanji reads the threat in it clearly. Slowly she backs away until she reaches the door and then breaks into a run before anything else happens.  
  
“That’s bullshit, Jaeger, what she said.”  
  
“It’s true.” He shakes his head. “Knew for a long time, too. She should’ve told me so I could do something about it. It’s true.”  
  
“It can’t be true, fucking goddamnit.” Levi loosens his grip on Eren tentatively to see if he’s going to try to hurt himself again once he’s completely motionless. Eren stays still, looking shyly up at him. Levi is perfectly conscious of their positions and what they imply in their case, but he won’t risk Eren going berserk again and being unable to stop him. “Last time I checked—and I did, literally— you had a fucking dick, not a cunt.”  
  
“What will happen now?” Eren asks to no one in particular with Levi’s statement neatly disregarded. He quivers under Levi, broken this time, wording soundlessly as he tries to make himself smaller, disappear. “I’m all messed up.”  
  
Levi stares at him unblinkingly. Eren’s voice completely fails him afterwards. His hands reach out to the Corporal to try to push him away, but he never musters up enough courage to accomplish his goal, so he presses his palms against his face, breathing noisily and difficultly through his nose. Levi levels his actions, his state. He’s unstable, tension building rapidly once more and he might break into another fit of frantic aggression directed at his own self if Levi doesn’t act quickly.  
  
“Hey.” It takes a few tries before Eren uncovers his face. Levi can’t stand to look at him like that. What happened to that fierce young boy who claimed he was going to wipe every last titan off the face of the Earth? “I’ll escort you to the bathrooms, yeah? I need another shower now, anyway.”  
  
It takes Eren a few minutes before he can hold an upright position with how bad his whole body trembles continuously. Levi snaps open the clasp of his green Scout cape and places it over Eren’s shoulders so that people won’t stare at his shred clothes questioningly. After Levi has secured it safely around Eren's neck, and pats his shoulder reassuringly, he helps Eren to his feet.  
  
“Come on.” Levi says in a whisper, pushing Eren by his lower back so that he starts walking. When Eren doesn’t fall, Levi sighs in relief and quickly removes his hands from his figure. Any sort of physical contact is still fucking awkward, he deems.

  
\--  
Eren can’t stop looking at his low abdomen. At the rivulets of water that descend in a hypnotic dance down his body, lower, until they caress him right over what will come to be his downfall. It’s not very notorious, but it’s there. A small bulge where there were only hard muscles before. A tiny protrusion where he’s supposed to be completely flat. He’s beyond disgusted, with red lines still crossing his belly where he scraped himself, swollen.  
  
It can’t be possible. Yet, it is. Somehow.  
  
“You okay in there?” Levi asks. Eren admits that he’s been under the cold water stream longer than necessary, but he can’t come to terms with the fact that he’s changing, for worse, apparently, and that his life is transforming into something with which he can’t cope.  
  
He can’t have a child.  
  
Because this is a rotten world in which there is no place for new, innocent lives. Because he can’t care for someone who will completely depend on him and fight the titans at the same time. Because he definitely won’t be able to raise a kid without messing him up six ways to Sunday.  
  
Supposing he gets to deliver— of which the thought alone makes him dizzy with worry and repulsion.  
  
What would the militia do with him? They were bound to notice at some point that he was waltzing around with a giant and protruding belly. They wouldn’t think twice before sentencing his ass to death.  
  
It was one thing to accept that a human could turn into a titan, if it was helpful, but another entirely different to have that same human being male and able to bear life. There is only so much they can accept before they consider the impudence excessive. The higher ups are still constantly— and quite evidently at that,— trying to find an excuse good enough to have him executed, which means that they’d probably come up with some dreadful story about how that child was going to bring forward the end of humanity. There are some lines that can’t be crossed. Killed on the spot, or probably hanged just for the show. And all his hard work? All his promises? His revenge? The sole reason he’s alive and still trying?  
  
Worth nothing.  
  
“Jaeger, if you don’t come out in three seconds, I’ll get the fuck in and drag you out.”  
  
What about his friends? What would they think? They’d probably be beyond disgusted, too.  
  
And he’d be completely and utterly alone. He can’t do this alone. He can’t—  
  
“Three!” The curtain of the shower is yanked open. Eren glances back, surprised, body half turned, and Levi sees it. Or believes he sees it because he’s expecting it. The evidence. Just barely perceptible, yet tangible. Manifest, unmistakable. “Out, now.”  
  
‘But I had known all along, hadn’t I?’ is Eren’s strongest lament.

  
\--  
The shower does help Eren settle down and clear his head. He doesn’t shake anymore and he’s able to extract himself from his mind and his revolting thoughts to pay attention to his surroundings, to ideas that are not as destructive and unpleasant. There’s no use in munching over the same old shit again and again, like Armin says in much more proper language.  
  
Especially when a course of action has been decided, Eren thinks, gravely. He doesn’t want this, so he’s not going to go through with it. There, all set.  
  
He’s wearing a fresh shirt and a worn out frown when he notices they’re not going back to the cell. They head in the direction of the Corporal’s room. Unexpected electricity runs through Eren’s chest at that realization, and at the thought that the last time he had been there, he had fucked the Corporal senseless, which wasn’t at all a bad memory. It brought on terrible consequences, true, but still... He fucked the Corporal so many people creamed their pants for, and he had been the only one to do so, too, he reckons, smugly.  
  
“This is not my cell.” Eren says, trying to get the Corporal to speak his mind.  
  
“I know you’re fond of that shitty place, but there’s no way I’m sleeping down there with all that mold.” Sleep?  
  
With him?  
  
“I’m afraid I don’t follow.” Eren slows down, uncomfortable. Levi’s doing this because of his last outburst. Eren’s forcing him to do something against his will yet again, though, somehow, it doesn’t strike him as much of a surprise at this point.  
  
“I’m just being cautious. I don’t want you to do something stupid.”  
  
“I won’t.” It’s not like he can actually cut himself open and yank out whatever the hell’s comfortably nesting right there with his liver and his intestines and whichever other organs he possesses. But he’s going back to 3D Maneuver practice first thing in the morning, for there are much more practical ways to go about this.  
  
“I know. Just making sure, s’all.”  
  
Eren clenches his fists, livid. No one relies on him. Not even for a task as small as quietly sleeping in his cell without causing trouble.  
  
“Just in case unexpected events unfold, it’s a good thing you can’t knock me up twice, eh?”  
  
“You’re not pregnant. And I’m also not touching you. I told you I’m not interested.” Levi actually glances back at him from above his shoulder. His gaze is cold, bordering on aggravated, but nothing else.  
  
“What if I start to smell nice and alluring again, huh? Will you stop then?” And he dares sing-song his question, catching up with the Corporal to look down at him, chin up in the air insolently.  
  
“I know what you’re trying to do, won’t work. I’m not leaving you alone. It’s either this or I’m going to cuff you again and post guards on every corner of your bed.”  
  
“Cuff me, huh? Kinky.”  
  
Before he can react, Eren is being shoved into the nearest wall with Levi’s forearm firmly obstructing his windpipe. The Corporal's eyes are every shade of infuriated. Eren coughs and places his hands on Levi’s chest, but he doesn’t push. Instead, he forces a smile.  
  
“Why don’t you beat me up?” he asks, voice choked and nearly unintelligible. “Knock the breath out of me.” One of his hands falls from Levi’s chest, softly scurries down to press long fingers against the Corporal’s low abdomen. “Hit me here, as hard as you can.”  
  
With eyes wide open Levi tosses Eren away from the wall and from him and then places a trembling hand to his forehead. When he looks back at an unmoving Eren, his nostrils flare in anger and he fights to force himself to stay calm and composed with all his might.  
  
“Don’t give me that fucking bullshit.” He barks, arm thrown to the side. “Don’t ever fucking say that.”

Eren remains motionless, unable to look away.  
  
“I’m trying to keep a cool head here, but you’re fucking insufferable. Wanna know what I think?” His voice turns calmer. His posture relaxes though his eyes remain dangerous. “Everything about you is surrounded of crazy shit. I was there, I know how everything went down, it couldn’t have been casual and pointless, and as out-there as it sounds, I can somehow accept that you might be expecting. If that  _is_  the case, sadly for you that kid is mine, too.”  
  
Eren feels like he’s listening to the conversation from afar when something warm, yet sad fills his chest at Levi’s words. His insides twitch with an undisclosed emotion that he’s not sure he enjoys.  
  
“This is not what I intended, but we’re here now. If it turns out to be true, then I’m taking responsibility.”  
  
Eren is at a loss for words. Out of any man he could have stumbled upon on the night that his heat peaked, he’d had to choose the noblest soldier of them all.

 

\--

Levi insists that Eren take the bed. He’s fresh out of the shower, so it doesn’t bother Levi too much. What does bother him are the short glances that Eren keeps throwing at him, like he can’t believe his eyes, like he can’t come to terms with the fact that Levi is real, and living, and there. Eren also stares at the spot on the floor near the bed where they carelessly rocked against each other moaning, drowning in pleasure. He has to admit that he’s been where Eren is. More than a few times, if he’s completely honest with himself. When that happens, when he remembers, he brings his hands to his face and groans in frustration.

Why do people even bother with one-night stands? The repercussions are far from enjoyable.  
  
More than a few complaints are heard when Eren discovers that Levi intends to sleep on the chair. It doesn’t bother Levi, for he’s slept in incredibly more uncomfortable places, and dirtier, as well.  
  
“You’ve been out camping for days, sir, I insist that you undertake proper rest.”  
  
It doesn’t matter the argument Levi throws at him, Eren declines them all. Before he completes his task of removing himself from the bed, set on allowing the Corporal to sleep somewhere suitable, Levi just drops by his side, annoyed, places a hand on his chest and pushes him down. He notices the halt in Eren’s breathing, the racing of his heart below his fingers. Levi looks dubiously at him, then smirks. What was that about Eren not being attracted to men under normal circumstances?  
  
“Would it be bothersome if I slept with you, then?” His voice comes out soft, barely a whisper and he lowers, places his mouth near Eren’s ear and contains a chuckle at Eren’s tensing body. “Innocently, of course. Forgive my wording.”  
  
Eren tries to produce a ‘no’ that instead comes out as a heavy exhalation.  
  
So Levi pushes him aside and plops down next to him, facing the other way. “That thing about you being straight? Bullshit.” He claims.  
  
“Who knows? Maybe you did ruin me for girls with all your gay fucking.” Eren snaps back, turning on his side and offering his back to Levi’s own.  
  
Ah, touché.

  
\--  
There are two sound facts that make him feel slightly better as he lies on the Corporal’s bed, waiting for sleep to claim him.  
  
The first is that, though he’s been awake for a while, his muscles have finally begun to relax, as have his agitated thoughts. He’s exhausted, and luckily for him he won’t have to spend the whole night with both eyes wide open, staring at nothing while he consumes in dread and panic.  
  
The second is that, for a while now, he has been able to hear the Corporal’s heavy and rhythmical breathing signaling his departure from the conscious world. He’s sleeping soundly by his side, offering him his exposed back in the clearest indication of trust that Eren can think of. The constant inhales and exhales lull him softly, turn his eyelids heavy.  
  
As he drifts in and out of consciousness, his mind empties of mortifying possible outcomes and haunting thoughts and instead fills with silly and ridiculous scenarios that could come to pass between Levi and him, lying so close to one another. One that constantly replays in his mind is that, suddenly, the Corporal will grab his shoulder and turn him so that he’s lying on his back, exposed and defenseless against the Corporal’s filthy desires. He won’t even pretend to resist.  
  
Strangely, though, at some point— he’s not even awake now, is he? This is probably just a dream— Levi’s words abruptly come back to him: ‘I will take responsibility’; and he melts into the sheets that smell clean and bare and he would’ve killed to have them smelling like Levi. That faint smell of him that the soap lets through when one is close enough. Like right then. If he just turned around and scurried closer to the Corporal he might perceive it once more. Just one time would be enough.  
  
If he falls asleep with the faintest of smiles gracing his mouth and not writhing in despair at his dire situation, it is probably in response to that.

  
\--  
When Eren wakes up, he finds that he’s alone in the bed, and cold, with the sheet lying in tangles by the Corporal’s side— did he yank it away from Eren and kept it all to himself in his sleep?  
  
The perfect gentleman.  
  
Levi himself is in the middle of pulling on a pair of the tight white pants that make up their uniform by a dresser on the other side of the room. His back is turned to Eren, and he doesn’t mean to stare but does anyway.  
  
It’s not what he had expected to see after waking up, but he definitely won’t complain.  
  
Levi’s muscles are a tribute to the sculptor of the human body; honestly, whoever that is did the best job imaginable. The dips and curves are all perfectly chiseled on his body, the arch of his back, the sharp angles of his hips, the definition of his shoulders. Eren’s fingers itch to touch at the memory of the firmness of his arms, the sturdiness of his chest, and he’s biting his lip just thinking that he knows all of that, and that he’d love to learn it again, in fear of forgetting one day.  
  
Eren almost moans in despair when Levi covers the rest of his glory with a pristine white shirt, and he presses his face against the pillow, flushed, warm everywhere and hard as iron.  
  
He wishes he still had his morning sickness to help him end all this madness, but it ended a few days ago, just like Hanji had predicted. And how bad he wants to grind against the bed where he too fucked the Corporal until he came in waves of pure ecstasy, forgetting any other word that wasn’t Eren’s name, singing it time and time again like it was a prayer and he was a faithful devote of—  
  
“Are you trying to fucking kill yourself, you idiot?” Eren startles at both the harsh words and the sound slap to the back of his head.  
  
“W-what?”  
  
“You, pressing your face like that on the pillow. Explain.”  
  
For a second Eren wants to admit that he’s been fantasizing with the Corporal since the night before for reasons he can’t even begin to comprehend, however, he admits that he’d really like to get to sleep on the same bed as him another time, away from the dirt, and the cold, and the lonely darkness, so he deems that freaking the man out will not help his case and opts for another believable explanation.  
  
“I have morning sickness.” He lies. Levi seems really thrown back by Eren’s comment and whatever smart remark he had ready for him dies in his lips as he stares uselessly at the younger soldier.  
  
“Really?” His voice even seems to be fainter.  
  
“Oh, yes. It’s terrible.” Eren runs a hand over his face, feigning distress. “You don’t want me standing in at least half an hour or I might throw up all over your floor, sir.”  
  
That revulsion. Lovely.  
  
“Are you really fucking having that thing?”  
  
“What? The morning sickness or the baby?”  
  
Levi seems really uncomfortable at the mention of the word ‘baby’. He shrugs one shoulder in what seems to say ‘both’ and Eren grins amusedly at the Corporal’s awkwardness. Not like he doesn’t feel as equally out of place as him, but it’s still endearing.  
  
“Both, I guess.” He looks up to Levi’s eyes, cheek still pressed on the pillow. “Hanji wasn’t lying, you know…”  
  
But Levi ignores his statement. “So, do you need like a bucket or something?” And he looks disgusted beyond belief, which Eren can’t help but to find entertaining.  
  
“No, it’ll pass in a bit. Don’t mind me, just pretend I’m not here.”  _And don’t let my creepy stalker eyes stop you from adjusting the straps of your uniform, Corporal, we can’t have that_ , he’d love to add.  
  
Levi steps away again and resumes his task. “Did you drool all over my sheets?”  
  
An empty laugh wants to escape Eren’s lips, but he holds back the urge. No, he hadn’t, but he sure was going to now, with the way things were progressing. It was funny how the Corporal looked equally appealing bare and almost fully clothed. So much for heterosexual thoughts so early in the morning from a pregnant guy.  
  
“Does it matter? You’re going to change them before you lay down tonight anyway.”  
  
Levi chuckles softly from the other side of the room, completely focused on the task at hand, and Eren swears he’s never seen anything more disturbingly enthralling than the Corporal fastening the leather straps tight around his thighs.  
  
“You can stop ogling me now, if it’s not much trouble.” He shoots at him unexpectedly, to which Eren’s breathing very obviously halts. He tries to cover the slip by yawning loudly.  
  
“I’m not ogling you, sir. I’m trying to broaden my strap-fastening techniques by studying your superior methods.”  
  
Levi turns to look at him unfazed and Eren thinks he’s overdone it, but in his defense, the Corporal started it. “Guess you’re feeling better now, what with such witty remarks. Don’t forget who ranks higher here, you sissy bitch.”

  
\--  
Levi makes Eren follow him through lesser known corridors of the castle. For a moment Eren holds the absurd idea that the Corporal will just jump him in this isolated area, turn right around and smash him against the nearest wall to kiss him stupid. However, all his illusions die crushed under the realization that they are now following a better known route which is the corridor that usually leads him out of the dungeons and into less gloomy areas of the castle.  
  
Levi doesn’t want to raise suspicion, which is a very smart move.  
  
The Corporal walks straight to his customary spot by the furthest wall with the rest of his squad when they reach the dining hall and doesn’t motion for Eren to follow, so he assumes that he’s free to go to his usual table where Mikasa and Armin are already filling their mouths with nasty smelling oatmeal and its slimy texture. He’s about to join them when a hand finds his arm and yanks him down on the bench of another table.  
  
Hanji stares back at him intently with dark purple bags under her eyes.  
  
“Were you with Levi last night?” She wonders in a whisper.  
  
Eren feels his face burn with the implications.  
  
“I was feeling mad guilty, so I went to the dungeons to check on you, maybe apologize, which I should do, by the way, I’m terribly sorry about my lack of tact.” Hanji pauses, when Eren says nothing, she goes on. “You had me worried sick, kid. I looked for you everywhere. Kept thinking we should’ve changed those shackles that you so well know how to pick to wander around at night. And then you walk in with him fresh as morning mist… From the direction of the dungeons, no less. Great cover, I should say; so did you spend the night with him?”  
  
“Does it matter?” Eren feels edgy and he can’t come to care about being rude to Hanji who’s been nothing but nice to him so far.  
  
“Not in personal terms, no. I just want to know… you haven’t been doing anything dangerous, have you? Nothing too exerting?”  
  
“What if I have?”  
  
“You can’t, that could be bad for the—”  
  
“Don’t say it!” Eren hushes. Hanji ignores him, though she does lower her voice another notch.  
  
“The baby, Eren. There’s no point in denying that when you knew it, too.” Her face is serious when she says it, like she’s sure Eren hides a secret deep inside his soul.  
  
“I didn’t know! I would’ve done something about it…”  
  
“But you accepted it as soon as I said it, curiously enough.”  
  
“To tell you the truth I thought I had a tumor growing inside of me, not a creepy parasitic thing.” Which is not a lie. Not completely, since he had been clever enough to add some weird-ass heat phase that forced him to fuck some guy to his symptoms and arrived to a conclusion. His father had been a doctor, after all, and unluckily for Eren, he sometimes paid attention to his parents’ conversations, to the explanations his father gave his patients when Eren got to accompany him on his visits. Pregnant women were an everyday thing, so something about it was bound to penetrate his long term memory at some point.  
  
Of course, the thought alone had been ridiculous, and Eren couldn’t be sure he wasn’t making it all up, so he went with his next best choice. Tumors. Besides, denial is a powerful ability when exercised daily. But then Hanji avowed that he was pregnant. So he had to be. Because all a rejection needs to become an assertion, is a small spark that burns down all doubt.  
  
“Don’t call him or her that! He or she is a tiny human being that— Oh, no.” She pauses and tenses up immediately. “That tingly feeling on the nape of my neck, that’s Levi glaring at me with his most terrible glare. I have to go.” Before she walks away, she fixes Eren with a grave look. “Remember not to do anything risky. You could hurt your and Levi’s son or daughter.”  
  
And how can he fight against that?

  
\--  
Perhaps the reason was that they had been away from each other for too long, but Mikasa is definitely standing closer than usual to Eren. The warmness of her body is something that he can feel even through the various layers of clothing that separate them which also ruffle when they rub against each other as they shift positions. Eren can’t shake off the feeling of uneasiness that this brings.  
  
Ultimately, there is no reason to feel that uncomfortable. He has never agreed to close physical contact with Mikasa, but was neither that bothered by it. The thought that, maybe, it has to do with her finding out his secret, however, is weaker in comparison to the thought that he doesn't want Corporal Levi noticing their close proximity. He takes a step to the right disguising it as idle shifting.  
  
“Will you practice today at last, Eren?” Mikasa asks him, finally breaking the silence as her dark eyes skid along his figure. Eren visibly tenses.

“I don’t think I will.”  
  
Mikasa sighs in exasperation.  
  
“Have you changed your mind?” She wonders next. “Maybe we could still desert, join the Military Police.”  
  
Eren glares at her. Was she implying that he was weak, or scared and that the reason why he wasn't practicing anymore was directly related to fear of facing the titans? Because she had never been more wrong. The longer he stood idle, away from his goal, the less clearly he could think. More and more peculiar thoughts took over his consciousness, which was the only explanation to why he kept stealing glances at where Levi’s Squad stood various feet away from them.  
  
“You can do that if you want.” He retorts, upset.  
  
“Then why won’t you train, if you’re so set on following this road? You will be useless when out on the field, Eren…” Mikasa starts to sound worried, and Eren’s annoyance increases exponentially with every word she articulates. “Or have they forbid you from practicing? You keep looking at Coporal Levi. Is he the one who's forbbiden it?”  
  
Eren snaps his gaze back to her.  
  
He could say yes to stop her inquiry, and Armin’s too, when he next saw him. He wants to agree so that he can have an excuse for his otherwise unexplainable actions. But he also wants to prove them all wrong.  
  
A current walks under his skin, setting the ends of his nerves on fire. He itches to clutch the handles of the 3DMG in his fists and show them that he’s not useless, that he doesn’t need anyone protecting him.  
  
Two fierce gazes zero in on him when he sets foot on the training field, when he guides his hands below his armpits to take the handles. Levi observes him from a distance, unmoving, but Eren catches Hanji rapidly approaching by the corner of his eye.  
  
'Sorry. I can't let anyone stop me.' He thinks as he aims and his brain issues the order to shoot.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to apologize, for I’ve made use of my creative license to fulfill my shameful purposes. So, without explanation, there’s running water and showers at the Castle Headquarters… Even though there’s no reliable water source nearby, according to canon. Just bear with me, please.
> 
> Contents: More Angst.

The electric impulse never reaches his hands though, for an overpowering apprehension suddenly has his knees trembling, his body swaying nearly unable to keep its stand. He’s frozen in his place, eyes gazing forward without recognizing anything in particular. Paralyzed fingers ache over the buttons that will shoot the wire forward, but it doesn’t matter how much he wishes for it, he can’t come to do it.

There’s no certainty that this could hurt the thing growing inside of him yet. Still, somehow, he can’t risk it.  
  
When his hands fall limply by his sides, he grasps the realization that however strong his will to change his situation is, it won’t happen in response to his own actions. He won’t be the originator of the cause why he loses this kid. If he is supposed to be born, then so be it.  
  
A firm hand wraps around his shoulder, pressing down. Eren jumps at the feeling, so lost in thought he hadn’t even realized Hanji was standing right beside him.  
  
In his surprise, he accidentally presses on the button to shoot forward the harpoon, which, without aim, slots in the floor a few feet away from them. As a reflex action, he’s not sure whether trying to stop the wire or control the gear, Eren pushes on the button to recoil and, with the harpoon already steadfastly lodged in the floor, he finds himself being yanked down forcefully. He’s scattered on the ground moments later with pretty much every recruit’s eyes glued to him, filthy and embarrassed.  
  
Jean’s smirk is especially smug, Eren notices with fury.  
  
“Oh, Maria! I’m sorry, Eren.” Hanji apologizes, crouching down next to him trying to evaluate the damage.  
  
“That’s when happens when you stop training in favor of kissing ass.” Jean mocks, tilting his head to one side, chin raised and expression scornful.  
  
Someone laughs. Eren tries to squirm away from Hanji’s prodding fingers to no avail, and when he tries to stand up, he falls ungracefully down again, for the harpoon in is still inserted in the ground and pulling on him. Hanji is now patting his back, massaging his hip where he struck the ground, and his comrades are still laughing.  
  
“Please, stop.” He asks, squirming again, However Hanji ignores him and keeps on apologizing. It really isn’t his fault when he loses his temper. “LEAVE ME ALONE.” He barks, pushing harshly on her shoulder in frustration to get her to stop touching him. Hanji loses her balance and collapses butt first on the floor.  
  
They stare at each other, the whole field suddenly submerged in silence. Then the quiet whispers come, and though Eren can’t make most of them, he catches the words ‘anger’, ‘dangerous’, and ‘titan’ among hushed conversations.  
  
He finally concentrates on dislodging the gear and recoiling the wire so that he manages to stand.  
  
Everywhere, from his ears to his belly burns with shame as he walks back to where Mikasa is, her eyes wide and mouth slightly parted.  
  
“Y-you’re right. I’m not allowed.” He murmurs.  
  
Then he walks away.

  
\--  
At this time of the day, when the sun is at its brightest, beams of light penetrate through the darkened crystals of the tall windows, casting arcane shadows on walls and tiles and conferring the dining hall an ethereal atmosphere, almost surreal. Eren lies with his back against a long and thick pillar, shielded from sight without actually hiding. No one’s come after him, for which he is extremely grateful.  
  
He’d been rude and disrespectful to a superior, which was more than enough to get him in big trouble. Shame makes him flinch when he thinks about how he didn’t even help Hanji up, or apologize.  
  
Though it should, he deems, that is not what has him the most preoccupied.  
  
If he dares extend his arm, a clear beam of light showers his hand, slides, carefree, above his skin, slips between his fingers and he notices how he breaks it. How he casts shadows right in the middle of this energy, intangible, but real.  
  
It’s terrible.  
  
A slow sigh leaves his lips as he clenches his fist, generates a void in the middle of all this beautiful light and he can’t stand to look at it. He lays his head back against the cool stone and closes his eyes, obliterating any scene that wishes to pose ridiculous metaphors in his overridden mind.  
  
It’s funny how his mood wavers as easily as leaves stricken by unforgiving wind. Just this morning he had glanced at the undecided future with a little bit of optimism. He wasn’t alone, he would not have to face this challenge all on his own, clawing his way through pain and rejection, and most of all uncertainty.  
  
For a moment then, he had faintly considered the thought of maybe giving birth to that child, raising him to the best of his abilities, and Levi should be deemed as the only one to blame for his positivism with his lame promises.  
  
Eren doesn’t regard his actions as a direct offense against anyone in particular— aside from the whole scene with Hanji. Though the night before he had mulled over the fact that maneuvering with the 3D Gear could prove an end to his problems, when he actually went into the practice field, his objectives highly differed from those he’d held the night before.  
  
He’s sincerely tired of posing as the Scouting Legion’s titan pet, hiding in the basement and being summoned only when his superiors feel like amusing themselves.  
  
The urgency with which the higher-ups had wanted to assess his value as an ally at first seems to have been forgotten when nobody even cares whether he trains or not anymore. They had promised him a mission outside to weigh up his usefulness, but all he has received up until now has been an eternity of uncertainty.  
  
He has clear goals, perfectly defined intentions, and he had been convinced that he could reach them on his own, without anyone intervening, without anyone doubting his strength, his determination, his purpose.  
  
So, isn’t it comical how he’s certain that he can follow the road that leads to death by himself, uncaring of help or company, but quivers in fear when he begins to consider the path of life, where people depend on him and he mutually, reciprocally, depends on them, too?  
  
Isn’t it kind of ironic how he’s terrified of leaning on others that could have the capacity to possibly bring back what he lost so long ago– family, he doesn’t even mutter the word for it tingles in his lips like it’s forbidden, plain dangerous— while he can grasp in complete calmness the concept of his passing like it's nothing more than something natural, expected?  
  
He wants to see the world that lies outside, waiting for them; has wanted to for as long as he can remember, and it ranks as his ultimate purpose. However, should he fail, the only one who will suffer in disappointment at the unfulfilled goal will be himself. It’s not important that some people have absolute confidence in that he can change the course of this war, if he dies, they will be disillusioned, sure, but it won’t burn painful and slow in their chests, it won’t mark them for life, scar them deep inside. He can be a failure for strangers. He can’t for people he deeply cares about.  
  
Mikasa and Armin come to his mind, but he pushes them away fast and convinces himself that it’s not the same. Will never be the same even if the three of them are like siblings. They’ve all had their share of suffering and strain, they’re all damaged beyond repair, yet used to it. It cannot possibly be the same.  
  
Putting his own children through the same misery and anguish Eren underwent at losing his parents is the last thing he would do, even if it most probably required for him to abandon his dreams, he thinks as a tight knot begins to constrict his throat. It’s too painful a road, devoid of rewards or gains. It’s an empty promise, with lies and delusion, and if it comes down to it, he knows that he would choose family over duty anytime, anyway.  
  
He understands now, possibly at the worst of times, that if he could go back and change the events of the past, he would humbly choose to oblige to his mother’s pleas, to stay by her side instead of joining the military.  
  
He gets it now.  
  
Though, in complete discordance with his thoughts, he feels a dormant blazing anger nesting in his chest, quietly, in the background. A feeling that shifts, making itself present, weak, yet threatening with boundless power should Eren test his own limits. He can only go with the flow for so long before he snaps.  
  
His freedom is being subdued once more, his goal to see the world outside slips away from his grasp, farther with every second that goes by.  
  
He would like to press his hand to his abdomen, pat it lightly, reassure himself that the universe has its motives, and yet he can only dig his fingers deeper into his palm until his whole arm trembles with the exertion, and his bones and muscles hurt with the effort.  
  
Then people begin to crowd the area after a hard day of training, eager for sustenance, and Eren, who hasn’t been exactly hiding, but only shielding himself from interaction, suddenly finds the room packed, claustrophobic, and he wishes he could locate the Corporal so that he could just guide Eren to his cell, where he’ll regret being this indecisive for the rest of the night. He longs to be alone, though he dreads loneliness itself, and if he were a poet, he’d make beautiful words out of that.  
  
But he’s a soldier. He’s a killer.  
  
He’s someone who decided to exchange that useless sensibility for a cool head, and empathy for a raging desire to eliminate.  
  
He can’t find the Corporal though his eyes skim furiously through faces and faces all wearing the same emotion: expectation.  
  
And he knows that he could find the Corporal on that alone, because he’s lost that dreamy air, the resolution that there’s a bed to lie upon to rest, and tomorrow shall be another day, and wears instead the expression of a full awake conscience, of a soul that is tired, yet a fighter at heart, and that is convinced that at the end of the day there’s no more than a lifetime of restlessness. Uncertainty, again.  
  
That’s how he locates Hanji. How he locates the veterans, the rest of Levi’s Squad, though not the man himself.  
  
As he discovers Jean wearing a guilty face trying to make his way over to him through the crowd— Mikasa had something to do with that, no doubt— he rushes towards Petra, eyes glued to the floor, and petitions to be accompanied to his cell with a quiet voice, rusty with trepidation. The woman considers him for a moment and then smiles warmly, and Eren can’t stand it.  
  
She agrees, calls to another member of the squad— male, though Eren doesn’t recognize him for he’s decided he’ll refuse to meet anyone’s eyes for the rest of the day— and they escort him deeper into the darkness, and the cold, and the silence, and when they’ve turned the key in the lock and begin to walk towards the exit, Eren speaks, because he’s dreading the stillness where he can only hear his own voice already.  
  
“The Corporal,” he begins. Both squad members turn their attention to him. “W-where is he?”  
  
Petra waits a second before answering, probably pondering whether she should reveal that kind of information.  
  
“He was summoned by Commander Erwin.”  
  
But they say no more, and sooner than not Eren is fighting with the turmoil inside his head, and tonight, he’s absolutely certain, he will get no sleep.

  
\--  
Eren manages to fall asleep only to be woken up by insistent clacking of metal on metal after what feels like only minutes. He’s pissed off, this morning. He wants to scream and shout at whoever decided it was a good idea to disturb him when he’s only fallen asleep after tossing and turning on his bed, an untamable chaos in his head, for the most part of the night.  
  
The clacking continues.  
  
“What?” he growls, shooting into a sitting position with murder written all over his face.  
  
“My, my. Aren’t we moody this morning?” The Corporal raises a speculative eyebrow in his direction and Eren knows he has to apologize, though he chooses not to for he hasn’t felt this awful in a very long time.  
  
“Up.” Levi barks as he slides the key he’d been banging against the bars of the cell into the lock. “Why the fuck do I need to be around in order for you to take proper care of your personal hygiene?”  
  
“I don’t care about my personal hygiene.” Eren retorts in a low voice trying not to be as rude as he would like to. The Corporal is still his superior, still pretty much the only one who undoubtedly can kill him at his most dangerous. And he’s also the man who’s, in a physical level, made him feel best and worse in his whole life. And though the emotions contradict, they coincide in that Levi deserves all the deference Eren is able to conjure.  
  
He’s getting out of bed before Levi has to repeat himself, walking towards a chair by his right where his clothes from the night before lay in tangles and crumpled beyond salvation. A distinctively judgmental clicking of the tongue has Eren digging his fingers in the garments in annoyance. He finds himself in the middle of removing his nightshirt when Levi can’t take it any longer.  
  
“Stop. Stop.” Eren looks at him through the hole in his shirt where his head was just seconds ago. “There is no way in hell I’m talking to you while you’re rejoicing in your own filth and with yesterday’s clothes on top of that. You’re taking a shower now.”  
  
“What time is it?” Is the only thing Eren can ask, his voice low and falsely composed.  
  
“Late.” Levi replies, glancing at him from the corner of his eye as he rests his back against the metal bars of the door to the cell. Eren rearranges his nightshirt and tugs at his sleeve uncomfortably, but says nothing more or attempts to make any other movements. “Around eight, maybe.”  
  
“Won’t the showers be packed by now?”  
  
“Probably, yeah.” The Corporal notices Eren’s tentative step forward, a dense insecurity heaving atop his shoulders. “What?” He spits, irritated.  
  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.” The younger soldier meets his eyes for a second before redirecting them at his low abdomen. The Corporal follows his gaze and completely freezes. He tries with various excuses, nonetheless in the end Eren wins with the utmost irrefutable argument.  
  
“Someone might notice,” he mutters to then run a hand through his hair in exasperation. Levi nods.  
  
Therefore, he finds himself walking Eren to the Commanders’ wing and then unceremoniously shoving him inside a room. The place is large, larger that the Corporal’s room, but also completely devoid of furniture and signs of being inhabited. There’s a small door by the far left, to where the Corporal guides Eren.  
  
The younger soldier knows better than to expect any sort of depraved— yet accidentally desired— behavior from his superior by now, but he is only human, and hope is nearly as indestructible as the infestation of bugs that roams the first floor of the castle, whose annihilation poses among Levi’s top ten priorities. Which is why he steals furtive glances at Levi’s profile as the man pushes him through the second door, while dubiously regretting it all the while.

Even though this room is much darker, with only a small window sitting high on the wall by his right, Eren can define the general shape of a bathtub resting in the middle of the place. As his eyes adjust to the change in illumination, Eren determines that the tub is large enough for the two of them to fit inside, and he feels a hot pulse of want inflame and consume any coherent thought inside his head.  
  
“I’d rinse the thing before getting in if I were you.” Levi advises. “Sopping in cold water isn’t much too appealing, but it could be worse, eh?”  
  
He turns right around and heads outside leaving Eren behind with a million issues that he can’t begin to fathom how to put in order. An imminent erection being the worst of them all at the moment.  
  
“Be right back, I’ll fetch you a nice big bar of soap.”  
  
Then Eren finds himself alone with his thoughts in a bathroom that hasn’t been in use for a very long time if the thick layer of dust covering everything is anything to go by. Surprised at how Levi hadn’t yet sanitized this place beyond human comprehension, his hand slides around the rim of the bathtub, completely filthy, but he can’t really come to care when much more significant tribulations take place despite himself and his best efforts.  
  
He doesn’t know how to interpret the Corporal’s behavior. At first he’d thought the man would be pissed. Eren had, after all, been rude to Hanji without an actual reason, and had nearly attempted to engage in activities that could have endangered the…  _creature_  residing inside of him when Levi had made it clear the night before that he would find a way to deal with the complications. However, the Corporal was acting like nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t even witnessed the events.  
  
The pipes creak and clatter loudly when Eren turns the faucet, and it takes a moment before darkened water begins to spurt into the bathtub.  
  
Perhaps, Eren thinks with a shudder, the Corporal, at that time, had wished that Eren had gone through with his plan.  
  
Eren can’t fathom why Levi would want to care for a child that he was forced to procreate, a kid that was Eren’s as well. Why would he want to complicate his already convoluted life by claiming responsibility over a son when it wasn’t even his choice to possibly conceive him in the first place?  
  
The certainty that he should’ve carried out his purpose wraps around him with unwavering conviction, cold firmness.  
  
He’s still crouching on the floor when Levi throws open the door to the bathroom.  
  
“You’ve got to be shitting me.” He musters in exasperation. He pushes on Eren’s shoulder to get him out of the way, shoves a bunch of clothes plus a bar of soap large enough for three people into his arms, and then begins to pour water over the walls of the tub to rinse the dust off of them. “Is something wrong with your fucking head, Jaeger?”  
  
“I-I’m sorry, sir.” Eren apologizes, a deep frown crossing his brow. “I didn’t sleep very well last night.”  
  
“Me neither, and you don’t see me all spaced out wasting our valuable resources, do you?” Levi retorts without looking at him.  
  
“Did he keep you up all night?” Eren wonders. The Corporal then awards him a questioning look. “Commander Erwin, I mean. Petra told me that’s where you were last night.”  
  
Levi sighs and drives his sight back to the tub. He places the worn out cork on the drain to keep the water inside and finally straightens up.  
  
“About that,” he begins, raises his gaze to meet Eren’s. “As if it’s never enough, we got ourselves another fucking problem.”  
  
Levi refuses to speak until Eren has stripped bare and sunk into ice cold water that reaches up to lap at his hips. The younger soldier does look back surreptitiously at him in hopes of catching the Corporal staring, but the man is certainly more interested in grimacing at the complete lack of cleanliness of the place. Eren scrubs madly at his skin, both to get rid of the humiliation darkening his cheeks, and to try to generate a bit of warmness because water this cold should be illegal.  
  
“Hanji and I,” Levi says, leaning on the wall near the door with his arms folded across his chest. “We may have been lying on the reports concerning you and your development.”  
  
The shiver that runs down Eren’s back has nothing to do with the cold water biting at his skin.  
  
“Nothing too compromising, of course. But you know how we haven’t made any other experiments to test your transformations and other such concerning matters since that time in the well?” Eren tries to nod, though he’s sure the motion can’t be told apart from his shivering. “Hanji’s come up with ridiculous—yet somehow believable— excuses not to force you into transforming another time. Then again, she’s the one who conducts the experiments and fills the actual reports, and I just sign where we’re supposed to tell how well you’ve been behaving, so I can't really tell you the sort of stories she's been making up.”  
  
Eren would like to chuckle at that.  
  
“Of course, nothing about us fucking or your current situation made it into the reports.” The soap slips from Eren’s hands at the Corporal’s words. “And, among others, we’ve also stated that all other remaining activities continue without change, 3DM practice included.”  
  
Then Eren begins to understand.  
  
“That little tantrum you threw yesterday,” And Levi fixes a severe glare on Eren. “Attracted unwanted attention. Long story short, Erwin found out and he’s bugging me to know what the fuck is going on and why on earth we would lie to cover your ass.”  
  
“What did you tell him?” Eren wonders, rinsing his hair and taking advantage of the fact that he has to close his eyes, though he shuts them tighter than necessary.  
  
“I cannot lie to Erwin.” Is Levi’s staid reply.  
  
Eren snaps around to look at his superior disbelievingly. His eyes sting with the suds that have slithered into them, but he can’t really come to care when he’s trying to find signals in Levi’s face that would give away how the Corporal’s just messing around with him. However, Levi is dead serious.  
  
“You told the Commander?” Eren’s voice comes as nothing more than a near mute whisper. But he wasn’t dead, yet, which had to mean something, right?  
  
“Not yet.” Levi admits. He tilts forward and away from the wall to come closer to where Eren is still motionless, anxious. Very naked and very cold. “I told him there was a plausible reason behind our actions, but that it was better if he witnessed the issue himself. Hanji, you and I are going to meet with him later. That’s why I need you clean, so can you not take fucking forever?”  
  
Levi crouches right by the tub and leans in to unclog the cork. He remains there, quietly observing the vortex by the drain turning around and around as water hurriedly makes its escape.  
  
“Are you mad about yesterday?” Eren wonders unexpectedly, without actually meaning to voice the question aloud.  
  
“’Bout what?” The Corporal replies after long enough to have Eren thinking that he would refrain from answering at all. “About you behaving like a child?”  
  
Eren does feel like a young kid being chastised. But he considers he has to know.  
  
“About what I almost did. About what it could have meant had I actually used the 3DMG.” And water swirls and swirls and Eren feels that when it runs out, along will be dragged the air of complicity and understanding that had wrapped around them and their interactions. The barrier will rebuild itself, they will fall back to their expected behaviors, positions, roles.  
  
“No.” Levi sounds sincere, if a bit distraught. “I understand that when an issue personally concerns someone, only they have a saying on the course of action. Decisions are completely theirs to make, and no one else should intervene. Consequences are for them alone to deal with as well.” He adds the last bit as though a second thought.  
  
He means emotionally, Eren thinks, rubbing his forehead forcefully.  
  
“This is,” but Eren pauses, unable to speak all of a sudden. He breathes in deep twice before gaining the courage to spurt out his thoughts. “This is your son, too. I think you do have a saying in what happens to him.”  
  
After he’s voiced the idea aloud, he convinces himself that banging his head against the rim of the tub is the best option available to him. Only the Corporal has fixed his cold, pale blue eyes on him, and they scan his face like he had carefully observed the whirlpool before.  
  
“Then, Eren.” And the way he pronounces his name has Eren shivering without the ability to name the originating emotion. “Help me here, ‘cause I can only try to care for one damn kid.”  
  
His words should sound harsh to Eren, but the way Levi issues them conveys a completely different feeling to them.   
  
The Corporal tangles his fingers in his subordinates hair and pushes his head so that it is positioned right below the cold stream of water that Levi’s let free from the faucet. Combing it with unintended roughness until he’s rinsed all the soap out, he then shuts the water flow and straightens up, unfazed. The clothes he’d been cradling against his chest are placed on the edge of the tub, and afterwards, Levi steps away, towards the door.  
  
“You really… are just a child, aren’t you?” He words, though he doesn’t seem to direct his question at Eren, but at himself. “I’ll wait for you outside.”  
  
That had been pity, and sympathy, and compassion in the Corporal’s voice, and it takes all of Eren’s willpower to lift his head from where it hung, numb and resigned below the faucet, his gaze focused on the drain slowly but surely swallowing all the water that had only tried to flow freely and carelessly. It takes another dose of inhuman resolve to contain the stinging in his eyes from reaching his cheeks. Disgrace… and anger.  
  
Why is he still this damn weak?  
  
And, oh, that’s right. The water ended up running out.

  
\--  
Breakfast isn’t the most appealing of things, even when he had skipped dinner the night before. Eren would like to place all the blame on the innocent looking, yet unimaginably insipid porridge that fills his bowl to the rim. As he tries to gulp the thing down, he also tries to ignore his superior fuming in complete silence by the far end of the dining hall.  
  
Levi observes him unimpressed from his place against the wall, and when the focused gaze feels too crushing, a task as easy as ingesting something that looks already digested becomes too complex for Eren.  
  
When he can’t keep on pretending to scrape remaining bits of porridge from the bowl, Levi gives the order to follow, and Eren does, dreading the meeting with Commander Erwin like he’s voluntarily signed up for a good few hours of torture.  
  
He’s not wrong to be worried, for his future would probably be decided there. Levi, however, seems astonishingly calm and composed. After testing the Corporal’s boundaries a bit— unintentionally, Eren will claim— he knows that it takes a lot for the Corporal to actually snap, even if he appears to be on edge on a daily basis, so his current mood doesn’t help with Eren’s uneasiness.  
  
When they reach Commander Erwin’s office, the door is closed and whereas Eren expects the Corporal to knock, the man only sighs in annoyance while shaking his head. Afterwards, he decides to sit on a bench by the opposite wall. Tiredness is now evident in Levi's features, in his sunken eyes, the dark half-moons below them, the pronounced crease between his eyebrows.

“May I—”  
  
“Yeah, yeah. Sit wherever you want.” Levi interrupts. Then he moves aside, creating enough space for Eren to sit by his right. He does take the opportunity, rejoicing at the fact that, though their thighs brush faintly, the Corporal doesn’t shift away.  
  
A thick silence befalls them, and though Eren tries to keep his body under control, his foot jumps and twitches with nervousness. The feeling that he should say something to ease the tension grows with every second that Eren’s eyes remain glued to the handle of the door. Just when he thinks that he can take it no more, he feels a kind warmness seeping past his jacket and into his arm. He turns around surprised to find that Levi is nodding off, completely uncaring of his surroundings, slowly, but surely leaning into Eren’s space.  
  
Eren tries to be mature about it, and will forever deny that he secretly cheered for Levi’s balance to be a lost cause so that his head would end up resting against his shoulder.  
  
That is, of course, the moment when Hanji decides to make her appearance.  
  
“Well, aren’t you cute?” she chirps, shoving her fingers in Levi’s hair. The Corporal snaps back to attention in time record to push Hanji’s hand away.  
  
“Fuck off,” he growls. “One day I’m seriously going to hurt you if you keep on doing that.”  
  
“Unintentionally, right?” Hanji offers, big smile in place, to which Levi only nods in what could only be interpreted as letting her have her way.  
  
Then Hanji fixes her eyes on Eren, and he remembers he owes the woman an apology. Raising from the bench, he tilts his head forward and stands very straight.  
  
“I apologize for my actions, I behaved rudely yesterday, please forgive my audacity.” He says, focusing on her shoes, tense all over.  
  
“Oh, no, please.” She replies, peeking into Eren’s face from below. “It was all my fault. Sometimes I can get exasperating, I know. I should be apologizing. ”  
  
“And then we wonder where insubordination comes from.” Levi feels the need to add in a mocking tone. Hanji dismisses his statement by rolling her eyes and then signals for Eren to sit with a smile and a small nod. She steps sideways until her shoulder rests against the wall and leans there, assessing them.  
  
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you two just had a very awkward moment.”  
  
A soft chuckle escapes Levi’s lips as he slants to his left, resting his chin on his hand and his elbow on the armrest. “How perceptive.”  
  
“That’s my job.” She claims, smirking sufficiently. “Gonna tell me what happened or do I have to guess?”  
  
Eren observes the exchange in silence, feeling more and more out of place with each word.  
  
“Just witnessed Eren taking a shower with ice cold water.” The Corporal admits. “It became this small.” He says to then raise his hand so that Hanji can appreciate a minimum space between Levi’s thumb and index finger. Eren’s cheeks and ears turn a bright crimson and though he’d like to claim otherwise, he doesn’t feel like an actual part of the conversation. But then Hanji’s staring at him, seemingly expecting a reply. Doubtful, Eren decides not to look at the Corporal when he speaks.  
  
“He made me strip in front of him, wouldn’t step out even when I begged.”  
  
Hanji raises her eyebrows in amused surprise.  
  
“Insubordination, I tell you.” Levi says, shaking his head slowly.  
  
“You still seem too edgy. I say we get a conversation going with an interesting topic to ease the tension, break the ice!” she offers, enthusiastically. It’s contagious, so Eren nods in approval while Levi shakes his head, groaning.  
  
“Not another one of your conversations with interesting topics. You only consider one topic interesting.”  
  
“Two, actually, but you wouldn’t want to talk about titans even if I begged.” Disappointment is clear in Hanji's voice as her lips twist into a pout.  
  
“What topic?” Eren feels the need to ask, and Levi’s covering his eyes with his hand in utmost denial, mouthing ‘Don’t get her started on that’.  
  
“Let’s share sexual experiences!”  
  
And Levi seems so uncomfortable that Eren, stupidly, has to agree to it only to annoy the Corporal even further.


	5. Chapter 5

“So, I lost my virginity when I was fourteen and I haven’t been able to last more than a month without sex ever since.” Hanji confesses in a hushed yet excited voice. “Levi’s no fun at this game, ‘cause we all know when and who he lost his virginity to, and that he hasn’t done anything remotely interesting since then.”

Eren rejoices at this piece of information, filing it under the ‘Important’ label in his head until he notices Hanji’s looking at him keenly. A stolen glance at Levi reveals that the Corporal’s still covering his face, trying to materialize away from the conversation, and Eren feels a bit rejected for the second time that morning.  
  
“I,” he tries, Hanji nods compellingly. “ _Technically_  I think I lost my virginity… at that time, too.” His voice slowly becomes weaker until the last words are no more than a whisper.  
  
“You fucking told me you weren’t a goddamned virgin!”  
  
Oh, so Levi had been listening.  
  
“I was about to tell you that I didn’t think my past experiences counted as full sex, but you didn’t let me finish.” Eren retorts, slightly annoyed. After directing a helpless look at Hanji, his sight sets on his lap as his fingers twist the creases of his pants in what is most likely a mixture of nervousness and aggravation.  
  
“But you certainly are not as inexperienced as our Corporal here, are you?” Hanji presses, pleased beyond belief. It probably is a trick of the light, but Eren could swear her eyes were gleaming with amusement. Alright, Hanji was too enthusiastic about pretty much everything.  
  
“No, I— I did some stuff with girls from my squad, back when we were training. Sometimes behind the barracks, some others we could sneak inside.” He confesses, pursing his lips as he tries to reach the memories. Those encounters hadn’t been important in the least, so he doesn’t remember very well as his main motivations had been curiosity, general frustration and eventually peer pressure.  
  
“How far did you get?”  
  
“Well, you know, the usual. Umh, touching, and a few times with our… mouths… and at some point one of them kind of slid her…” Eren makes a vague motion with his hand that he hopes is illustrative enough, face burning with embarrassment. “Over my… but she wouldn’t let me—”  
  
“Oh, please, shut up.” Levi interrupts, and he’s looking at Eren like he’s seriously questioning his most basic moral principles. For a moment, Eren wishes he hadn’t said anything, torn between disappointment and irritation, but then Hanji intervenes before matters get worse by cleverly forcing their attention back to her with a snap of her fingers.  
  
“Well, Levi once sucked some guy’s dick.” She says like she just suddenly remembered. Levi visibly pales at her words to then scrunch his face in disgust.  
  
“No, you got that all wrong.” He defends himself, shaking his head slowly as he quietly ponders on whether or not to reveal more pointless information that no one should care about. His pride seems to win in the end. “Some guy sucked  _my_  dick.”  
  
“Right, and then you stopped him and beat him up for being useless before he even got you hard.” Hanji goes on. Her face is the perfect definition of devilish, perhaps trying to avenge Eren’s earlier discomfort at Levi’s rude comments. The Corporal shrugs one shoulder dismissively, and his eyes go back to being covered by his palm.  
  
“His excuse is that the guy wasn’t a bad kisser, so he couldn’t be that bad giving head.” Levi has no reaction this time, he ignores them with the intent of a professional with no greater purpose in life, to which Hanji purses her lips dissatisfied. Seconds later, her face is again lighting up with an inquiry that unexpectedly fills her mind. “So you had never fooled around with a guy before Levi, Eren?”  
  
Eren feels something unpleasant pooling in his stomach. Worrying on his bottom lip, he can’t help it when his eyes skid over Levi’s still shape, his bored undertone. He probably doesn’t even care, then why should he?  
  
“I…” He begins, Hanji’s eyes are set on him. “No. I’ve never felt attracted to guys.” He finally confesses. It’s true, he assumes. Before he got strangely involved with the Corporal by means of his own body messing with him, he’d never looked lustily at another man’s body. Unlike a girl’s, he had never craved for another male’s touch, heat or decadent attention. The fact that he now definitely— and so ridiculously powerfully— felt a pulsing attraction towards his superior was most likely related to something else, rather than to his natural preferences. Because he couldn’t say that he had now randomly started to stare at Jean’s ass, or began to consider Armin intensely pretty. He was still himself; weird, messed up Eren Jaeger with a draining and freaky infatuation with Corporal Levi.  
  
“Oh?” Hanji probably senses how the mood switches from shallow teasing to something dark and cold from which Eren has been running since the night before. Even though her empathy skills seem sharp, that doesn’t stop her from wanting to find out more. “So, how did—”  
  
“Will you shut your fucking mouth already? You’re seriously pissing me off.” Levi’s glaring up at Hanji, and had Eren been on the receiving end of that look, he would’ve been shitting himself already. Faking hurt, Hanji presses her hand to her chest and dramatically frowns.  
  
“No, you won’t deny me the satiety to my overflowing curiosity when you won’t tell me anything about  _nothing_.” A deliberate emphasis is made on her last word as Hanji looks at him severely. Of course, Levi latches onto her implied approach like a hound on a fresh trail. He smirks up to her.  
  
“Look, Hanji, if you want to ask how I fucked Eren, go right ahead, don’t be so subtle about it.” Eren feels the need to hide away his features behind his hands for he still can’t deal with how offhandedly Levi refers to an encounter that turns him every shade of red of the viewable spectrum by just remembering.  
  
“Alright, then. Tell me.” Hanji’s smile is sufficient, she places her fist by her waist and regards them impatiently.  
  
“Tell her, Jaeger.”  
  
“W-what—?” Eren nearly chokes on his own spit.  
  
“Don’t worry. Hanji here has tried pretty much everything.” Levi assesses Hanji with a disgusted look, though the woman only grins as all answer. “She’s probably been where you were more times than you can count.”  
  
But Eren remains silent, dubiously shifting his gaze between his superiors.  
  
“Oh, you were so eager to talk to her about this, go satiate her curiosity, then.” When Eren fixes pleading eyes on him, wide like those of a cornered critter, Levi huffs with fake disappointment. “No? Alright. He rode me for a while. Real cowboy, this little shit-head. Then I think I… pushed you on the floor? Yeah, I fucked him facing me, on the floor, and then I rolled him over. Then he passed out. Afterwards, in the middle of the fucking night he forces me awake by nearly chocking on my dick, and then he rides me again.”  
  
Eren’s fists shake by the end of Levi’s more than degrading story. Hadn’t he been slightly scared of the Corporal's possible harsh replies, he would be trying to copy that glare the man had awarded Hanji with earlier and direct it right at him. It sincerely escapes him how or why he’s started to feel something so intense for the Corporal when he doesn’t even deserve it in the least.  
  
“Forgot about the part where you—” Eren tries, anger faintly seeping into his voice, but Levi stands up before he’s finished, sends some very mortal figurative daggers in both his and Hanji’s direction and then, avoiding to come in contact with either of them, walks a few feet away. The wall, again, serves as a surface where to recline as the Corporal crosses his arms and hates on everyone and everything like he’d been doing for most part of the day.  
  
Eren guesses he can’t hear them from that distance, especially if they speak in whispers, which is exactly what Hanji begins to do.  
  
“Woo, so edgy. Kinda scary, isn’t he?” Instead of telling her that all blame should rest atop her shoulders concerning Levi’s reaction, he nods. It's in equal parts his fault, he reflects, for he had agreed to such a stupid conversation in the first place. Perhaps it’s part of how he feels about the man, but lame details about his past life can and will be kept as valuable treasures on the rare occasions when he gets to obtain them.  
  
“He did lap at my asshole.” Eren hisses, uncaring of the term he would’ve rather not used in Hanji’s presence. The woman only snorts in quiet amusement. “Why would he say it like that?”  
  
“What, the description of your sweet love-making?”  
  
Eren pulls a face that is both frustration and annoyance as he heavily breathes through his nose in dire need of a little bit of understanding, if at all possible.  
  
“Listen, Eren.” And Hanji is again shutting the curtains on what appears to be a comedy show to unexpectedly transform into the essence of severity itself. Relaxed shoulders straighten when she fixes her dark eyes on Eren’s. “I know it’s hard to get him. Very hard. Actually, figuring him out has been my second most nerve-wracking hobby since I met him.”  
  
A warm expression peacefully sets on Hanji’s features as she briefly glances at the Corporal.  
  
“He’s just a little bit awkward, but he is not a bad person.” Eren shrugs at that. He’s aware of it, with strong evidence to acquaint for that affirmation, even if sometimes it’s hard to tell that the man quietly fuming close to them is the same man that detachedly beat him to a pulp, thus granting him the opportunity to keep on living, and had then soothed his fears by making purposeful promises, sharing his bed, his warmth, his air and his company. “Who knows what he’s thinking about right now? No one can ever tell— unless you’re Erwin, but he has not wanted to share his secrets with me, yet.”  
  
With a defeated sigh, she pushes away from the wall and heavily plops on the vacant seat beside Eren. With shoulders that slumped at some point during their conversation, deflated has suddenly become his default mood.  
  
“What I’m trying to say is,” at this, the woman adopts a solemn voice, though one that appears to drip with sympathy. “Don’t take his harshness personal. He’s not against you. I think  _he_  thinks he’s against the world.”  
  
Eren would like to question the meaning behind Hanji’s statement, however he somehow gets it. Or believes he gets it. Isn’t that how he’s felt for the longest time?  
  
Hanji raises her head softly to then lean into Eren’s space and nudge his shoulder with hers. Eren sways uselessly, completely silent.  
  
“He talks about you a lot.” She whispers even lower, stealing a surreptitious glance at Levi.  
  
“Don’t say that.” Eren breathes out, and he can’t help it when his fingers come to rub at his eyes tiredly.  
  
“But it’s true.” Hanji nudges him again, her voice picking on a brighter pitch. “It’s also true that he mostly complains and calls you derogatory names, but that’s the only way in which Levi knows how to express himself. You don’t know how flustered he gets when people praise him. I don’t think the whole eulogizing thing sits well with him.”  
  
“So what does it mean?” Eren feels obligated to ask.  
  
“It means that you’re important to him. Somehow.” Hanji taps her nose in deep thinking, leaning back on the bench. “Don’t ask me in what sense, and I don’t mean to bring your hopes down, but probably not in the same way that you feel about him.”  
  
“I don’t feel any particular way about him.” Eren rushes to reply, though he manages to do it with a neutral voice that Hanji can interpret however she wants. Nonetheless, she doesn’t actually focus on that and instead goes on.  
  
“As incomprehensible as it may appear to us, he really is not attracted to people. That doesn’t mean, though, that he plainly hates everything human, or anything of the sort. Levi’s come to like you, appreciate you in his own weird way.”  
  
Eren snorts, shaking his head slowly. A jack of all trades, their lovely Corporal.  
  
“He glares at other people who talk shit about you.”  
  
The universe decides not to allow Eren to enjoy the small smile that unexpectedly spreads across his lips at Hanji’s words, for the door to Commander Erwin Smith’s office creaks as it opens and sooner than not they’re awkwardly face to face with the man himself.

Levi rejoins them not a second later, and both he and Hanji, after swiftly standing up, press their fists to their chests, saluting their superior.  
  
Eren understands that it’s mostly a show of formality, for he’s sure Erwin doesn’t actually expect the salute, but the truth is that Erwin is imposing, with his severe façade and deep, wise eyes, evidencing just how many burdens he carries along, how many more he’s overcome yet still hang on to him as he tries to make his way forward. When he’s one of the most intelligent and capable men Eren’s ever going to meet.  
  
It takes him a few seconds of overwhelmed fumbling to mimic his superiors, but Eren’s saluting as firmly and straightly as he can.  
  
After they’ve dropped the salute, Erwin beckons them inside, swiping his gaze across all of them, particularly lingering on Eren in what can be perfectly described as an unrelenting manner.  
  
A firm hand pushes on Eren’s lower back when he freezes, breath retained in his lungs, and he looks down to find Levi’s eyes coaxing him into relaxing. Eren thinks he reads ‘It’s okay’ from Levi’s silent lips as his hand softly guides his body onward.  
  
Commander Erwin circles them until he’s behind a desk that is not as impressive as it should for the man it serves. With calculating eyes, he invites them to sit as he does so himself.  
  
Hanji accepts the courtesy, and when Eren feels Levi’s heavy hand on his shoulder, he does, too, if uncertain. Levi’s hand remains on the back of the chair, his knuckles slightly pressing against Eren’s shoulder blade in what is, surprisingly, a comforting gesture.  
  
“Eren Jaeger,” The Commander begins, his fingers lacing, hands resting on the table. However, his sight leaves him to focus on the Corporal. “I’m all ears. Start explaining.”  
  
Eren’s sure the fingers at his back twist into a small form of a caress to keep him calm, although they’re having the exact opposite effect, even if his newly developed anxiety is not directly related to Commander Erwin’s presence. A few tense seconds go by before the Corporal starts speaking.  
  
“I don’t think you’re going to believe us if we tell you the truth,” he says, bluntly. “However, we will try.”  
  
Erwin nods.  
  
“Jaeger is with child.”  
  
By the way Hanji’s gaping at Levi, Eren can guess that the two of them hadn’t actually discussed how they were going to address the issue. Even Eren glances disbelievingly at him before his attention is snatched back to Erwin by an evidently fake cough.  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“Jaeger is pregnant.” Levi repeats, voice unfaltering. A severe glance is then placed on Hanji, who quickly regains her composure by clearing her throat.  
  
“There is a substance that women produce when they happen to be pregnant. It’s the same substance that makes other rudimentary pregnancy tests, based on the usage of urine, work. That substance is all over the woman’s body, and is responsible for all the physical changes they undergo, which means it can also be found in the blood. This test focuses on the recognition of that particular substance from a blood sample. I subjected Eren’s blood to this test, and it turned out positive. This, as well as other physical signs, common in pregnant women, suggest that Eren is pregnant.”  
  
“How am I supposed to interpret this?” Undertones of indignation are present in Commander Erwin’s speech, face turning slightly red. Of course he would think they were pulling his leg, the notion itself cataloguing the three of them as mentally unstable almost by default.  
  
“In the most literal sense.” Levi intervenes before Hanji even opens her mouth. “There’s a living fetus growing inside this soldier.”  
  
A frown deep enough to compete with the Commander’s twists Eren’s face, his eyes focused somewhere over the excessive amount of documents over the desk. It won’t help their case if Levi keeps on making the explanation more disturbing than it already is with his terrible choice for words.  
  
“Are you female? Have you lied on your official records?” Erwin directs at Eren. Bony fingers poke at his back when he fails to answer, distracted by how much he’s wishing he were somewhere else, perhaps even someone else.  
  
He shakes his head, clears his throat and then tries to keep a steady voice as he replies. “No, sir.”  
  
“Then  _how_?” Erwin demands. It’s strange, because it feels that, for a moment, he begins to believe them, to find the affirmation plausible.  
  
This time, it’s Hanji who starts speaking. “Eren underwent some sort of heat phase in which he was receptive and fertile. Apparently, it included a dramatic raise in his body temperature, and the absolute annulment of his autonomy by the urge to breed.”  
  
“And you think that wasn’t important enough to be directly reported to  _me_?”  
  
“There were more parties involved, and in order to preserve their integrity, the matter was kept secret. We did put Eren under strict observation, in case any other irregularities overcame.”  
  
“Who?” Is Erwin’s question, plain and stern. Hanji looks uncertainly down at her lap, keeping her eyes cleverly away from Eren and Levi. Except then Erwin’s fierce eyes are focusing on Eren, and he knows that he has to issue an answer or face charges for insubordination— probably worse, if he’s honest—, but Levi’s fingers once more soothingly press against his back.  
  
“I pledge fucking guilty.” He breathes out. “The kid is mine.”  
  
Erwin seems seriously taken aback at the revelation he most certainly didn’t expect, although it suddenly becomes very obvious. The furtive glances, the stealthy touches, even just the way Levi’s standing behind Eren’s seat, tense stance, feet parted, body slightly tilted forward. He’s protective over the younger soldier and how could Erwin have been so blind?  
  
“And you decided to be sexual on the occasion of impregnating our titan shifter?” He asks, trying and failing to alleviate the tension in his gut as information begins to finally penetrate the natural barrier of incredulity to begin to stir all sorts of thoughts, plans, results, and courses of action inside his brain. 

“My guess is that Levi was under the influence of Eren’s mating scent at the time; just like Eren, he was acting on instinct.” Is Hanji’s pointed intervention, perhaps trying to deflect full accountability from either soldier.  
  
“How far into the pregnancy is he?” Tense fingers run over the Commander’s eyebrows as he fixes his gaze on Eren’s abdomen which undoubtedly renders Eren a quivering mess.  
  
Hanji pinches finger after finger of her left hand with her right as she counts in her head. “Just past the first trimester, if my calculations are correct.”  
  
By his expression, it’s evident Erwin’s surprised at Hanji’s diligent involvement in the matter when it doesn’t exactly concern her. Then Levi clears his throat, attaining the attention of them both. Eren wishes he hadn’t felt fingers jabbing at his spine.  
  
“Stand.” He’s ordered. Eren figures he really has no other choice when any course of events would’ve ultimately taken them there. On shaky legs, he manages to stretch upright, and before any of his superiors have to order him to pull his shirt up, he does, all the way to his chest.  
  
He shuffles uncomfortably, being the center of attention of three very different looks. Hanji, of course, looks delighted, even sucking her lips into her mouth to stop from squeaking out loud. Erwin has pressed his mouth against his entwined hands, but Eren doesn’t need to see his full face to interpret the look on his eyes, torn between skepticism and wonder.  
  
Then Levi, again, is a riddle, but Eren prefers to think there’s a little bit of fondness there. He’d seen Eren naked and exposed just this morning, he didn’t have to stare anymore, or turn him slightly to the right with the excuse of a better evaluating angle for Erwin.  
  
“Are you sure that’s…” The Commander tries, though his sentence never becomes a complete idea.  
  
“Positive.” The Corporal replies in a heartbeat. Beckoning Eren to rearrange his shirt, he then gently pushes him down on the chair again. His hand now remains on the nape of Eren’s neck, applying a slight bit of pressure, reassuring him of his presence. If Erwin notices this or Eren’s alleviated sigh, he doesn’t comment on it, instead apprehensively running his thumb along the length of his nose.  
  
“What do you plan to do, Levi?” Is Commander Erwin’s next purposeful question. Eren had heard those rumors about how the Commander was incredibly calm and composed, but he could’ve never guessed to what extent that stretched exactly. His features never let on to his true thoughts, and though Eren wasn’t all that perceptive, he could still tell there was so much more to his question than the expectation of an honest answer. Never had he seen eyes as expressive as the Commander’s.  
  
“I’m taking responsibility.” The Corporal answers, slowly, severely. There’s no mistaking the warning in his voice, and Eren’s fingers twitch where they are tightly grasping the edges of the chair.  
  
There are a million new questions running through the Commander’s mind at Levi’s answer, though he doesn’t actually voice any. Furthermore, the affirmation serves to apparently narrow down the possible options for them to take. Erwin’s eyes close for a moment, and when he opens them, he seems determined, grave.  
  
“I expected no less from you.” Maybe that’s pride is the Commander’s voice, but Eren is too disturbed to trust his own judgment, so he prefers not to catalogue it as such. “Were you aware that this could take place, Eren?”  
  
Eren breathes in deeply, he definitely preferred not to be spoken to for the rest of the meeting. Figuring he has to say something at some point, he opts for being as truthful as he can. “No. What happened to me that on day had never happened before. I had no idea that by seeking out the Corporal’s help I would only…” He pauses, lips pursed together. “I thought I— I felt like I was turning. That’s why I went looking for the Corporal, in case I couldn’t control the transformation. It’s not like I wanted this to happen. Why would I want to be rendered useless, nothing more than a burden by doing this?”  
  
The pressure around his neck considerably lessens, the Corporal’s touch light as a butterfly’s as his words sink in.

Commander Erwin only nods in acknowledgement. “So you would say this is related to your titan powers.”  
  
It sounds like a statement rather that a proper inquiry, but Eren still nods his confirmation.  
  
“Can you still turn?” The Commander then asks. “Into a titan, I mean.”  
  
“I don’t know.” And Eren sounds harsh as he answers. By now he can’t tell if Levi is still touching him or not, but he wishes he were, for his hands have started to shake even when they’re grasping the chair so tightly his knuckles are probably already white.  
  
“You do understand there’s no easy way out of this.” Erwin then says, directing his statement to no one in particular. “Not when Eren has been deemed as a possible threat to humanity. It’s not like with female recruits, who would take leave without further investigation.”  
  
Eren’s teeth audibly clatter, face looking down and shoulders raised, tense all over. Erwin pretends not to notice.  
  
“I cannot make Eren disappear right out of the blue. Not when the higher ups expect either the possibility to retake Wall Maria with considerably less resources than we had anticipated or the chance to finally execute him. Not when I’ve been pushing and pulling all this time to get the possibility to go outside with Eren and evaluate his effectiveness.”  
  
Eren’s breath comes in quick, noisy inhalations and exhalations. They should be discussing the tactics for their future advances on titan infested lands, not his clandestine ejection from the military to then live undercover, away from everyone and everything he cares about.  
  
That rage from before, the one dormant behind his thoughts, stirs with pounding power, worrying certainty.  
  
The steady weight of Levi’s hand on his neck does nothing to settle him down this time.  
  
“That’s where it will get tricky, if you really do intend to go through with this. We cannot have Eren riding on horseback, for starters—”  
  
“Erwin, forgive my insolence,” Hanji suddenly speaks up, tense. “Perhaps it would be best if we further discussed this some other time.”  
  
An uptight pause stretches after her words.  
  
“Do not assume Eren is a child that needs protection, he’s a strong and brave soldier.” Is all Erwin has to say.  
  
The room falls suddenly silent, Eren’s breathing the only thing disrupting the quietness. That, too, stills in a matter of seconds as the young soldier’s brain processes the Commander’s words. He can’t just be losing control like that. Not when the Commander trusts him. Not when he wants Levi to consider him reliable, undependable. He can’t care for two children, he’s said so, and Eren should start behaving like an adult, like he should have from the start, from the moment he found himself alone, all on his own and responsible for his own actions, his own destiny.  
  
He can’t ask for people to confide in him, lend him power if he crumbles at the mere mention of things deviating from the original plan.  
  
He nods.  
  
“If you could turn, and prove that you’re an ally, that might take the higher ups off our backs for a while.” Erwin says, unfazed. “As for a mission outside, perhaps that could be your ticket out of here. We don’t even have to go that far. We could transport you on a cart, rather than on a saddle, and if you can turn into a titan and pretend to fight, Levi will take care of the rest. We can fake your death.”  
  
“No, I—” Eren stutters. “To— to eliminate  _all of them_  and— I need to be useful...”   
  
“And you will.” Erwin interrupts. “Consider it possible that right now, it’s not yet time.”  
  
It feels like the end to the conversation, abrupt yet definitive. Levi’s hand leaves Eren again, stepping back. Hanji rises from her seat.  
  
“Dismissed.” Erwin recites, eyes turning back to the papers scattered around on the table.  
  
“Sir!” Both soldiers issue, hands against their chests, and Eren is now quicker to follow. When they’ve dropped the salute and have turned to leave, Hanji spins suddenly around, shifting slightly as she tries to catch Erwin’s attention.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“I know it’s not my place to say this, but I believe it would be better for Eren’s health— considering his state— if he stopped spending quite so much time in the dungeons. The air there is still, cold and humid, and we know what sorts of terrible bugs make of that habitat their home.” Her statement is so unexpected that Erwin has to blink a few times before he seems to grasp at the implicit suggestion.  
  
“You know I can’t just reassign him a room all to his own without a plausible reason.” He explains. “Which would be necessary if we don’t want people noticing certain things when he changes clothes.”  
  
“You don’t have to. We can keep a secret.” Hanji chirps, eyeing Levi pointedly.  
  
“And where do you suggest we stash him?” The Corporal growls, returning her look with suspicion.  
  
“Well, you’re taking responsibility, aren’t you?” Hanji retorts, sly.  
  
“I could try to switch your quarters to something more spacious, Levi.” Erwin intervenes without looking up from his papers. A grin almost tugs at Eren lips as he observes the Corporal quietly mumbling obscenities to himself. He determines the exact moment when his superior gives up.  
  
“No, my current room is placed right where it’s easy to sneak through abandoned corridors to pretend we’re coming from the dungeons.”  
  
“We could try to slip in an extra bed, at least.” Erwin offers instead, offhandedly. The frown on Hanji’s face matches Eren’s own when they regard each other.  
  
“Alright. Just make sure you give us extra blankets for the time being.” Levi accedes with a heavy sigh.  
  
“Just steal them from the laundry like you always do, I’m sure that won’t even look suspicious.” The fact that it’s Erwin who says this amuses Eren, for he’s sure both he and Hanji were thinking the exact same thing.  
  
The Corporal is then quick to make a dramatic exit, cursing under his breath without looking back.  
  
For how often Hanji tends to screw up, Eren has to admit that she also has her great moments of genius. The prospect of sharing a room with the Corporal from now on does amazingly well at improving his overall shitty mood.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tss, I'm sorry, I love Jean. That's just Eren being a little bitch~

The thing about Levi is that he makes Eren feel like he’s constantly 3D maneuvering through the air emotionally speaking. With steep drops, constant pulls, back flips and regular bursts of adrenaline. One moment Eren is safely soaring through the air, swift breeze blowing on his face, the next he’s swiveling down at maximum speed, surely towards a certain death. Then Levi will plug another hook somewhere else, and Eren will be pulled from the abysm right into bright blue skies the color of Levi’s eyes once more.

That’s what he doesn't entirely get. Levi’s fluctuating moods, ever changing manners. The way he will be cold, distant, arrogant one second and empathic, concerned and supportive the next.  
  
Like just moments ago, when he had stood guard right behind him, a strong presence dripping confidence and protection out of each one of his pores while he now walks several feet ahead of him, disregarding him like he’s nothing more than a fly on the wall.  
  
It’s exhausting.  
  
However, Eren understands, even if it’s blatantly idiotic. He sees again that which had been clouded by his anger and desperation before they talked to Commander Erwin. The reason why he likes him, admires him beyond his abilities and accomplishments, why he constantly thinks about him in all sorts of embarrassing ways, and why he stopped being weirded out by his own thoughts concerning a superior that was at least ten years older than him the moment the Corporal offered Eren his support so determinedly.  
  
Not because of who he pretends to be, but who he actually is.  
  
Because he stood up for Eren without even knowing him, because he treats him like a human being, not a monster wearing human skin of which one should be always on the lookout for, because he’s taking care of him now even if it isn’t mandatory. Not by force. Not because he’s told to, but because he wants to.  
  
And Levi will only do what he feels like doing, even if everyone else claims that he’s been well tamed by the military.  
  
He’s not. Eren knows as much.  
  
And Hanji is absolutely right. Levi can exercise every existing fault when it comes to interpersonal relationships, but he is a kind person at heart, even if he does everything in his power for people to think the exact opposite.  
  
And it might be a terrible thought to be having, but Eren’s sure that the only reason why he’s somewhat accepting of his situation is because the child is Levi’s. Honestly, he can’t picture himself doing this with anybody else.  
  
Like Jean.  
  
What if he’d gotten stuck with someone like him? Even worse, what if the kid  _took_  after him, with a long and ugly horse-face like his?  
  
With a shudder, he pushes Jean out of his mind to focus instead on how the actual child could look like. Eren’s never been overly confident about his own appearance. He thinks he’s slender almost to the point of appearing weak, just shy of actually handsome, with his only remarkable trait possibly being the color of his eyes. Aside from that, he’s just average leaning on unnoticeable.  
  
He sincerely hopes the child takes after Levi.  
  
By his physical traits alone, Levi would fall around the same category, if Eren’s honest and leaves his feelings of adoration aside. But his hair is too dark, his skin too pale, his eyes too blue. His features are delicate, nice to look at when he’s not twisting them with annoyed frowns or fouling his mouth with his improper speech. In combination, that makes him pretty much deadly attractive. He might appear small, compared to the general standards, but he’s so very well proportioned, with a killer body, honestly speaking. And his voice, Eren will not even go there because he’s doing perfectly fine right now without sporting a massive erection when he should be worrying about highly more pressing matters.  
  
He’s got it bad, he realizes, looking away with a tingly feeling in his chest, grimacing.  
  
Hanji walks alongside Eren, but says nothing, immersed in her own thoughts. When they reach the main corridor, however, she turns to him and places a reassuring hand on his shoulder offering him a small smile and a tiny wink.

Nothing is said afterwards as she picks another direction and decidedly heads that way leaving Eren flushed and a little bit nervous, and most importantly, alone with the Corporal. His gaze travels back to him, to his stiff shoulders and quick pace, his idle fingers tapping an unknown sequence against his thigh.  
  
Eren doesn’t understand much, but Levi seems a lot tenser now than before the meeting, and he absorbs his anxiety like a dry cloth would a drop of water.  
  
“The Commander seemed pretty accepting of what’s happening.” He produces, weakly, walking a little bit faster to catch up with him.  
  
“He’s not.” The Corporal replies after a few seconds. “I can read right through his bullshit.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Let’s not talk about this here.” Levi replies. He’s not looking at Eren, but he doesn’t need to for him to understand that the subject must be dropped. “Let’s get some deliciously clean blankets.”

  
\--  
Eren would laugh if he hadn’t known he would be receiving a very painful slap to the back of his head by doing so. They’re outside the room where the clean laundry is stored, backs flush against the wall and Levi’s peeking inconspicuously beyond the door trying to determine if it’s safe to get inside right then.  
  
“Why don’t you just go in and take them? I’m sure those ladies wouldn’t argue with Humanity’s Strongest.” Levi awards him  _the look_. Remembering what Hanji had said about praising the Corporal, Eren’s sure grinning now.  
  
“I’m not going to bully them into giving me stuff.” The Corporal replies in a low voice as he glances back towards the door. “Besides, I was here earlier today. They’re sure going to be wondering what I’m doing back so soon.”  
  
Eren’s about to suggest to go get them himself, but the thought that he would probably only scare the poor ladies to near death stops him before he even makes a sound. Then Levi’s hand is flapping in the air before him.  
  
“They’re distracted. I’m going in.” He informs. “Stay here. Cover me.”  
  
Cover him? From  _what_  exactly? He thinks with a stunned expression. But Levi’s gone.  
  
Eren doesn’t wait long before he’s back, scurrying close to the floor like a quick and silent mouse, clothing cradled against his chest. Then Eren’s being pulled by the wrist as Levi breaks into a run away from the room. “Come on, hurry!”  
  
“W-what? Hey—!”  
  
The only thing he can do is try to keep up.  
  
They don’t get too far before Eren’s nearly collapsing against the nearest wall completely out of breath. Shaking Levi’s hand off his wrist, he then places that hand against his ribcage where it hurts slightly every time he inhales. “Wall fucking Maria, I can’t take another step.”  
  
“Don’t curse, Eren. That’s a terrible habit.” Levi reprimands eyeing him reprovingly to which Eren only snorts turning to rest his back against the wall. “You’re shitting me right now, aren’t you? How can you be tired? We couldn’t have run more than 90 feet.”  
  
Eren’s longest 90 feet, thank you very much.  
  
“Well I—” His words come out cropped between noisy pants. “Sorry.”  
  
“Fuck no. No sorries.” With an eyebrow raised, Levi’s awarding him a definitely judgmental look. “You might be physically compromised, but I’m not letting you rot right before my eyes. You’re starting on a suitable training plan first thing in the morning.”  
  
A groan is Eren’s only answer.  
  
“I’ll ask Hanji, she’ll probably come up with something that won’t endanger… you.” He accompanies his last word with a circling motion of his hand that encloses Eren a whole, kid and everything, and Eren grins when he rests his head back against the wall, exhausted, stealing a brief glance at Levi’s slightly disheveled hair and determining it looks perfect.  
  
Besotted, he’s seriously never had it worse.

  
\--  
The day goes by in a blur of events that Eren has trouble catching up with. He remembers training— that he didn’t participate in, obviously—, avoiding Mikasa and Armin’s concerned gazes, nearly attempting to scratch his eyes out of his sockets for being completely unable to detach his sight from the Corporal as he twirls and practically  _dances_  in the air. Then there was probably dinner, after very awkwardly waiting for Levi outside the showers.  
  
He thinks he nods off a few times in the middle of every single event, so when they finally make their way through that hidden path that Eren’s sure he’ll never learn from the dungeons to the Corporal’s room, he’s more relieved than he would care to admit.  
  
Under command, he changes into his nightclothes, making sure he folds his used clothes from that day into a neat pile lest he face Levi’s rage, then sits on the edge of the bed and blankly stares at nothing.  
  
Levi only rids himself of the straps of his uniform as he keeps pacing barefoot around the room like a caged animal, and Eren’s pretty sure that’s his fault, although he doesn’t actually have the strength to delve on that thought.  
  
“You’re about to pass out.” Levi directs at him, to which Eren only blinks in mild confusion. “Sleep.”  
  
Eren doesn’t need to be told twice. Laying back, he crawls until his head reaches the pillow and contently sinks into the sheets, sighing.  
  
With his nose pressed against the slightly stiff pillow, Eren tries hard to catch Levi’s scent off his bed. It’s useless, he knows, for the Corporal changed the sheets just that morning, but that fact isn’t at all weakening his efforts. It’s not even completely dark outside, and he didn’t do anything particularly exerting— running sprint in the morning aside— but his eyelids heave as he tries to stay awake out of respect more than anything, that restless last night taking its definite toll on him.  
  
The Corporal is now standing before him, with the white fabric of the clean sheets tightly grasped between his hands, eyeing the floor and grimacing like the mere thought of sleeping over it is revolting.  
  
“I don’t mind sleeping down there.” Eren says at last, feeling sorry for the Corporal. He’s ignored at first, but then Levi shakes his head, shifting his weight from his right leg to his left.  
  
“It just makes me very uncomfortable to place clean sheets over it, even though I scrubbed it today.” He says. “It’s unnatural. Why would I place clean sheets on the floor?”  
  
Shrugging, Eren rolls farther to one side. “You can also sleep with me, if you want.”  
  
Levi looks at him with a bored expression. “I sincerely hope that wasn’t a lame-ass attempt at flirting with me.”  
  
Blinking fast, Eren feigns confusion, but Levi only sighs, carefully places the clean sheets on the bed and sits by Eren’s feet, shoulders slouched and fingers rubbing tiredly at his brow.  
  
“Fuck, Eren.” And Eren wishes that had been an order. “I’m utter shit at talking, yeah?” He doesn’t actually wait for him to reply before he’s speaking again. “Let’s pretend I didn’t say anything.”  
  
At that Eren actually straightens up, all signs of tiredness wiped away from his features and instantly replaced instead by a deep frown. He was getting cold feet  _now_? The mere thought of actually having to start taking care of him was enough to change Levi's mind just like that? His fist clenches by his side, disgust appropriating of every thought concerning him, and Levi and his condition. He’d like to punch something. Hard. Preferably the Corporal’s face.  
  
“Don’t do this because of something related to me or what I said the other night.” Levi then produces, quietly. “I don’t expect you to understand my motives, and I’m not going to try to explain, either.”  
  
His sight is set somewhere on the sparkling clean tiles, and though he seems not to be paying attention, Eren guesses he’s very much aware of every shift of Eren's body, as his fist clenched just when Eren’s did, muscles ready to jump at the sight of aggression. But Eren’s merely confused right now, anger and disgust subdued for the moment.  
  
“But the decision rests with you.” The Corporal sighs, looking up to the ceiling. “The strain is and will continue being yours and whatever I can offer will probably not even begin to cover what will actually be necessary.”  
  
Levi steals a brief glance at him only to look away immediately after. “My reasons are my own, as yours belong only to you, but whichever they are, do not root them on me.”  
  
“Do you—” Eren tries, pauses, he’d like to look at Levi’s eyes to better define his true intentions, his emotions. “Do you want me to terminate this?”  
  
“Do  _you_?” He asks back. With careful movements, as not to startle Levi, Eren drives his knees to his chest to then extend them over the edge of the mattress, sitting by the Corporal’s side.  
  
“People have died before… because of my mistakes.” Eren whispers, hands tightly clasped between his knees. “I don't want this kid to die just because I made yet another one.”  
  
Levi nods, lips sucked into his mouth as he ponders on Eren’s answer.  
  
“But the Commander,” Eren presses, inquiry from before still going unanswered. “Do you think— does he want me to put an end to this?”  
  
Levi looks at him then, fixedly. His eyes scan various spots of his face until they reach Eren’s own. “Probably.”  
  
Wincing, Eren looks away.  
  
“He wouldn’t dare suggest it, though, unless one of us did it first. Get that he knows what’s happening only superficially. He doesn’t know whether there was something going on between us before, or how much you actually care about the kid. It’s not convenient for him to get either of us against him. He wants us on his side, so he’s going along with it.” Levi says with a low and composed voice. “I don’t know what his ulterior motives are, but we’ll, for now, play along cause it’s convenient for us, too.”  
  
Eren shifts uncomfortably by Levi’s side.  
  
“Don’t get me wrong, alright? I trust Erwin with my life.” The Corporal explains. “He’s actually noble to the bone, but also kinda twisted and he’s known for his unorthodox methods when trying to achieve goals.” He concludes, leaning back on his stretched arms, hands sinking slightly in the mattress. Eren is like a mirror, relaxing along with Levi’s posture.  
  
“So?” He ventures, tilting slightly towards Levi.  
  
“Nothing. He’s a patient man.” Levi says at last, but doesn’t delve in the affirmation, and Eren decides it better not to ask.  
  
Testing the waters, instead, he leans even closer to where Levi is, and when the Corporal doesn’t flinch away, Eren softly rests his temple against his shoulder as he mutters ‘I’m sorry’. The posture is slightly more uncomfortable than he’d imagined, but the fluttering in his chest doesn’t let him look beyond that.  
  
Levi snorts almost inaudibly. “Don’t tell me you’re the touchy-feely type.”  
  
“No.” Eren retorts. “That actually sort of creeps me out.”  
  
“Yeah, I get you.” Levi pushes on the side of his head to pry him away from him, but the gesture is far from hostile, a little playful, even. “Go the fuck to sleep.”  
  
“Yes, sir.”

 

\--

Even if Eren  _constantly_  insists, Levi keeps set on sleeping on the floor from then on, and though the younger soldier’s sleeping cycles definitely improve just by having the Corporal resting in the same room as him, he still determines that it would be ten times better if they slept together.  
  
Levi makes him wake up earlier than he was used to, especially since moving into the dungeons. He doesn’t let him laze around anymore and even calls him out on having lied to him about his morning sickness. Apparently, he had asked Hanji, and amid a dramatic coughing fit, she’d uncovered Eren who now deals how he can with his morning woods. The stealthy glances he shoots at his superior’s uncovered body, features serious as he focuses on dressing, do nothing but aggravate them, though, so he doesn’t even know why he still tries. Eren hasn’t touched himself in so long, he realizes with dread, but engaging in that at the moment would be just every kind of weird, since there would be nothing else in his mind than Levi and his multiple and enthralling aspects.  
  
Not that the Corporal isn’t a recurring thought in his head already, but Eren’s fine as he is without having to worry about feeling guilty because of his filthy ways and what he uses the— _mostly_ — honorable recollections he has of the Corporal for.  
  
Days, again, heavily turn into weeks.  
  
Eren does start on an incredibly lame fitness program that has him doing practically nothing but embarrass himself when other people stare. It’s even weirder because he insists on wearing enormous and loose shirts that make him look precisely like a joke. He’s also adopted a hunched over stand to try to dissimulate his abnormal belly, which doesn’t exactly help his case.  
  
Hanji more or less dissipates the strangeness by exercising with him, claiming that it is part of something that they’re working on concerning his titan powers to whoever stands there looking for too long. Wanting to die of embarrassment is an understatement after his daily 30-minute long routine, when he’s sweaty, hot and out of breath while Hanji looks as fresh and lively as if she hadn’t done a single thing.  
  
It’s only entertaining for the other recruits for the first few days, but they quickly lose interest, and Eren feels definitely better then.  
  
After his sessions, he usually stays by the field, observing the other recruits, but mostly Levi, of course. Eren discovers he gets especially giddy when the Corporal engages in hand-to-hand combat with the other veterans, far more specifically Mike. That is one sight to hold.  
  
Eren can barely follow their movements with his eyes, frowning whenever Levi's opponent manages to place a punch on him and grinning when it goes the other way around.  
  
He feels a certain kind of pride then, one that he will never admit out loud, at his decision of unreservedly admitting that he’s gone beyond normal boundaries when it comes to liking the Corporal. There couldn’t possibly be anyone else. Not like him.  
  
Besides that, he tries not to pay any mind to the oddities occurring to his body. Furthermore he’s ashamed of asking if some of the things happening to him are normal or not, so he mostly rationalizes that they are and pays them no mind.  
  
He remembers his father talking about dramatic mood swings being common in pregnant women because his mother always used to be incredibly amused by those stories, and though his father had always been a serious kind of man, when it concerned his wife, he made an effort to be funny, just for her. Eren smiles sadly at the memory, and wonders how his mom had felt when she’d discovered they were going to have him. They were probably ecstatic, unlike him, right now. But he pushes the thought aside before he starts to make pointless and disheartening comparisons and instead wonders if he’s been actually affected by mood swings.  
  
Perhaps slightly, although he could also blame his wavering emotions on the situation itself, everything from him being male to the burden of secrecy. Levi, and everything about him, being another powerful factor.  
  
So he’d snapped at Jean’s antics more frequently— everyone’s, really, but Eren’s made a point of blaming everything on Jean lately—, and constantly felt like bawling his eyes out, nothing serious. He’d heard much worse from his father, after all, so he considers he’s doing very well in that area.  
  
Aside from that, something noticeable is that his bladder has become a needy bitch that demands emptying almost as regularly as he needs to breathe, which is more annoying than anything.  
  
Though the dizziness in the mornings is definitely gone he still feels nauseated sometimes, especially when he stands for too long or in the presence of a particularly gross porridge. His lower back hurts, his nose feels constipated, his general mood is shitty and Levi’s still sleeping on the floor. His chest also feels funny and it’s probably just his imagination, but his pants feel tighter around his hips.  
  
Not one thing about that is even worth mentioning whenever Hanji has the nerve to ask.  
  
Except for Levi still sleeping on the floor, of course; a situation that should be resolved as fast as humanly possible.  
  
“Still?”  
  
“Yeah, every single night, even though I sometimes offer to switch with him.” Eren replies, trying to appear uninterested. Hanji knows better, of course.  
  
“I thought he would’ve given up by now.” She replies, resting her chin against her palm, sitting cross-legged by Eren's side and also staring at the Corporal stretching by the wall opposite them, not far away enough for Eren not to notice everything that should be noticed about Levi stretching.  
  
“What?” Eren nearly chokes. “I don’t want him sleeping  _with_  me.”  
  
“Yeah, no. I know, I know.”  
  
Therefore, Hanji makes it a personal goal to never let that spare bed reach Levi's quarters.

  
\--  
One morning, as Eren and Levi are in the middle of dutifully cleaning what has come to be Hanji’s office, the woman herself blasts through the door nonchalantly, closing it behind her after noticing it’s occupied. Her grimace turns into a smile brighter than the sun when she fixes her eyes on Eren.  
  
“It’s precisely you I was hoping I’d run into.” She claims, carelessly stepping over the still-damp tiles until she reaches the desk, where she perches upon. “Nawh, just kiddin’, Levi. I wanted to see you too, don’t make that jealous face.”  
  
Eren turns around, hoping to catch said expression on the Corporal’s face, but the man is as stoic as always, regarding Hanji with what appears to be all the patience in the world.  
  
“Ooh, I’m so energized today, I feel like I could talk for hours!” She claims, stretching her arms and legs around her to prove her point. Even after getting used to her general lively character, to Eren it looks like she’s trying a little bit too hard this time. “I’ve been thinking, you’re an odd little thing, aren’t you, Eren?”  
  
The alluded briefly glances at the door, wondering if he’d be able to make it there before Hanji beat him to it and definitely locked it. Levi seems to be thinking the exact same thing. “Why?” He asks instead.  
  
“Should I leave? I think I should.” Levi says, casually inching closer to the door.  
  
“No, no. Stay.” Hanji replies, fixing her gaze on him. “You can confirm my observations.”  
  
“So, Eren,” she continues, Eren visibly winces. “How long ago did you and Levi have sex, again?”  
  
“I’m leaving.” Levi sighs, resigned, turning right around to find the door purposefully locked. He tries the handle several times before groaning and turning back to glare at the woman. He’s just cleaned this room, he’s not messing it up by kicking the fucking door down.  
  
“I don’t know, it’s not like I mark the days away on a calendar since then or anything.” Eren replies, slight tone of annoyance to his voice.  
  
“Well, you should. How else are you going to know when you’re probably going to give birth to your gorgeous son or daughter?” She playfully chastises. “That’s been four months and three days, in case you were curious.” Hanji informs. Eren gets momentarily distracted by the sound of Levi abusing the handle of the door trying to force the lock open by sheer power of thought. So it’s been that long. No wonder he’s frying in his own sexual frustration. “Would you be so kind as to take off your shirt?”  
  
“Is it  _really_  necessary?” He asks, tone pleading, to which Hanji effusively nods.  
  
Reluctantly, ears blazing with embarrassment, Eren slowly peels the baggy shirt off his body as he’s learned it’s better to just go along with her. He feels a lot more naked than if he’d been wearing nothing but socks in the middle of the training field in a busy day, pre-pregnancy.  
  
“Would you say that’s a normal belly for someone four months into their pregnancy, Levi?”  
  
“How would I fucking know?” Levi snarls back. Eren doesn’t turn around, but he figures the Corporal’s frown is as deep as they go.  
  
“And you’re also nearly flat everywhere else. Since you didn’t exactly have breasts to begin with, I wasn’t expecting anything big and bouncy, but there’s practically no development at all.” Hanji goes on, ignoring the Corporal. “I wonder if you’ll be able to breastfeed.”

Eren doesn’t know how to reply, though he does know that the sole idea makes him all levels of uncomfortable. He hadn’t really noticed anything— aside from weird sensations that he didn't think had translated into anthying physical, but he did see his own chest every day, therefore the change might not be as evident to him as it could be for someone like Hanji, who was clearly more invested in his case. However, he decided not to share any of his personal expericnes on the matter, because he deffinitely wanted the subject to change as soon as possible.

“And your moods haven’t been fluctuating like you’re a drama queen one second and the devil the next, have they, Levi? No more than the usual, I mean.” Eren suspects Levi shakes his head by the way Hanji nods in his direction. “Well, I guess that’s better for everyone. Imagine if we had to deal with that! No offense, Eren.”

At this point, the younger soldier is starting to believe that Hanji is mostly having a conversation with herself, but he still shrugs anyway, as if saying ‘none taken’ and remains silent.

“You’ve really started to show in this past month, haven’t you?” She produces, eyes skidding over his belly. “Have you started to perceive movements from the baby?”  
  
He wants to say no, but now that she actually mentions it, maybe he has. “How… how’s that supposed to feel?”  
  
Hanji closes one eye in what seems to be a bit of a painful gesture which immediately transforms into a grin. “At first it would feel like the soft batter of the wings of a butterfly. Or like a very faint and tender tapping from within. Or like gas, perhaps you can better relate to that, something like that.”  
  
“I don’t think so.” Eren produces weakly. He’d have to pay more attention. Most of the time he tries to pretend that nothing freaky is going on with him and rationalization has become his best friend lately, so he can’t possibly be sure about anything at this point. Levi exhales nosily from behind him in what Eren doesn’t know how to interpret, so he has to look back. The Corporal’s eyebrow twitches constantly as he tries to keep a blank expression.  
  
“Hm? Yeah, I guess it’s a bit early for that, even if the size of your body seems to say otherwise. You absolutely have to let me know when that happens, though!” Hanji chirps delightedly. “You will let me feel that, won’t you? Oh, Maria, imagine if it’s more than one! It’s going to be a battlefield in there!”  
  
Both Levi and Eren gape at her.  
  
“I’m just saying, by the size of that belly.” She tries to explain. Uneasiness settles in Eren’s chest at that. “What if it’s normal for you to have more than one child? How cool would that be? Like a litter of cute little Lerens.”  
  
“Lerens?”  
  
“ _Litter_?” Levi’s voice overpowers Eren’s, and he stomps forward, looking something close to desperate. Elatedly, Hanji nods in agreement.  
  
“You should totally name one of them Leren! That’s with one ‘e’, by the way, even if it sounds like it has two, because  _Le_ -vi,  _Le_ -ren, right? And, besides, it doesn’t look nice written down with two ‘e’s.” A pout barely gets to appear on Hanji’s lips before Levi reaches her and places his hands heavily on her shoulders.  
  
“Focus here, how many?”  
  
“Shush, shush, Levi” Hanji coos. “That’s only a theory. A very unlikely one, at that. Maybe it’s completely normal for him to look like that, he’s male— or  _kinda_  male— after all.”  
  
Eren slumps at that.  _Kinda_  male? Hanji should be given classes on how not to make people feel awkward when talking to them.  
  
“And he’s very lean, so it’s probably just an optical illusion or something. Also, I’m probably just screwing around with you guys ‘cause it’s so fun to look at your faces of pure terror.” A potent laugh follows her statement. “But that wasn’t what I wanted to tell you at all.” Hanji proceeds, peeling Levi’s hands away from her. “I’ve been talking to Erwin.”  
  
Eren takes an involuntary step back, as does Levi, squinting.  
  
“It’s funny because since he stopped insisting to get a go-ahead from the higher ups, they started to suggest that an expedition be organized. He wanted to know if I thought transforming would be safe for you, Eren.” Hanji tries to smile, although it comes out more like a sheepish and weak grin. “I’m just giving you guys a heads-up for when he decides to talk to you. I’m, of course, no expert. I don’t even know if your development is normal or when you’ll be due beyond rough and baseless speculations. I’m hoping that since both the pregnancy and the titan shifting are natural aspects to your being, maybe… you’ll be safe.”  
  
Hanji’s voice loses her impetus after her rambling, drying out into a pained whisper. “Ah, shit. I promised myself I wouldn’t—” She looks away, and Eren does too when he notices her eyes glinting with what are probably tears.  
  
In order to keep himself occupied, he slides his shirt back on, steps back a little farther. That’s when he notices Levi’s pointed look and the slight shake of his head in the direction on the door.  
  
“Where’s the key? Eren’s running late for lunch,” Levi whispers, setting a hand on her trembling shoulder. Nodding, Hanji fishes a key from the front pocket of her jacket and extends her hand in Eren’s direction.  
  
“Of course, you must be hungry, too, Levi. Go on, I’ll catch up.” She produces, trying to keep her emotions from reaching her words and failing miserably. Then Eren takes the key and steps outside, feeling terribly sorry and a little put out. The last thing he hears before closing the door behind him is Hanji’s choked voice.  
  
“And if you have a litter?”  
  
“Even if that doesn't happen, you’ll get to take care of a creepy little Leren, Hanji.” Levi softly replies in his comforting voice, one that Eren’s heard before.  
  
He leaves before the reason why she’s so worked up completely sinks in.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m an imperceptive little doofus and for the longest time I was so sure the manga implied somewhere that Eren was seventeen. Like, I remember him telling someone that he had lived in his hometown until he was forced to leave –because titans, I guess- when he was twelve, so umh. UMH. I always had trouble adapting to him being fifteen afterwards.*shrugs* Anyway…

An overall feeling of uneasiness settles deep in his gut as he steps into the dining hall as quietly as he can manage. He would’ve rather gone to Levi’s room than be here on his own, out on the open and exposed, and even if for a fleeting second he’s about to turn right around and wait instead by Hanji’s office, he keeps in mind that the Corporal had made a point of implying Eren would be here. If he decided to look for him afterwards, Eren supposes the Corporal will look in the dining hall first.

Deciding it wiser to sit far away from the rest of the soldiers, Eren makes his way to an unoccupied half-secluded table by the main door. That is, of course, when Armin spots him and makes beckoning motions to get him to approach their table, careful not to be too overenthusiastic as to avoid unwanted attention from their superiors.  
  
Figuring he has no other choice but to appear extremely suspicious, Eren moves towards them apprehensively. He’s quick to sit down once he reaches the table without particularly greeting anyone.  
  
“Well, look who’s decided to forego his master for one day.” Jean sing-songs as he points an accusing fork in Eren’s direction. “Does it feel weird to not have your leash on for once?”  
  
“Not now, Jean.” Eren says, almost dejectedly. The matter of leaving turns into a very serious consideration. Although he won’t do it without stabbing the bastard in the eye with that fork first, of course. He hears the characteristic sound of a well placed slap and a loud ‘ouch!’ before a furl of concern sets by his left. He finds himself staring into Mikasa’s dark orbs as she equally looks into his, with both her hands firmly holding his face. It almost feels like she’s going to kiss him, so he forcefully bats her hands away as a deep blush tints his cheeks.  
  
“Eren,” Mikasa produces concernedly.  
  
“Y-yeah?”  
  
“You don’t look good. Have you been crying?” Her hand softly settles atop his forearm, squeezing lightly and Eren curses under his breath. Why does she have to ask him embarrassing questions in front of everyone? Wait— he lifts his hand quickly to his eyes, expecting to find them wet. Had he actually  _been_  crying?  
  
Fortunately, they are dry. “Of course not. What are you talking about?”  
  
But she looks unconvinced as she shares a meaningful glance with Armin.  
  
“You,” Mikasa raises her voice, addressing the other recruits at the table who had been quietly but curiously witnessing the exchanges. “Go away.”  
  
Jean seems at the verge of protesting when Connie tugs on his sleeve, then he detects Mikasa’s death glare and is quick to leave before any other part of his anatomy gets compromised. They’re not even far enough to not hear them when Mikasa speaks again.  
  
“What’s going on? What are they doing to you?”  
  
Eren’s eyes go from one of his friends to the other repeatedly, until they set on his lap and he rummages inside his brain for an answer that could turn out to be halfway satisfactory. He knows it’s probably futile since whatever he could come up with would undoubtedly make them worry, anyway.  
  
“Nothing.” He produces weakly. Right now, he thinks, this is the last thing he needs. Distressing about what to say to his best friends should not even be happening. He has to worry over his incoming transformation, about whether or not he’ll be able to pull it off and if that’s going to put him or the kid at risk. It would be so much  _easier_  if they knew, he suddenly thinks. “I’m just tired.”  
  
“I can tell by the size and shade of those bags under your eyes.” Mikasa agrees. She’s still tense and anxious, her fingers curling and straightening with the urge to touch Eren again. “What are they forcing you to do to get you like this?”  
  
“We’ve,” Eren starts, but pauses. He’s not sure of what to tell them at all. Armin’s kept quiet, but by the way his eyes are scanning him, Eren can tell he’s already going through tons of potential explanations. After not long, he opts for trying with an incomplete version of the truth, if only because he can’t come up with anything more elaborate.   
  
“I’m going to have to transform. I'm still not sure if I can control it and, uh... After what happened last time..." He steals a sheepish glance at Mikasa before continuing. "That’s… kept me from sleeping very well, lately.” He looks severely at both of them, then, whose expressions seem blank for a moment before exploding in very different kinds of emotions. Armin looks slightly disturbed, worried. Mikasa is displaying her version of deep frowning and angry concern as her fists clench over her lap.  
  
“I wasn’t supposed to tell you.” Eren whispers in what he hopes sounds a bit like guilt.  
  
“Of course,” Armin concedes, voice low. “When is this happening?”  
  
To that, Eren shrugs, shaking his head. Meaningfully, he sets his eyes first on Armin, then on Mikasa, where he keeps them. “Soon, I guess.”  
  
They both nod in agreement, each submerged in their own thoughts. Eren can’t believe his luck at his poor excuse of an explanation settling his friends’ curiosity for a bit, even if he does feel slightly at fault for having them worry. It hits him suddenly that it’s terrible enough, what he’s just told them, only that his point of view is clearly biased since the most important bit, that thing he’s kept covert, happens to be the worst of it all. Of course they would consider the matter upsetting, however, looking at the whole picture, it’s the least to be concerned about.  
  
Although… what if he told them?  
  
What if he shared his burden with them?  
  
They were the people he was closest to in the entire world and suddenly it feels like such a terribly selfish thing to do to keep something so important from the friends who’ve done nothing but take care of him, as he’s taken care of them. With whom he’s shared the most painful moments of his life. They’ve always stood up for each other. Why would they neglect him now, when he most needs them?  
  
Holding tightly on to that thought, he reaches for Mikasa’s hand, now limp over her thighs and definitely looks away when she questioningly glances back at him. By the corner of his eye, he determines Armin’s not looking at them, but beyond their figures, although he doesn’t have the sense to follow his gaze.  
  
“There’s something else…” He begins, hands trembling as he guides her fingers to his body, determined to show her, instead, for he’s certain that he’s never going to manage formulating the words necessary to explain something like this.  
  
“Jaeger.” Eren jumps, letting go of Mikasa’s hand like it had painfully burned his skin and looks up to find Levi staring right back at him with the beginnings of a powerful glare already on the making. The Corporal does look from his still outstretched hands to Mikasa’s to then lift an eyebrow, expression unreadable. “Let’s go.” And he turns right around.  
  
“Y-yes, sir!” Eren says, fumbling to get to his feet. As he tries to extract one of his legs from below the table and over the bench as quickly as possible, he nearly loses his balance, and in order to avoid falling over, he leans backwards, completely stretches as the front of his body pushes outwards and his hand finds the edge of the table. His clothes do nothing to conceive his figure. Hastily, he reassumes his stooped posture and discreetly looks at his friends.  
  
Mikasa’s still staring at her hand.  
  
Armin’s eyes are wide open, mouth hanging slightly.  
  
Well, Eren thinks as he expressively squints in his friend’s direction, that’s one way to find out.  
  
That was sure going to give Armin something to think about.

 

\--

Levi refuses to tell Eren anything about Hanji beyond ‘She’s fine now’. Inadvertently, he does formulate his own theories in his head, even if he tries not to delve on them too much as that clearly messes with his already conflicted emotions. In the end, he decides to convince himself that she’s just concerned because she’s grown attached to Eren and the baby. She had bawled for hours on end when her disgusting pet-titans had gotten killed, so, to Eren, his conclusion fits perfectly.  
  
When Levi and him are alone— which is most of the time, lately, to Eren’s great pleasure yet utmost tragedy for the clear lack of interesting events— they’re generally quiet. The scraping of pen on paper as Levi goes over some documents and takes notes helps Eren reach a state of near relaxation, despite all that’s happened as of late. Everything outside of that room suddenly feels incredibly distant when he’s sitting close to the Corporal, quietly enjoying his casual display of trivialities. Breathing, writing, shifting, even blinking. Watching his eyes carefully skid over yellowish sheets of paper, fingers barely touching them, curled loosely. Eren’s sure his superior can feel his gaze over him as he studiously observes him somewhere close to what Eren could call hypnotically, but he never looks up or comments on it.  
  
It’s slightly unsettling for Eren to be positively certain that Levi’s more than aware of how big an influence he is in Eren life, even if he doesn’t quite catch to the creepy and improper extent of it. Or perhaps he does, which would explain why he’s still so reluctant to share a bed with him at night, even when it rains and the Corporal’s improvised bed on the floor soaks right through.  
  
Eren then directs his sight to the wide open window by the left wall. The sky looks back at him dismally, displaying a somber spectrum of nothing but grey and white, depressing even when Eren loves the rain. It’s silly, but he likes to think that it carries a bit of the world outside with it. He revels in the thought that the clouds that nestled those droplets for so long have seen everything there is to see away from the walls, and he feels a little bit less bitter with the consideration of bathing in bits and parts of his nearly unreachable dream. He hopes it rains again tonight, peaceful and soothingly like it had for the past few days.  
  
When Eren decides to look back at Levi, small conceding smile on his lips, he nearly jumps in surprise as he detects cold and unsettling eyes levelly fixed on him. The Corporal squints, appraising him before returning his gaze to the file he’d been reading.  
  
“What were you doing?”  
  
Eren blinks slowly, surprised to be addressed at all.  
  
“Umh— just looking out the window?” He says, rubbing under his eye. “Looks like it’ll rain again tonight.”  
  
Levi mutters angrily under his breath. “Let’s hope not, I’d really like to sleep on a dry wannabe bed for once.” He replies with a slight tone of annoyance, still avoiding Eren’s gaze. “That’s not what I was asking.”  
  
“Hm?” Eren carefully observes Levi’s features trying to guess at his intentions, even if his face remains completely blank and devoid of clues. “What, then?”  
  
The Corporal fixes his eyes on him once more, severe yet not frighteningly so. Still, Eren flinches under the sudden overflow of attention. “Earlier.”  
  
After a few tense seconds, his eyes widen with recognition, eyebrows rising. Oh, about Mikasa and Armin and how he so uncaringly had been about to let them on to his situation? Of course Levi would be pissed about it. He didn’t know his friends like Eren did, and so he had no reason to trust them. A powerful blush settles on Eren’s face out of embarrassment at having disregarded Levi’s very important opinion on the matter. Before he can reply, however, Levi looks back down, uneasily tapping the documents between his hands against the table to arrange them into a neat set.  
  
“Never mind.” He produces, disinterestedly. “Not my call.”  
  
“No, I mean— ” Eren tries. “I should’ve talked to you about it first. I wasn’t thinking clearly, I mean, I just wanted… I don’t even know what I was trying to do.”  
  
Levi nods. “It’s not like you need my permission. When it comes to that you’re free to do as you please, you owe me nothing even if you stupidly think you do. Be careful with what you’re doing, though.” Levi’s voice sounds purposefully more vacant than it usually does, and Eren wonders at the reason behind it, marveling, at the same time, at his ability to determine what to others could easily be a nearly imperceptible detail about the Corporal. “You should tell her about the kid before it goes any further.”  
  
Of course, Eren thinks, before his condition is so noticeable that he won’t be able to cover it up even if he crawls everywhere wearing a saggy nightgown.  
  
“I don’t know.” Eren doubts, rubbing his knuckles against his mouth. “Do you think I should?”  
  
Levi breathes in profoundly, as if he were attempting to gather all of his available patience before responding. “I’m no one to tell you what to do with your life. I think you’re old enough to be making that sort of decisions yourself.”  
  
Eren’s mouth twists slightly, a frown faintly setting over his features. Something feels quite off about their conversation.  
  
“Well, if you really do not mind, then I’m telling them both.”  
  
Levi’s head jerks upright at that, eyeing him disbelievingly. “ _Them_?”  
  
“Yeah, Armin too.” Eren replies. “He’s as important to me as Mikasa is. I can’t just leave him out.”  
  
After blinking slowly a few times, Levi finally finds it in himself to answer. “Are we talking about the same thing here? ‘Cause if we are, I’m gonna start thinking that you’re slightly more damaged than I had originally suspected. Not that I particularly care, kid. I mean, whatever floats your boat.”  
  
Eren stares at him unblinkingly, confusion coiling around his thoughts. They had been talking about breaking the news to his friends, right?  
  
“Yes?” He wonders, falters as he takes in Levi’s annoyed glare. “Maybe? I don’t know. I thought we were talking about telling Mikasa and Armin that I’m—” He motions towards his body in a telling indication to which the Corporal only massages his temples forcefully.  
  
“Why do you need to play fucking stupid at everything?”  
  
Deciding to ignore the resentment he suddenly experiences, Eren disregards Levi’s rhetorical question. “What did you think we were talking about?”  
  
“Forget it.” The Corporal replies, recurring again to that perfected tactic of neglecting Eren’s existence.  
  
“I have the feeling I’m missing out on something.” Eren says, slowly, hands sliding forward over the even surface of the desk until his fingers brush against the top of Levi’s documents. It serves perfectly in means of recovering his superior’s exasperated attention.  
  
“No shit.” But Levi still sounds apathetic. “You fail to notice half the things going on around you. It completely beats me how you’ve managed to stay alive for this long.”  
  
Eren replays the conversation in his mind. They had been talking about Mikasa, at least their versions apparently coincided in that detail. When Levi had appeared at their table… Eren had been holding her hand. Realization dawns on him as his eyes widen in surprised amusement.  
  
“ _Oh._  Corporal, did you think I wanted to have a romantic relationship with Mikasa  _and_  Armin?”A broad grin spreads across Eren lips when Levi shrugs one shoulder with too much disinterest to appear casual. Spot on. “We’re like siblings! That’s disgusting!”  
  
“I didn’t say it, you did.” Levi defends himself, pulling the documents away from Eren’s prying and dirty fingers. “Besides, should you really be saying ‘disgusting’? That’s sort of hypocritical coming from a guy who rejoices in having dicks shoved up his dirty ass.”  
  
“I don’t like shoving anything up my ass!”Eren hisses, fists clenching. “I know you really like to imply that my masculinity is—”  
  
“What masculinity, Eren?” Levi interrupts before he can finish his statement, a haughty smirk tugging at his lips. “You’re pregnant.”  
  
Eren crosses his arms, indignation and embarrassment boiling in his blood as he glares in the direction of the window.  
  
The sky seems undeniably darker. Good. He hopes it rains harder than ever tonight because Levi definitely fucking deserves a drenched bed.

  
\--  
Eren is harshly brought back to consciousness by the loud sound of a cannon blast. Jerking upright, he immediately scans the room for any sign of an immediate menace, however, the darkness reigning in the room is absolute.

White light suddenly filters through the cracks of the woodened windows in rapid flashes. A few seconds later, the whole room seems to rumble low and dangerous like the roar of rabid titan. He can hear the stomping, feel the vibrations from their heavy footsteps as they beat the ground.  
  
More cannons strike the natural silence of a moonless night and Eren nearly collides with Levi’s chest as he tries to jump out of bed.  
  
“It’s the fucking rain, Jaeger, hold your horses.” The Corporal says, voice muffled by the insistent pounding of the wood of the windows against the frames and the— now evident— steady blowing of the wind, scratching noises from the water pouring from the sky. Eren feels like his heart beats in his throat, nearly choking him. He doesn’t even notice he’d been clutching Levi’s nightshirt until the Corporal patiently peels his hands away from him.  
  
“You’re scared of thunderstorms?” It might be that Eren’s still pretty shaken, however he doesn’t find the question mocking, but rather curious. He shakes his head, and then realizes Levi probably can’t see him very well in that darkness.  
  
“I-I thought— that sounded like cannons.” Eren stutters, collapsing upon the bed in a kneeling position. Levi releases his hands, and Eren misses their warmth immediately.  
  
“The thing that I absolutely despise the most about this fucking room is how the fucking water will always find a way to somehow slip through the cracks of the fucking window and soak the whole fucking floor.” Levi growls from within the darkness. Eren can guess his general position by the direction his voice reaches him from, which is close to the window. Then he defines the silhouette of his body when another bolt of lightning falls from the clouds, mercilessly striking the ground. He cringes as he waits for the howl of its defeat to reach the room. It takes him almost by surprise.  
  
“Fuck these sheets.” Levi says. “Be good for something and stop the stupid-ass rain from further inundating my room, useless pieces of shit. Thank you.” Eren thinks he sees the Corporal bending down, placing the sheets below the window, then stepping back and being engulfed by darkness once more.  
  
Eren senses his presence again when the bed creaks and dips by his left. “Fuck you, move aside.” Then a hand roughly pushes him and there’s a body, firm and real and warm right there with him.  _Finally_.  
  
“The hems of my pants are all wet. Fuck this, fuck the rain, fuck it all. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Levi keeps muttering as Eren feels definite shifting on the bed, and maybe he’s imagining it because the dense downpour muffles a lot of the sounds coming from Levi, but he’s pretty sure he hears the shuffling of clothing. He’s removing his pants. He’s going to sleeping with Eren  _in his underwear_.  
  
Bless the rain.  
  
Without knowing if the originating cause is the thunderstorm or Levi’s near naked closeness, Eren’s heart still pounds incessantly in his ribcage as he lays back down. Guiltily, he enjoys not rolling all the way to the edge when Levi heavily plops down facing the ceiling next to him. His shoulder faintly touches the back of Eren’s hand, and the younger soldier is certainly half asleep because he feels a gentle tingling there that extends throughout his arm and directly reaches his chest.  
  
“Come  _on_ , don’t  _breathe_  on my face.” The Corporal says, and Eren finds himself being rolled over, pushed by Levi’s strong hands. Frustration sets firmly in his muscles as he curls up, although he refuses to give the Corporal more room. He feels the man also roll onto his side, again with his back facing Eren’s. With a deflated sigh, Eren closes his eyes, however, drowsy as he is, he doesn’t give much thought to Levi’s hostility and promptly feels how sleep crawls its way back into his body, making his reality unstable, and those distant thunders do sound like cannons, do sound like angry stomping as titans breach the walls and close in on them. One’s right outside the room, puffing its humid and putrid breath inside and its fist strikes against the wood of the windows. Roaring. The cannons.  
  
He jolts into full awareness once more, legs kicking everywhere in his fright, the vibrations of the loud thunder still palpable in the air around him. Levi shifts behind him.  
  
“For fuck’s sake, Eren. Are you for real?” He wonders, tiredly, but Eren’s unable to respond when he feels warmness wash over his back, comfortably settling there against his body. “There. I’m right here, alright? Sleep.”  
  
The tone of Levi’s voice is low and comforting, calm, his back flush against Eren’s. One of his feet slides to the sole of the younger soldier’s, pressing firmly, the other sets above his ankles, locking him in place. “Kick me once more and I swear to you Imma give you hell.” His warmness seeps beyond Eren’s skin, into his muscles, reaching every part of him like it’s his own blood burning through his veins.  
  
And how can Eren stay angry at him when Levi insists on shifting his perception so effortlessly? There is absolutely nothing he can do about his absurd feelings, about being so lost in a consuming sentiment nothing else quite registers in his mind with clarity. Levi keeps on acting like that, on proving to Eren time after time that he’s more than Eren could ever want, could ever need. That struggling against this ardor is pointless when he doesn’t want to let go, when he’d rather never abandon the perfect scenario where he’s found what some thrive to find throughout their lives.  
  
And he’s found it. And if only he was good enough for Levi to think likewise.

 

\--

He wakes up before Levi does, for once. He does because his feet are cold, also, his nightshirt rolled up as he shifted in his sleep and a humid chilly breeze mercilessly bites at his lower back. Somehow, the sheets had mysteriously disappeared from above his body, again, which he perfectly remembers having happened the last time he had slept with the Corporal, too. However, when he opens his eyes, he doesn’t dare try to retrieve the blanket, or move, for that fact, and the small discomforting details become absolute irrelevant matters as he finds himself able to stare from up close at Levi.  
  
The lock of the window must’ve unbolted because of the storm at some point during the night, and though Eren curses mentally at the coldness slipping in through it, he will be forever grateful too, for the faintest amount of light also manages to filter inside.  
  
Eren thinks it’s utterly unfair for someone to look that good while sleeping. Graceful is not an adjective he would’ve used to describe someone well beyond the point of awareness. Peaceful, yes. Serene, of course. But  _graceful_? It’s ridiculous. It’s ridiculous with the way Levi lays on his back, his face turned towards him and his right arm bent at the elbow, his curled fingers barely touching his forehead. Eren knew Levi's eyelashes were thick and abundant because they played the optic illusion of framing his eyes like he purposefully outlined them in black, however, the length, width and amount of them bordered on unreasonable. Who did he think he was? With his pretty eyelashes and gorgeous irises of a shade of blue that could easily pass as silver under the adequate light.  
  
A small whimper leaves him as his eyes skid lower, to the Corporal’s lips. Eren had only kissed them a grand total of two or three times, he’s not even sure, and right now he regrets the fact that he had paid no attention when that had happened at all. It isn’t exactly his fault, he reflects. Kissing had been on the bottom of his list of goals as he’d stripped Levi of morals and restraint. Nonetheless, at the present time, he’s become a bit of a hopeless romantic, and kissing has proudly stepped up to one of the highest spots in his ladder of priorities.  
  
And yes, even if it turns his ears an unhealthy red color, he will admit that he’s imagined himself kissing the Corporal, softly, steadily; gradually picking up on intensity as they melt into each other and the sensation of—  
  
But then a rough hand is pressing against his face, pushing him away and the mattress whines in protest when Levi moves upon it.  
  
“What did I tell you about breathing on my face, bitch?” His voice is still rasp with disuse right before he clears his throat. “Do you have any idea of how  _creepy_  it is to wake up to some damned freak staring at you like it’s not abnormal?”  
  
“I’m sorry, sir.” Eren sighs once Levi’s fingers have stopped digging into his face.  
  
“Like hell you are.” The Corporal is already up and about and ready to start another monotonous day. Also, he’s slipping his pants back on, and Eren has the good sense of holding back a groan of disappointment. “Get up.”  
  
Eren had asked Levi about the covert room with the bathtub at some point, and it still amuses him how Levi had kept its existence secret to the rest of the soldiers to be able to enjoy of a clean and comfortable place while indulging in one of the most important aspects of the day without having to be surrounded by idiots and their filthy ways. Levi hadn’t known, of course, that it would serve the better purpose of helping Eren keep the matter of his pregnancy undisclosed. It’s more than convenient.  
  
Lately, the Corporal has taken to boiling up some water beforehand to mix with the freezing one from the faucet so that they both don’t die in a hypothermic lethargy as the weather and the water both get colder and colder.  
  
Levi still has no sense of shame, Eren concludes. At first Eren had thought he liked to show off— since, well, he  _could_ — but he’s come to understand that for the Corporal, nakedness is nothing more than the redundancy of bodies without clothing, with no other social connotations attached. Even though he probably doesn’t understand the reasons behind leaving someone to their own business while taking a bath, Levi does know from social experience that is considered rude— and a little bit unsettling, honestly— to just casually remain around without any particular purpose while someone strips or dresses, even if the courtesy doesn’t exactly extend to Eren. Also, he couldn’t care less if Eren is or not present when he rids himself of clothing, or pats his skin dry with a worn out (yet squeaky-clean) rag, or carefully pulls on his undergarments, adjusts his pants, shirt and straps and then waits inside the room while Eren wishes the water were colder because how else is he going to get rid of his erection if the Corporal distracts and enthuses him with such behavior to just remain  _there_  afterwards?  
  
Eren may have suggested once that he’d really appreciate it if he could have some alone time, to which Levi had raised an eyebrow, unfazed, and told Eren that he could find a place he didn’t share with Levi to jack off to his heart’s content. He never dared ask again.  
  
It’s not like he pays Eren any mind, either way. He’ll just study his short and blunt nails, or his shiny boots, or arrange his cravat neatly around his neck and smooth out the creases of his jacket while Eren gets ready, his eyes never focusing on him, not even by mistake.  
  
“So you never get aroused?” Eren asks today. Partially because he wants to annoy Levi to the point of making him leave the room, and also because the bothersome and dull pain by his lower regions has made him somewhat curious in a categorically lewd way. It isn’t his fault at all, he tries to convince himself. It’s not like he actually asked Levi to share a bed with him the night before and he also doesn’t remember demanding Levi to bathe before him.  
  
“Excuse me?” Levi nearly chokes, eyes shooting towards Eren, who glances over his shoulder back at him.  
  
“You know. Umh… I mean since you don’t like anything or anyone. I’m just curious.” He presses, sliding the soap over his arm as he tries to disguise his interest. “Do you even get morning woods?”  
  
Levi tries to keep a stoic expression, even if his left eyebrow trembles faintly. “You should know that’s got nothing to do with actual desire. Are you done yet?”  
  
“But does it always go away? Or do you sometimes have to, you know, take the matter into your own hands?” Eren’s not looking at him, a deep blush set over his cheeks. He’s the king of awkwardness, he realizes, but he wishes it’s enough to drive Levi away for at least five minutes.  
  
“I’m not a fucking seventeen-year-old hormone driven freak like you, Jaeger.” Eren snorts in embarrassment, sinks low with the excuse of scrubbing his leg. “What’s with your crudeness, lately?”  
  
“How do you know I’m seventeen?” Eren wonders instead, and this time his interest is real. Which actually was a really dumb question, now that he thinks about it. It wasn’t as if the matter of his age was an actual secret.  
  
“Everyone who’s read your file knows you’re seventeen.” Levi replies like it’s the most obvious conclusion in the history of conclusions. It probably is.  
  
“But how reliable are those files, even?” Eren says then, playful. “I could’ve lied, you know?”  
  
“Sina, please tell me you’re not younger than seventeen.”At this the Corporal’s voice actually falters slightly, his eyebrows drawing together as he adopts a disgusted expression.  
  
“Why? ‘Cause that’d make you an actual pervert? It’s kinda wrong to just stay in the room while a kid half your age bathes, hm?” Eren leans back on the edge of the tub, head hanging as he stares at his superior. Levi rubs his forehead in frustration.  
  
“Are you implying I’m thirty-four?”  
  
“No,” Eren answers calmly. “I would if I were seventeen.” The younger soldier grins mischievously, goes on. “On your looks alone I’d say you’re a bit older than twenty, but those wrinkles around your eyes… You have to be at least fifty. Is that gray hair?”   
  
Levi raises an eyebrow, unmoved. “You done yet?”  
  
“No, my raging fifteen-year-old hormones prevent me from being anywhere near done.” Eren’s not sure how his voice doesn’t quaver at that, but he figures desperate times call for desperate means.

  
“You’re disgusting.” And, yes, the Corporal’s face is a clear display of how much repugnance Eren’s notion actually causes him.  
  
“Says the one spying on young kids as they undress and run their hands all over their—”  
  
However, Levi interrupts him before he’s even done thinking the rest of that statement. “I get it, you repulsive little shit. Clean up after your fucking mess. Fuck, I’m never bathing in that damn tub again.” With that, he storms out of the room, door slamming behind him.  
  
Eren tries to be as quiet as he can manage as he strips his cock with short and rough movements of his trembling hand. When he comes in spurts of blinding pleasure, he consciously mutters ‘Levi’ low and hot and desperately, enjoying the embarrassment that spreads across his chest as the name rolls freely, naturally from his lips like it is all he should be saying ever again. Shaking all over, he wishes he had a bit more of self control, even if he’s not entirely displeased at the outcome of his idiotic tactic.  
  
The Corporal can’t— or rather won't— hold his gaze after the event.

 

\--  
Eren hadn’t seen much of his friends recently since their schedules often didn’t coincide with the Corporal’s. Sometimes he spotted them around the training field, or caught them leaving the dining hall as he entered. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed them until the day before, so when they step inside the dining hall and he detects Armin and Mikasa still in the middle of breakfast, he turns to the Corporal and silently pleads for his permission to sit with them. Levi still looks disturbed, so he doesn’t even pretend to try to object.  
  
As Eren’s sight encounters Armin’s, the blond boy scans his body, his eyes fixing around his abdominal area more than strictly necessary to then fix a questioning gaze on him. Eren nods, quietly, to which Armin’s eyebrows rise with the clear question of ‘How?’ written all over his features. A quick motion with his hand signaling ‘Later’ is Eren’s all answer, and even when Armin doesn’t press any further, Eren can tell by his determined expression that he’s going to have to explain as soon as the two are alone.  
  
Fortunately, the chances of that happening are very limited.  
  
Mikasa seems more than delighted with Eren’s presence, displaying a faint and sufficient smile as conversation between the members at the table unfolds easily. Even Jean is fairly tolerable today.  
  
Sometimes Eren will glance back at where Levi sits to find him silently seeping some sort of infusion, eyes fixed on him. The Corporal doesn’t look away for a while every time, until he’s purposefully squinted in discontent. Then, and only then, will he turn his sight to something else. Eren doesn’t quite know how to interpret this, and even if he tells himself it’s rather stupid to think that Levi could be jealous, he wishes with all his clearly misaimed might that that could be the reason.  
  
If he voluntarily leans into Mikasa when she again starts to examine him with the intent of Hanji inspecting a titan, he will of course try to deny that he was attempting to empower Levi’s—unconfirmed, he has to remind himself— feeling.  
  
The next time Eren looks at Levi, however, his heart sinks, whole body tensing as uneasiness once more makes of his chest its home.  
  
Erwin has approached him and they discuss something in what appears to be a serious and overwrought manner. At some point, both their gazes travel to Eren for a brief instance, and the void he feels in his belly is enough to make his hands tremble slightly.  
  
Commander Erwin steps away, his hand clutching Levi’s shoulder firmly before turning around. At this point, Eren notices his whole table has gone quiet as they all shift their gazes from him to where the exchange had taken place. Levi doesn’t even have to motion for Eren to approach before the young soldier is already skidding towards him, a tight knot constricting his throat.  
  
They don’t wait outside of Erwin’s office this time. When they arrive, the door is open, and the man invites them inside with a polite nod of his head.  
  
Again, Eren finds himself sitting in front of the Commander as Levi stands guard behind him. Apparently he’s forgotten all his discomfort from before, since he now has no trouble with touching him. Eren won’t complain.  
  
He remains quiet for the most part of the meeting, and even when he’s set on paying attention, his thoughts wander apart easily as he tries to digest what’s being said.  
  
Supreme Commander Darius Zacklay demands immovable proof of Eren’s allegiance and the attestation of an undisruptive behavior. Whereas his first inclination had been to confirm such traits while on a mission out in titan-infested lands, suggestion made by Commander Erwin himself, in the end he had been persuaded to adjust the tactic under the argument of the prospect of a controlled environment in which both human lives and resources could be spared and not wasted in vain should Eren fail.  
  
Therefore, a brigade of elite soldiers from the Military Police will assemble in a secluded area close to the Scouting Legion’s current Headquarters where Eren will attempt to transform with the purpose of veritably confirming whether he is indeed an ally or if he should be promptly executed. The Supreme Commander himself will not be present, although a representative holding his utmost trust will take his place.  
  
Eren hears his name is Ross Hackett, but he can’t match a face with that name.  
  
Neither of his superiors let any sort of revealing emotion reach their façades as the man is mentioned, so Eren’s left wondering on what to expect.  
  
“I’m aware this might endanger your child,” Commander Erwin finally says, and the concern in his voice strikes Eren as real. His attention is instantly drawn back to the conversation. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“There was nothing else that could be done. We understand.” Levi replies almost instantly. His voice is steady, but the hand around Eren’s shoulder does feel heavier, giving away to the Corporal’s inner struggling.  
  
“The date has not been yet confirmed, however, we’re expecting the Brigade to arrive before the span of one month.”Commander Erwin explains, calculating eyes traveling from one of his subordinates to the other. “I wish there was something else I could do. Another way to go about this. I'm truly sorry.”  
  
Eren is again assaulted by the feeling of the conversation being over, even when the Commander never issues actual words to determine so. Before he can attempt to stand, however, Levi’s speaking again, and his last question throws Eren off like he’d just spoken in another language.  
  
“Erwin, how old is Eren?”  
  
Even the Commander seems taken aback.  
  
“He should be turning eighteen soon.” Erwin replies after a few seconds, once he’s determined Levi’s question is an actual inquiry of relevance only known to himself. His blue eyes focus on Eren, seeking confirmation, and Eren doesn’t dare lie at his Commander. He nods.  
  
“You little  _shit_.” Levi hisses as he roughly yanks at a thick strand of hair by his nape.  
  
Well, he  _is_  going to get hell... and it's going to be worth every painful second.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is pretty heavy plot-wise, and swivels right back into angst territory~

It’s entirely ridiculous how time surely adapts to one’s worst interests. When Eren had wanted to graduate from Training so that he could just join the Scouting Legion already, time had seemed like a huge mass of eternity that rejoiced in crawling its way at a snail's pace to the present, but now that he needs time to definitely stop for good, days blend into weeks in what certainly feels like the blink of an eye.

After several reassuring conversations with Hanji, and giving it a lot of thought, Eren comes to the conclusion that there’s absolutely no use in agonizing over the matter, since they are going to catch up with the date whether he wants to or not. But if only it could take a little longer, then he wouldn’t complain. Too much.

The truth is that between pretending composure and mightily attempting not to have a mental breakdown, Eren hasn’t even been able to the enjoy the fact that Levi has abandoned that stubborn stance that he’d defended for the longest time and has finally agreed to share the bed with him without many complaints.

It’s also true that Levi’s developed the habit of placing a convenient pillow between them so that their bodies won’t touch too much when they necessarily readjust their postures during the night. Nevertheless, Eren doesn’t take that too personal after he finds out that Levi’s body gets pretty much possessed while asleep.

One time he even found the Corporal’s feet where his head should have been, millimeters away from Eren’s face, and had the pillow not been where it was between them, Eren would’ve probably woken up to a mouthful of toes. Immaculate ones, too, but toes nonetheless.

Also, Eren is the kind of hopeless individual that would believe now that Levi’s initial reluctance to sleep with him had not been in response to Eren disgusting him in anyway, but because of his rather conflicting and dangerous nocturnal tendency to kick the living shit out of anything in his legs’ reach. Of which Eren had come conscious a few nights after Levi started to sleep alongside him, subsequent to a very painful kick to the shin. He reflects it happened at the same time Levi stopped cursing every time he went to bed, which probably signaled that he had finally managed to come to terms with the arrangement. And with placation had also come Levi’s true sleeping nature. Now Eren considered the sheet-stealing cute in comparison.

It wasn’t all that bad, either way. Sometimes, when Eren was rudely awoken by an elbow directly to the nose in the early morning, he could then revel in the majesty of Levi’s unconscious state, with his relaxed and gorgeous features and his heavy and rhythmical breathing until Eren’s boring eyes managed to frighten the Corporal into awareness. He didn’t even protest anymore. He would only groan and get up like he’d gotten used to Eren’s intrusiveness already.

Except for that one time when Levi’s finger had found its way into Eren’s mouth. And Eren swears he tried to fight the urge with all his might, but the Corporal’s index finger had just been there, and it wasn’t like the man didn’t already know that Eren was a damaged little pervert and that he very successfully pleasured himself while thinking of his superior. It had only been one little lick, the faintest of suctions, yet Eren found out that well administered slaps did sting for the rest of the day. He thinks it could’ve gone a lot worse, hadn’t he been ‘physically compromised’, like Levi liked to call it.

As days rush by, the only thing of relative importance taking place is Eren’s anxiety escalating to unhealthy levels.

Every single time Armin tries to talk to him privately, either Levi or Hanji, purposefully, or someone who probably did it on accident, crushed the opportunity. For this reason, Eren starts to believe that if the occasion wasn’t presenting itself, then it was probably best that his friends didn’t know yet. Not until after his transformation, anyway, once the most dangerous and uncertain fraction of the affair had been put behind them.

It’s in the middle of breakfast one morning when Commander Erwin casually approaches the Corporal and him, and in the same indifferent manner issues “One week from now,” like it means nothing. His eyes, however, shine with the intensity of a troubled mind and Eren’s jaw remains painfully clenched for the entire duration of breakfast.

Hanji spends a lot of time with Eren after that, as Levi gets completely monopolized by training schedules that come from beyond Erwin. Alongside him, the rest of the soldiers that proudly compose the Scouting Legion mostly go through the same rough treatment, although their schedules are definitely not as harsh and demanding as the Corporal’s. The scientist manages to escape the regime by claiming she has urgent and pending matters to attend with the titan-shifter prior to the transformation in order to ensure success.

“You’re aiming way to high.” Eren tells her once she’d revealed her clever strategy. Even though dense clouds still excel in concealing the sun, quietly slipping by above them, the air feels refreshing and clean, and the temperature outside is definitely warmer than inside the castle, where the gloominess and silence definitely pose for a colder atmosphere. Outside, Eren feels slightly less anxious, especially when he regards the Corporal, his friends and the other soldiers training to the best of their abilities. It makes him feel safer, it gives him the illusion of a positive and controlled outcome, and that’s definitely soothing, even if the sensation will only last until he gets back inside the castle headquarters and reality sets back in with full force.

“Am not. It’s going to be just fine, I have faith in you.” When Hanji says it, her eyes light up with a certain fondness that almost makes Eren uncomfortable with the way warmth spreads across his cheeks. Shifting slightly, he scoots closer to the edge of the bench where they’re sitting and diligently stares at his boots. They are practically the last thing in his wardrobe that still fit him. Barely, since he swears his feet are definitely victims of a dramatic and awkward swelling.

“You have to keep your objective in mind.” She advises. “There’s no reason for you not to have control over yourself if you know precisely what you want to accomplish.”

“I thought I knew what I wanted to accomplish last time I transformed and I still went right for Mikasa’s guts.” Eren replies with a loud groan, running a damp hand through his already messy hair. “Which I don’t even remember all that well, to be honest.”

“But,” Hanji insists with a raised finger. “Now you know what to expect. Now you have a little more experience, and that’s what’s going to make the difference. I’d bet my last name on that.”

Eren would like to thank her and agree with her assumptions, but he doesn’t actually believe it will be that easy, so he changes the subject instead.

“I want to tell Armin and Mikasa.”

Hanji’s smile falters slightly before it recovers with double the intensity, a little too bright to be deemed spontaneous. “About the transformation? I think they already know. Everyone was informed of the reason behind the very sudden and very strict new training regime, before our fellow soldiers started rebelling.”

“About my state.” Eren clarifies before she goes any further and surprisingly manages to keep his voice steady as he does so. There’s no use in beating around the bush, especially when he knows that if avoiding the subject is Hanji’s objective, then it could take a few very unfruitful hours before they even get close to an actual conversation that’s of interest to him. “I feel like they should know.”

The Squad Leader observes him quietly before replying. Her insightfulness definitely throws Eren off when she’s often quick to respond, so he figures she’s actually debating on what her answer should be. With a resolved exhale, she finally replies. “I, too, think you should tell them.”

“Then why have you been conspiring with the Corporal so that I never actually get to be alone with them?” Hanji winces bashfully at that, at the realization of her fishy devices being uncovered.

“Well, you know how he is. Apparently, it would kill him to be a little more trusting.” She explains, at last, to which Eren has to inhale deeply in order to keep himself from grinding his teeth in exasperation. “He’s looking after you, alright?”

“They’re my friends. The last thing they would do is put me in danger.” Eren retorts, voice quieting down as he reaches the end of his statement. That is kind of deceitful, if he thinks about it. The only reason why they joined the Scouting Legion, the easiest way available to get killed, was to protect him, to ensure his wellness and safety. At this point, Eren’s sure that he has to be the worst friend since the beginnings of mankind. “Besides, they’re going to notice this thing sooner or later, since the only thing it does is get bigger and bigger. I’m sure Mikasa would never forgive me if she found out on her own.”

“I absolutely have to concur with you.” Hanji concedes, small smile spreading across her lips. “I trust your judgment, and forgive me for intruding before. Consider it an amendment on my part, I promise I won’t interfere anymore and I will also try to divert Levi’s attention from you so that you may fulfill your purpose!”

“Thanks, Hanji, glad we could reach an agreement. Wish other people were as understanding as you are.” Eren spits, crossing his arms. Other people definitely mean Levi, and by the way Hanji is snickering, she gets that as well.

“No, no. You have to give Levi a little credit. He’s not that inaccessible, it just takes him months to adapt to an idea.” A tone of playful teasing underlines Hanji’s words. “Like your pregnancy, or sleeping in the same bed as you. But he gets around most facts eventually. Sometimes you just have to shove them right in his face to accelerate the process.”

Before Eren even has time to reply, the woman’s speaking again, and under her glasses, Eren can identify a mischievous glint shining from within her eyes. “Speaking of which… How’s that bed-sharing going? Anything interesting happened yet?”

“You mean aside from his flailing limbs and sleep-crawling?” He asks, trying to keep his voice neutral even when his cheeks have adopted a nice crimson shade. “I swear to you I’ve never met anyone that dynamic in bed.”

Powerful laughter fills Eren’s ears as Hanji doubles over, clutching her belly with one hand and pounding the bench with the other while Eren tries to control the blush that he’s certain will be permanent now. He looks with mortification at the other side of the training field, hoping the noise hasn’t attracted anyone’s attention. It hasn’t, for which he will be eternally relieved.

“I meant while asleep, Hanji!” He tries to fix the situation, although it only serves in making Hanji laugh harder. “He’s a very dynamic sleeper!”

“I’m sure he is. All that repressed energy! I can only imagine!” Eren’s scowl nearly matches the ones Levi is always throwing her way, making the most of the fact that they were free-of-charge. That only serves in making Hanji wheeze harshly as her lungs desperately try to suck air into her, body shaking convulsively. By then, Eren is almost resolved in standing up and leaving her to her own dubitable ways. Noticing this, the Squad Leader places a pleading hand on his forearm as her other hand covers her mouth and she tries almost futilely to regain composure. “I’m sorry, sorry. I just— I get in a really good mood when I’m around you.”

“Why?” The question is out before Eren can avoid it. Though her smile remains, Hanji’s features soften when she looks back at him, elbows resting above her knees.

“Why, indeed, I wonder.” Her cheek finds the palm of her hand as she leans even lower, smile turning playful. Her bright eyes flicker to his abdomen briefly. “Have you given any thought to what you’re going to name him or her?”

Blinking helplessly, the younger soldier’s mouth feels suddenly dry. He purposefully avoids Hanji’s inquiring gaze, trying instead to make his collide with Levi’s on the other side the field in a desperate call for help. It’s probably his imagination, but he suddenly feels the air has gone still and fights for dominance for actual space with his ribcage. That’s acknowledging too much. That’s recognizing that the creature inside of him is an actual being that will eventually— before Eren is completely ready— come to be a part of this world. It’s so much harder not to worry about him then.

“No,” his voice is a choked whisper, slightly resembling the rasp and ineffective hiss of a faulty whistle. Hanji’s eyebrows curve upwards in clear surprise.

“Really? I would’ve thought that that would be one of the first things to cross a future mom’s mind.” She explains. Then, seeming to remember something quite important, decides to add, “Or dad.”

Eren can’t feel relieved by Hanji’s correction, his thoughts somewhere a little bit more preoccupying. He’d thought about that, true. However, every time he tried to come up with something, his brain would suddenly block itself, and his train of thought would immediately change directions.

“Hm? Well, now that the issue has been addressed, what do you think?”

He doesn’t think anything. He doesn’t want to think anything. “Uh— Leren?” He weakly supplies for the lack of a better answer.

Hanji snorts audibly, straightening up to then recline against the wall. “No, don’t do that. Levi will have my head.”

That catches Eren’s attention. “Did you ask him already?”

“I did,” Hanji admits, winking at him. “Wanna know what he said?”

Hating on Hanji for being able to enliven him like that, with the offer of all sorts of possibly meaningless information about the Corporal, isn’t going to get Eren anywhere, so he decides to lock his pride away for the time being and instead prods Hanji’s soft spot for gossip by appearing intensely interested. His head is nodding furiously, eyes set on her cheerful ones.

“He said, and I quote, ‘I’d rather name it Shitface than fucking Leren, Hanji. Stop being a nuisance.’” Eren’s expectation is almost palpable in the air, and Hanji feels it crushing her when she realizes the rest of her sentence can only end in disillusionment. “Then he pretty much flipped me off and… we’re back to square one.”

Eren’s huffs with disappointment, leaning back against the wall as well, now definitely set on ignoring Hanji for the rest of their time outside. What was with her and her necessity to brighten his spirits only to have them crushed seconds after with irrelevancies?

“He did imply that he’d let you choose.”

“Coward.” Eren hisses, looking across the field and finding the Corporal looking straight back at him. His heart flutters in his ribcage briefly, although he pushes the feeling to the back of his mind and diverts his gaze immediately. “I’m going to name him Leren just to piss him off.”

Hanji glances back at him amusedly.

“Middle name: Shitface.”

 

\--  
Even though Eren desperately wants to address the inquiry posed by Hanji since it has seriously stirred his curiosity, he’s certain that it will only have the effect of pushing Levi back into his awkwardness cage, and he would rather not risk it when things have been going relatively well in the past few days. Maybe the fact that Eren’s basic structural consistence is pretty much made up of jumpy nerves and a gloomy aura has served the purpose of softening the Corporal’s usually harsh nature. He doesn’t snap at him nearly as much as he used to and has also reduced the insults to the necessary minimum to still stay true to himself.

The reason behind the Corporal’s unusual behavior could also perhaps be blamed on how caught up in his own thoughts he seems, lately. Eren does notice the way in which Levi loses himself in training, how he will extenuate himself to the point of almost losing consciousness when his feet finally touch the ground –after impossibly complicated sets of endless spins— so he can have an excuse not to talk to Eren, or anyone else, for that matter.

As the date gets closer, Eren discovers that he’s developed the destructive and mostly disgusting tendency of biting and peeling off the thick skin around his nails and on his fingertips, after running out of actual nails to munch on.

He gives a lot of thought to names, once he figures out it’s practically the only thing that can make him feel slightly less pessimistic, and that fruitfully diverts his thoughts from absolute cynicism. If it’s a girl, he would like to name her something that sounds soft, so that she can at least find solace in her name in the ruthless environment she’ll be forced to endure. Perhaps after a flower, one that manages to overcome adversities and that proudly reaches out to the sun. Maybe Lily. However, if it’s a boy, he wants something strong and tough that will support him in character, implicitly award him power and determination to succeed at the worst of times. Something like Holt, perhaps.

Eren determines he’s obsessed when he dares bring the matter up as he and Hanji again witness training from a distance. Her elatedness, however, helps ease up his insecurities, and by the time he goes into the reasoning behind his choices, his initial discomfort has completely dissipated. The Squad Leader listens patiently, graceful smile adorning her lips as her eyes soften impossibly. When asked on her opinion, she points out that whichever name Eren chooses will be suitable, and that maybe all doubts concerning which one would be best will be cleared out when Eren actually looks at his son or daughter’s sunny face.

A blush spreads across Eren’s cheeks at that as he fakes a bashful grimace.

Then she proceeds to elongate the list with various names that keep on being a mash-up of Levi and Eren’s names and the younger soldier couldn’t have ever imagined there were so many ways in which to combine his name with someone else’s. In all honesty, some of them don’t sound half bad, like Evi.

On the other hand, some of them are plain ridiculous. It’s in the middle of trying to figure out why Hanji thought Eviren was even worth mentioning when he notices she’s stopped paying attention to him. Following her gaze, a frown twists his features when he finds the source of her distraction as Armin makes his way limping over to them.

“Are you hurt?”

“Oh, yes.” Armin replies, small grin disturbing the flat line that had been his lips. “I think I might have sprained my ankle.”

“You’re surprisingly calm for someone who’s just gotten injured.” Hanji points out, stretching her legs before standing up from the bench with a jump. “You should get that looked at.”

“Absolutely.” Armin concedes politely, nodding once to then fix his heavy gaze on Eren.

“If anyone asks,” Hanji says when she turns around in the direction of the entrance to the castle, “I have granted you permission to remain in the dining hall.”

“But he’s hurt, why would we be in the dining— oh.” Eren falls silent as the realization dawns on him. “Of course.”

Eren doesn’t dare look back, but he’s pretty convinced that the crawling along his spine is probably caused by a potent glare thrown in his direction by the Corporal and not just his nerves going crazy. Either way, they are not stopped as they follow Hanji back into the castle.

The moment they cross the threshold into the main corridor, Armin’s limp magically disappears and Eren actually has to walk faster to keep up with him. They don’t reach the dining hall, though, as Armin decides to deviate right before they follow Hanji into the large room. His frantic stroll comes to a sudden halt a few feet into this quiet and, most importantly, empty hallway, and when he turns around to face his best friend, Eren can already discern the apprehension half masked by his serious expression.

“Eren.” The alluded flinches at the mere mention of his own name. When he doesn’t reply and instead only looks sheepishly at him from under his bangs, Armin sighs dejectedly. “Eren, are you dying?”

His voice is soft, though it doesn’t waver, carrying along the fear and desperation that Armin is trying hard to conceal. He looks down to his boots as his left palm finds the inner side of his right elbow and he squeezes his arm slightly, trying to redirect his anxiety from his features to his twitching fingers. Eren feels almost sorry for him, and even if his hands desperately want to reach out to him, palm his shoulders and convince him that it’s all going to be fine, he entwines his own fingers and leans his back against the nearest wall.

“No.” He sighs deeply before continuing. “The exact opposite of that.”

Had it been any other situation, or some other person, perhaps, Eren would have found the excessive amount of emotions that crossed Armin’s face, before it set on hopeful, comical. However, the smile Eren wishes he could display never reaches his features, which instead remain uncertain and a little pained.

“Then… Are you—? But how did that— I mean, if that’s what I think it is, how did that happen? Is that what… I think it is?” Armin squints as he pointedly examines his friend’s body.

“That depends on what you think is going on with me.”

“Don’t make me say it.” A playful wince appropriates Armin’s features, weight shifting from one leg to the other. “Corporal Levi is the father, isn’t he?”

A shifty hand finds its way to Eren’s face, where it rubs rough circles over his eyes and then his cheek before he finally nods, powerful blush lighting up his whole façade and the tips of his ears.

“How, Eren?” Armin asks, his voice nearly a high-pitched squeak. “I swear it was never my intention to look, you know it’s one of those things that happen when you shower together, right? I mean I would have paid attention if there had been something different with you. You’re a man… You are a man, right?” His rambling slows down by the end, his last question downright hesitant as he tries to find Eren’s eyes without luck.

“Of course I am!” The taller of the two groans loudly. He runs both his hands through his hair, trying to find the right words. “It’s— Ugh, how do I talk to you about this?”

“It’s related to your especial abilities, isn’t it?”

Eren nods at that, making eye-contact for the briefest of seconds before he sets his sight on the hem of his shirt, where his fingers are now busy wringing and then smoothing the fabric compulsively.

“Hanji says I underwent a heat phase. Kinda like dogs… umh, not exactly like dogs. Oh, Maria, this is so awkward.” He sniffs, rubbing one of his heated cheeks against his shoulder before he continues. “The thing is… I didn’t know what I was doing, and neither did the Corporal. Next thing I know is I’m throwing up nearly every morning, and my body refuses to exercise, and then I’m gaining weight like there is no tomorrow. My feet are swollen now.”

“Does Commander Erwin know?” Armin asks, deciding to ignore Eren's complaints, although he does cringe empathetically. “What about the transformation? Is that safe for you in your condition?”

“I don’t know. I really hope so.” Eren replies in a beat. Their eyes do meet briefly, and by the small glint Armin detects there, the almost imperceptible way in which his eyebrows drop, he concludes that his friend’s words are a truthful reflection of his feelings, that he sincerely wishes for nothing more than that kid’s wellbeing. Armin wonders if it’s the same for Corporal Levi, and though he considers it slightly rude to ask, he figures it’s important to know in case Eren is alone in this whole mess, so that Armin can assure him that he will be there for him, just as Mikasa most deffinitely would.

“Eren… Is the Corporal…?”

“He’s… he’s taking responsibility.” He replies uncertainly.

“Are you in a relationship?” Eren shakes his head dejectedly, shoulders slumping as he smoothes the hem of his shirt by flattening it with his hands against his rounded abdomen. Armin doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, evaluating his friend’s stance, his expression and the way all his movements come to an unexpected halt. The conclusion is pretty evident. “You’re in love with him.”

“No, I’m not.” Eren retorts immediately, eyes widening impossibly as he glances everywhere like he is expecting to find someone listening in, pointing an accusatory finger in their direction. “I’m not! This is just something really weird that happened, but it doesn’t mean that I have to fall in love with him just because we’re having a kid together!”

Armin remains quiet, sucking his lower lip into his mouth and looking apologetic. Perhaps Eren hadn’t yet realized what his feelings meant, and it wasn’t Armin’s place to make him understand what was actually going on inside his head.

“He’s not even interested in relationships.” Eren adds, dolefully. His expression changes then, and his fiery eyes finally dare find Armin’s as he becomes conscious of something of utmost importance. “You can’t tell Mikasa about this. I want to be the one to tell her.”

“Of course.” The shorter of the two agrees, nodding effusively. Then, with a bright smile, he says something he feels is necessary. “Congratulations, Eren.”

“T-thank you.”

An awkward silence stretches between them where neither of the young soldiers really know what to say. Eren feels like he should emphasize in that he’s very definitely not in love with the Corporal, although he thinks it’s only going to have the opposite effect of assuring Armin that he was actually right. Which he wasn’t. Of course he wasn’t.

“So… Have you thought about any names yet?” Armin finally says, trying to break the tension.

“Why do people keep asking me that?” Eren frowns, looking up to the ceiling. However, Armin has touched upon one of his new favorite topics, so he can’t really contain his words before they come rushing out of his mouth. “Umh, I like Lily, for a girl. Or Evi. That was actually Hanji’s suggestion and it’s a mash-up of my and Levi’s names: ‘E’ for Eren and ‘vi’ for Levi. Of all her crazy suggestions, that one isn’t too messed up and— Why are you laughing?”

Armin covers his mouth with his hand, trying to hide his smile and he shakes his head vehemently, hair following the motion in a golden cloud. “You sound very excited about it. I’m just happy for you.” His smile stretches at Eren’s stunned expression. “This is great, Eren!”

A smile tugs at the corners of Eren’s lips, too. Nonetheless, before they can both burst out laughing, heavy footsteps hastily break the atmosphere of camaraderie, and both soldiers are already tense and attentive before they figure out who the person approaching is.

“Eren!” It’s Hanji. Her voice is urgent, serious. “They are here.”

 

\--

Commander Ross Hackett is nothing like what Eren had imagined. When he’d thought he’d encounter harsh features and an unmovable expression—almost like Levi, his brain supplies— the Commander is quite communicative. His face remains clear and open as Eren is introduced to him, and the Commander actually extends his hand to shake Eren’s, much to his guard’s complete horror, assuring him that it’ll be a pleasure to work alongside him and that he’s absolutely certain that the results will be nothing but favorable.

After determining he can’t possibly be older that fifty, Eren studies him resolvedly, caring little about appearing too forward as his eyes scan the man that will have the final word on his fate. Staid and in control of the situation, he doesn’t seem as useless as the rest of the members of the Military Police usually do. His body is broad and in shape, eyes unclouded, sharp, the color of dry resin bleeding from the barks of pine trees; the customary undercut and refined appearance are meaningless details that do not really convey any real insight into his character. His voice is raspy, like he’s just recovering from a terrible cold, and as he nods in his direction before withdrawing, Eren doesn’t exactly know if he hates him, even when the feeling that he should assaults him.

Taking a seat at the head of the table, Commander Hackett, motions for the rest of the present to follow, and Eren is seated on the other edge of the elegant wooden table, facing him. He feels prying eyes study him from almost every direction. Even Commander Erwin has his clear blue eyes fixed on Eren’s self as he starts speaking after Commander Hackett allows him to with nothing more than a nod in his direction.

“We are here to discuss the procedure of tomorrow’s events,” is Erwin's opening sentence, voice centered and meaningful. Eren’s gaze doesn’t leave the smooth surface of the table for the duration of the meeting, even when he’s directly addressed. He settles with replying as briefly as he can, attempting not to let his emotions get the better of him as he wishes his deep frown and clenched hands would cooperate with him, his intense glare nearly boring holes in the wood.

“I hope you understand, Eren Jaeger,” Commander Hackett’s voice reaches him from somewhere in front of him. “That should you fail in performing the tasks expected of you, the only available course of action is execution.” The silence that follows his words is thick and heavy, although Eren can’t define if the reaction is caused by the words themselves or the particularly insensible way in which they were issued.

“That measure has already been settled, therefore any result that differs from a successful transformation and the unwavering follow-through of orders shall deem it necessary for you to undergo elimination.” His sentence is taunting, cruel as it wills Eren to fill the blank spaces with his own thoughts.

It means, he thinks as a shudder runs down his spine, that I will also die if I fail to transform.

Later, as Levi walks him to the forgotten cell where he is required to sleep under surveillance, he will confide to Eren in quiet murmurs that despite his amiable appearance, Commander Hackett is known for being coldblooded and brutal. His decisions tend to be rushed, based on his very subjective opinion, and ruthless, sometimes bordering on inhumane. He can’t flaunt any particular skills or important achievements; however, being of noble blood, he had been awarded one of the highest ranks in the Military Police.

Various sour-looking soldiers stand guard outside the entrance to the dungeons and throughout the gloomy aisle leading to that dreadful and forlorn cell. Following a loud clicking sound, Eren again finds his wrists uncomfortably cuffed as he sits on the hard and cold surface of a bed that he’s come to despise with a force that is all too distressing. Surprise then strikes him when, with the excuse of checking if the devices have been properly secured, the Corporal slides his finger between the warming metal and Eren’s even warmer skin, perhaps trying to make sure they’re not too tight, not too harsh on Eren’s tender wrists.

As Levi turns to leave, his arctic eyes linger on Eren’s in what he wants to interpret as an apology. Eren tries to grin in return, attempting to placate the Corporal’s uneasiness, and he knows he fails when Levi looks away grimly, fists clenched, chin raised and glares at everything and everyone that dares cross his path.

 

\--  
Although he screws his eyes shut, sleep never comes to claim him.

Morning finds him curled up on his side, fingers numb and thoughts raw. He misses Levi’s bed, he misses Levi’s presence and warmth, and the unreachable promise of his body. A tremor whisks his back, eyes hurting behind tightly shut eyelids, the cold having taken hold of every last portion of his shivering body. It doesn’t feel like a new day, even when the Corporal comes back to retrieve him, his eyes dully focused on him, hands carefully unclasping the cuffs that kept the younger soldier captive.

The soldiers posted at the entrance of the dungeons attempt to follow them, but Levi effectively breaks their effort with the coldest glare Eren’s ever witnessed him issue.

“I can take care of the situation, stand back.”

Apparently, Levi has already bathed, since Eren finds the tub ready, light steam caressing his face as he walks into the warm room. Mechanically, the younger soldier removes his clothing and sinks into deliciously warm water that slowly, but surely, chases the cold away from his limbs, muscles and skin. That’s when he notices the trembling of his hands is unrelated to his temperature.

When the soap slips from Eren’s hands for the third time, the water splashes everywhere as he slaps it with a cry of frustration.

“It’s not going to work.” He whispers as he stares at his palms, submerged under turbid water between his thighs. “They are going to kill me.”

Once Eren’s rinsed his body and emptied the tub, he steps out onto the chilly tiles. He hadn’t even noticed the Corporal approaching until he feels a warm and dry piece of cloth around his neck, rubbing soft circles over the back of his head with it until his fingers almost inconspicuously slide into his hair. Once they’re firmly tangled in the leaking threads, Levi pulls Eren’s head towards him.

His mouth faintly presses against Eren’s damp hairline, without kissing him, and then he lets go just as suddenly as he had seized him. Due to the oddity of the happening, Eren’s left feeling like it was nothing more than his imagination playing tricks on him.

As much as he would like to, he’s not capable of fitting anything in his stomach afterwards.

 

\--  
The procedures are very simple.

Eren will walk into a clearing, wait until he sees the green smoke signal Commander Hackett will fire, and then transform. From there, he will be ordered to fulfill a few easy tasks like lifting heavy objects and performing certain actions. Then it will be over, and if it all goes according to plan, they will have more time to figure out a way to make Eren disappear without causing too much ruckus.

Among the trees— not too tall, perhaps just tall enough— Eren is able to discern the shapes of fellow members of the Scouting Legion, equipped and ready. Around him, even if the members of the Military Police have their 3DMG on, they would rather keep their feet on the ground and hold firearms between their hands, perfectly aimed in his direction.

Commander Hackett and Commander Erwin strategically stand in the middle of the ground formation, where they are viewable from every angle.

The sun is minutes away from setting, and at the moment hangs wide, opaque and sheltered among orange tinted clouds and violet skies. The reason behind carrying out the operation at this time of the day is to diminish Eren’s power, assuming he’s subject to the sun’s present energy as most titans are, although Eren chooses to focus instead of the irony in the beauty of the firmament as it stares blankly down at them. Maybe it will also end up reflecting the red of his dying blood.

A harsh and uneven sound is all Eren hears as he turns around to face the crowd arranged in a half-moon before him, made up of mortified faces and tense stances. It’s his own breath, he realizes, coming out raged and laborious through his nostrils as his body tries to fight away the feeling of choking, tries to dissipate the dizziness that has his vision blurring at the edges. His hands are trembling forcefully, just as his knees are, and there’s absolutely no way in which he’s getting away with this.

There are so many things that can go wrong, so many possibilities of utter disaster. He can cause so much chaos and so much pain, and too much misery. It’s not worth it.

Perhaps he should be disposed of, like the Military has been not-so-subtly suggesting all along.

Surely humankind is better off without someone like him, a constant menace, a reminder of their deepest and most brutal fear. One that is real, and that is eating away at their freedom, their solace, empowers their suffering, milks their happiness and leaves nothing but sorrow in its wake. And who is Eren to be the source of such destructive feelings?

No one.

Decisively, he keeps his eyes away from the Corporal who stands a few feet over him, on the tallest tree surrounding the clearing. His gaze, amongst all the others, is the most unsettling one. Eren doesn’t want to fail him, but at the same time, he’s absolutely certain that there is no other course of action.

Suddenly, thoughts about their child inheriting Eren’s curse and what that would encompass assault him with an outstanding force that renders him breathless. What if his son is born a mindless and famished creature that, as soon as he’s touched by sunlight, will attempt to end human lives like he was designed to? Nobody knew where they came from, therefore no one could assure him that this wasn’t their origin.

Commander Hackett raises his hand. The soldiers around him aim their weapons, long and deadly rifles tightly grasped between their hands, huge black cannons already loaded and prepared to fire. Eren sees some of those soldiers are shaking, trembling like the fluid cold water of a stream. No direction but the one the rocks set for it. Mindless, just like titans.

Commander Erwin also gives the signal for the members of the Scouting Legion to get into position, draw out their blades, fingers caressing over the buttons of the handles, ready to propel them forward the moment Eren shows hostility.

The green smoke gun in Commander Hackett’s hand is shot, the sound numbing Eren’s thoughts for a brief second before the full force of what he’s supposed to do next dawns upon him with crushing intensity. As he dully observes the green column of smoke rise up into the sky, he tightly balls his fists and raises his hand to his lips. And he knows it’s not going to work the moment his nails pierce through his skin, before he's even touched his teeth to it, and nothing happens.

There’s no buzzing below his skin, no electrical currents forcing his muscles into painful spasms. There’s no heat, no vapor, no power. Only his shaky and weak form as his incisors and canines tear into skin and muscle and spray his lips and chin with hot, nauseating blood.

He howls with desperation, tries again. This time, as the flesh is already wounded, his teeth go deeper, clash when he unquestionably bites off a chunk of his own hand. He holds his wrist in place, falls to his knees with another wail that’s nearly inhuman and the tears flooding from his eyes mix with the blood splattered across his face, the one oozing from a wound that isn’t healing.

Stormy wide eyes rise up to the sky. The sound of the rifles as the bolts slide forward reaches him, and he understands that they are now ready to fire their bullets as soon as the trigger is pulled. It’s a matter of seconds before Commander Hackett issues the order to shoot.

And how naïve of Eren to think that it could’ve gone any different. How careless and stupid to have harbored hopes and dreams that could easily vanish with an action as simple as the curling of a finger over the cool metal of a weapon. He grimly thinks of how interesting it will be for the people that dissect him to find the secret that quietly develops in his interior.

His son will never see the light.

The tears he cries, Eren realizes, are not caused by the excruciating pain running in burning waves from his hand. He cries because he’s failed the only person he should’ve never failed.

His _son_ will _never_ see the light.

Commander Hackett is giving the order, his hand making a huge arc as it falls from its raised position, and Eren only has the time to look in Levi’s direction before the first bullet is forcefully propelled forward with a sickening blast.

Eren would’ve never thought he’d see that expression on Levi’s face. Never. That expression is reserved for the innocent people who do not know of the horrors of the world, who have yet to understand how frail a life actually is, how it takes nothing but seconds to terminate a mind full of anticipation and illusion and a future. Expectation, he has that face of faltering expectation. Of a delusion that desperately clings to hopefulness.

And it makes Eren die inside. It makes him wish he was never born as the first bullet hits his shoulder. Blood and muscle and bone explode from the fresh wound and the force of it pushes him backwards as pain ignites throughout his body and tears an aggrieved and defeated howl out of his throat.

He thinks he hears Mikasa scream, but his brain isn’t processing anything that isn’t the pain and regret and shame in which his whole body is slowly consuming.

He’s dead inside.

Dead…

... until a light tap from within reminds him he’s actually full of life.

He inhales sharply, containing a screech, the pain becoming nothing but background noise. The life inside of him stirs and coils and suddenly he’s invaded with the intense need to breathe, do it because he can, because he still has a chance of seeing how it all will end.

‘Let us live. Recover. PLEASE JUST LET US LIVE…’ He screams in his head as he closes his eyes, doubling over to protect his middle from the shower of bullets that falls on him mercilessly, searching to end his life with no success as a cloud of vapor and heat and electricity erupts all around him and he loses consciousness.

Among stunned faces and nervous gasps, the Titan stands tall and powerful, electrical currents whipping the air around it as thick clouds of vapor are forcefully ejected from every joint and crevice of its body. Most of the scorching mist manages to dissipate, and the soldiers, rendered immobile from the impression, stare in awe at what can come to be their only hope.

Something’s wrong, Levi realizes suddenly when the Titan’s stance slumps, knees nearly giving in.

It fixes eyes the color of Eren’s on Levi, blinks twice before they roll back into its skull and it stumbles forward with a piercing bawl that’s overflowing with pain. It clutches its abdomen before its arms get crushed under the weight of its own body and a suffocating steam raises again all around them.

But Levi’s already there, breathless and desperate, cutting through the layers of sweltering skin and muscle to reach for the boy inside.


	9. Chapter 9

Time seems to slow down to an impossible pace. Events and actions feel out of synchrony. Every sound is muted, any unrelated image blurred as his hands work on their own accord, uncaring of the way his brain keeps screaming to step away, shield his skin from the consuming heat that engulfs his body and makes it hard to breathe, hurting in every possible way.

There’s a deeper instinct conducting his movements, one based on the certainty that following failure, the rest of his lifetime wouldn’t be enough to heal this particular wound.

And time, again, finally regains its pace once Levi defines Eren’s form shaped below quickly dissolving strands of thick muscle. He feels a rush of adrenaline shoot right from his chest into all his limbs, clearing his head long enough for him to tear into the flesh with his own hands, afraid of further hurting the boy by using his vindictive blades. The transformation had ended on its own, it hadn’t been forced, so Levi finds little to no resistance from the withering titan body.

It’s only when his fingers have clasped Eren’s shoulders that his chest unclenches long enough to allow him a breath of near solace. Digging his heels on the raw meat at either side of the boy’s body, Levi finds leverage to push himself backwards, taking Eren along with him, tearing him from his roasting prison.

When he wraps his right arm around the younger soldier’s chest, below his armpits, the Corporal secures him against his own body as he decides to find solid ground without using his 3D maneuver gear. The titan’s corpse disintegrates fast, and the decaying flesh grants just enough resistance so that both soldiers don’t crash into the ground when Levi drives his left hand in its neck and allows gravity to pull them down from that massive body.

He manages to drag Eren a few feet away before he collapses, coughing desperately, finally noticing how the air burns as it flows in and out of his lungs, how his hands sting even when nothing brushes against them. With his body, he tries his best to protect Eren’s half naked one from sight as he feels, more than sees, cloaked figures surround them.

A heavy hand falls on his shoulder and he roughly jerks away from the touch.

“I’m fine.” He growls, voice thin and pained, eyes tightly shut. He’s seen the massive bullet holes in what remains of Eren’s clothes, he’s seen his vacant expression, eyes half-lidded, and his pale lips despite his elevated temperature and that his mind supplies that the younger soldier’s face should be flushed. He carefully closes Eren’s eyes, then roughly clasps the fabric over his chest, even if it hurts the tender skin of his hands, because he can’t stop shaking, and he can’t make out the noisy beating of Eren’s heart when it’s always so loud, so full of life.

A green cloak finds its way between the Corporal’s body and Eren’s, and when Levi looks up, it’s Armin’s determined and meaningful blue eyes that stare back at him.

Levi nods, clears his throat and straightens. He nearly brings his hand to his face to scrub the anxiety off his features but stops when he gets a glimpse of his palms. They are swollen, an angry red in color, and he winces when he finally feels the pain break through the defensive walls his brain had built around his nerves.

“Fuck,” the Corporal hisses, managing to stand up and allowing Hanji and Mikasa access to what he hopes is Eren’s unconscious body.

“Is he dead?” Levi cringes at how the question sounds expectant as it drips from Commander Hackett’s mouth. “He couldn’t have survived. I saw the bullets penetrate his skull.”

Levi had seen them, too. His knees would’ve found the floor again if Auruo and Petra hadn’t rushed to his side, supported his shoulders discreetly before he regained his composure and fixed a deathly glare on the obtrusive Commander.

“He’s alive!” Hanji cries, and it’s all Levi needs to level his posture definitively, push away from the members of his squad and tear his eyes from his superior, in whose gaze dances a faint light of something alarmingly close to suspicion.

“Then I request a full examination from my medic.” Commander Hackett issues, calmly.

“Of course.” Is Erwin’s stoic reply, but Levi has stopped paying attention. He makes his way back to Eren and hauls him up into his arms despite Hanji’s protests. This is his responsibility, and he’ll make sure to carry out his obligations to the end.

 

\--

With bandaged hands limp by his sides as he wills himself into serenity, Levi’s back is flush against the cold stone walls of Eren’s cell, staring blankly forward.

Eren is bleeding.

He’s bleeding onto the sheets when there’s not a single scratch on his body and Hanji doesn’t want to tell Levi anything about it. But he’s not stupid, even if he pretends he doesn’t understand the meaning behind the unsettling sign.

Hanji monitors the young soldier’s vitals, tries to keep his head cool, methodically, and holds his hand until it’s time again to check his vitals. She also keeps folding the blanket under Eren’s hips when the dark splotch of blood becomes too evident, though Levi tries to ignore that in specific.

Miraculously, Erwin has not allowed anyone anywhere close to the dungeons. Not Commander Hackett, not anyone from his garrison, not a medic. Strangely enough, even though Hanji isn’t specialized in medicine, Levi feel’s calmer with her around than he would with anybody else. Perhaps it’s her diligence, or the confident air surrounding her as she carries out her revisions, or, basically, it could be that Levi is absolutely certain that she cares. That is all that really matters.

“Levi,” Hanji calls softly, as if any sudden noise could slash right through his composure. It takes a few seconds before his eyes mange to focus, his mind centering on the current situation almost reluctantly. It’s so much easier to keep nursing destructive thoughts in his head concerning a certain Commander’s convenient death during his sleep. “The bleeding’s stopped. I also think his fever is breaking.”

“Is he out of danger?” He wonders in a vacant tone.

Hanji blinks before tearing her eyes away from him and focusing them on Eren’s still body. “I sure hope so.”

However, her features haven’t relaxed, her breathing is still faint and quiet, and her fingers haven’t let go of the younger soldier’s wrist, where they press stubbornly against his pulse point. Levi sees the panic flash through her eyes before she’s able to react, and he’s on the other side of Eren’s bed when she hasn’t even gotten to her feet.

“JAEGER.” Levi growls, and he cares not one bit if desperation seeps right through his voice. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you fucking _dare_.”

Even though he’d rather slam his fists on either side of the younger soldier’s head, he places them carefully there and lowers until their foreheads are touching lightly. The scorching heat that he remembers has completely vaporized and all that’s left instead is the coldness under the skin of a body that survived hundreds of blows just to become useless in the end. Levi considers it incredibly unfair of Eren to have tricked them like that only to have their hopes blow right in their faces after all.

Levi doesn’t understand why his breathing is still calm, why his arms and legs don’t feel heavy with the burden his heart is already feeling the suffocating edges of, but he figures he can understand why Eren’s face feels damp if Levi’s eyes have betrayed his self-control by releasing somber tears.

But then Hanji’s inhaling sharply, and when Levi straightens up, his eyes manage to catch blotches of color gleaming strategically on the boy’s face. His lips, cheeks, nose and ears are slowly recuperating a healthy pink tone, and over his forehead and neck glimmers a thin layer of sweat.

Levi wipes his forehead immediately, face scrunching up with disgust, and the next thing he knows is that there’s a forceful hand loudly slapping the back of his head.

“You insensitive bastard!” Hanji cries in a mixture of joy and indignation, pushing him away so she can press her fingers against Eren’s pulse point on his neck. A relieved smile breaks on her face then, and she fixes glinting eyes on the Corporal’s expectant face. “He crawls his way back from death under your threats and the only thing that concerns you is not getting his sweat all over your pretty face?”

Levi rolls his eyes and removes his knees from the hard mattress to then fold his arms over his chest exasperatedly. “He didn’t actually die, did he?”

“No, no. I panicked, but you have to understand that his heart was beating at 180 a minute and we could have been boiling water on his chest.” She explains, hands flying wildly as she tries to better illustrate her words. “His heart rate dropped so suddenly, of course I would think he was dying! Then he goes and levels all of his vitals in like ten seconds... Amazing!”

A nod is Levi’s only answer, eyes fixed on Eren. There’s an uptight feeling in his chest that has him thinking that if he dared look away, it would all go downhill once more, so even if he wants to glare intensely at Hanji for the rest of his life, his gaze remains glued to the younger soldier.

Hanji fumbles with the clean rags she had kept on a low table, as well as a basin with cool water, until she finds one that’s still moderately dry. With it, she carefully wipes Eren’s face and neck, and the edges of his skin before it disappears below his torn shirt.

“The sweat is great, or at least I think so. It could mean his titan side has stepped back and is letting Eren’s own body take charge once more. Which, I guess, means he’s not on the brink of death anymore, yeah?” A gasp follows her statement. “Do you think I could hear the baby’s heartbeat with a stethoscope?”

“With your weird ear trumpet?” Levi’s eyebrows rise faintly. “You’ve never tried that?”

“On whom, Levi, dear?” Hanji huffs, the backs of her hands finding her hips as she fixes an unimpressed gaze on him from above her glasses. “It’s not like I could exactly bend over and—”

Levi clears his throat before she finishes her sentence and shrugs briefly. “Mares? We have a lot of those.”

“Oh, Maria! I have to know, let me go find my stethoscope.” As she explodes into a huge grin, she stands and waltzes over to the entrance of the cell. Her face falls immediately, absolute dread and mortification crowding her features, and Levi has another moment of intense panic before she speaks. “How’s this? Do I look like Eren just died?”

“Fuck you,” he hisses, throwing the nearest thing he can get his hands on— a rag, it doesn’t get too far— directly at her face.

Once she’s scurried away while giggling uncontrollably, Levi finds himself alone with Eren. He sits beside him, body turned in his direction and his hand is brushing the brown locks of hair away from his damp forehead before he can control the action.

He feels tired all of a sudden. Tired and heavy, but the kind of heavy that pulls his muscles towards a comfortable surface where to rest, not his mind into an abyss of misery.

His eyes focus on Eren’s hand for an instant, and his eyes dart back to the entrance of the cell expecting to find Hanji there, grinning like a madwoman. However, the truth is that they’re alone, Eren’s unconscious and Levi’s too tired to think.

It really isn’t anyone’s fault if his bandaged fingers slide between Eren’s limp ones and clutch them tightly for an instant before Levi leans down and presses his ear against the boy’s chest.

His heart beats by Levi’s temple softly, rhythmically, and Levi finds himself thinking that he’s never heard a catchier tune that he enjoys more.

 

\--  
When Hanji comes back, Levi is again leaning against the wall. However, he pushes himself away from it and into action once he catches her urgent stare and the way she’s nearly ripping Eren’s torn clothes from his body.

He doesn’t know how they manage to dress him in fresh, loose ones—pants included— and cover him with a blanket before Commander Hackett strolls casually inside the cell, followed by his guard and a man with glasses that’s looking at Eren as apathetically as the Commander is.

Erwin beckons both Levi and Hanji to his side, his face the stoic mask of equanimity as his hard eyes easily neutralize all of Levi’s silent protests. He finally leaves Eren’s side, feet dragging across the floor and eyes ablaze when they fix on the man with glasses, who he supposes is the medic. A certain kind of satisfaction makes him smirk when he catches the man squirming uncomfortably.

“Can they find out?” Erwin whispers, very low even if they’re out of earshot. They can still see whatever the medic does, and Levi’s eyes never leave the man even when he feels Hanji shift by his left. Nothing too invasive, he’s revising his vitals just like Hanji had done probably a million times now. The certainty that he won’t find anything there makes the knot in his gut loosen a bit.

“His belly is very prominent now. That’s the only thing that could give him away.” Hanji replies, wringing her hands and then flexing her fingers anxiously. “But they have no way to prove anything without actually slashing him open.”

“No?” Erwin wonders almost surprised, his eyebrows barely twitching into a frown. “Didn’t you run a test to confirm it at some point?”

Hanji remains quiet, and though Levi doesn’t really want to detach his sight from the aggravating fingers prodding Eren’s whole body, he has to when her uneasiness slaps him right across the face.

“About that…” She starts, scratching the back of her neck as she avoids eye contact at all costs. “I might have… lied a bit.” The end of her sentence was nothing more than a whisper, her eyes flickering briefly over Erwin and Levi’s faces to then set on the floor sheepishly.

“You what?” Levi hisses, loudly, and Erwin has to place a heavy hand on his shoulder to remind him that their conversation could still be overheard.

“About the test— Technically it is possible, I mean, ah—” Her words trip over one another, making little to no sense at all. “So if I could isolate the substance in, say, rabbits, then—”

“So there’s no accurate and trustable test, and therefore no way of proving it.” Erwin interrupts and Hanji promptly nods. The Commander straightens from his hunched over position, his face thirty shades calmer than it had been mere seconds ago and quietly walks back to the entrance of the cell without indicating his direct subordinates whether they should follow or remain at their spot.

Hanji makes to follow him, however, Levi’s strong hand on her forearm stops her dead on her tracks. The shudder is evident, yet it doesn’t make Levi feel better. “Why’d you lie?”

“I didn’t.” She replies immediately. “I told you what I thought was going on with him. Coincidentally, I was right.”

“But you weren’t sure. He could be dying of something else, yet you made us believe that he was—” He cuts himself off before he utilizes explicit words that could later be used against them, but his furrowed brows are self-explanatory.

“Don’t talk in past tense. It’s still happening.” She retaliates, squinting as her arm tenses and she pulls it away from Levi’s now limp grasp. “I needed you to accept it before you both did something really stupid that put him or her in danger. I needed Eren to come to terms with the truth, even when he already knew what was going on.”

He is about to say something else when Commander Hackett speaks, and the blood in Levi’s veins turns to ice in less than a second.

“Why does he look like that?” He wonders, one arm folded across his chest, supporting his other elbow as his hand lightly presses against his lips after having pointed at the soldier’s abdominal area. “Is there something wrong with him?”

Erwin speaks before the medic can even take a breath to answer. “Nothing wrong, of course. We found it a little disturbing at first that his human body would also resemble slightly of the deformed bodies of average titans. However, I can assure you that his thoughts and convictions are entirely human and in complete concordance with our objectives.”

“Oh, disturbing indeed.” The man replies, raising his chin in the medic’s direction so that he proceeded with the examination. “It reminds me slightly… no, well it can’t be.”

Levi keeps his cold gaze fixed on the back on the medic’s head, even when he can feel Hanji trying to find his eyes. His only solace consists of the blind faith he holds in Hanji’s affirmation that Eren’s condition couldn’t be proven unless he was actually dissected. He had managed to transform, and even if the event hadn’t lasted more than a few seconds, he hadn’t acted hostile towards any of the soldiers, which definitely founded the bases for probable success.

Perhaps Levi was being too optimistic, suddenly, but his faith in Erwin almost bordered on unfaltering, as well, and he trusted that he would find a way to twist the facts so that they served their purpose. Eren had been hurt before he completed the transformation. Badly, at that. They could use that as a possible cause for why he wasn’t able to maintain his titan form.

A tired sigh escapes the Corporal’s lips, blinking slowly. Too optimistic, indeed.

“Remove his clothes, Baecker.” Commander Hackett orders the medic, and Levi bites the inside of his lower lip. “There might be wounds that didn’t completely heal, and those should be tended to. We don’t want our shifter dying of a casual infection. That’d be most unfortunate.”

Doctor Baecker, with the help of two very uncomfortable soldiers from the Commander’s guard, pulls Eren’s shirt over his head. Everyone’s intense gazes immediately fall over the swollen abdomen, and Levi pointedly ignores an inquisitive stare thrown in his specific direction by the Commander. If anything, he tries to twist his features into an expression of disgust, but he can’t be too sure of its effectiveness since he considers himself particularly bad at anything that isn’t masking his actual emotions.

“The pants, Baecker, we don’t have all day.”

Hanji inhales sharply, yet quietly, by his side, and his brows draw together as Levi rummages his brain trying to find something that they had missed and that would elicit that reaction from the Squad Leader. The realization has him scrunching his features in distress. The blood, of course. Though faint, blood stains would still be tainting the boy’s skin by his thighs, and there was no way that wouldn’t rise suspicion and the need for a deeper analysis.

“Hackett,” Erwin speaks firmly, effectively halting the medic’s hovering hand over Eren’s pants. “I believe that such an action would attempt against this boy’s integrity,” He takes extra care in emphasizing the word ‘boy’. “Taking in account how he’s unconscious and therefore unable to consent. You’ve already confirmed the lack of any other sort of injuries, even on his head, where we all saw the bullets penetrate.”

Clearly translatable as ‘There’s no point in being a bunch of perverts so openly.'

“His vitals are normal, sir. He seems unharmed.” Baecker adds helpfully. “Everything appears to be in order.”

The frown the Commander sports doesn’t exactly cover the fact that he’s red in the face, and his pride takes over the better part of him when he grunts and nods his head unconvincingly.

“Just confirm this,” he asks. “He isn’t a woman.”

Levi feels a void open wide and dangerous in his gut, even when he raises an eyebrow in the Commander’s direction, to then look over at Erwin. Commander Erwin is so good at lying it’s almost ridiculous, and, for a brief moment, Levi even wonders how he can trust a man that could so artlessly play absolute innocence.

“A woman?” Erwin repeats, surprised. “Why would— oh.”

He shakes his head faintly, brows drawn together in an expression of concentration. “No, he is not. Our own medic and his former barrack comrades can avow for that, if you’d find the need to ask them.”

“Good thing, then.” Commander Hackett says with a single nod, eyelids lowered. “We can’t afford to be breeding monsters, you know.”

 

\--

Not many people come visit Eren. Certainly not Commander Hackett or any of the members of his garrison, even if the man does ask Hanji every now and again, not without a slightly hopeful tone, if the soldier has died.

When the Squad Leader informs him that, fortunately, Eren is still alive and recovering, Commander Hackett will always have a disheartening comment to add. Most of them are ignored by Hanji, except for the one time he casually suggests something that manages to successfully breach the reinforced anti-Hackett barrier she had built the moment she had realized she was bound to lose her temper in the man’s presence.

“Perhaps he has suffered brain damage.” The man proposes, playing the part by appearing mortified as he draws his brows together and grimaces thoughtfully. Hanji’s reaction, the widening of her eyes and the tensing of her shoulders, is mostly involuntary; however, the scowl is absolutely premeditated when she spots the sufficient smirk on the Commander’s face. “His head was injured after all, wasn’t it?”

“We don’t know. We thought we saw something which might not have been what actually happened, sir.” She replies, trying her best to keep her voice neutral. “We’ll have to wait to see the genuine extension of the damage, if there’s any.” The last part is more a reassurance for herself than anything else.

Levi doesn’t share his thoughts on the matter when Hanji grudgingly exposes the possibility. She doesn’t even want to give the notion the space to become a powerful idea, but the truth is that she had been so elated just by having Eren be alive that she hadn’t considered that dreadful option. Which is quite scary and very much plausible, in all honesty. The limbs that had grown back after they had been chopped off Eren’s body, were made of new tissue, scar-free, unmarked. If Eren’s brain had grown back, too, there wasn’t any guarantee that it would have retained the information it had held before. Something might not make sense in the delicate environment that was Eren’s head. He might never wake up, or, if he did, he might not be Eren anymore.

It’s a possibility Levi refuses to accept; even if he doesn’t downright say it, Hanji guesses by the averse with which he glares at the sleeping form, warm and peaceful, to then turn right around and leave the dungeons without a word.

Hanji thinks it would be better for Eren if the Corporal invested some of his time otherwise spent sulking on visiting the younger soldier and talking to him to persuade his runaway mind to return to the present, but she doesn’t press the matter when he snaps after the first time she so much as suggests it.

Armin and Mikasa do try their best to be by Eren’s side anytime they find themselves with some free time, fortunately.

Hanji shifts Eren’s position every few hours, keeping him turned on his right mostly, since that’s the most convenient posture for him in his state. By being turned on his right side, Hanji ensures that his heart is in the less stressful position, as it’s not compressed in any way by the weight of his own lungs; also, assuming his anatomy is similar to a woman’s, that posture would prevent major possible arteries from being obstructed by the weight of wherever the child is developing and its structures if Eren were laying on his back all the time.

Coincidentally, every time Mikasa and Armin show up, Eren rests in that position, his shirt and the blankets dissimulating the evident swell of his abdomen, and Mikasa never notices anything out of the ordinary.

While Armin does talk to him, Mikasa will mostly hold his hand and run her fingers through his messy hair. The expression on her face is hard to interpret, but if Hanji had to take a guess, she would’ve described it as impotence and sadness. Maybe a little bit of anger.

When Eren’s friends come check on him at least three times a day, Levi only did so once, if at all. After Hanji's hypothesis, though, he would limit his concern to listening in as Hanji informs the rest of Levi’s Squad, at dinner, how she thinks the younger soldier is managing.

It’s the day when Hanji finds herself so absorbed in a book that she misses dinner when Levi unenthusiastically appears at the entrance of Eren’s cell, fuming and cursing under his breath.

Hanji stares at him blankly, retreating from the magical world she’d been immersed in until she finally recognizes him and her surroundings.

“Ah, Levi!” She chirps, standing up and stretching her back. It pops before she sighs contently and relaxes, walking over to him. “What brings you here?”

“You missed dinner.” He deadpans, his eyes skimming over Eren’s still form. Hanji almost swears she sees a sad grimace twist the Corporal’s features, but she decides not to delve on it.

“Ah, sorry. I didn’t notice.” Is her answer as she clings to Levi’s arm and drags him inside the cell. “Would you watch over him as I go scavenge for scraps?”

“Why?” The Corporal asks in return. “He’s still unconscious. It’s not like he’s going to go anywhere.”

By then Hanji has pulled him to the edge of the bed and pushes on his shoulder so that he takes a seat on the chair she had been occupying minutes ago. Levi complies, although not without first glaring at the Squad Leader intensely.

“I’m sure he’ll be waking up anytime now.” She says, her hand lightly tapping Levi’s shoulder before he jerks away from her touch. “Imagine how he’s going to feel if he wakes up to a grim, smelly, and most importantly, empty cell?”

Before the Corporal can reply, making use of broad, yet very improper language, Hanji is already outside the cell and humming happily as she makes her way away from them both. Groaning with irritation, the Corporal clasps his hands together, supporting his elbows over his thighs and studies Eren’s face.

It’s not going to matter if he wakes up to an empty cell if he doesn’t even know whom to expect there, he thinks grimly.

He grows bored quickly, Eren’s slow breathing not even close to an effective distraction, and he’s about to pick up Hanji’s book when he remembers what he’d found last time he’d tried that. Instead of him teasing her about reading hardcore porn— erotica, Hanji would call it— he was the one being teased for flustering immensely whenever the book was mentioned.

Eventually, he notices his eyelids growing heavy. He eyes Eren’s bed almost longingly, thinking about how easy it would be to roll the younger soldier further to the edge so Levi could take the other side. However, he’d never hear the end of it if Hanji found him in that position, so he bends over and rests his head over the hard mattress, trying to keep as far away from Eren as possible.

It’s a coincidence that Levi’s body decides on its own accord that it’s not comfortable enough once the Corporal has almost lost his consciousness, and that he doesn’t exactly notice how he lifts his own arms to the mattress so that the weight of his head is distributed on his shoulders and not on his neck alone, how he ends up resting his head against the sleeping soldier’s forearm.

It’s also a coincidence that that should be the exact moment when the younger soldier finally blinks his eyes open for the first time in days.

All of his limbs feel heavy, hurt like he had fallen from a second floor three times in a row, and for a brief moment the image before his eyes doesn’t make too much sense until he manages to combine closed eyelids with thin eyebrows and soft black hair over a tense forehead and realize he’s looking at someone’s face.

Levi.

Details slowly start to inundate his perception, and he notices the clean smell of the blanket that covers him almost to the chin, feels the roughness of the mattress below his body, and perceives the disturbing lack of light. There’s also something humid and stale in the air, and the word ‘dungeon’ quickly provides him an answer to his location.

But then he’s noticing the soft puffs of air sweeping over his right forearm, and tender warmness over his skin. It takes a few seconds for his brain to process those facts and align them with whatever it is the Corporal’s doing. The smile that stretches over Eren’s lips is completely unintentional when he finally determines that Levi’s temple rests against his arm, his face turned in Eren’s direction. His arms are bent, placed over the mattress, and when Eren stretches his fingers, he can feel the delicate skin of the inside of the Corporal’s elbow.

Eren tests the strength of his left arm, and inwardly cheers when he can lift it without much trouble. It feels like it had been ages since he last woke up to find Levi’s face so close to his, and perhaps that and his still confused brain are the ultimate detonator for his clumsy fingers clandestinely slithering into the black locks of Levi’s hair.

His hand remains gently stroking the Corporal’s head even when the man frowns and his eyelids twitch, even when something in Eren’s brain screams to stop touching him and feign complete innocence.

Tired eyes flutter open, ice blue irises adjusting to the faint light as his expanded pupils focus on Eren’s face, and the younger soldier’s smile only broadens when he hears Levi’s alleviated sigh.

“So you live.”

Of course. Language. Eren blinks slowly at his words, making sense of them and their context, and he has to close his eyes as memories start to overflow his mind suddenly. He was so sure he was going to die, yet here he was, fingers threading through hair that he had forgotten the texture of. Maybe he had died and his happy afterlife consisted of playing with Levi’s hair forever. Paradise.

But then insistent knuckles tap his arm, so he figures he should say something.

“How long—” he tries. His voice comes out raspy and nearly useless, and he has to clear his throat before trying again. It’s not very helpful, but at least he manages to articulate a full question. “How long was I out?”

The lines around Levi’s eyes smooth out considerably,— no brain damage, apparently. Thank Maria, — and he closes them tiredly before replying. “Couple of days.” Just a mumble as he readjusts his face against the younger soldier’s arm.

“Pooping and pissing all over myself for that long?”

The quiet snort against his arm is comforting and compels Eren to let out a small laugh of his own. “And without showering, too. You’re fucking disgusting.”

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, his intrusive fingers wandering to Levi’s forehead, pushing his bangs away until boring eyes again focus on his own.

“Fuck you,” the Corporal groans, turning his head so his eyes are shielded against Eren’s arm. “I let you sleep for days and you won’t even grant me one fucking hour.”

Just like that, Eren’s fantasy shatters, his Eden vanishes as Levi raises his head and Eren’s fingers slide away from his silky hair. Levi has the courtesy of holding his hand and relocating it over the mattress instead of letting it fall aimlessly, then pats it distractedly before straightening and stretching what probably were some badly abused muscles on his back.

“No one died?” Eren asks faintly, his nails scratching the sheets, missing the feeling of Levi’s scalp already.

“No.” The Corporal replies. “But I’m not that sure, if the way you smell is any indication.”

There’s a faint, almost courteous smile. “Are you sure? No one?”

“Yeah.” Levi squints, then looks away, folding his arms over his chest, leaning against the backrest and plopping one knee over the other casually. “Hanji says there would be clear signs of infection by now if it had died. You wouldn’t have woken up, yet, you are fine, surviving like a real champ.”

“Okay.” Eren nods. Even though his smile is sincere this time, the burning inside the bridge of his nose is too, the unnerving sensation of feeling his lower eyelids heavy with the anticipation of tears nothing more than a nuisance, and Eren wants to slap himself repeatedly.

Just his mood swings, he’s still sensible, he tries to convince himself. The overwhelming relief invading him has nothing to do with his exaggerated reaction, of course.

“Ah, no.” He hears Levi say. Eren’s turned his face the other side, away from him. “Don’t add snot to the list of Disgusting Things About You now.”

“I’m not crying.” He says, but a sniff betrays him. “I’m just allergic to your sarcasm.”

“Oh, you’d be dead by now if that were true.” But Eren is still looking away, curled up on his other side and still sniffing like there would be no tomorrow ever again.

“Eren?”

Something about Levi’s voice is suddenly different. There’s a caring undertone coating that single word that makes Eren lose his breath, that effectively evacuates all his thoughts to leave behind a massive void of emptiness where the only thing that registers is a light tapping inside of him that is at the same time familiar and comforting.

Eren stiffs, then turns around to lay on his back and stays completely still, blinking twice before grimacing.

“What?” The Corporal asks.

It’s there again. Soft, so faint it’s maybe just his imagination. Catching his lower lip between his teeth, Eren looks up at Levi mortified. “He’s moving.”

Levi stiffs too, only blinks, forgetting how to breathe before he forces himself to speak. “You don’t like it.” He would’ve made it sound like a question if Eren’s face hadn’t been so explicative, so telling in his uneasiness.

“No. It’s freaking me out, it feels so weird.” He confesses. It was nice to know that the child was alive, but there was no need for that much excitement. “Wow, kid. Really, stop.” He prods his belly with one finger gently, the expression on his face one of pure antipathy. Levi tries his best not to snort yet fails miserably.

“It hasn’t even been born and you’re already ordering it around.” He points out, nodding briefly like he approves, pursing his mouth slightly. An annoyed glower is sent in his direction before Eren’s eyes widen and he looks down surprised, supporting his upper torso over his elbows.

“Stop talking.” He orders, flapping a hand in Levi’s direction as he tries to concentrate.

Levi frowns then, insulted. “You are in no place to demand something like that, Jaeger. I will fucking talk as much as I want to and you’re gonna suck it the fuck up, get it?”

Eren completely ignores him as he tumbles back down and presses his hands against his face, a categorical sigh abandoning his mouth promptly.

“Fuck me sideways, he actually gets more restless when he hears your voice.” He mutters after a few seconds. Silence follows. Dense, awkward, suffocating silence.

At a loss for words, torn between pride and alarm, Levi waits until the clenching feeling in his chest has dissipated before opening his mouth to say the first thing that comes to his mind.

“Language, kid.” Eloquent as always.

 

\--  
It’s not long after Levi has left, heavily dragging his awkwardness along with him, that Hanji appears, breathing uneven, her hair even more out of place that it usually was, and practically assaults Eren when she wraps her arms around his thin frame and squeezes tightly.

“Good, merciful Maria, Eren!” She cries, rocking from side to side. Eren has to make a choking sound for Hanji to release him finally, apologetic smile in place.

“Do you know who I am? Can you understand what I’m saying?” She asks slowly, articulating every word with all the care in the world, then she studies his face, squinting.

“What? O-of course.” He replies, confusion evident. “Why?”

“I’m going to strangle Levi.” She hisses then, balling her fists and looking at the aisle outside the cell like she’s considering actually following the Corporal to carry out her threat. Then she smiles and fixes her alleviated gaze back on Eren. “I guess it’s payback for… for everything really. I’m a horrible human being.”

Eren shakes his head, grimacing. “What?”

“The bullets, they—” She tries, but stops when she recognizes the dread behind Eren’s eyes. “We thought you might have suffered brain damage or something.”

“I was shot in the head?” He sounds alarmed, brings his hands up to his head and pats it lightly to then look at his palms like he expects to find blood all over them. After he sighs lightly, once he’s confirmed nothing seems to be out of place, he fixes his eyes on Hanji’s still form. “How am I still alive?”

The Squad Leader shrugs pointedly. “Guess your titan side is really keen on keeping death from happening? I have no idea, dear.”

Maybe his titan side wasn’t exactly focusing on keeping _him_ alive, he thinks dejectedly as he steals a glance at his abdomen. Nonetheless, he has to smile fondly, despite himself, when the action brings back the memory of the child’s ridiculous squirming. Remembering the Squad Leader had specifically asked to know when that happened, Eren decides to share the information.

“Ah, is that why Levi looked like he’d just seen a ghost?”

Hanji reacts with a lot more enthusiasm to the news that the baby had finally made its presence known by moving than Eren had expected, which surprisingly enough covers for Levi’s lack thereof in its intensity.

“Oh, Sina, is he or she moving right now?” She asks, kneeling on the bed beside Eren and flexing her fingers in a grabbing motion. “Let me feel that, please.”

Eren laughs nervously, retreating to the edge of the bed. “Ah, no. Not right now.” He says, then tilts his head and focuses his sight on the bars of his cell. “Actually, he started to move because Levi— eh, the Corporal said my name. He squirms a lot when the Corporal talks, I think. Is that possible?”

“Of course it’s possible!” The Squad Leader chirps animatedly. “His or her ears are functional already. He or she can hear us, and actually recognize voices. It’s so amusing, though, that your baby would react more strongly to Levi’s.”

Hanji squirms, shrugging her shoulders and grinning mischievously. “In love with daddy already, I see, huh, Leren?” She says, staring at Eren’s belly. The younger soldier only snorts before plopping back down on the mattress, on his back, and staring up at the woman. “Well, I don’t blame you. Who isn’t, right?”

Meaningful eyes find Eren's own, yet he ignores both the question and the suggestion. Sighing contentedly, Hanji copies Eren posture as she lays down, nudging Eren’s shoulder playfully before she bends her arm and rests her head over it.

He would’ve thought it’d be uncomfortable to share a bed with Hanji like that. They are friends, he supposes, even if she’s his superior. Throughout the last few months, the Squad Leader has been there for him, being a reliable shoulder where to lean on when his situation only turns worse with every day that goes by. If it hadn’t been for her, Eren’s sure he would’ve lost his mind a long time ago. He figures his relationship with the older woman is similar to the one he holds with Mikasa, with nothing more than amiable companionship, and it feels refreshing to a point he’d never thought possible.

Maybe Levi feels the same way about him. Perhaps this is how he feels when he shares his bed with Eren.

“I’m so glad…” Hanji starts. “I’m so glad your child is alive, Eren.”

There’s a sad smile on her face, and Eren frowns at the sight.

Her clever eyes skid over the ceiling, and the smile that had been stretching over her lips slowly dissolves until the corners of her mouth bend downwards faintly. The fingers of her free arm tap with unparalleled gentleness against her own belly, absentmindedly.

“You’ve been… pregnant before, haven’t you?” He blurts out. It doesn’t exactly hit him how intrusive that actually is until he hears his own words, and he cringes, curling his toes and rolling his eyes, annoyed with himself.

He doesn’t expect an answer from Hanji, so he can’t exactly mask his surprise when he hears her speak.

“I have, yes.”

He does have the social tactfulness not to ask her what had happened, so he only nods dejectedly and sighs. She had probably lost the baby, otherwise Eren was sure she would have mentioned her pregnancy at some point and tried to compare it with Eren’s. She would at least have mentioned a son or daughter, he figures.

Maybe she had wanted to have that baby. Maybe it was hard for her to have to spend so much time with Eren if it reminded her of what she had lost. Suddenly, the feeling of thankfulness is so overwhelming he wants to throw his arms around her and squeeze tightly.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, eyes fixed on the ceiling as well.

“No, don’t be.” She says, looking at him from the corner of her eye, a playful smile on her lips. “Just promise me you’ll love this kid like you’ve never loved anyone before.”

Then she laughs. “Not even Levi.”

“I don’t—” Eren begins, nonetheless his sentence is interrupted by an almost desperate sigh. There was no point. There was no point in denying something even Armin had noticed immediately.

Maybe he did love him.

No, that wasn’t right. He knew he loved him… but maybe he was _in_ love with him.

The acceptance of that fact slotted into its rightful place in his mind more easily than he could’ve imagined it ever would.

“Okay.” He agreed, his lips stretching into an easy smile. “I promise.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you’re worried, I’m not actually going to name the poor thing Leren. Just so you know haha.

Perhaps it’s a coping mechanism, or perhaps Eren’s downright throwing a tantrum, but even when Levi informs him that he’s allowed to leave the cell, the younger soldier will refuse. Both doctor Baecker— who never asks about Eren’s deformity— and Hanji have performed various tests to determine the state of Eren’s brain and established nothing seems wrong, however, that is not the problem.

He doesn’t know much about keeping appearances, and hypocrisy has never been one of his best tactics, so he’s certain that the moment he sees Commander Hackett, he’s going to get in much more trouble than three Erwins would be able to pull him out from.

The fact that the man was probably only following orders from above does nothing to placate the feeling of betrayal, the anger. First at the attempt on his son’s life, then the one on Eren’s own, and finally, the bitterness he’d subjected Levi and Mikasa and Armin to. True, it was his own fault for being unable to transform right away; nevertheless, Commander Hackett had no right to make his loved ones suffer.

Appreciative of the fact that the Commander doesn’t even pretend to come visit, Eren remains in his cell until the day Mikasa lets him know that they had all formally bid farewell to the man that very morning. Apparently, the report he had to issue concerning Eren’s abilities and whatever occurrences had taken place at the Scouting Legion’s Headquarters had to come directly from the man’s lips for Supreme Commander Zacklay to consider it trustworthy. It’s rather fortunate, Eren thinks, for he was going mad inside that morbidly empty prison.

He looks forward to that night, wondering if Levi will still allow him to sleep in his room, beside him, or if the time they spent apart will affect whatever little progress Eren had managed to make in that respect.

“He will be back, though.” Armin sighs once Eren’s stupid grin has lost its giddy power. “He didn’t prove anything aside from the fact that you’re able to transform.”

Mikasa glances briefly at him, shaking her head.

“They have yet to determine what they were here for in the first place.” Armin concludes, fingers tapping lightly against his thighs. “They still need to know that the power you can lend us is the most important weapon we have.”

Eren grimaces at Armin’s affirmation yet says nothing, only nodding when he notices Mikasa’s eyes set on him.

“I hope the Supreme Commander sends someone else, ‘cause I don’t think I can bear to look at Hackett’s face without puking.” Eren groans, throwing his head back. The fingers that set softly on his hand are welcomed, and he glances gratefully in Mikasa’s direction.

“You need to be careful, Eren.” She sighs. “It’s very likely that he’ll be the one to return, and as much as I want to see him burn, too, you have to…” Her sentence dies in her lips as her eyes adopt a fiery glow. It’s not necessary for her to issue any more words, Eren understands her suggestion perfectly and bites his lower lip before shaking her hand away and averting his sight.

“Fuck no.” He hisses. “I’m not going to wiggle my hypothetical tail just to see if the bastard won’t try to kill my— _me_ again.” Mikasa doesn’t notice the slip, but Armin does, his eyes widening, eyebrows lifting faintly. His stare is then pointed, looking between Eren and Mikasa. Eren shakes his head, his brow twitching and features transparently displaying nervousness.

“You have to.” The blond soldier says, and Eren can’t determine what his friend is referring to.

“We’ll see.” He replies then, unsure, too, of what he means.

 

\--  
He hasn’t been alone for very long when Hanji comes trotting down the stairs and nearly crashes against the bars of Eren’s cell. Before they’ve even exchanged greetings, Hanji is already hauling him out and up the stairs.

“A shower, Eren!” She cries. “It is most necessary!”

She doesn’t know about Levi’s covert bathroom, Eren finds out as she leads him to the common bathrooms, conveniently empty at this time of the day. After making sure no one was currently inside, Hanji fills Eren’s arms with clean clothes and soaps and then signals to a stall where there’s a low stool and buckets already filled to the brim with hot water.

“I don’t want you falling over and killing yourself and Leren in the process.” She explains, undressing Eren despite his numerous protests. “Don’t even touch the faucets or I will know.”

With that she forces him down on the stool and turns around hastily before leaving him alone, cold and confused.

It turns out Hanji was actually doing him a favor for, when they casually step into the dining hall and sit at Levi’s table, the man quickly backs away from Eren as if he were a piece of burning coal.

“I’m clean!” The younger soldier cries, picking a lock of his bangs between his fingers and tugging it in Levi’s direction. “I was very thorough.”

Levi blinks slowly and carefully sniffs the air around Eren before determining that he was actually telling the truth. “Better have. You didn’t shower in what, three weeks?”

Eren gulps audibly and fidgets without saying a word. Leren was awake and furiously waving good morning, apparently, but Eren makes no attempt to pass the message on.

“More or less.” He finally replies, promptly shoving a spoonful of porridge into his mouth not a second after Hanji has placed the bowl in front of him. “Good Maria, I’m starving.”

“What’s with you?” The Corporal says, disgusted expression in place as he tries not to stare at the mess Eren’s making of the table.

Hanji’s weight drops on Levi’s head as she places her bent arms on it and leans forward. “He’s growing, Levi. S’all.” She chants, nudging Levi’s back with her knee before he pushes her away angrily. “It’s like he’s eating for two, wouldn’t you say?”

At that, Eren looks around with evident worry, but no one remains in the broad room anymore except for them. He then catches a few items carefully placed in front of Levi, conveniently away from Eren and his food chaos. Documents and writing supplies.

Giddily, he thinks maybe Levi was doing his paperwork in here waiting for him, because he wanted to keep him company while he ate. He smiles at Levi, even when the man won’t know what the smile is for and Eren only gets a grunt in return.

“Hurry up. We need to tidy our room and then I must finish reading these stupid lists of stuff I don’t particularly care about.”

Eren beams at him. Their room. Of course, they were going to clean up _their_ room.

 

\--

Cleaning hadn’t taken as much time as Eren was used to. The room was practically impeccable when he strolled inside heavily, placing his hands on his waist and leaning slightly backwards to better find his center of gravity as he looked around. He changed the sheets and dusted the nightstand and the lonely chair by the bed before Levi informed him that it was enough.

Eren figures cleaning had only been an excuse to get Hanji off their backs since Levi knew there was nothing the woman hated most than doing boring chores.

After that they had walked all the way from the Corporal’s room— _their_ room— to what had come to be Levi’s office and Eren had plopped down on the chair closer to the door immediately with a loud sigh.

Currently, he finds himself with nothing to do but tap his fingers against the table, his face propped up on his hand, bored to the death.

He feels happy, he supposes, reassured after finding out that Levi’s behavior remains practically unchanged. He still ignores him, mostly, doesn’t look at him even if Eren is boring holes in his skull with his intent gaze, yet he’s willing to let Eren back into his quarters, into his life. Three weeks didn’t manage to build a wall between them and Eren smiles again, closing his eyes and trying to ignore the fluttering in his gut.

After a while, he realizes it’s not the feeling of content what’s causing the fluttering, and his face falls quickly, aggravation evident in his features as he massages his temples. It should be easy to ignore something as ridiculous as Leren stretching and testing out his muscles, but Eren has no other distraction, and even if the movements are faint and very sporadic, he finds himself focusing on them more than he would under any other circumstance.

Then he grins, leaning down to hide the stretching of his lips by pressing his mouth against his forearms.

If Eren had to put up with Leren being a little shit, Levi would have to as well. It was only fair.

“Please, for five minutes.” He groans, face sunk in the comfortable cocoon of his folded arms over the table. “Five minutes, Leren.”

Levi ignores him easily, completely absorbed in the document he is reading. Eren's sure the Corporal is faking his interest, since no one could actually be that enthralled by lists of supplies and he had also mentioned earlier how unexciting he found them.

“Could you tell him to stop?” Eren wonders, voice muffled against the table. The shuffling of paper is all he hears, by which he supposes the Corporal didn't catch his question. He doesn't get to repeat it, however, as Levi replies.

“Don’t call it Leren, it’s going to stick and Rose forbid that.” He sighs exasperatedly. “Also, it's a fetus, Eren.”

The alluded looks up at the Corporal through his messy bangs, horrified. He particularly detests that term.

“So he's not going to understand,” Eren murmurs, eyes wide. “But maybe he'll get the hint if you use your authoritative tone.”

The look the Corporal directs his way is a perfect non-verbal translation of the thing he'd just stated, with a small addition. ‘It's a fetus, Eren’, _and_ ‘you're stupid’.

“He can hear already, and recognize our voices.” The younger soldier explains with a severe tone, like he was Hanji educating people on titan behavior.

“Who told you that?” Levi asks tiredly, rubbing his face on his palm before resting his chin over it, elbow propped on the table.

“Hanji.” Eren deadpans, and it's his turn to send Levi a look that perfectly described how he thought the older male was slightly retarded. He smiles inwardly before continuing. “Says the reason why he has squirming episodes when he hears your voice is because he loves you already. Real shocker.”

Instead of the annoyed face he was sure he'd be awarded, Levi's features twist into a frown of confusion. “What's that supposed to mean?”

As his brain tries to identify the underlying emotion behind the Corporal's words, Eren faces a moment of doubt.

“Because... Everybody does?” He says, unsure. Levi's eyebrow curves upwards, and there's the look of annoyance Eren was expecting. The younger soldier relaxes then and grins insolently. “Guess you don't notice that you kind of make people do that.”

Shutting his eyes forcefully, Levi rubs the bridge of his nose and angles his face towards the ceiling.

“I make people fall in love with me?” Then he's looking back at Eren and his eyes have hardened. As he leans backwards, he folds his arms across his chest, face growing blank, although a little bit accusing. The realization is like a hard, stinging slap across Eren's face, with the side effect of lighting it up in red, too. He shrugs, but he knows he's screwed when Levi squints, almost disappointedly.

“Fuck.” Levi sighs.

He knows.

 _He knows_.

Eren freaks out for about two seconds before he figures denial in probably his best option. “N-no! Not me. Come on!” He whines, miserably, then realizes his tone had been more telling than a direct ‘I love you’ would have been. He bites his lower lip and scrunches up his features, his fists tensing by his sides. But then he breathes out and even if his heart is pounding away within his chest, he manages to clear his face of anything resembling guilt.

Levi’s not buying it, though. His tone is hard, low and punishing. “Don’t even think about that, it’s futile. You know I can’t.”

Eren feels his teeth beginning to clatter, so he clenches his jaw to avoid the noise from being audible. “I don’t— I don’t!” He objects, looking desperately for a way out of the embroidery he’s got himself into. “I care about you… a lot. That’s all. I really care about you.” Defeat is evident in Eren’s voice and the way his sight drops to the table and begins to follow the cracks and dents of the old wood.

A long and tense minute manages to fully bathe in their awkward atmosphere before Levi speaks with a low voice, so faint Eren has to wonder if he really spoke at all. “Why?”

Exactly, why? Eren wonders, eyes glued to the table, his foot jumping in a nervous twitch. But he knows why, he’s known why for so long now he’s absolutely certain that the answer is more than just evident. If he had to bet, he would bet that everyone already knew it. Levi was a bit scary, but underneath his stoic demeanors he was nice, and caring and sort of funny and so warm and so safe, and Eren had fallen hard at some point in trying to deny it all. Now there was no way in which he could crawl out of the perfect and comfortable cage of sentiments that he had locked himself inside of. There was nobody else who could make Eren feel quite like Levi did, like things were not really as dark and melancholic as they appeared, not when Levi brightened his day with such easiness it was almost laughable.

“I don’t know.” He replies at last, his nails digging into the rough skin of his palms, his insides twisting with shame and rejection. He doesn’t care that he’s admitted his feeling for Levi, there’s no point, anyway, in keeping them secret when they’re not ever going to be returned.

He senses Levi moving, but he can’t bring himself to make eye-contact with him. Levi sighs before speaking.

“Listen, Jaeger.” He whispers slowly. It reminds Eren of an adult trying to get something across to an ill-behaved child. “Forget about that. Forget about this. My obligations to you extend only to what I need to do to make sure you and the kid are doing fine. I may not even be able to play actively in its life, so don’t go around thinking that it’s going to be any different.” His voice gradually raises, his breathing slow yet noisy. “You and I are not a couple, you’re my subordinate, I’m your superior. I just happened to accidentally knock you up. That’s it.”

He sounds angry.

Why would he be angry? Eren wonders crossly. He’s not offending him. It’s not like he had wanted to become pregnant in the first place, and it’s not like he purposefully decided to develop feelings for the man. If anything, Levi should have prevented that from happening. Both things. It’s not Eren’s fault that he’s a human being with needs and feelings and he suddenly finds himself choking on resentment, thinking that the man should be flattered instead.

That only serves in helping to promptly morph all of Eren’s anxiety and humiliation and pride into fury. His eyes meet the Corporal’s, burning coldly with the trapped emotions consuming his thoughts and he doesn’t find comfort in Levi’s surprise at reading the younger soldier’s expression. Eren’s eyes narrow, he stops clenching his jaw and the chattering of his teeth is what breaks his irascible stupor.

With eyes screwed shut, Eren turns his face away, breathes heavily a couple of times.

“Fuck you.” He hisses, loud enough to be heard.

The legs of the chair Levi was sitting on scratch the stone floor as it’s pushed backwards roughly. Eren doesn’t flinch at it, or at the loud sound of palms slamming against the surface of the table before him. He only looks back at the Corporal, at the fire burning in his eyes and Eren fights it with his own, unhindered and bold.

“Don’t you fucking dare talk to me like that.” It’s possible that Eren has never before seen him in such a state. It reminds him slightly of the time when he’d suggested Levi should punch his abdomen and kill the thing living within him. Levi’s words are raw, bordering on emotional, Eren senses the slow hot lick of the Corporal’s unspoken feelings over his own, sees the slight tremble of his eyebrows as he tries to uphold a façade of invulnerability when he’s actually very vulnerable underneath.

That is why Eren huffs impertinently, why he raises from his seat and slides his hands over the table as well, leaning towards Levi without breaking eye-contact and whispers “Fuck— _you_ ” trying not to sneer. He knows Levi won’t hurt him physically, won’t dare to even yank his head forward or punch his face. He knows he has at least this much power over him, so he exploits it for as long as he can.

It’s not very long, he finds out. Levi again bangs his hands over the table to then recede, walk around Eren without looking at him and then slam the door behind him as he leaves the room without another word.

 

\--  
There’s something weird about the air, something chilly in the atmosphere that makes Hanji’s hair stand on end and her brow furrow with confusion. Then she hears it.

The chirring.

That chirring natural to Levi’s foulest mood as he throws the door to Hanji’s office open, the wood smashing against the rock wall and he breezes inside to then slam the door closed again. The Squad Leader looks around her mortified, her sight focusing on the absolute mess that has become her office and she only has time to secure her mug between her hands before Levi claims the desk and starts ordering and cleaning it up.

“Impossible,” Hanji musses, taking a quiet sip from her mug. “You’ve only been reunited for like two hours. What did you do now, Levi?”

The man’s only answer is a small grunt, his hands travelling dexterously across the table as he fixes documents and throws the trash to the floor with the intention of sweeping it later, no doubt.

“No, really. It had to be you, because Eren was bubbling with excitement to see you again finally and I also like him better because he doesn’t take it against my ordered disorder when he’s angry.” She sighs, pushing her chair away from the table as she inspects the Corporal with calculating eyes. “What have you done?”

Silence is the only thing hanging in the air for a while. Silence and the rushed whispers of cleaning.

“Does Jaeger have feelings for me?” Levi asks in the end when Hanji thought she’d grow old waiting forever.

Blinking slowly, Hanji tilts her head to one side, disbelieving. “What?”

“It’s a simple enough question, woman. Fucking answer it.”

 

\--  
Wandering has never really suited Eren. Wandering tends to get him in close range with trouble, more effectively so when he’s angry. In the back of his mind, Eren keeps on thinking that even though he desperately wants to get in a fight with someone, he should better avoid such a situation for nothing good can come out of it. Not in his state.

He’d love to run into Jean. He’d love to kick him straight in the face and then receive a few hard punches in return. He’d love to get out, transform into a titan and kill a bunch of the mindless beasts. Anything, really. At this point even cart-wheeling for a few minutes outside, under the sun, would be enough.

Instead he paces around the corridors breathing heavily, punching doors and kicking walls, and pulling on his hair while incriminating tears threaten with staining his cheeks with shame, and he groans and pushes his face into his hands and squeezes while trembling all over.

He should’ve known it. He should’ve known that it was only his mind playing tricks on him. It was so obvious, so evident. There was nothing in him that could ever appeal someone like Levi. Nothing in him was admirable, interesting, not even likable. Nothing about him could ever catch something in Levi, like the sky at day is unable to hold on to the stars the darker it becomes. And there is something dark about Eren. There is something disgusting and eerie creeping below his skin, and he should’ve known that it would come to this. If only he’d kept his guard up, nothing would’ve happened. His happiness wouldn’t be slipping between his fingers, pooling around his feet and making it impossible for him to take a step away from the ache.

Perhaps that’s the reason why he turns right around and rushes through halls and corridors until he reaches the soldiers’ quarters. Why he doesn’t notice the burn in his throat when he runs out of breath as he hurries instead towards the dining hall after finding the rooms empty.

His heart leaps uncomfortably inside his chest when he notices the blond head bobbing awkwardly with laughter, and he isn’t really thinking when he calls out to Armin and Mikasa from across the room. It’s enough to see them standing up immediately, and even more reassuring to have them dashing towards him with relieved faces and hidden smiles.

Those smiles dissipate almost instantaneously when they notice Eren’s shaking hands, his shifty, reddened eyes. Mikasa’s stance screams murder while Armin nearly melts with concern.

“I want to tell you something that I should've told you a long time ago, Mikasa.” Eren whispers, and before he knows it, he has Mikasa clinging to his left arm and Armin’s hand on his right shoulder guiding him away from curious looks, from judgmental stares and harsh murmurs.

Armin opens the door to a room Eren’s not familiar with, but faintly recognizes as an ample supplies closet when he distractedly glances around. Mikasa hugs closer to his arm and leans her head against his, her breath soft and calm while Armin doubtfully stares at the closed door wondering whether he should leave. When Eren looks at him pleadingly, Armin quietly steps back to better merge with the background. This is not his confession and for a brief moment he even wonders if he isn’t but an intruder. Mikasa is leaking concern and Armin notices Eren shake her away and ball his fists like he’s trying to keep his body from trembling.

“I, ah—” He says, unsure, eyeing the door indecisively. “There’s something that I’ve been trying to tell you for a while now, Mikasa.” His hands find Mikasa’s shoulders and he tries not to look away when their eyes meet.

After nodding, Mikasa straightens up and flinches when she feels Eren’s hands release her and drop heavily by his sides. She glances back at Armin uncertainly, then sighs when he smiles shyly back at her.

“I’m sort of— umh.” Eren faces a moment of doubt. Armin is certain that Eren never really gave any thought to how he was going to break the news to his sister. In fact, he goes as far as thinking that Eren was acting more out of impulse than a real want to share his burdens with Mikasa. When Eren’s face grows blank and his sight focuses somewhere beyond Mikasa’s eyes, Armin’s convinced that Eren is going to say the first thing that comes to his mind, which is never something smart. “So, like… I got a human parasite growing inside of me.”

 

\--  
Hanji taps the rim of her mug against her chin a couple of times, quietly observing the man before her. It’s not her intention to suddenly place him under a very scientific light, but subconsciously she knows that she can’t let her feelings mingle with her words now since this is more delicate than she would have believed. Because this was Levi, and Levi never addresses feelings.

“How should I know, Levi, dear?” She sighs. “Ask him.”

“There’s a reason I’m asking you.” He replies crossly, his hands halting mid-cleaning before he settles on the only creaky chair on the other end of Hanji’s desk. Hanji blows airs noisily out of her mouth to then click her tongue.

“Do you have feelings for him?”

“Don’t—” Levi starts, irritated, then breathes in deeply to regain serenity. “Don’t make this about me. Him. I want to talk about him.”

“Okay.” The Squad Leader concurs, nodding. “I’ll tell you what I know if you tell me _why_ you want to know.” She says, emphasizing the last bit of the agreement. Icy eyes glare at her from beneath furrowed eyebrows, yet she stands her ground until Levi looks away defeated.

“Because,” he begins, his shoulders slouching slightly. “I have the feeling that he has sort of confessed to me.”

Hanji contains a loud squeak, instead schooling her features into absolute vacuity. “You aren’t very bright when it comes to these things. Are you sure?”

“Of course not.” He groans. “Why the fuck do you think I’m here?”

The snort Hanji produces is completely unavoidable, but Levi doesn’t look too offended about it, so Hanji dares smile a bit before speaking. “What did he say exactly?”

“I don’t remember _exactly_ ,” he half mocks her, rubbing under his eye before noticing his fingers were dirty and grimacing. “He was talking about his kid loving me, and then freaked out saying it wasn’t his case, that he only cared a lot about me, so I told him to get fucking real and then he told me to go fuck myself.”

“What a brave young soul.” She whispers solemnly, unhindered by Levi’s following glare. “Though that was superbly shitty of you.”

“ _What_?” He hisses, tensing with the urge to get up and leave. Pursing her mouth, Hanji only shrugs and takes another quiet sip. “He told me to go fuck myself, the disrespectful little shit!”

“Well, I can only wonder what what you so cleverly described as ‘get real’ actually means. Don’t play innocent, I know how forward you can be.” She says then, her voice softening as she realizes Levi might take that very personal. She doesn’t mean to attack him. Fortunately, the Corporal only looks away guiltily and shrugs one shoulder as he gives a silent, yet reluctant, agreement.

“I just can’t— I can’t have him harboring that kind of expectation, he deserves better than that.” He sighs, pushing his bangs away from his forehead and against the top of his head. Hanji smiles sweetly.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean to offend you, Levi.” She assures, leaning forward. “You know he has a bit of a short temper, and he’s also the most unstable he's been in his entire life.”

At that Levi looks up at her, his forehead creasing with lines of confusion.

“Let me put it this way.” She starts. “Eren, right now could be compared to a titan's stomach when it’s nearing its full capacity—”

But Levi has to interrupt, his face the absolute definition of aggravation. “Hanji, seriously? You're going to explain this to me with fucking titans as examples?”

“Well the comparison is spot on!” She cries dejectedly, but Levi glances back at the exit and she decides that another approach is needed before he actually decides to bolt out the door and remain emotionally constipated for life. “Okay, then. Eren is like a gas container. What happens when you try to fill a gas container beyond its capacity?”

The Corporal doesn’t reply, he only gives her a look of antipathy. “Levi?”

“You mess up.” He replies, rolling his eyes.

Hanji nods in agreement, then adds, “It slips out of your hands. And all the gas accumulated inside rushes out before you can prevent it. Eren's emotions are the gas, and the container is already full, courtesy of your kid inhabiting his body. You are a noob recruit forcing more gas in than Eren is capable of holding.”

“He's going to burst.” Levi mutters.

“You've messed up.”Hanji concludes, voice soft and condescending.

Understanding shines behind Levi’s clever eyes, his features softening and his thoughts flying in various directions that Hanji couldn’t ever expect to be able to follow. Even if his expression remains mostly blank, guilt does tint the downward curving of his lips, the slight narrowing of his eyes. “I can't lie to him.” He exhales.

“About what?”

“About having feelings for him. I don't do that.” The Corporal replies immediately, his eyes harden, liquid blue freezing to a frigid gray.

“Perhaps not in the conventional way?” Hanji supplies, her eyes deviating to the left as she holds her mug close to her lips. “You know what feelings are alright. They're that tingling sensation in your gut when the gates open, and the numbness around your thoughts when we come back. It's releasing the breath you've been holding when you make sure Erwin is unharmed, your squad is alive. You were not born with an incomplete set.”

Levi doesn’t say anything, listening intently to Hanji. His analytic gaze isn’t judgmental, only curious and Hanji feels like dancing around the room because she almost feels progress sliding all over her skin.

“So?” He pushes, impatiently.

“So, I’m inclined to think your main concern is not your impossibility to love Eren back, but something else that that might encompass.” Is her reply, and it takes a while before Levi seems to understand what she’s referring to.

“Such as?” He asks, even though Hanji is certain that they’re both on the same track.

“You tell me.”

“It’s not that.” He says once he’s determined Hanji won’t say another word. “I can have sex if I want to. I just never feel like I need it.”

“Don’t you think that you're completely disregarding that Eren might want something more than that from you?” She asks carefully, pointedly looking at him from above her glasses as she lowers her face. “I know people make it seem like sex is a big deal, the most important part of a relationship. Well, I claim bullshit.”

The look Levi gives her is one of pure suspicion and Hanji laughs lightheartedly at it.

“I must sound like the most hypocritical person of all time, I know! And even though I should be undeniably biased, I’m really being honest.” She manages to produce between laughs. “After being in a relationship for some time the last thing you think about is sex. So it’s a novelty at first, ooh, ooh, we are allowed to be all over each other! But as things progress you come to realize that there is so much more that you appreciate about that person. If you don’t like them for anything else than sex, then it’s not worth it. There are infinite ways to show someone else that you care about them, that you are there, tangible, real, reciprocal. Sex is just an excuse, really.”

Levi seems torn between incredulity and acceptance. His mouth opens to say something, but sound never makes it out of his throat but for a helpless groan. Hanji doesn’t claim to be an expert in Levi’s special language, but progress is practically a thing that she can taste now, and she’s speaking before she can control herself. Just a little push.

“Eren is a practical individual. He knows what he wants, and though he doesn’t always think before he acts, by now he’s had enough time to consider this. You haven’t touched him sexually in more than six months, I’m sure the sex-spell wore off eons ago. If he wants to be with you, that is not the reason.”

“Leren?”

“Give yourself a little more credit! You’re not just a pretty face with incredible abs that’s capable of impregnating someone.” Hanji shakes her head forcefully, awards Levi a severe look and tries her best to ignore the furious glare figuratively drilling holes in her head. “Right now, Levi, it's like you've abandoned him at the door of the scariest part of the road.”

For a moment Hanji fears that Levi will snap, stab her repeatedly to then go on a murder rampage that decimates the Scouting Legion. However, his fury cools down rapidly, appearing to leave his body along with a deep and hurtful sigh.

“I knew he was attracted to me. That’s not very difficult to discern.” His head drops backwards, eyes glued to the ceiling. Hanji snorts again, disbelieving, and Levi smirks halfway before speaking. “Laugh all you want, but I’m pretty sure that when some guy moans your name while jacking off, that’s because he wants to bang your fucking brains out.”

“Wall-fucking-Rose, Levi, don’t be crude!” But her laughter is loud and her face is pure amusement. “Get out of my office, I'm supposed to be working!”

 

\--  
Armin feels like banging his head against a wall and looks pleadingly at Eren, who only shrugs, annoyed, in return. Mikasa narrows her eyes and tilts her head sharply to one side. “What?” She mutters before her attention focuses on Armin accusingly. The blond soldier only bites his lower lip guiltily at her glare, then motions with his head towards Eren so that she’ll redirect her attention. “What’s that supposed to mean? Are you alright?”

“For some reason, I umh. I have this thing…” Eren tries, his eyes dancing furiously all across the room, avoiding Mikasa at all costs. “A thing that’s abnormal— in my case, at least— and that is, umh, feeding off my body?”

Now Armin wants to bang Eren’s head against something. He presses his knuckles against his lips and suffers from secondhand embarrassment for another three minutes before it becomes evident that he has to intervene unless he wants Mikasa to have some sort of anxiety attack.

“Eren is pregnant.” He blurts out. “Because of his titan powers, he’s able to have babies.” There, plain and simple.

Armin feels his knees tremble under the power of Mikasa’s reproving stare. For a moment he has the urge to cower behind Eren and deny it all.

“Why are you saying that?”

“It’s true!” Eren says before Mikasa explodes in a string of furious reprimands directed towards his best friend. “I know it sounds like we’ve lost our minds, but we’re not lying.”

At that Mikasa sighs profoundly and rolls her eyes. She backs away until she finds the wall behind her and leans against it with her hands behind her back. “Someone knocked you up?” She asks disbelievingly, and only because Armin was so used to the brief flickers of emotion in Mikasa’s features does he notice the hurt hiding there.

“I’m not making this up!” He cries, shuffling uncomfortably before sighing and looking away blinking furiously. His hands clutch the fabric of his shirt tightly and he lifts the edge over his skin before he can regret it. “Just look.”

Mikasa’s eyes widen and she sucks her lower lip into her mouth, her brow creasing faintly. Eren readjusts his shirt over his belly, looking uncomfortable and out of place.

“Oh, Eren.” She whisper, shaking her head slightly. “When are you due?” She asks then, and her face is vacant as she studies Eren attentively. Armin thinks he detects a slight tone of disappointment in her tone and he notices Eren figure it out as well as he balls his fists to manage to keep his voice mostly neutral when he responds.

“Assuming I’m like a woman,” Eren begins, his face growing red. “In like two months, more or less. I don’t really know. Hanji is the one who keeps track of that.”

“Who else knows?” The room feels suddenly cold, and Armin’s fingers twist with the need to go over to Mikasa and embrace her tightly. There’s no anger in her voice, or her stance. It’s strange, but Armin detects vulnerability and resentment. He understands, tries to put himself in Mikasa’s shoes and screws his eyes shut as it dawns on him. She feels left out. Eren remains quiet until Mikasa repeats her question with unexpected harshness.

“Squad Leader Hanji, and Commander Erwin, and Armin.” He whispers. His voice grows even quieter by the end of his list. “And Corporal Levi.”

Mikasa’s dark eyes skid over to Armin for a fleeting second, and he has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from whimpering. He wants to tell her he’s sorry, the glinting behind her eyelids breaks his heart and he again looks over pleadingly to Eren who seems as clueless as he’s ever been.

Eren is the only remaining member of Mikasa’s family. Eren is her only consolation, her only reason to keep on trying. Her primary motivation and the center of her universe. Even when she never voices it aloud, Armin is conscious that without Eren, the world for Mikasa lacks sense, and perhaps what hurts is not that Eren is about to take a step that will stray him further from her, because she understands family, she understands that sons and daughters become one’s priority, and that’s not what makes her suffer. What hurts deep inside is that she’s only finding out about this huge news less than two months away from the happening. That Eren has more trust deposited in people he’s just met than in her, who has been by his side for years, through ups and downs.

“Why?” She mutters, her voice faint to disguise her emotions, lowering her head so her bangs cover the better part of her face. Armin feels something burn in his throat, behind his eyelids.

“Why?” Armin is completely taken aback when he hears Eren’s voice. He should be apologizing, instead he gets defensive, and Armin looks between his two best friends with dread staining his features, panic bubbling in his chest. “Well, I don’t know, Mikasa. I woke up one day and I felt the sudden urge to procreate.”

“Eren—” Armin tries to say, then freezes when the gazes of both their friends focus on him. He’s torn between screaming and stomping out of the room cursing. Eren’s eyes are red, his face flushed and his breathing uneven. He hadn’t been calm when he’d approached them, because the remnants of his foul moods are as noticeable as if he were wearing a dark blanket over his shoulders. Armin is the one with common sense here, and he should have prevented this from happening. Mikasa’s eyes are dull. Her face lacks light, she suddenly looks like she’s ten years older and Armin almost hears something cracking inside of her.

“Who fucked you then?” She asks. Her tone is calm, composed, the real lash is in her words.

Eren folds his arms over his chest and raises his chin defiantly. “That is none of your business.”

“And what are Levi and Erwin going to do about it? You can’t stay here, when Hackett comes back, and if they figure it out, they are going to— We need to get you out of here.” She says, ignoring her brother’s rudeness. A grimace settles on Armin’s face when he notices Eren’s trembling. Her words are not random, perhaps neither of them notices it on a conscious level, but Mikasa’s words suggest that Eren is incapable of holding up for himself, that important decisions are out of his control.

He falls right in the trap.

“Well, Erwin has a plan. To get me out of here so that I can… You know.” His voice shakes, too. His eyes swell with tears but Mikasa seems unaffected.

“By yourself?” Mikasa wonders ironically, her eyebrows rising faintly, unimpressed. “You’re going to take care of a newborn and raise a child by _yourself_?”

It strikes something within Eren. He looks away and Armin has to copy him, because he can’t stand the image of his best friend breaking down, crushed by the person who cares the most about him in the world.

“I’ll manage.” It’s nothing but a hiss. A hiss and a whimper, and Eren’s knees nearly give in, so he takes a step back. “Shut up!”

Mikasa sighs, but doesn’t try to get close to her brother. Instead her gaze falls on Armin’s quivering form, and he only shakes his head, begs with his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Mikasa whispers.

“No. No, don’t be—” Eren’s mind is on another channel, he growls and fixes a murderous glare on his sister. “You don’t have to be _sorry_ for me. I can handle this, okay? I’ve been doing so for more than six months now and you didn’t even know about it!”

“Because you didn’t tell me anything!” Mikasa cries, out loud. Armin wants to scream. “It isn’t fair, Eren. I just— I want to be there for you again. You’re my family.”

“I don’t need your help!” He shrieks, his words contrasting intensely with how he really sounds, broken and helpless.

“Eren—” The young woman tries to say, but Eren doesn’t let her finish.

“No, listen. You don’t have to do it because you feel sorry for me. I’m better off not trusting anyone.” He rubs his forearm against his face furiously, and then snivels in frustration.

“Eren, you can’t—”

“Of course I can!” Armin looks at the door nervously. Eren’s screaming so loud that he’s sure he can be perfectly heard from outside. He’s even surprised that no one has yet come to find out what all the fuss is about. “I can take care of myself, I don’t need you, or Armin, or Erwin or fucking Levi. I don’t need you to keep pretending that you— I couldn’t fucking care less!”

“Listen, Eren. You’re not okay right now—” Armin mutters.

“Just shut up!”

“We’re just trying to help.” Mikasa intervenes, harshly. “You’re never going to raise a child if you keep on acting like one.”

“Ah, excuse me! If you stopped treating me like I’m incapable of anything, like I need to be taken care of all the time, maybe you would notice that I’m not useless!” Eren says between furious panting. Turning around, he kicks the first level of the shelf closest to him, causing the objects on top of it to jumble around on the floor. “Just let me breathe and leave me the fuck alone.”

“That’s what you want?” Mikasa asks with a low neutral voice, her arms folding over her chest. With quick eyes, she studies her brother’s face, then sighs dejectedly.

“Yes. Yes, I want you all to leave me alone for one fucking second and stop supposing I’m a waste of space!” He kicks a bottle that had fallen from the shelf and it comes rolling towards Armin, only missing him by a few inches.

With a determined nod, Mikasa turns around and faces the door. She doesn’t look back when she speaks. “Alright, then. Do what you want.”

After that, she walks to the door, steps out of the room and leaves the door wide open. They don’t hear footsteps, don’t hear anything.

“Mikasa! Mikasa, wait!” Armin calls out, rushing to the exit. Before he glances out, he looks back at Eren only to find him right by his side. Startled, Armin stutters as he speaks. “Ah, she didn’t mean it, Eren. You know that she didn’t—”

“Save it.” He growls. “I don’t— I don’t need anyone.”

Then he walks out in the opposite direction of where Mikasa had gone, also without looking back.

 

\--  
Eren doesn’t realize he’d been acting like a prickly little kid until he has time to rewind and replay the argument he just had in his mind. By this point he’s just tired. He’s exhausted of having to deal with people and of having absolutely no idea of how to talk to someone without messing up.

The concept of just laying down and sleeping for the rest of his life sounds perfect, and between sighs and sniffles, he begins to make his way to his room.

Then he realizes that Levi’s room is not his anymore, that the moment the man discovers him there, he will promptly kick him out and lock him up in his cell probably forever. It’s enough to set the crying gears back into motion, and tears always have the side effect of pissing Eren off.

As he stands in the middle of an empty hallway, digging his nails into his palms, Eren decides that he doesn’t care. Thinks that the most probable outcome when Levi finds him in his room will be a bit of screaming, a bunch of insults, and then the man is likely to just walk away again. Eren has set up his mind, and his fucking cell is not where he wants to sleep, so unless Levi is ready to rough him up a bit by dragging him there, Eren is not going anywhere that’s not Levi’s room.

When he gets there, he stands right in front of the door for a few seconds, wondering whether Levi would be inside and whether he should knock or just stomp right in. Finally, he opts for throwing the door open once his nerves have fried the best part of his brain.

Fortunately, the room is empty. It’s empty and clean and just as Eren had left it. He quivers when he steps inside. Shaking his head, he makes his way over shamefully to the bed and crawls on top of it before resting his head over his pillow. Without knowing why, he feels the need to hug Levi’s pillow to his chest, and after a few minutes of a silent inner fight, he just grabs it and pushes his face against its fluffy surface.

Before he realizes it, he finds it warm and moist with his tears, presses his face harder against it to muffle any sounds from his throat, and just like that his composure cracks and his fury resurfaces like an ugly monster breaking the calmness of the tranquil waters of a lake.

He sits straight and throws Levi’s pillow away from him, huffing as he hears a low puff as it hits the floor.

The pillow is not going to get angry, it’s not going to lash out at him and make him feel like trash. He howls, hurtfully, and presses his palms against his eyelids since there’s no way his face is ever reaching his knees with Leren in the way.

And it’s stupid. Blatantly and ridiculously stupid.

He’s shaking, hysterical, and it pisses him off because he’s never been less in control of his emotions in his whole life. It’s the dumbest reason to be crying about. It’s practically something that he had wished would happen a few times. But he hadn’t felt so alone back then, he hadn’t felt so vulnerable and incapable. He had been on top of the world, ready to face any challenge head on and come out victorious, undoubtedly.

For five years the only constants in his ever-changing life were his objectives and Mikasa’s unwavering support. And now they’ve both vanished. All he’s left with is a stupid kicking child that won’t stop squirming inside of him, making itself present, reminding him that they’re so connected that the kid feels distress just when he does, too.

Tears stream harder, he punches the mattress, tired of his dramatic fit but clearly unable to stop. Maybe he’s wanted to cry out all his frustrations for some time now.

It still pisses him off.

However, it doesn’t piss him off as much as the sound of the door opening and the lack of sound of whoever—Levi, he’s the one that’s always walking soundlessly just to startle people— dares come inside. The door shuts with a soft click that Eren can barely register outside of his sobs and the incessant wriggling of his son.

‘I’m sorry, Leren. I’m sorry… Calm down,’ he thinks, scrubbing his face with the back of his hand.

The bed dips with someone’s weight not far from him, and Eren raises his eyes half expecting the person to be anyone but Levi.

No such luck, he confirms with twin pale blue eyes staring back at him in what appears to be the closest thing to concern Levi can manage.

It breaks Eren further. He wants to scream at him to get the fuck out right that moment, to stop pretending to care. He’s left it very clear, right? Aside from his fatherly duties—which he will fulfill to the best of his abilities— he and Eren are nothing but acquaintances, will never go beyond that. They’re not even friends, and he doesn’t need Eren. Well, Eren doesn’t need him, either.

But then Levi places his hand on Eren’s shoulder softly and the young soldier can’t hold his promise of never confiding in Levi again. Because he’s weak. Because he needs him like he never thought possible. He darts forward and hides his face in the crook of Levi’s neck and he sighs thankfully when he’s not pushed away. With a little uneasiness, the Corporal wraps his arms around him securely.

Levi’s warm, and he smells familiar and he’s all Eren wants and is denied, and their child squirms again because it recognizes how Eren feels when he’s around Levi.

He shakes harder, sobs louder, babbles incoherently and Levi’s completely lost at what to do. He shushes Eren, pets his head, asks for him to calm down in soft murmurs but Eren won’t react, he keeps muttering, shuddering, clutching at Levi’s clothes. The Corporal has never been very good at comforting people. He’s clumsy and a little detached and doesn’t really know what to say. Right now he only knows that he wants Eren to stop, because it’s distressing, and somehow it stings a bit in his chest.

Eren doesn’t listen, won’t break out of his daze. His shaky hands cling so deep into Levi’s shoulders he knows they will leave bruises.

But Levi can’t come to mind about it.

He holds Eren even closer, and does the only thing that seems coherent.

He kisses him.

He presses his lips softly against Eren’s damp cheek, loosens the grip on Eren’s clothes and cups Eren’s jaw with one hand. He murmurs apologies, and he kisses his temple and his forehead.

The younger soldier stops breathing right then and there. His mind shuts down and all of his thoughts dissolve into the way the rough skin of Levi’s fingers feel over his face, the warmness of his breath and the tickle of his soft hair.

“Eren, don’t do this.”Levi whispers, and Eren perceives how deep his voice drops, his slurred speech, a gentle intonation. He’s never heard him like this before. “Just stop...”

Eren lifts his hand to Levi’s and holds it as he moves away enough to see into the older male’s eyes. He finds guilt, he guesses, and he notices how that is the first time he’s seen the Corporal so bare. So transparent and reachable.

He’s not thinking when he leans forward.

Aiming for his mouth, his lips find Levi’s throat instead when the Corporal moves to avoid the contact, and Eren feels two strong arms wrap loosely around his own neck.

“Don’t do that, either.” Are the words whispered right into his ear, and Eren can swear his chest is melting.

The clothes pressing against his face cover the deepest blush that has ever crossed his face, and he is thankful for it.

He slumps against Levi’s body after a heavy hurtful sigh, sniffs deep to stop wetting the Corporal’s jacket, and closes his swollen and reddened eyes. Levi’s not letting go yet.

“So what’s this?” Eren says, muffled against Levi’s shoulder. “You can start to randomly kiss me everywhere and I can’t?”

Levi lets go of the breath he was holding, he leans his weight into Eren, too, and chuckles softly. “Not on the mouth, no.”

“Somewhere else, then?” Eren laughs. It sounds broken, but sincere, and Levi decides to play along.

“I thought you liked kissing girls.”

“I do, but,” he pauses, squirms inside Levi’s circled arms so that his face is in direct contact with Levi’s neck. His breath pushes hot and damp against Levi’s skin when he continues. “I can make an exception…” He thinks about leaving it at that, but the truth is that his feelings haven’t changed, and won’t, no matter how hard he tries. “For someone I deeply care about.”

The Corporal freezes, tenses for a few seconds before straightening but he holds Eren shoulders in his hands. A quick scan of his face reveals that Eren is still dead serious.

“This is the second time you’ve said that.”

“And it is also the second time I mean it.” The young soldier replies, hoping it isn’t the second time Levi rejects him, too. He seems tired, drained really. Levi just wants to see his eyes spark again.

‘Maybe I can make an exception as well,’ he thinks, his eyes focusing on different spots of Eren’s face. They linger a bit longer on his lips, and he hears how Eren’s breathing comes to a halt.

“Will kissing me distract you of your useless dramatic fits?” He wonders out loud, the corner of his mouth tugging upwards almost imperceptibly.

“Affirmative, sir.” Eren deadpans.

“Go on, then.”

At first Eren doesn’t know what to do with his hands that shake softly with overflowing exhilaration. He opts for placing them on Levi’s neck trying to appear strong and confident. He leans in but before he presses his lips to the Corporal’s, he catches a glimpse of his hands that have come to rest on his lap fully clenched. His brow is completely furrowed and his mouth pressed so tight his lips are nearly indistinguishable. Levi’s posture is stiff and distant, closed and unapproachable.

When nothing happens, Levi pops one eye open and glances around, then he blinks a few times and relaxes his features.

“Well?”

“Dunno. You sitting there stiff as a corpse really killed the mood.” Eren chuckles. His fingers run over Levi’s short, thick hair at the base of his head while Levi looks somewhat disappointed at himself.

“Shit, I really can’t fucking do this.” He sighs in defeat. “I keep thinking about all the germs that roam in your mouth and how remnants of your last meal are still in there, somewhere, just waiting to mix with mine. How’s your breath, by the way? Fresh?”

“I-I don’t know… normal?”

Levi makes a disgusted face.

Eren cups his hand around his mouth and breathes out self-consciously, then sniffs. “I don’t smell anything, so it’s fine, right?”

But Levi doesn’t seem too convinced. He shrugs and looks away. “No matter how the hell I look at it, I just don’t find it sexy. Instead of having thoughts like ‘Yeah, babe, fuck my mouth with your tongue, deep and wet, that’s how I like it’,” Levi begins and Eren feels an enjoyable shiver run down his spine. “My mind fills with useless shit, like, our body temperatures should be about the same, but since you’re a pregnant titan shifter, yours is probably a lot higher… so my saliva will feel cooler to you and how fucking weird is that?”

Eren rolls his eyes and then shrugs, resting the matter of importance. “Can I try again?”

Levi immediately tenses up. “Why? Isn’t one failure enough for you?”

“You know I never give up.”

Eren moves his hand softly over Levi’s eyes to draw them closed and when his features tense up, Eren runs his fingers over the creases to smooth them carefully. He murmurs ‘it’s okay’ as he moves in closer. His knees touch the Corporal’s thigh and Eren feels the contact burn. He’s waited so long for this.

His lips ghost over the Corporal’s. He feels them open slightly with the motion, and in a painfully slow movement he closes the distance between them.

For a moment Eren can’t define if his temperature really is higher than the Corporal’s or if it’s just the blood that has congregated on his face what makes Levi’s lips feel so cool while Eren’s are nearly scorching. He leaves an experimental kiss on Levi’s mouth and presses in again before the other even has time to process. He’s taller, so Levi’s head is angled upwards and the sound when he gulps is loud.

It’s only awkward for the first few seconds. It’s awkward for as long as it takes Levi to realize that the contact with Eren is familiar, that his nervousness is unfounded because he knows the younger man, because he’s spent the better part of the last six months by his side. Because instead of being annoying, his presence at night is reassuring, and he’s been missing the soft sounds of Eren’s breathing, the shuffling of the sheets when he moves, his incoherent slumber ramblings. Because it has been a long time since he felt so close to someone, and it’s not awkward to be close to someone. It feels right. It feels safe.

He knows Eren. He knows his quirks and peculiarities, and is familiarized with his catch phrases and his body language. He can recognize his most basic emotions, for Eren is one basic human being, and it is plain pointless to be afraid of not understanding when, with Eren, everything is always so clear. This boy is transparent, readable like a piece of parchment, but in no way is he monotonous or boring.

Levi sighs softly when Eren nips at his lower lip, then places his fingers by Eren’s pulse-point on his neck and presses there, notes his increased heart-rate, the warmness of his skin.

He’s kissed people before, back when he thought that if he tried real hard, the interest could spark. It never did. It doesn’t now. But Eren’s voice caught deep in his throat, the intent and the passion with which he holds on to him, the care of his hands as his fingers gently trace over Levi’s cheeks, his neck, it all sings to him like it never did in the past.

Eren cares, Levi thinks with something warm and pleasing spreading through his body, riding through his bloodstream.

The hand that rested limply by his side is raised and placed on Eren's waist and he feels a sudden shudder run through the younger soldier.

It’s startling, having this kind of power over someone. The power to make a person shiver, beg, crumble under his touch, gasp, lose themselves to Levi’s presence, to the way he shares his breaths, his space.

It’s unsettling, too. Because Eren trusts him. Because if Levi wanted to, he could crush Eren again right now when he’s this vulnerable, when he’s undeniably trapped. He could stop him, claim how much he disgusts him. Break him. Only to put him back together afterwards for Eren allows that. At this point it doesn’t matter what Levi does, Eren forgives, and Levi holds so much emotional power over him and it’s so tempting to just hurt him…

But he won’t, Levi realizes with a jolt of adrenaline shooting through his bloodstream. He groans when Eren bites him a bit harsher, pulls on Levi’s hair without noticing in his daze.

He can’t. Not when Eren is coming apart in his arms, when he’s adoring every part of him with his hands, his presence, his mere existence.

He shouldn’t, because hurting Eren would be hurting himself.

Because he’s come to care… too. Hasn’t he?

Levi’s eyes shoot open. He stares at Eren’s alienated features from that close a distance and his actions are brought to a halt by the impression of his realization. The younger soldier pulls away panting hard, flushed, with his mouth wet and reddened, and with eyes gone a little wild. He tries to reclaim Levi’s mouth, but the Corporal presses a wide open hand on his chest and keeps him at bay. Something shines behind Eren’s eyes, slots into place.

He can hurt Eren. He should hurt him.

Instead, the Corporal presses harder, crowds on Eren’s space by rising on his knees, standing taller until Eren gets the hint and lies back facing his superior. His eyes widen noticeably and his panting becomes slower, deeper.

“You don’t have to do this,” he whispers. Levi wants to laugh. Eren’s still ceding him the power, he yields when he could take advantage of the situation, of Levi’s compliance, take what he wants and deal with the consequences later. Nevertheless, he contains his urges, his selfishness, and Levi suddenly wonders who of the two is the actual adult.

“It’s fine, I can do it.” He leans over Eren supporting his weight on his hands and knees, careful not to crush him under his weight to kiss him again. Eren kisses him back reluctantly and it’s not long before he’s pushing on Levi’s shoulder. “Now what?”

The annoyance is completely intentional and Eren shouldn’t be so damn insecure or Levi might just change his mind.

“I mean it, you don’t have to. What we just—” He pauses, looks away and the redness crowding his cheeks becomes more noticeable. “It’s enough.”

“Listen, Eren.” Levi starts, fixes his subordinate with an unfazed expression. “When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, alright? You don’t fucking give the damn lemons back to the fucking tree. I’m making an effort, so you better damn well appreciate it.”

Eren nods halfheartedly, and though he doesn’t specifically voice his thoughts, his actions are deliberate enough to let Levi know that what he has given Eren is more than enough, more than he had even expected, and that there's no need to rush into anything that they could both regret later. Levi sighs gratefully and kisses the younger man’s temple before letting his weight fall to his left, his body heavily finding the mattress by Eren’s side.

It’s not everything Eren cares about, he concludes with a sigh, smiling inwardly. Eren doesn’t just want to fuck him and get it over with.

Eren turns on his right and slides closer to the warmth emanating from the Corporal’s body.

“Say something.” He sounds vulnerable, content but so exposed.

“You’re so bossy lately.” The Corporal replies, flicking his finger on Eren’s forehead and hiding a smile against the pillow when he hears Eren laugh.

“I meant, ah, in relation to what just…” Eren tries to say, dubious. It’s hard to talk feelings, Levi has no idea of why Hanji likes it so much. “Do you…?”

Facing a moment of embarrassment, Levi sits up and distracts himself with a simple task like removing his boots. What was he supposed to say? He wasn’t good at this, had never been, would never be. Why couldn’t Eren just read his mind, so that he could know what he was thinking and save Levi the trouble of finding words to describe something indescribable?

Once he has placed his boots on the floor, by the bed, he plops back down facing Eren and scrunches up his lips.

“Maybe I’m not completely impartial to you.” He says after a moment of quiet contemplation, conscious of the fact that Eren has pretty much stopped breathing, drowning in anticipation. “Now, don’t giggle like a little kid, but maybe I care a little bit about you, too.”

Eren beaming at him is almost as uncomfortable as direct sunlight in the eye after being underground for a few hours.

“Just so you know,” the younger soldier says, his cheeks never losing color. “I wasn’t crying because of you.”

Levi snorts slightly, eyes caught on Eren’s hands, the nervous flexing of his fingers. “I know not everything is always about me.”

“I told Mikasa, I don’t know why.” He says, guiltily. “And she went on about how I’m completely useless, and that she was going to help me whether I wanted it or not and that really pissed me off. I wasn’t feeling okay to begin with but I—”

He pauses, looks at his nails and blinks furiously. Levi has a small panic attack when he realizes Eren is fighting back tears again. “I can do this, yeah? I don’t need her to do everything for me. And also, she’s not who I want to raise my kid with.”

By then Levi has decided that the only way of keeping his emotions under control is by closing his eyes and focusing on the texture of the sheet he’s wringing between his fingers. “I don’t think I’m going to be a very good father, you know?”

“Neither will I.” Eren blurts out. “I’m stupid and I scream a lot and get angry all the time, but I would love him unconditionally, like my mom loved me even if I always was awful to her and got into a lot of fights.”

Everything is quiet for a moment until Levi hears Eren sniff.

“You’re not keeping your part of the deal, I kissed you so you’re not allowed to cry anymore.” He whispers, opening his eyes. His features soften when he realizes there’s a gentle smile gracing Eren’s lips.

“I’m sorry.”

Drama ranks high on Levi’s list of ‘The Most Hated’, and by this point he’s very much convinced that that day’s events had covered the quota for, hopefully, the rest of the year. Preferably the rest of his life. Though he knows that’s very unlikely, he still snorts before saying one final thing, his eyes already half closed. “I’m not going to kiss your snotty face again, Eren.”

The younger soldier explodes into laughter.

“Sina, save us.” Levi groans.


	11. Chapter 11

It’s dark when he wakes up.

Startled, he blinks furiously until he understands that he’s not in danger, that the day moved on, naturally, and that night has lightly wrapped around him without any warning. Rubbing his tired eyes, Eren feels movement by his right, and becomes conscious of what had awoken him in the first place. Levi’s knee is dangerously close to him, had probably been digging into his back just a few seconds ago.

After a low groan, Eren sits upright and carefully rearranges the Corporal’s wandering limb, his touch light as he tries not to wake the other up. Hell would break loose if he did.

It’s precisely at that moment, when it sinks in how warm the Corporal’s body is and his mind immediately supplies the memory of a recent event involving the sweetest warmth and millions of hyperstimulating sensations, that something important bleeds onto his thoughts from the back of his mind, and Eren removes his hands from Levi’s body as quickly as he can.

He shouldn’t touch him just like that, so freely, as if he had the right.

Funny, instead of feeling more comfortable around the man, the reminder that he sort of— kind of, maybe in the weirdest of ways— held deeper sentiments for Eren actually makes him more nervous than he’d care to admit.

Biting his lower lip, Eren observes Levi’s still form, perceives his slow and rhythmic breathing and he has a small nervous attack. What if, when morning came, Levi decided that it had all been a huge mistake?

It probably had been a mistake.

What if he had been under Eren’s weird hormonal influences again?

Although it takes Levi’s knee absolutely no time to return to its former position, Eren is out of danger as he scurries back over the mattress until his back touches the wall. He sits there, thinking, and his thoughts continue to scream inside of his head for the rest of the night.

 

\--  
“What?”

Eren blinks the tiredness out of his eyes, wondering if he had managed to fall asleep at least for a while, since he hadn’t heard the Corporal moving or felt the shifting of the mattress. When he looks at his superior, he finds the Corporal’s eyes fixed on him. “Excuse me?”

“Excused.” The Corporal replies, turning over so he’s lying on his back. He stretches his limbs, pushing the sheet he had again kept to himself away from his body and holding back a yawn. Then he presses his forearm against his closed eyes and stays perfectly still. “What’s happening?”

“Nothing,” Eren is quick to reply. After noticing that the room glows lightly with lazy sunlight he decides to not very helpfully add: “It’s morning already.”

“I slept for like twelve hours, didn’t I? That’s why I feel so fucking awful.” The Corporal groans, still in the same position. Eren notices the man’s left foot twitching slightly. “If my head starts to hurt I’m blaming you, Eren.”

The alluded jumps at the sound of his own name, yet says nothing as he eyes his superior carefully like he expects him to have a sudden violent reaction. Eren’s muscles are tense, ready to respond if anything happens, but Levi only peeks at him from below his forearm curiously before turning on his side to stare at him.

Eren tries to smile, however he knows it’s not very convincing when Levi rolls his eyes and uses his arms to lift his body from the mattress. “My neck hurts a little. Thank you for throwing my pillow to the floor. I’m sure it fucking deserved it.”

“You could’ve taken mine.” The younger soldier offers, with a small shrug, to which Levi makes a disgusted face.

“Ha. No.” He says. “It was probably all wet with drama and depression.”

Eren freezes, his shoulders rising faintly and his eyes widening. That had to mean that Levi remembered alright.

The contrast between his actions now and those that had followed their consequential night together— almost eight months ago— results particularly evident. At that time Eren had been sure that the man had been having a severe inner struggle with insanity. Now, Levi was calm and relaxed and looked mostly normal. Nothing out of the ordinary, except, perhaps, for how he didn’t try to avoid eye-contact with Eren.

“Is it doing it again?” Levi asks then, and he backs away slightly, although probably not on a conscious level. Eren makes his equivalent of raising an eyebrow and tilts his head to one side, uncomprehending. “Leren. You have that expression like you’re holding a particularly explosive fart in.”

Blinking slowly as he processes the information, Eren shuffles uneasily. He pays attention, but feels nothing awkwardly jerking inside his abdomen. Still, he decides to lie because he thinks that Leren is the easy way out, instead of expressing his worries and insecurities aloud. “Yeah.”

The Corporal adopts a serious expression, crosses his legs and leans backwards, supporting his weight on his stretched arms. He’s not smiling—not with his mouth at least. However, he looks deeply amused and Eren is more confused than he’s ever been in his entire life.

“Stop it, kid.” Levi says, severely, his voice deep and unrelenting. Then he tilts his head to one side and looks at Eren curiously. “Did it work?”

It takes the younger soldier a few seconds to understand what had just happened. Realizing Levi had been referring to what Eren had suggested the day before, about tones and how the baby was prone to react to them, he almost explodes in a fit of laughter but controls the impulse and frowns instead. If he was going to lie about Leren being awake, he might as well make it believable.

Sighing, he shakes his head no and tries to look intensely aggravated.

“Am I making it worse?” Levi wonders, smugly. Eren squints back at him in silence, squirms trying to act out his apathy. “Really, just by talking? That’s a fucking powerful weapon against your nerves, Eren. Not that I’m using it right now or anything. Fuck, I just did it again, didn’t I?”

Eren doesn’t know what’s stranger, the sudden overflow of attention from Levi’s part, or the fact that the stoic man is actually acting playful and companionable, and acknowledging Leren’s existence on top of that.

Perhaps he’s dreaming.

“We’re going to smack you across the face.” He replies, scrunching up his mouth, assuming he’s supposed to say something.

“ _We_?” The Corporal almost snorts. “Are you going to use your whole fucking belly to do it? Good luck with that.”

He turns around and unfolds his legs, sitting by the edge of the bed. He stretches his arms and contains another yawn to then roll his shoulders and his head. Eren doesn’t try to reply this time, he only stares at Levi longingly, remaining quiet. He doesn’t know what to expect, doesn’t know how to act, doesn’t know how not to mess it all up.

Though his eyes are fixed on the Corporal, his sight loses focus, his thoughts constricting his awareness. He doesn’t perceive his superior moving, rounding the bed, until he feels fingers yanking the hair on the back of his head and he snaps out of his daze to find himself staring into Levi’s gorgeous blue eyes. “Get up, we have something very important to tend to today.”

Levi lets go, steps back and approaches his drawers completely unaffected while Eren feels like he’s slowly sinking in a sea of apprehension.

“W-what?”He manages to say, trying not to sound too unnatural.

“We’re going Commander hunting.”

Eren massages his scalp where Levi’s fingers had just been and grimaces. “Why?”

At that, the Corporal turns around and fixes a serious stare on him. He leans on the piece of furniture behind him, folds one of his arms over his chest and brings the hand of the other close to his mouth.

“Because the only way in which to casually run into Erwin is by stalking him around.” He says at last.

“We’re running out of time, Eren.”

 

\--  
Eyes closed or wide open, it makes no difference.

The only scene playing again and again in his brain is that of kissing Levi, of the sweet memory of the sensation of damp lips against his, and Levi’s soft breath washing gently over him; of the imperfection of their noses bumping together and the contrasting perfection of disarming bliss.

It's too dear a memory, too deep a feeling, and Eren fears that if he thinks too much about it, it’ll lose its strong radiance, fall into the dull cage of becoming a nimiety.

Still, it's too big to be ignored, and he can't help the thought again assaulting him in the middle of trying to concentrate on something a little less distracting. He tries, but then there are lips, and hands, and conversations, and unvoiced promises, and Eren is torn between wanting to cease his existence and exploding in exhilarating cheers. It's too much for him.

It's too much yet not enough.

Humid mist settles upon his skin, blurs the scene before him. It constricts his throat and strangles his conviction and although he’d promised himself that he’d resist the temptation, his sight wanders from the floor to the bathtub, to that man.

Levi undresses before him, as usual. Layer after layer of clothing abandon his body to leave him bare and exposed and Eren stares at him unblinkingly and his head is going to start hurting if he doesn’t control the turmoil of thoughts wrestling violently within his mind.

Something has changed. Something major has changed.

They’re not even together, or rather, Eren doesn’t know and is terrified to ask. He guesses it’s enough to know that, at least, he isn't completely unimportant and irrelevant to Levi.

What he sees there is not tempting nakedness, it's not lust, it’s a feeling that blossoms from a different sentiment that he guesses is close to adoration. That body, those bones, that flesh, that skin, they protect something precious, something that has become vital to Eren now.

He can’t deny that he wants him.

But if he does, it’s mostly out of the need to pamper that body, soothe the tension and the injustice and the pain away, thank it thoroughly because it has given him the chance to know the soul residing within it. A soul that he’s come to fall in love with.

If it wasn’t for that body, taking such good care of Levi’s essence, Eren wouldn’t have him. He wouldn’t have their son.

He looks away blushing faintly, but not out of shame.

What he feels for this complicated man is so strong it manages to overthrow nearly every single thought Eren has. Somehow, it all concerns Levi, everything is somehow related to him.

The emotion is powerful and gratifying, and it fills Eren with life and joy and he can’t believe that he can feel like this even in his situation, even though they are in constant danger, and even though they live locked behind the walls. Levi tricks him into feeling free, like he's high in the sky, leveled by powerful wings.

And he never wants to land.

 

\--  
It’s not at all surprising to find the dining hall mostly empty, except for a few higher ranking soldiers. A sigh escapes Eren’s lips at the realization, and he glances around sheepishly, tugging on his sleeve. He will apologize to Mikasa, or at least try too, but not yet.

At this point Eren’s still feeling resentment and anger, and he’s conscious that any little dismissive action from her part will probably derive in another furious fit from him. Therefore he will wait until things cool down, like he always did when they were younger.

Usually, it was Mikasa who came looking for him after they had stupid fights. She has always been more mature and reasonable, and childish bickering lost importance in the blink of an eye for her, but somehow, he feels like it is different this time and that unless he tries to solve things and approach her first, their argument will keep hanging between them like a thick and sturdy wall.

As they make their way to the kitchen’s window to retrieve their breakfast, a voice reaches them from a nearby table. Eren almost groans when he recognizes Levi’s squad occupying the seats, their breakfast bowls mostly empty. His stomach growls lowly in protest at the thought of his meal being delayed.

Gunther stands up and approaches them in a rush. The squad member doesn’t look exactly worried, and Eren wonders what could be so important that he couldn’t wait until Levi has at least claimed a bowl of delicious food to tell him.

As Gunther engages the Corporal in a hushed conversation, Eren steps back and waits diligently for instructions. The Corporal waves his hand in the direction of the kitchen, stealing a brief glance at him, and Eren nods gratefully before walking on by himself.

It was strange how much he actually enjoyed his morning porridge lately. His mouth is watering just at the smell of it and its weird texture appeals to him like the most delicious feast to have ever been cooked.

Eren was sure that it was Leren’s entire fault.

“So,” Hanji’s voice reaches him from his left and he turns in her direction sharply, startled. A huge smile is plastered all over her face, giving her an eerie look that has Eren stepping back nervously. “Anything interesting happen lately?”

“Where did you come from?” He cries. But more importantly, how could she _know_? “No, not particularly.” He replies, shifting his weight from one of his legs to the other and blinking slowly, simulating naivety.

“Mhm.” She hums dismissively, but her eyes retain an excited glow that Eren can almost see reflecting off every surface with how intense it appears to be. Eren glances at the kitchen’s window longingly. It really doesn’t appeal to him to converse with Hanji without first having a bowl full of food in front of him, at least. “Maybe, oh, I don’t know. I’ll give you a hint: maybe something related to a certain Corporal who is currently trying to fry my brains inside my skull telepathically?”

 _How_?

“No.” Eren still plays innocent, trying to go around the woman to reach the food. A hand suddenly wraps around his wrist to stop his advance. Eren is careful in displaying frustration as purely as he can as he turns to face her.

Hanji seems completely unaffected by Eren’s reproving stare. She purses her lips and studies Eren’s face from behind her spectacles attentively. She opens her mouth to say something, but before she says anything, she’s closing it again and frowning. Then she finally seems to settle on the best words to use and opens her mouth again. “He told me he liked you, yesterday.”

As usual, Eren is unprepared for Hanji’s dirty tactics and he mouths uselessly. When he can’t find anything clever to say, he produces a simple “Oh.”

“ _Oh_? That’s your _answer_?” Her hands clasp Eren’s shirt by his chest, and Eren notices they are shaking a little. He’d laugh if he didn’t consider her general state to be slightly disturbing. “Eren, he’s been killing you slowly with unrequited affection for like half a year and when I tell you he has feelings for you… you just go ‘Oh’?”

After sighing noisily, Eren glances sideways. What would he have done if he hadn’t known already? Probably act surprised. “No, I mean… Ah? Really?” He asks in the fakest surprised tone anyone could ever muster.

“Spill.” The Squad Leader orders, releasing Eren to then fold her arms over her chest.

“N-nothing happened!”

Hanji squints, a smirk tugging on the corners of her lips. “Oh, you dog, you’re smiling!” She claims, tapping Eren’s chest with a sturdy finger. “Tell me, Eren, don’t be like that. You know how much I worry about you two and your unsatisfied emotional requirements.”

At least that was true, as mentally unhealthy as it sounded.

Eren faces a moment of doubt as he stares into Hanji’s dark eyes. Should he talk about this? He considers the matter to be extremely personal, but it was also true that Hanji had been his confidant since the very beginning and that she had helped him more than he could ever thank her for.

Still, his business with Levi was theirs alone, and he figured the other man wouldn’t be exactly thrilled about Eren boasting to Hanji about his feelings and what had happened between them.

Then again, the reason why she was probably prodding him right that moment was because Levi had told her something the day before. Eren was convinced that the strange Squad Leader was indeed in possession of some supernatural abilities, but he doubted that the extension of said powers was so wide as to be able to foresee certain events.

Besides, he had to admit that he was dying to tell someone about it, if only because he still couldn’t completely believe his own memories.

“We— ah, we,” The younger soldier tries to say. Words have trouble coming out of his mouth as they stumble into one another. “He said he wasn’t impartial to me, which I guess means that he, maybe, feels a little bit like I do?” He finally manages to say in a hushed whisper.

Hearing it out of his head makes it almost sounds like a lie. It sounds like he’s delusional for the notion itself borders on unquestionably improbable.

“And?” But Hanji seems to accept it as true, and she subconsciously encourages Eren to continue.

“And we kissed.” He blurts out, cowering.

“You— fuck.” At this, Hanji actually twirls to then clasp Eren’s hands and shake them excitedly. “Maria on a walking stick,  _and_?”

“And that’s it.” Eren admits, sighing dejectedly. “It was too sudden. One day he can’t even stand to have our elbows accidentally brush together and then he’s pinning me to the bed, furiously kissing me? I— I mean, I started it, but he was too compliant, so I felt bad, I guess.”

Hanji balls her fists and shakes them in front of her with the purest enthusiasm Eren had ever witnessed. “Dammit, Eren. Such a gentleman! I’d marry you three thousand times in a row if you weren’t already taken. ” She says, eyeing him with a look of admiration.

“I don’t think I am.” He replies, unsure. “We haven’t— maybe he just did it to make me feel better.”

“Yeah.” Hanji agrees, like it was the obvious conclusion to reach. She fixes a severe look on the younger soldier then and nods before speaking. “Maybe he doesn’t care about kissing, but he cares about you, and he cares that you care about kissing, so he’ll kiss you, because he cares.”

At this, Eren frowns and fixes his eyes on the floor. That was the last thing he had wanted to hear. “I don’t want him to do it just because I do.”

After all the time he’s known Hanji, he would’ve thought that he’d be used to the woman’s intense analytic stares by then, but the truth is that the discomfort that they elicit still prevails strongly. It doesn’t matter whatever expression she’s wearing—amusement, in this case— the sensation of being thoroughly scanned, from the inside out, is something he can’t really shake off.

“I’m in the wrong field of expertise, I should be coaching emotionally impaired fools for a living.” She sighs, shaking her head as she presses the back of her hand to her forehead with an exaggeratedly dramatic motion. “Okay, listen. There’s no way in which you’ll be completely certain of anything unless you ask him.” She says like she’s reciting an article from the Book of Obviousness.

She bites her lower lip, glancing sideways, keeping a laugh to herself. “Who knows? Maybe he actually enjoys kissing you, but you’ll keep on wondering unless you clear it up using actual words. You know? _Words_.” She stresses, pointing at her mouth.

It makes sense, Eren deems. However the apprehension at the prospect of having to ask Levi about embarrassing things— feelings, fucking feelings— immediately catalogues Hanji’s advice as overall useless.

“What if I do and he says he hates it?” He asks instead. “Maybe I fucked up worse than I thought yesterday.”

Hanji laughs openly this time and adjusts her glasses over her nose. “He wouldn’t be trying to scare me into leaving with his glares, then.” She announces, pointing her thumb over her shoulder in the general direction of where Levi was standing, effectively firing poisoned bullets with his eyes at them. “I kind of like the metaphorical barrier he imposes between us whenever he comes and reveals personal stuff to me, it gives me a certain kind of freedom.”

“What… do you mean?” The younger soldier wonders curiously. So Levi had gone and confessed everything to Hanji. He should have known.

“When he told me he had lost his precious you-know-what to you, he couldn’t look me in the eye for a week.” She states. “See, normally I would be scrambling for a way out of here by now, because he is damn right scary, but if I look back at him precisely at this moment, you’d see how he cowers in submission like a compliant little rascal.”

Eren snorts and shakes his head. “Don’t be cruel to him.”

“Please, Eren. Your husband can combat my harmless bullying on his own.” Eren visibly reddens at that and Hanji wiggles her eyebrows in acknowledgement. “Go back there before he explodes into a compact case of fury.”

She walks around Eren to retrieve two bowls of porridge from the kitchen and deposits them in his arms. Before she turns to leave, she reaches for Eren’s ear and covertly whispers an instruction.

“And tell him that Erwin’s casually going to be in Mike’s office today for reasons we can’t really grasp. Although I guess Gunther maybe already told him? Who knows!”

With that she makes her way to the exit, twirling around and humming animatedly.

Eren passes Hanji’s message on as soon as he and the Corporal take a seat at their usual table. He does so as he stuffs his mouth with food, too, and he almost spits it all out when he looks back at Levi to verify that the information got through to find a look of pure horror on the man’s face.

The first attempt against his life of the day meets a violent end as Levi roughly pounds his back to dislodge the food Eren had almost inhaled trying not to laugh out loud, and once his throat is clear, he can’t decide between the obvious necessity of getting air into his lungs or asphyxiating because laughing seems so much more important.

He ends up coughing, instead, showering his breakfast and a large portion of the table with his spit.

“Go sit somewhere else. I’m not fucking kidding.” The Corporal groans, scooting away from the younger soldier, his appetite pulverized into extinction.

Eren apologizes profusely and promises not to be a savage if he can help it. Levi doesn’t look like he believes any of his words, but decides that it’s probably better than nothing.

“Unless our contacts are a bunch of useless liars,” Levi whispers to himself, distractedly picking at his forgotten breakfast. “It looks like we’ll be cleaning Mike’s office today.”

 

\--

A task as irrelevant as brushing one’s teeth shouldn’t have to be awkward. It shouldn’t because it doesn’t point out anything aside from the fact that whoever does it probably enjoys oral hygiene.

And this time Eren can pledge innocent, for, even if his thoughts had been indeed lost in the forest of Levi-related memories— when weren’t they?—, he wasn’t actually trying to add another hectare to the massive extension of mental woodland.

He blinks slowly to find Levi’s frowning face in his direct vision field.

“You’re being very thorough, aren’t you?”

Eren wonders for just how long he’d had his toothbrush stuck in his mouth. He’s careful enough of spitting and rinsing his mess before speaking, since he’d promised he’d be more decent.

“Sorry, I got distracted.”

“I’m not going to start complaining. Maybe I should even start praising your faulty brain.”

Eren would have snorted if Levi hadn’t decided to grasp his jaw then. The Corporal fixes his eyes on Eren’s, his eyelids dropping.

He’s so close. If Eren leaned down just a little bit…

By digging his fingers in Eren’s cheeks, Levi manages to pry his mouth open, and he peeks inside, guiding Eren’s face from side to side to have a better observing angle. Once he finishes his inspection, he adopts a severe expression, like he’s trying to conceal anything else from showing on his features.

Eren feels like he’s on the verge of a precipice, that his feet are losing ground.

He’s an idiot. He’s an idiot when he grabs Levi’s shirt to find leverage, step away from the abyss. He looks down at the floor before looking into Levi’s eyes and bites his own lower lip, puzzled, because Levi confuses him too much. The Corporal immediately pushes away, blinking fast.

“Ah, no.” He whispers. “You made your own gums bleed, you know. Your spit was all orange-y and disgusting.” When Eren fails to reply, Levi groans under his breath. "Please tell me you noticed.”

Fuck it. Damn it all to hell.

“The point is to get them clean, not to fucking tear them from your mouth.” He says, cautiously examining Eren’s face. He hesitates before tapping his knuckles against Eren’s shoulder, sighing loudly as he does. Ten tons of anxiousness seem to lift off Levi’s shoulders then. “Maybe next time.”

Eren wonders at the meaning of the Corporal’s words. He exhales deeply when he realizes he’d been holding his breath and looks questioningly at Levi’s retreating back. Hanji’s horrible advice circles in the back of his head like a vicious predator.

He should clear things up before he messes up so badly that no amount of awkward seconds can fix the slip.

For the next half hour he concentrates on gathering courage and convincing himself that Hanji is an experienced woman who knows better than him how to handle relationships, and that she wouldn’t willingly sabotage him because she honestly cared about them. He also tries to keep in mind that, despite what he might think, her piece of advice is a good one, that she’s known Levi for years and that she wouldn’t recommend Eren to do something that she consciously knew would put Levi and him at odds.

Inhaling deeply, he finally dares to speak. “Corporal?”

His voice seems to echo all around the cleaning supplies closet, bouncing off bottles filled with clear liquids and the solid rock walls to then slam against his ears like an effective punch that leaves his head spinning. Levi doesn’t look up from his crouched position as he keeps examining the shiny containers looking for the floor polisher even as he hums in response, signaling that he’s listening.

“Hanji says—”

“No.” Levi interrupts, and this time he does look up to Eren to then click his tongue dejectedly.

“But I haven’t—”

Levi brings his index finger to his lips and holds it there until Eren closes his mouth, frowning with irritation. “Don’t ever try to start a conversation with the opening line: ‘Hanji says’. You’re bound to scare away 90% of your interlocutors.” Eren rolls his eyes and shrugs. Levi stares at him briefly before going back to his momentarily abandoned task. “What is that idiot saying now?”

Eren makes a point of avoiding Levi’s general direction, in case the man looks back at him again. Maybe this was a terrible mistake after all and the silence in his head should be warning enough.

“That we should talk.” He says at last, rocking from side to side as he diligently studies the darkened roof, the spots where mold had been growing until Levi ceased its efforts.

“Who’s we?” Is the Corporal’s unfazed answer. “You two? Go right ahead. Us three? Not happening.”

“You and me, actually.” Immediately after Eren’s words, the Corporal stands back up and turns around with a slight sway. The liquid inside the bottle he holds in his left hand keeps waving with the motion and Eren focuses on that instead of Levi’s face. Levi clears his throat, Eren tries to backpedal as fast as he can. “But I think it’s just going to be weird, so maybe we shouldn’t.”

Pale blue eyes study him meticulously, yet Eren can’t find the strength to stare back at them. Even the memory of the Corporal and his kisses and his warmth doesn’t manage to completely block out the current situation.

Levi takes a step forward, presses the bottle against Eren’s chest until the other takes the hint and holds it in his hands. Then he can’t avoid his sight from stumbling into Levi’s when their fingers brush for a split second.

Everything tingles inside of Eren.

“Talk about what? Sex and stuff?” The Corporal asks, bluntly. Eren winces, his eyes briefly flickering to his left. Discomfort builds around them, yet Levi sighs slowly trying to fight it away. “I don’t mind making out with you, but I don’t think I can go much further than that, because it’s just going to be really awkward.” He says in barely a whisper, a few seconds later.

Eren wishes he had something to say, but nothing comes to his mind.

“Maybe my body will react to the stimuli, I mean, I’m not an inanimate object and my dick works just fine.” He adds, to fill Eren’s silence. His speech is rushed, but mostly composed, although it doesn’t help in soothing the younger soldier’s nervousness. “But my mind is a different thing and it doesn’t work like that unless it’s under the influence of your weird titan powers, apparently.”

A nod is Eren’s only answer. A nod and a sigh of acceptance. He knew that, he had always known that and it doesn’t particularly hurt to hear it aloud, to have it confirmed. It doesn’t elicit anything in him aside from slight disappointment.

Eren jumps slightly when he feels a finger tapping on his forehead. His sight, which had focused somewhere behind Levi as he spoke suddenly settles on him and he finds mostly annoyance washing over the Corporal’s features.

“Are you listening to what I’m saying?” Eren nods again, this time keeping eye-contact. “Then say something.”

“I know that.” He stutters immediately. However, once his brain recognizes that he has an actual voice, words come easier. “You’ve said it before. You said it yesterday, but then you went and kissed me and then tried to take it further and it made me so confused because I don’t want to mess this up.” He says in a single breath, shakes his head. “Not this.”

Levi blinks slowly, mulling over Eren’s words. His eyes skid to the floor as he considers what he should say then. Eren thinks he’ll hear an explanation for Levi’s actions of the day before, but the man doesn’t breach that topic.

“I don’t find anything particularly sex inducing, so it could take a while for things to happen, if they happen at all.” He says in the end.

Eren finds himself wordless. He thinks he gapes uselessly a couple of times before groaning and pushing his face against one of his hands, as the other is busy holding that stupid bottle.

“I don’t want anything you don’t want!” He growls, trying to keep his breathing steady.

“There’s something you’re not understanding here.” Levi replies, taking a hold of Eren’s wrist and pulling his hand away from his face. “The issue is not whether I want it or not. The issue is that even if I try to indulge you, it’s probably not going to work. I subconsciously focus on other things, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t know why this happens, yeah?”

“Then what?” Eren asks. Levi raises an eyebrow, inviting Eren to elaborate. “What goes through your head as we— what were you thinking about?”

His wrist feels comfortably warm where Levi is still touching him, despite the fact that their conversation edges around an argument. The Corporal rolls his eyes, tightens his fingers around Eren.

“Honestly?” Eren nods, almost fiercely, and Levi sighs dismally. “That your skin felt a little bit too hot, but not uncomfortably so. That I normally hate the smell of spit, but it didn’t particularly bother me then. I tried to remember what it felt like when we fucked, but it didn’t really help ‘cause you kept distracting me with your whining.”

Eren’s face falls and Levi chuckles. “Oh, yes. You were whining alright.”

“Shut up!” The younger soldier hisses, shaking his hand free from Levi’s grasp and turning a bright red in color.

“I kept thinking that I was doing you wrong by not feeling anything.” Levi adds as if a second thought.

Everything seems to freeze right then for Eren. He sees in slow motion how Levi squints slightly as his face turns away, how his hand keeps jumping by his side, the hand that was holding him before. Eren’s certain he feels some sort of empathic web stretching between the two of them and he wishes laughter could be a suitable reaction to the Corporal’s words.

They are a little bit alike in that they want to please the other even if they neglect their own wishes in the process.

Levi doesn’t want to have sex with Eren, still, he’s willing to let it happen, to some degree, and Eren’s case is the exact opposite thing. The question of whether something like that could ever work out or not rebounds around his head, but he effectively ignores it.

The desire to wrap his arms around the Corporal is so strong he feels his hands twitch as he tries to hold back the urge. He looks sheepishly down into the Corporal’s eyes and grins faintly, wondering if Levi has also reached the same conclusion as him. He probably has. Maybe he’d even figured it out before Eren did.

It’s not exactly surprising to feel Levi’s fingers tangle in the locks framing the left side of his face.

“You like my hair, don’t you?” He teases, tilting his head in the opposite direction.

“Only when it’s clean.” Levi replies, tugging a little harder. Eren debates whether to try to place his hands anywhere near Levi or keep them to himself. In the end he decides not to try his luck and just smiles while the moment lasts.

Dejectedly, he observes as Levi’s hand releases his hair and falls limply to his side. He wishes he could reach out and grab it, entwine his fingers with Levi’s and bring his knuckles close to his mouth to kiss them. He wishes with all his heart that he could lean down and cup Levi’s face between his palms and rest his forehead against the other’s.

“You really… you didn’t feel anything?” He has to ask, because he can’t understand how something that he feels so strongly lodged in his heart can only affect him.

Levi looks up at him apologetically. “It’s not like I didn’t _feel_ anything, Eren.” But then he smirks slightly. “I just didn’t feel it in my dick.”

Eren snorts quietly, shaking his head as he observes how Levi turns back to the shelf to grab a few rags and a brush. “Now you’re making me feel like a pervert.”

“Shut up.” Levi growls amusedly, then glances back at him briefly. “Sorry if I gave you blue balls.”

Eren looks away immediately, blushing powerfully. “It’s fine. I was so tired it didn’t last for very long.” He forces himself to say, trying to be casual about discussing sex like Levi was. He’s pretty convinced he sounds just awkward.

“Anyway,” Levi continues, ignoring Eren’s last statement. “Kissing is okay, I guess. It’s easier than talking.” He lifts his hand and motions for Eren to approach him.

As he finds his hands being filled with rags and a broom, Eren adds something, because he deems the notion important. “How do I know if you want to— if I’m not bothering you?”

“I don’t mind.” Levi says honestly, his eyes meeting Eren’s briefly. “Unless I’m 3D maneuvering, or killing titans, or pissed off and annoyed at the whole world.” He specifies, turning around, carrying his cleaning supplies with him and walking over to the door.

“So, never?” Eren laughs, hurrying to catch up with the Corporal.

“You were born a fucking comedian, weren’t you, Eren?”

 

\--  
Levi makes a show of talking loudly as they approach Mike’s pretend office. The room was located on the first floor, on the far west side of the castle Headquarters where the atmosphere felt even gloomier than in the rest of the building. There weren’t many windows around, and Levi mockingly whispers something about hound dogs getting distracted by outside smells.

He also complains about the state of the hallways and about how fast spiders could rebuild their webs stealthily, like they were naïve enough to think Levi wouldn’t tear them down again.

When they reach Mike’s door, Levi throws it open with a kick and enters without first glancing inside, as if he was completely absorbed in the conversation he was having with Eren. He looks forward only when they hear a small cough coming from someone working inside.

Levi comes to a sudden halt, his buckets and rags swaying with the motion. Eren frowns, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to pretend as perfectly as the Corporal could. “Erwin. What a surprise.” The Corporal says, and though he doesn’t actually sound surprised, he doesn’t sound conspicuous either.

Erwin seems to inhale deeply before closing the notebook that rested in front of him, over a spotless desk. “Levi.” He acknowledges, with a nod, then fixes his anxiety-inducing eyes on the younger soldier. “Eren.”

The alluded quickly shoves his broom against the door to have his hands free in order to salute his superior, and flinches when the device slides down the wood and snaps against the floor.

Neither of his superiors seem to notice as they’ve engaged each other in what, to Eren, appears like a war of blank stares.

“A big coincidence, too. We were actually hoping to run into you eventually.” Levi says then, looking away from the Commander and stepping forward to deposit his instruments on the floor casually. “Destiny, pulling the strings again.” He says, like it’s a funny irony that amuses him greatly.

“A coincidence, indeed. I could’ve bet you’d be cleaning my office again, like you’ve been doing for the past five days.” Erwin’s features don’t show anything aside from slight irritation. He begins to arrange his paperwork without looking in their direction. “If you’re going to clean this room, I should get out of the way. I wouldn’t want to be a hindrance.”

Eren thinks that if there was a competition on passive-aggressiveness, he wouldn’t know whom of his two superiors he’d bet his hypothetical money on.

“Of course.” Levi says, picking up the fallen broom and walking back to crouch next to his bucket filled with clean water. Commander Erwin collects his material, secures it below his right arm and stands from the desk to then make his way quietly to the door. Eren steps out of the way with an anxious jump, looking between the blond man and the Corporal with a note of panic beating inside his brain.

“Ah, Erwin, just one thing.” Levi calls before the Commander has managed to cross the threshold into the hallway. Erwin turns around and observes calmly as Levi straightens up and walks towards him to then place his hand lightly on the door and close it like it was a careless occurrence. Eren thinks he hears the Commander curse under his breath, and he can’t decide if Levi’s either incredibly brave or just the biggest insubordinate to have ever been recruited.

“Yes?” The Commander pushes, impatiently.

For the amount of ingenuousness they had both been displaying, Eren is surprised to feel the atmosphere turn so serious in such a short amount of time. He takes an unconscious step back, nervously staring at the silent battle of wits slowly developing before him.

“Eren’s going to give birth to his kid in like a month and a half, and he’s been wondering why he’s still around here, right?” He produces, directly to the point. He looks at Eren for confirmation, and even though the younger soldier doesn’t reply, Levi nods like he’d heard him speak loud and clear. “Right.”

“A month and a half? That can’t be right.” Erwin says, with a small shake of his head. “I was certain that we still had plenty of time.”

Levi nods, to then shrug one shoulder dismissively. “Maybe two months, but it’s the exact same shit. Two weeks don’t make that much a difference in his case.”

“Well, under the light of this new information, we should state the basics of a plan.” Erwin nods as well and then reaches determinedly for the doorknob. However, Levi’s reaction is to lean against the door, effectively keeping it closed to then stare up at the Commander.

“Great idea. How about we start now?” He says with faux politeness, arrogantly lifting his eyebrows.

“Now is not a good time.” Erwin says, his voice steady as he squares his shoulders. If it had been Eren who had been so openly challenging the Commander, he’s sure he would’ve been pissing his pants already.

“Now is as good as any other time, I think. The sooner we plan this, the sooner we can get it into motion and the less likely it’ll be that we’ll encounter any problems, like, say, Commander-fucking-Hackett.” Levi produces, his tone turning venomous by the end of his sentence.

“Levi.” Erwin warns, his tone more annoyed than angry.

“Erwin.” Levi imitates his superior with a clear mocking tone. Eren is about to pass out, figuratively.

The Commander regards his subordinate attentively for a few seconds before sighing and turning around to walk back to the desk over where he carefully places his paperwork. When he turns around, he leans against the desk and folds his arms across his chest. His eyes have suddenly hardened, studying Levi without mercy. However, when he next speaks, he doesn’t direct his words at the Corporal. “Alright, then. What do you want to do?”

And his eyes are fixed on Eren, dissecting him with their sharp contemplation.

Eren feels weak in the knees, the urge to bolt out of the office pounds powerfully along with his accelerated heartbeat within his chest. He’s too terrified to even glance in Levi’s direction. “I don’t know.” Is his choked answer.

Erwin awards him a reproving look, and then fixes his eyes on Levi severely, like he was stressing some particularly important point.

Before the Corporal can say anything, though, the Commander speaks again. “Here’s the general scenario.” He says as he raises one of his hands and makes a circular motion to better illustrate his words. “We have the higher ups of the Military Police all wanting to get their dirty little hands on Eren’s power. We have Commander Hackett with his deviated mind completely set on it, or, what I’m sure he prefers, Eren’s execution.” He then fists his hand and keeps it held out.

“Then we have a teenage boy that holds the possibility of great change in his hands. A teenage boy that probably holds the key to humankind’s success.” He raises his other hand and places it next to the other. Eren gets the feeling that those are the only two relevant things involved in the whole situation. At least, he does because Erwin doesn’t have any more hands to illustrate anything else. He wonders if the action had been premeditated.

“So, what? You plan to keep him here, raising his kid covertly and hoping no one will ever hear a thing?” Levi says, completely unaffected. His words and his voice don’t exactly match as his tone remains almost conversational. “You want to keep that kid locked up so that no one knows of its existence?”

“I didn’t say that, and that has never been and would never be my intention.” Erwin is quick to reply. He looks sincere, but Eren knows better than to blindly trust anything that comes out of the Commander’s mouth. “You have to take in account that if we make Eren disappear, he’d be on his own.”

Both he and Levi seem a little bit taken aback by Erwin’s statement, and the younger soldier does try to find Levi’s eyes this time without luck. Blue regards blue intently, but Levi doesn’t say anything.

“I can’t force you to do anything, Levi, but we have our moral obligations.” They keep staring at each other until Levi looks away, his body language displaying defeat and frustration. “And as much as Hanji likes to get involved, this is not her problem.” Erwin continues, ruthless.

Eren realizes that he’d been feeling like he’d been lying in the bathub, and someone had opened the faucet. At first he had only felt cold, a strange sensation of discomfort. Then, it is like he finally notices he’s stuck to the bottom of the tub, and the water keeps slowly rising. He feels its coldness seeping beyond his clothes to lick his skin sordidly, wrapping all around him as he lies there, unmoving and alone. Soon the discomfort morphs into frustration before turning into fretfulness.

He’s stuck to the bottom of the tub. The water is rising.

He’s going to drown and no one will be there to help him.

“How is Eren going to deliver on his own? How is he going to know how to take care of his newborn? I don’t doubt his resolve, but all inexperienced parents need guidance at first.” Erwin says. It’s different from what Mikasa had implied, although the sense of the words is very similar. Eren realizes it’s all true. He doesn’t even know how his anatomy works, how he’s going to be able to give birth to a completely developed human infant.

There is now dread mixing in the formula of his desperation.

“Then what do you suggest?” Levi asks. Eren hears him, but it feels like he’s really far away.

“That we find someone trustworthy and responsible that can take care of this child.” The Commander replies in a beat, without hesitation.

That particular statement serves to crack a dent in Eren’s frozen state and it forces him to react so quickly he’s surprised at his own outburst.

“Give him away? Just like _that_?” He intervenes in a bit of a choked scream and Erwin’s gelid glare doesn’t manage to put out the fire of his livid indignation.

Erwin seems to realize something, though Eren can’t exactly pinpoint what it is.

“Think of what would be best for your son.” Commander Erwin says with a calmness that his eyes don’t copy. “The Military Police is not just going to accept that you’ve run away. They will leave no stone unturned until they find you, and consequently your son.”

Levi growls under his breath. Eren is speechless.

“I’m sorry, Eren.” The Commander says, lowering his head. He is right.

Erwin had probably figured it out since he had first learned of Eren’s situation and his plan all along had been to avoid the topic until it was too late and they had to act in a rush. With the pressure of the Military Police hot on his trail and the possibility of his son being in danger, Erwin had known that Eren would have no other choice.

He is right and it hurts strangely so.

Eren becomes conscious then of the fact that he had spaced out, and he comes back to the present to Levi standing only a few feet away from Erwin, his voice reproachful as he points an accusing finger in Erwin’s direction and motions forcefully with his other hand.

Though Eren, out of a numbing shock, isn’t precisely able to translate the sounds coming out of Levi’s mouth into words that make sense, he notices an aggressive undertone coating his speech. A certain sort of aggressiveness that he had never witnessed before coming from the man. Perhaps because Eren had never seen him defend something that Levi considered important—it rings in his mind that he deems himself important in Levi’s eyes.

He’s only seen him fight once, when he’d saved him and Mikasa and Armin from two titans after Eren had blocked the hole in Wall Rose. Nonetheless, he had been half-conscious at that time so he considers the recollection is probably not trustworthy.

Levi had defended him before. He had stood up for him when Eren had transformed by mistake as he had tried to pick up a spoon and the rest of their squad had reacted violently. Eren remembers that clearly, and decides that Levi hadn’t been aggressive at that time. He had worn his calmness disguise while concealing fierceness underneath. At that time, he’d had things under control, he knew who was in charge and that the last word was his, but right now, in front of Erwin, facing such an important decision, he’s cornered, and he’s drawing out his fangs because he knows deep inside that he’s not winning this one.

Trapped animals. An already defined purpose. They had sold their lives to the Military, to humanity’s cause, so nothing really belonged to them anymore. There was nothing they could call their property, not their choices, not their opinions, not their lives.

Humanity’s Strongest and Humanity’s Hope.

 _Humanity’s_.

It had been naïve of Eren to think that it’d be otherwise, that his paradigm shift could affect anything outside of his persona. He had changed. The world had not.

Despite his latent pain and the promise of his revenge, he now had another goal that he would gladly make sacrifices for, yet the world was not ready to let him go.

As an unsettling flash comes the realization that he is willing to exchange the destiny of the entire human race for the life of one single individual— a child— whose face he hasn’t even seen, whom he doesn’t even know. It doesn’t matter. His whole being vibrates with the reassurance that that is precisely how he should feel for his son, his only family.

He’s not selfish.

He’s human.

He’s human and there was a kindness in his heart that the world had managed to suppress into oblivion, and now that he’s woken up, he’s determined to hold on to it to his last breath.

And it’s that same kindness that has him look down, block out Levi’s acid words, Erwin’s rehearsed replies. It’s that kindness what makes him press his knuckles lightly against his abdomen in a sort of caress that demonstrated acknowledgement for the life developing within him, something that he had never done before.

He feels rather numb when his hand falls to his side. His thoughts, his feelings have shut down. Going on automatic, he advances until his hand falls on Levi’s arm and the action manages to silence both of his superiors.

Erwin is right.

If Eren held the key to humanity’s success, the chance to make the world a safe place, a free place, a worthy place, he thinks it’s the least he could do for his child, even if he doesn’t get to enjoy it with him.

He doesn’t sigh, he doesn’t cry, he doesn’t even blink. His voice doesn’t even sound like his own, but the words are out there anyway, pronounced by his own lips.

“I’ll do it.”

Then everything is silence.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ieatkitcat](http://ieatkitcat.tumblr.com) just keeps doing a wonderful job beta'ing my stuff~ Thank you!

Refusal rains over him like a heavy waterfall, drenching him in a freezing wave of solid fear, settling over his shoulders with enough pressure to make his knees feel weak. A voice rumbles in his head screeching a negative, strong and definitive, that forces his hand to clench tighter around Levi’s arm in order not to break his resolve. Breathing is a difficult task when nothing inside of him seems to make any sense, when everything spirals out of control and his tongue itches with the need to take back what he’s said.

Maybe it's only a few seconds, or maybe it’s a whole hour. No one reacts for so long Eren even begins to think that the situation is unreal, that he’s in the middle of a nightmare that his brain can’t find an appropriate ending for.

He's not that lucky.

Finally, Commander Erwin nods, aggravated, his eyes carefully sliding over to search Levi's face instead, but nothing reflects off it, and whatever emotions are being translated by Levi’s features are not for Eren to know. He almost expects to feel the Corporal yanking his arm away from him, but it doesn't happen, and Eren releases him once the thought that his touch is probably not appreciated assaults him.

“Get someone else to figure that out.” Levi says, his voice like a shard of ice ripping through the silence in a way that’s almost vulgar. It makes Eren flinch, hunch up as he takes a step back. Levi’s tone still hasn't changed, nothing in him has changed, except for the contents of his words. “It can't be you.” 

“Levi.” The tone the Commander uses is nearly pleading, his eyelids low even if his chin is raised, and Eren almost confuses his expression with one of tiredness. 

This time, however, the Corporal doesn't imitate his superior mockingly, he remains serious. “You can't know who keeps this child, it can't be you who chooses its family. That's it. The only way I'm going to agree to this is under that condition.” 

“We'll see.” Commander Erwin replies in what sounds completely false to Eren.

“No, we won't.” Levi almost hisses. “Get Hanji to do it. I trust her. Nobody else can know.” 

Pursing his lips, Commander Erwin evaluates his subordinate with a mostly empty expression. Despite the pounding in his head, Eren can still recognize that look on the Commander’s face, the one signaling his brain is in overdrive. It’s not like Levi can actually demand that of him, and they all know it; still, the Commander is trying to find a way to settle his soldier down without having to comply with his request. 

Seeing that the Commander is not about to give him a definite answer, Levi turns around with a low sigh that perfectly depicts how he’s trying to keep his emotions under check. Eren redirects his eyes to the floor immediately and avoids the Corporal’s face at all costs. 

Light boots click against the floorboards, accusingly, reproachfully, and just when Eren thinks that's the last he'll hear from the Corporal, they stop. 

“Come on, Eren.” His words feel too heavy, crushing. 

He follows suit.

 

\--

Everything is wrong. 

The way in which every single thing feels misplaced tears his composure to shreds, turns his thoughts over and over until he can't tell any of them apart. Clarity vanishes into chaos, chaos mixes in with dread. 

The desperation he feels, he has never quite felt before. It is an ugly and silent thing that creeps beside him, that slides over his skin in intervals, that flutters before his eyes yet disappears before he can see or grasp it. It is like a warning, like a red flag waving in front of him that he can’t exactly make out. 

It's too silent. Too tense. 

And his need for affection has never been this overbearing. He'd like to throw something to the back of Levi's head so that he would have the decency to turn around and face him. He should understand. That baby is his son, too, and they are going to lose him because there is nothing else that they can do. 

As much as he’d like to lunge at Levi and attempt to knock him to the ground, he realizes he won’t even be able to get close enough to touch him. A target that doesn’t move and that can’t strike back is what he needs, and though the walls have proven time after time to be the worst replacement for a punching bag, the necessity to just deliver a good hard blow at one of them is clouding his better judgment. He can't help it. He can't help feeling incredibly lost and vulnerable when everything he loves gets taken away from him so easily. 

He doesn't even have Mikasa now. He put his child before her, and now he will have neither to console him. 

“Don’t.” Eren turns his head in Levi’s direction almost violently, surprised. For a brief second he doesn’t recognize him, even if he’s wearing that familiar apathetic mask of detachment. “Wanna break your fucking toes? Don’t do that.” 

“I don’t care.” Eren groans back, forcing his sight away from the Corporal’s. 

“But I do.” He answers, clicking his tongue before he decides to approach Eren. Although he’d like to push the other away, the Corporal’s words serve to neutralize Eren’s hostility long enough for Levi to place his hands swiftly over his shoulders. 

“Do you?” The younger soldier says, tone slightly resentful, his eyes flicking briefly to Levi’s only to divert his gaze again a second later. “Do you _really_? I don’t think you actually give a fucking shit.” 

He doesn’t know where this poison in dripping from, why he tries to push everyone who cares about him away the minute things start to get out of control. Probably because he subconsciously desires to at least be able to be in command of something, even if his actions don’t result in a positive outcome. He can’t arrange his feelings, or reign over his problems, but he can consciously hurt people, get on their nerves and then revel in the fact that they acted according to what he schemed. He wants to piss Levi off so that he’ll leave him alone, so that he at least sees some congruence amidst a sea of contradictions. 

“What do you want me to do.” His superior says, voice dry, not articulating a question, but requesting a demand, perhaps. “You made your choice and I told you long ago that I wouldn’t fight that.” 

“You don’t want him. This works better for you.” Eren spits. “It’s so much better for you and you can finally get me off your back, and you won’t ever have to worry about me or my issues anymore.” There’s badly masked surprise behind Levi’s eyes, maybe a little bit of pain, or maybe Eren’s just confusing it with the one slowly invading his own chest. “That way you can stop pretending.” 

When his hands falter, Eren thinks for a moment that Levi will release him, but they tighten around the fabric of his shirt before forcing him backwards with a shove. His back hits the wall, and though Levi isn’t exactly rough, fear bubbles in Eren’s gut. 

 _Leren_. 

His arms instinctively stretch over his abdomen, and something flickers behind Levi’s eyes once more that Eren wants to catalogue as hurt but that is so rare in Levi that he immediately forces himself to think that he’s wrong, that it’s probably a completely different emotion. 

“What am I pretending?” The Corporal produces in a hoarse whisper. “Caring about you? That’s what I’m faking?” His warm breath over Eren’s face contrasts extremely with the icy tone with which he speaks. “You think I can fake something like this? And what would I fucking achieve by doing that?” 

“I don’t know—” Eren replies immediately, then pauses, unsure. There are many things that he could say to keep on fanning the flames consuming him from the inside out, to turn this into a full-fledged argument. But this is Levi. He’s the man who had promised to make things better and had actually somehow managed to stay true to his words. This is Levi who does care about him, who is willing to put Eren’s needs before his own and who just talked back to their commanding officer for Eren’s sake. This is Levi who ripped him from his scorching titan body and protected him, and this is Levi who turns Eren’s world upside down, who won’t leave his thoughts alone for one second, who’s become so important to Eren that the mere act of attempting to hurt him makes the younger soldier sick. “I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m so fucking wrong, don’t—” 

At this, the Corporal raises one eyebrow to then squint like doesn’t comprehend what Eren is trying to say. He pushes on Eren’s shoulders slightly before releasing him, sighing loudly and raising his hands, palms facing Eren in a demonstration of peace as he retreats. 

“I get it, but I need you to calm down.” Eren focuses his stinging eyes on the ceiling, lifting his face and blinking fast. Concentrating on evening out his breathing, he finally nods, moving his hands away from their protective stance around his body. 

“Come on.”

Eren watches him step away with his heart beating madly inside his chest. It takes him a moment to feel fully conscious again, to regain control over his limbs. Shutting his eyes tightly, he runs his hand nervously through his hair as he tries to convince himself that everything will turn out alright. Things happen for a reason. 

Things always happen for a reason.

 

\--

Mikasa’s blurry figure slides through the air in a way that is graceful yet deadly at the same time. No one else among the Scouting Legion could manage to pull a move like that, which assures Eren that the silhouette he sees through the darkened window of the corridor is indeed Mikasa’s. 

Something eerily strange happens as he follows her with his eyes. Time slows down. He can see in perfect detail the twist of her body, the course her figure will follow, and the imaginary blades that should be attached to the 3DMG handles slicing through the air mercilessly. 

The spell is broken as Eren walks past the edge of the window and cold stone breaks his concentration. He realizes then, as he walks over to the next window and is allowed to look outside again, that Mikasa is too far away for him to have been able to tell so much about her technique, and she moves so fast that his eyes couldn’t have possibly kept up with her body. 

His head feels like it’s swirling, his body, like he’s surrounded by liquid that limits his movements. A black shadow darkens the edges of his vision as everything else becomes dull and blurry. He thinks he hears himself saying the Corporal’s name, but maybe that is also an hallucination, like Mikasa training at this hour, when all soldiers were busy with other chores. He doesn’t know why he focuses on that, but that thought keeps floating around his head, flashing rapidly, and then he doesn’t remember anything.

 

\--

A cold, dead tongue slides over his forehead. It’s raspy, like a cat’s. He still feels like he’s underwater, because even though he can hear voices, they come to him distorted and too low, like an incomplete, unintelligible whisper. 

Mikasa had been training. 

“Ah, he’s coming back!” The tongue settles upon his forehead and Eren tries to push it away, sends the order to his arms, but they don’t obey, instead lying unmoving by his sides, completely useless. “Eren? Can you hear me?” 

He wants to know why Mikasa had been training, but his voice also rebels against his brain’s orders. 

“You hit your head pretty hard. Can you hear me?”

The question comes again time after time, the tongue licking his skin raw. He thinks his forehead starts bleeding at some point, as liquid begins to slide down his temples. Maybe the blood he loses—is it even blood?— carries his questions away, because by the time his vision returns, he can’t remember what it was that he had wanted to know so desperately just a second before. 

“I can hear you. Stop with that rag, my skin’s coming off.” Eren groans, his hands finally responding to his nerves commands and pushing Hanji’s hands away. A powerful, stinging smell surrounds him, and even though he usually enjoys it, at this moment he finds it overwhelming. “Were you rubbing alcohol on me?” 

“Rose damnit, Eren, you need to stop doing this to me!” Hanji cries, capturing his frame in her arms. “My heart is a weak little thing, and you’re killing it!” 

“Come on!” One of his hands is now busy trying to pry Hanji away from him while the other attempts to find leverage on the ground to push him into a straight position. The floor feels cold and scratchy, and then he realizes he’s grasping grass blades between his fingers. 

They were… outside? 

“You’ll make him faint again, stop that.” 

Levi’s voice makes Eren stop his struggles, his eyes trying to find the source frantically. Most of Hanji’s hair is over his face, so he doesn’t exactly succeed, although he does find a shadow that probably coincides with Levi’s body and general direction. 

“Gee, what’s with you two and your sudden excessively protective attitudes over the other?” Hanji huffs, straightening up, and Eren is finally able to glance into Levi’s eyes. The Corporal raises his eyebrows in a sort of greeting, before deciding to stare at Hanji instead. “And the glances? Stop it, you’re making me jealous.” 

Levi sucks his lips into his mouth and glances away, which Eren assumes is just a way to hide a smile. With a dismissive movement, he gestures towards Eren and then shrugs carelessly. “I can share him with you.” 

When Hanji laughs honestly, the sound that escapes her throat resembles more a roar than actual laughter, and Eren flinches as it completely inundates his ears. A small squeeze on his shoulder has him looking back up at Hanji just in time to catch her winking in his direction. “Yeah? Can we be like a polyamorous trio?” 

Eren understands that they’re both joking, but he still looks dismally at Levi who only nods, clicking his tongue and muttering something that sounds like ‘whatever’ under his breath. Hanji giggles, squirming, before her face suddenly falls and she eyes Levi accusingly. “But where would the fun be there? I could never watch you two do the—” 

“ _And_ thanks for ruining the moment.” Levi interrupts, fixing Hanji with a disappointed glare. 

“Ah, we were having a moment? Should’ve fucking told me, Levi! ” Hanji squeaks and Eren smiles fondly to then sigh and bring his hands up to rub his eyes. Hanji notices, and with a slightly concerned voice, she asks, “Does it hurt anywhere, Eren?” 

Blinking a couple of times, Eren makes a quick mental review of everything that he can perceive and denotes that physical pain isn’t present. “No.” 

“Are you sure? Levi says your head literally bounced on the stone floor.” Eren can almost _hear_ both his superiors wincing. 

“No, it doesn’t hurt.” 

Hanji scans him, pensive, with those dark penetrating eyes, before breaking into a smile and squeezing his arm with some sort of reassuring affection. “It was… probably stress.” She indicates, nodding to herself. “You,” She says then, pausing in the middle of her sentence to point an accusatory finger in Levi’s direction. “Take better care of him or I’m definitely stealing him away.” 

Levi rolls his eyes before mockingly placing his right fingers by his temple and making a half-assed saluting motion. “Yessir.” 

“Good.” The Squad Leader agrees. Swiftly, she jumps to her feet and stretches, groaning, and stops only when her back has made a satisfactory popping sound. “So, I’ll take care of _the thing_ , Levi. S’okay, you just leave it to me. You ask, I deliver!” She says, tone light and expression a complete riddle that Eren is definitely unable to solve. “I’ll make something up, so just take your time, okay?” 

With that, she turns around and starts walking to where Eren supposes the castle stands, which must be somewhat far away if he can’t see it from his position on the floor. 

He doesn’t know if he should ask what that had been about or just remain quiet. The silence stretching between Levi and him forces him to decide, in the end, that he hates it more than he would whatever possible answer he gets. “What’s she talking about?” 

“ _The thing_?” Levi replies after a few seconds. His tone is calm, relaxed, very different than before as it is not swamped with quiet ferocity now. “She’s getting me plant porn because she’s sure that that’s the stuff that will trigger my libido to unimaginable levels.” 

Eren blinks once. Twice. “Right.” He groans, slightly annoyed and then sits upright before attempting to get on his feet. “Is it about— No, don’t tell me. I prefer not to know.” 

By the time he looks up, Levi is already standing by his side, swift and quiet. His hands twitching by his sides like he’s fighting the urge to seize Eren and keep him upright should his legs fail him again. “You sure you should be standing up?” He asks, eyes judgmentally skimming over Eren’s body.

“Yeah, I feel fine.” Eren assures him, taking a few unfaltering steps away from the Corporal to prove his point. “I’m not dizzy or anything.” 

Levi nods, his hands finally relaxing. “If you’re gonna turn off again, be kind enough to let me know beforehand. It’s really cool that you have superpowers and everything, but your head is damaged enough without you having to mess with it any further.”

Eren would have snorted if he hadn’t been feeling so drained. Instead, he nods and then looks forlornly in the direction Hanji had left just a few minutes before.“Could we… maybe not go back to the castle?” He wonders, making brief eye-contact before dropping his gaze to the ground and then whispering, “For a bit.” 

With a low groan, Levi looks from him to the path marked on the ground that they should be following already. “Well, fuck it.” He whispers, and starts to walk in the opposite direction, away from the clearing and towards a few scattered trees that mark the beginning of the forest that surrounds the castle. 

Eren rushes to follow him immediately. His heart takes a few funny leaps inside his chest when he realizes that Levi looks back at him every once in awhile as he leads the way, stepping around trees and avoiding protruding roots. Sometimes, he even lingers around Eren when the terrain gets positively rebellious, like he’s making sure he doesn’t hurt himself, before starting again, deeper and deeper until Eren starts to wonder where he’s being taken. 

“Corporal?” The man turns around, stops. Eren shakes his head when he notices Levi’s stare, which borders on concerned. “No, no. I’m alright, I’m just wondering where we’re going.” 

Instead of replying directly, Levi issues another question. “Can you hear the stream?” 

As a matter of fact, now that it has been pointed out, Eren can hear a faint splashing of water, nothing more than a quiet murmur among the sounds of the forest and their steps over crunchy, dry leaves. 

“There’s a stream around here? I didn’t know that.” 

“And where do you think we get our water from?” At Eren’s confused gaze, Levi elaborates. “It goes underground just before the forest ends. It can’t be heard from the dungeons, but if you’ve ever wondered why there’s so much _mold_ down there, that’s why.” The Corporal finishes his sentence with a disgusted expression and Eren grins softly when he catches it. Right then, as they go around the thick trunk of a short tree, Eren can finally glimpse the stream just a few feet away from them. 

All in all, Eren is slightly disappointed. He’d thought it would be prettier, that without much trying, he could’ve confused the scene with something that came from the outside world. However, the stream is just a thin thread of water, dark as the heavy shadows of the trees’ foliage falls upon it like an imprisoning web. Eren wonders if it’s normal to feel sad for a stream. 

“And this is the castle’s water supply?” He wonders dejectedly, to which Levi hums in confirmation. 

“It branches from one of the main water circuits that go across the walls, but you know how people are. Most of its water flow was redirected to the main circuit and this is what’s left.” He explains, leaning against the nearest tree after checking that it wasn’t covered in mold or insects. “We do have ways to store water, but… That’s why we don’t take showers three times a day, sadly.” He concludes, pointing at the weak water flow. 

“Why do we do that?” Eren says crossly, also leaning his back on the tree the Corporal was resting against. “This land, inside our fucking walls, is the only thing we have and we still dare change it to what we think is convenient.” 

Levi nudges his arm with his elbow before pushing away from the tree, which Eren interprets as a signal to follow him. 

“Because humankind is really damn stupid.” Eren huffs, being of the same opinion. 

They meet a small slope, barely a disruption on the otherwise flat land, and Eren blinks surprised when his eyes face direct sunlight. Now this was more like what he had imagined: though the stream is still laughably narrow, the trees here seemed to have considered that the small hill was too much of a challenge and ceased their advance, growing in a wavy circle around it except for one daring young sapling, growing strong, though short, on the highest portion of the mount. 

More dead leaves cover the ground as green grasses stretch upwards, a few late-blooming tiny white flowers standing shyly among the grass blades. The water is clearer, light going through it in a way that allows Eren to see the dark pebbles covering the stream bed. Light also reflects off the water’s surface like a mirror, casting luminous splotches over his clothes and Levi’s face, dancing upon the ground and the trees around them like glowing caresses. 

The Corporal walks away from him until he reaches the sturdy sapling, and settles on the ground against it, facing the stream. Eren joins him a moment after, cautiously sitting down beside him, throwing an unsure look his way. 

“Did you know this was here?” Eren asks curiously, picking up a heavy pebble and throwing it into the water, smiling faintly at the gurgling sound. He feels the Corporal shrug by his side, and when he looks back at him, it’s to find that he has leaned the back of his head against the trunk and closed his eyes. 

His profile is a sight to hold, mischievous lights dancing over his skin, clinging to his long lashes and the tips of his soft hair, bouncing off his cheekbones, his nose, his chin… and his lips. 

A shudder makes Eren tremble before he tears his gaze away, and in an outburst of audacity, he slips his arm around Levi’s limp one, hugging it close to his body and he slumps against him. His eyes remain closed, waiting for the Corporal’s reaction— surprised stiffness, then unexpected alleviation—, and when nothing happens, Eren loosens his grasp and exhales with relief. 

He thinks he feels Leren stir within him— _the child_ , not _Leren_ — but he opts for ignoring it. 

“Why do you act…” Levi begins. Eren hears his voice close to his ear, then he bites his lower lip when he feels Levi’s head rest against the top of his. “Like you’re afraid of me?” 

Eren inhales sharply, and he would’ve turned to fix unbelieving eyes on his superior if he hadn’t been enjoying their physical contact so much that he’d rather asphyxiate than disturb Levi. 

“I’m not?” He replies immediately. “I’m a lost case, a complete insubordinate, or maybe you’re just too indulgent? You should punish me every once in a while for being so damn disrespectful.” 

“That’s not what I mean.” The Corporal starts, voice soft in a way that makes Eren’s heart melt. “You _are_ fucking disrespectful from a superior-subordinate approach, but I’m pretty sure we’re beyond that at this point. What I mean is that ever since we kissed that one fucking time, it’s like you feel you have to tiptoe around me, like you feel I’m going to go into a furious rampage if you so much as look in my direction. I thought we had cleared things up.” 

Eren doesn’t say anything for a moment. It’s not his intention to behave this way. However, the latent realization that he can just lose everything he cares about in the blink of an eye makes fear a dominant element ruling over his actions. How does he explain something like that to someone that seems to be so in control of his emotions? He’s afraid he’s just going to sound like a petty brat, worrying over something as mundane as abandonment issues. 

“I thought I wanted things to change, but now I’m not so sure. I thought it’d be easier to be around you if I knew what was going on but…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, uncertain of what he’s trying to get across. He hears Levi emit some sort of snort. 

“Are you breaking up with me, Eren Jaeger?” There’s gentle amusement in his intonation. 

“What?” He produces in a strangled cry. “That’s not what— I’m saying that I kinda knew how to act around you and now I have no idea, that’s it!” He shakes his head softly, tensing when Levi straightens his head and then sighing softly when it settles back where it had been once Eren has stopped moving. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, like that time in the bathroom when we were brushing our teeth and I thought—” 

“Ah, that. Yeah, my bad.” Levi says, contemplative. “I _was_ going to kiss you, but then you went and made your mouth bleed and I didn’t mean to push you away so roughly, but blood is just one of those things that I really can’t stand. And that’s an understatement.” 

Eren thought he could understand that, given his past and how Levi had to see and deal with blood more often than not in particularly traumatic situations. He gulps loudly, snuggling closer to the Corporal’s heat when Leren kicks him again unrelentingly, and he starts to speak again, just to keep his mind off it. 

“So then you…” He ventures, hoping that Levi would fill the silence. 

“I was ready to lick your fucking throat clean, yeah.” Eren snorts at that and nudges Levi’s side with his arm. 

“You’re kinda gross sometimes.” He says, to which Levi only hums, like he was prompting Eren to realize that he wasn’t one to talk. 

As silence follows their conversation, the sound of the water rushing before them fills Eren’s ears again, awakening a feeling of comforting calmness within his chest. His heartbeat slows down, his breathing soft and nearly unnoticeable. He wonders if Levi has his eyes closed, if he’s comfortable leaning against Eren. He wonders what he would say if Eren asked if he could kiss him again. 

However, before his thoughts get out of hand, Levi disrupts the silence with a question that makes Eren nearly choke on his own spit. 

“When you touch yourself and you're thinking about me, what do you think about?” 

“What?” It sounds like a pained whine, disbelieving as Eren tenses by Levi’s side. 

“What about me turns you on?” The Corporal rephrases his question, and it’s funny to see how he’s completely unaffected even if he’s asking embarrassing questions while Eren has practically turned into a quivering mess. 

A lot of effort is needed for Eren to find his voice. “Why are you asking me that?” 

“Curiosity. Some people seem to agree that I am fucking sexy, but I don't see it.” The Corporal admits and Eren detects the mocking in his voice, the taunting playfulness. “I guess that's healthy and fortunately makes me _not_ the biggest egocentric bastard inside these walls.” 

“Are you serious?” Eren voice is faint, and he imagines that if it could be seen, it would resemble the stream before them, thin and narrow and weak. 

“Very.” 

“I-I don’t—” 

“Eren please, I’m not deaf. That’s a seriously tainted tub we bathe in.” 

The blush over his face is born from dread and some sort of painful embarrassment. He has to clear his throat and gulp forcefully a couple of times to get his knotted throat unclogged. 

Alright then. 

“Umh. I, uh— I don't exactly make anything up? I just, I don't see any sort of fantasy in my head.” He stutters, but manages to force the lie out of his mouth. He’s not about to start describing in excruciating detail the impious scenarios that he’s created in his head, after all. “I just, I guess I— I like the sound of your name because— this is really stupid, don't laugh. Because I feel a certain kind of thrill when I say it as I'm— you know. Like, I feel dirty, but good.” 

He feels a sharp pinch on his thigh, and the unexpectedness of it almost forces him to throw himself away from the Corporal, but then he hears this sort of faint chuckling coming from the man and he just squirms, trying to get his legs away from him without having to release his arm. 

“That didn't answer my question at all. That just states how obsessed you are with me.” Levi says, raising his head at resting it against the tree instead, unaware of Eren’s silent protests. 

Eren feels indignation force the next words out of his mouth. “As a person! I thought you'd appreciate that I don't just think about your abs and your fucking butt.” 

“Of all the things you could’ve picked up from me, why did you choose cursing, huh?” He sounds disappointed, the whole feeling completed with a dejected click of his tongue. “I don’t remember you cursing this much when we first met.” 

“No, I’ve always cursed a lot, I just behaved better in front of you.” Is Eren’s explanation. He squirms as he adjusts his position, realizing just then that he had been so focused on keeping Levi’s head where it was atop his own that his brain had completely blocked how his lower back had started to hurt because of the slightly awkward posture. He can now look down at Levi, though the man is diligently keeping his gaze somewhere else. “But that’s in the past.” 

“So, I have a nice ass?” 

Eren’s lips tug into a smile and he chuckles before responding. “Haven't you ever even glanced behind you?” 

“No, Eren. Normal people don’t do that.” The Corporal states tiredly, like he was lecturing Eren on something that was particularly obvious. “What else?” 

“You just want me to boost your ego!” Eren accuses, trying hard to control his laughter. 

Levi just snorts, then presses, “Well?” 

“About your body?” Levi shrugs, looking briefly up at him before fixing his eyes on the stream once more. “Ah, about anything? Well, aside from— ah, you know, your looks, there's something about— your confidence? I guess?” 

“I'm not good looking. I have the face of an ever-angry thirteen-year-old. And the way in which my beard just refuses to grow properly doesn't help my case.” Levi shakes his head, rubbing tiredly under his eyes.

“You want to grow a beard?” It’s a funny idea. No matter how hard he tries, Eren can’t actually picture Levi with a beard. 

“So that people can laugh at the three thin hairs protruding shyly from my chin? No, thanks. Now about that confidence that makes people’s panties drop on the spot…” 

“Have you had many people proposition dirty things to you?” Eren blurts out, the question taking even him by surprise. Levi shoves him sideways, and Eren loses his balance, almost falling to the side before Levi grabs his sleeve and tugs him back against him, with his arm now looping around Eren’s. 

“Wow, so… Just in the past year or…?” Eren visibly pales, slumping against the tree. That many? Actually he didn’t want to know anymore. However, Levi looks up at him with half a smirk stretching his lips, with a look that clearly stated he was just messing around with him. He proceeds after a heavy sigh. “Not many. Some people are subtle enough that I practically don't notice that they have a thing for me, but there are _people_ —” His tone switches to irritated then. “One time I opened the door to my room and I walked in to find some guy butt-naked, spread over my sheets. I have to admit that he had some guts, because we couldn't have exchanged more than three words in our lifetimes.” 

Eren can’t control his laughter. “And what did you do?” He says between chuckles. 

“I stared. Shook my head in disbelief. Then I left.” 

His body is still shaking with laughter as Eren glances down at Levi. “Did he say anything afterwards?” 

Levi’s eyes gleam with amusement when he nods. “Hm. He might have tried to apologize for getting the wrong impression about me and how he thought I was into men. I guess most people assume that if you're not into women, then you must be into men or something. And then there's me.” 

Eren holds back the urge to say something along the lines of: I'm into my commanding officer so I’m not really in a place to judge, but he manages to control the impulse just in time. However, his mouth filter has always been a little defective, and he’s speaking before he knows it. “Do you— is there anything about me that—? Ah. I was going to say something stupid, forget I said anything.” In the middle of his question, his brain manages to catch up with his mouth and force himself to avoid voicing the rest of his thought aloud. His mortified eyes are met with a vacant gaze. 

“Not stupid at all. It's a valid question.” Levi says before Eren can make the conscious decision to go drown in the stream. “Do I like something about you? I like your conviction. And I also enjoy that genetic party going on all over your face.” 

“What do you mean?” He confuses the exhilaration at Levi’s confession with his lungs trying to set themselves on fire, a small grin spreading over his face. _  
_

“Whose side of the family did you inherit those eyes from?”

Eren blinks a couple of times. “Ah, my dad. Mom's eyes were— they were golden, I think.” 

“She had your skin color?” 

Eren frowns, leaning forward, away from the tree and fixing his eyes on the grass. Quietly, he replies, “I can't remember.” 

“What was her last name?” Levi asks him then, the level of his voice also dropping, and Eren guesses he’s not questioning his knowledge about his own mother, but rather trying to connect facts as to figure out who were Eren’s ancestors. 

“I don't... know?” He sounds unsure then, looking back at Levi with a mortified glance once he realizes he can’t remember practically anything about his mom. 

Levi blinks, his features softening, an apologetic tone to his voice. “S'okay. I can't even remember my mother's given name, or what she looked like.” 

“But it's only been five years, how can I be forgetting already?” Eren grieves, shaking his head like the thought itself was poisonous. “She shouldn't have died.” He says at last, blaming his struggles on that fact. 

Letting go of his arm, Levi studies his face carefully, his features growing blank all of a sudden. Although Eren feels uneasy under his stare, he turns around completely so his body faces the Corporal’s, crossing his legs and looking at his feet. 

“Do you resent her?” 

Eren raises his eyes immediately, frowning like it’s beyond him how Levi could have arrived to that conclusion. 

“For dying? A fucking house fell on her, why would I— no! Of course not. It wasn't her fault. She—it's not like she chose to have our house destroyed and then get trapped in there; if it hadn't been for that she would've come with us, she would've kept on taking care of Mikasa and me. She didn't choose that, and I can't hate her for something she had no control over.” He rushes to say, running out of breath by the end of his explanation. His voice doesn’t quaver, though his jaw is definitely trembling. 

Levi’s stare is pointed. “I see.” 

It dawns on Eren then, what the Corporal had been implying silently with his eyes. “It's not the same fucking thing, Corporal. I don't have a house pinning me to the floor while titans close in. I can still fight.” He is never going to admit that his voice broke in the middle of trying to speak his mind. Levi is never going to bring it up. 

“Not a literal building, but I think the military is equally as crushing.”

 

\--

“There’s something I have to do. You should go find Hanji, she’s probably in her battlefield of an office.” Levi says as they approach the castle, the sun already losing its bright radiance. Eren defines that it won’t be long before sunset. “Do you want me to come with you?” 

“What? No, no I’m fine. I can get there on my own.” Eren assures him with a brief nod. 

Levi opens his mouth to say something, but then changes his mind before he manages to say anything and just copies Eren’s gesture. He pats his shoulder before turning away and walking around the building while Eren’s eyes follow his retreating figure until the cold stone of the castle gets in his way. 

Instead of getting inside right away, he climbs to the top of the staircase at the main entrance and sits down heavily, plopping his chin over his turned palms. 

He feels torn between complacency and apprehension, wondering if he’s ever going to be able to get off the emotional rollercoaster. Tiredness makes his eyelids drop, prompting him to settle with finding Hanji. 

It’s exactly at that moment when he sees shadows walking closer. As his comrades start to appear around the corner, he rushes to his feet to get inside before he runs into his friends; however, he doesn’t manage to even turn around when he spots them, and the shock makes him stand still, staring at them unblinkingly. 

It’s not long before they notice him, too. Armin looks frantically from him to Mikasa, and then shouts Eren’s name before he can fulfill that idea of running away.

Mikasa doesn’t look pissed off, or apathetic. On the contrary, she looks upsettingly mortified. Armin beckons him to walk down the stairs to where they are, and though Eren knows he shouldn’t, since he isn’t supposed to go outside of the castle unless he’s under supervision, something in their alarmed gazes makes his legs move without him issuing the order. 

The rest of their comrades walk past them without addressing them except for the other members of the 104th squad, that greet him tiredly, but with a smile nonetheless. Some other people that Eren isn’t very familiar with throw dirty looks his way, but he can’t come to care about them when his friends seem so disturbed. 

“Eren,” Mikasa says, her arms finding his and wrapping around it tightly. He doesn’t know how to react, this is absolutely not what he had been expecting their next meeting would go like. 

They walk around the castle, against the flow of their retreating comrades. Armin and Mikasa are both dirty, with sweat making their hair stick to their temples and necks. Armin is still flushed, the exertion noticeable in his dry lips and trembling thighs. Mikasa is mostly normal, but her scarf is loose around her neck and Eren associates the images with— 

Mikasa… had been training. 

It comes back to him, the scene as he walked past the window before he blacked out, the question that swam around his thoughts when he came back from the darkness. 

His gut turns to knots and he ignores Mikasa’s display of affection in order to fix a panic thriven stare on their blond friend. 

Armin runs a trembling hand through his hair, opens and closes his mouth before taking a deep breath and forcing his body to stay still. His eyes harden, like the Commander’s earlier, Eren correlates with a shudder. 

“Commander Hackett is on his way back, and they are making us train again.” He says in a single breath. It doesn’t register in Eren’s brain for a few seconds, but when it does, he feels his insides sink even deeper. Mikasa’s hands tighten around his arm, and he leans against her before collapsing on the wall behind him. A sharp gasp from Mikasa, probably triggered by his reaction, has him looking over at her.

“Does that mean that you’re going to have to transform again?” She asks, voice thin. 

“When?” Eren’s voice is faint. He shuts his eyes and forces himself to take a deep breath lest he should faint again. When his friends fail to reply, he asks again, louder this time. “WHEN, FUCKING DAMN IT.” 

“Two weeks, Eren.” 

The green-eyed soldier snorts, though it is a humorless gesture. Avoiding his friends’ gazes, he raises his eyes to the darkened sky and has the sudden urge to scream. 

His first sob comes out more like a choking sound, and then another as he tries to get air inside his lungs through a throat that’s nearly collapsed with grief. He can’t face them, his friends, he wishes time could stop for good this time because he doesn’t want them to see him cry. 

But it’s too late. 

His knees fail him, and he starts to slide down the rock wall. Mikasa releases his arm only to kneel beside him a second after, huddling up to his side as Eren turns in her direction and hides his face in the crook of her neck. Armin’s hand finds his, and he can’t really tell who’s squeezing harder. 

He’s going to soil Mikasa’s scarf, get snot all over her pretty skin, but when he tries to pull away, her hand on his nape prevents him from doing so, and the forceful shakes of his body just intensify. 

“Fuck, Mikasa. I’m sorry— _Fuck_.” He bites his bottom lip forcefully, slamming his free hand against the ground when the sound of his own broken voice reaches him. He should stop. He should be strong. “I was— I _said_ —” 

“It’s okay, Eren. I was being stupid. It doesn’t matter.” She whispers right in his ear, sighs. “Nothing you say is going to drive us away.” 

He feels Armin’s heat setting against his other side, his head resting over Eren’s quivering shoulder. 

Eren curses under his breath continuously, as his throat goes dry and his eyes empty. These people right here, they’re all he really has. They have been his only link to sanity since everything went to hell five years ago. They helped him stand back on his feet, endure the hard days and the dangerous intentions. They forced him to cling to his humanity when all he wanted to do was go on a roaring rampage that would’ve ended with them having to bury his cold, dead, body much sooner than he would’ve guessed. 

They even followed him here, to the end all of all things rational, to the edge of survival where they would have to risk their own lives for a motive that he implanted in their heads. 

These two are the only people he can trust. 

Not even Levi is trustable, when he kept Commander Hackett’s return a secret, when he left, heading towards the training field, no doubt, without telling him the truth, keeping the matter from him even though they had been alone for hours. 

He could trust them. 

Grief swarms in his chest, spilling through his mouth as he cries out. 

“They’re taking him away.” He wheezes, coughs, groans, then tries to speak again. “I won’t get to keep my son.” 

There it is, out on the open. There it is, becoming a reality as he gives his despair a name and a last name and acknowledges facts. 

There it is, for Armin and Mikasa to know that he had been gullible enough to trick himself into thinking that something like having a family was in store for him. It was stupid, ridiculous, it threw him over the edge again and again and he kicked at the floor and dug his fingers into his thigh because how could he have been so _stupid_. 

“Who’s they?” He hears Mikasa ask, venomous. “ _They_ have no right. You don’t belong to them.” 

“Maybe it’s better this way.” Eren whimpers, and he feels Armin nod, his head still leaning against him. 

“No.” Mikasa’s anger is untamable, and Eren feels it emanating from her in waves that soak him deeper in guilt. “Families are meant to stick together. You want this kid, you get to keep him. No one has any right to take a child from his father.” 

“Mikasa,” Armin calls, softly, his hand reaching out to her. Eren sees their fingers link through the blurriness of his warm tears, their hands resting over his stretched legs. “Mikasa, they want Eren, they are not going to care about his baby. They want him and his powers, and they could even hurt that child if they think it’s distracting Eren.” 

“Don’t—” Mikasa begins, but her words die in her lips. She huddles closer to Eren, dries his tears with her jet-black hair as she rests her head just above his shoulder. “Let’s run away. The four of us, we can make it.” 

Eren shudders as he remembers the last time that same idea had been proposed. Them, running away beyond the walls where they were not likely to be followed. He sighs. They had been so naïve back then. Reddened eyes slide over to Armin, and Eren doesn’t know why, but he knows that Armin is going to come up with a solution. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, maybe he’s just so lost that he expects Armin to save him again, like that one time so many months ago when they had just become aware of Eren’s destructive abilities. 

“They have no power over us.” Is his rushed whisper. “They can chase Eren all they want but they can’t—” 

“I’m not leaving Eren alone.” Mikasa interrupts, apparently understanding what Armin is saying perfectly while Eren has trouble following their conversation. 

“Of course. I wouldn’t, either, you know that.” Blue eyes, surrounded by damp lashes look up to find Eren’s gaze, and they don’t glance away until Eren has nodded in confirmation. “Maybe they wouldn’t let you go, Mikasa. You’re too valuable. But me? Right now there’s nothing about me that they could want.” 

“Armin,” Eren tries to say, but Armin straightens, and it makes Eren’s words falter. 

Still clutching his friends’ hands between his own, Armin speaks again. “I can do it, Eren. Trust me.” 

Though he still feels packed, nearly exploding with unvoiced worries, a little weight lifts from his shoulders. He nods, trying to grin in what he hopes looks like gratefulness; however, Armin isn’t looking at him any longer. The gears are turning, his brows nearly touch as he frowns in concentration. Without warning, he stands up, mask already on, real thoughts disguised as a bright smile takes over his features. 

“It’s settled then. I—” He rubs his hand under his nose, giggling as he then wipes the back of his palm against his pants. “ _We_ need a shower.” 

Eren looks back at Mikasa, her smiling eyes. It contagious, he starts to smile, too, until he looks back to Armin who’s now looking towards the training field, eyes fixed on something that Eren can’t distinguish or define. Armin hadn’t been careful, his mask had fallen and Eren could see again that one expression that reminded him so much of Commander Erwin. It was daunting but he decided to pay it no mind. 

Things happened… 

For a reason.

 

\--

Eren had thought he was mad at Levi, but the truth is that the moment the Corporal walks through the door and his eyes fall on him, he instantly reflects that he can’t possibly be mad at him. Because he was trying to protect him. Because Eren had just fainted due to stress and there was no way in which Levi would just go and announce that there was another threat looming, about to make their lives even more miserable. Because Levi cared about him. 

A smile breaks upon his face, and Levi’s eyebrows knot together, his head tilting to one side. He walks over to his drawers, dissimulating cautiousness and shooting fleeting glances at Eren. 

“How was training?” He asks, and he doesn’t mean to sound recriminatory, even if Levi flinches as he hears the question. 

“Fucking mental.” 

“Armin told me.” He says immediately after, when he catches Levi’s annoyed expression, figuring the older man would blame Hanji for spilling that sort of undisclosed information. 

“I was going to tell you now.” The Corporal says. He looks more tired than Eren had ever seen him, even more so than the last time he had been forced to endure brutal training schedules to ensure the Legion’s safety prior to Eren’s transformation. He looks drained, weary, a little jumpy, vaguely anxious. 

He is wearing fresh clothes, his hair glinting, probably still a little damp. After depositing his maneuver gear over the dresser, he presses his palms against its surface and leans forward just slightly. Eren wonders what exactly has him so preoccupied: the whole issue about giving their kid up for forced adoption, Commander Hackett coming back, or something else entirely. He doesn’t have the guts to ask, though. 

“Hey, Eren,” The alluded hums to let the Corporal know that he's listening. “Did you brush your teeth yet?” 

He had. Partially because he had grown used to being very careful about his personal hygiene in the few months he had lived in close quarters with the Corporal, but also because what had happened earlier in the woods had brought the courage necessary to finally dare to ask for a kiss from Levi. 

That had been his original plan. 

He stutters as he answers that he has, and then shivers when Levi turns his head to look at him and he falls victim to a quiet evaluation. 

“Yeah, me too.” The Corporal produces, straightening his upper body to then turn in Eren’s direction. Instead of walking over to where Eren is sitting on their bed, Levi leans backwards, against the dresser, and fixes his eyes on the window which Eren had closed. 

“Ah, that’s great, I guess.” Eren agrees, trying hard not to snort and looking away in embarrassment. What exactly was going on? Was Levi trying to indirectly suggest something? 

“I tried to flirt once,” the Corporal confesses, sighing. “And it turned out to be the most embarrassing ten seconds of my life.” He fixes his eyes on Eren, huffs, and then looks away before finally taking a step towards him. Eren feels his heart leap inside his chest. 

“So what I did was, I decided that flirting is fucking overrated.” He continues, avoiding eye contact up to the very moment when he's standing directly in front of Eren. “And I walked over to him, and hoped that he had forgotten by then.” 

Heart beating madly, Eren’s jaw trembles as he tries to force himself to stay calm and find something to say other than ‘please, kiss me already’. He has never been any good at flirting, either. “And what did he say?” 

“He played fucking stupid. But he never mentioned it again.” Eren chuckles, biting his lower lip and trying to contain a smile while Levi gives him a look of fondness that almost makes his chest implode. “I can’t remember what I did next.” 

“I think I do?” He forces himself to say, voice wavering slightly. “I think you dropped to your knees—” 

“We were doing _so well_ , Eren, fuck.” Levi groans, flicking his finger at Eren’s forehead, prompting the younger soldier to laugh quietly as he chases and takes a hold of the Corporal’s retreating fingers. He is suddenly reminded of Armin’s actions from earlier, when he had been holding his hand and Mikasa’s. He should probably discuss with the Corporal what they had figured they could do. But then again, he could just enjoy the moment and decide to ruin everything afterwards. 

“Because he couldn’t reach you, sitting on your bed as he was.” He continues, and Levi nods, approvingly. 

“But that doesn’t make sense.” He then says, faking a dubious stare. “The floor is dirty. Didn’t I sit on the bed instead?” 

“Maybe he wasn’t sitting too close to the edge?” Eren offers, using his free hand to make himself slide further over the mattress, his feet losing contact with the floor. He risks one look at Levi, and though his features remain blank, there is something in his eyes that tells Eren that he is trying hard not to snort. “Maybe you… straddled him? Maybe?” 

“I don’t know. I think I remember his belly being of excessive proportions. Maybe I tried but ended down on my knees anyway because I fell off of him.” Levi points out, using the hand that Eren was still holding to gesture in the general direction of Eren’s abdomen. The younger soldier scoots towards the center of the bed some more. 

“No, I’m sure you didn’t.” Eren assures, nodding as he tugs slightly on Levi’s arm. “And I’m sure he behaved and didn’t try anything funny.” 

The only reply he gets to that is an eye roll. By then, Levi’s knees had been already touching the mattress, in between Eren’s legs. Wearily, appearing like he would change his mind at any moment, he lifts one knee and places it close to Eren’s hip, the other following suit. 

Blood runs quickly and swiftly throughout Eren’s body, setting every last one of his nerves ablaze. 

Levi is comfortingly heavy. The back of his covered thighs settle warmly over Eren’s lap, and though he looks a little put out, the fact that he’s trying hard not to let it show makes Eren feel more grateful than he could explain. 

His hand is released, and he takes a hold of Levi’s waist for purchase, since he feels like he’s about to fall, dizzy with adrenaline, high on anticipation. 

“This is so weird,” Levi says, and Eren could swear that he feels a small tremble take a hold of the Corporal’s body before he could control it. “It _was_. Sorry.” He shakes his head, gets back into character. “I think I am so bad at flirting that it didn’t get beyond that.” 

“No, I’m sure it did!” Eren is quick to contradict Levi’s words. “You’ve told me this like a thousand times. I’m pretty sure you guys… I mean, he was really looking forward to that, so I think you—” He couldn’t say it, he just shrugged and tried to mask his desperation. Levi effectively snorted this time, placing his hands at either side of Eren’s head, angling it downwards so that he could press his lips to Eren’s forehead. 

Heat blossoms from that spot, and spreads all over Eren’s skin, making it flush over his cheeks, on his ears and down his neck. He’s sure Levi’s chuckling at his trembling, at the way his hands have fastened around the Corporal’s shirt over his waist, however, he can’t focus on that when a much stronger thought has taken his brain hostage. 

It’s too strong, what he feels. It runs too deep, it’s settled with too much force. He can’t understand how he can feel this way, like everything crumbles inside of him, like he’ll asphyxiate if he lets go. It’s like Levi is breathing life over his senses, fixing his imperfections, taming his demons and getting rid of his impurities. 

How can he be _this_ attracted to someone else? Hanging on his every word, fucking addicted to the sound of his voice. 

“Are you alright?” He hears Levi ask, and then he realizes he’s hidden his face against Levi’s neck while shaking all over. He takes a deep breath. The Corporal smells bare, untainted. No one has ever touched him the way Eren had. He had never allowed anyone to get this close. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He breathes out, whispers against Levi’s ear, delights as Levi emits a silent gasp and then gulps loudly. Maybe Levi’s body is sensitive enough to let him— 

But he stops his thoughts right there. 

He pushes away from Levi’s chest and looks up apologetically into his eyes to find him staring right back. 

He doesn’t lean down, Eren has to find his jaw to guide his face close to his own until he feels Levi’s lips above his, slightly damp, all too soft. He wonders if he’s going to have to make the first move always, then figures he doesn’t fucking care when Levi starts to kiss him back, his hands grabbing Eren wrists and then sliding down to grip his shoulders tightly. 

Leren twists inside of him, probably awoken by the sudden burst of chemicals released onto Eren’s bloodstream, and Eren groans, biting Levi’s lower lip with a little more harshness than he intended and earning an annoyed hiss from the Corporal. He pushes away when he finds the intrusion too overwhelming whispering ‘stop, stop, please stop.’ 

“Alright.” Levi says, eyebrow high on his forehead. 

“No, not _you_.” The younger soldier cries immediately after, staring at him wide-eyed and practically whipping himself mentally, his hands clutching at Levi’s shirt to stop him from climbing off his lap. 

Eren looks from him, to his belly and then back to him, prompting Levi to understand what had happened. “Oh.” 

“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t— sorry.” 

Levi observes Eren fall apart in front of him again, and he breathes in and out carefully, trying to control the urge to have his hands wrap around a certain blond commander’s neck during his sleep. 

“Now fucking listen,” He says, prying Eren’s fingers away from his clothes so he can get off him and lie on the bed, guiding Eren down with him. They lie on their sides, facing each other, and Levi’s fist clenches around the front of Eren’s shirt. His eyes are honest, glinting faintly as he regards Eren’s own. “I had made up my mind. I was ready for this, being a parent with you. I was also ready to try and make this thing between us work out somehow. That last part hasn’t changed, and it won’t. No matter what happens— 

Just keep that in mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go! See? I didn't forget about your fluff (:
> 
> I'm sorry that this took so long to get posted.. but on the bright side, it's almost 10k of... non-plot... and angst. You know, the usual..
> 
> Thank you for reading, for the kudos, the bookmarks and the comments~ You make me unbelievably happy, guys, seriously!
> 
> Also, since we're here, talking about writing and whatnot, I'd like to invite you all to a Shingeki No Kyojin Big Bang project that I'm organizing! What's a Big Bang, you ask? It's this challenge where authors and artists become partners to create a work of fiction (more specifically, an author creates a fic, and then an artist creates art for that fic). All pairings (or gen) and characters are welcomed!
> 
> It'd be awesome if you could join (or just spread the word if you're unable to) (: [ More Info Here](http://snkaotbigbang.tumblr.com)
> 
> Thanks, guys! Have a great one~


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry! I seriously am, I owe all of you the biggest apology because this chapter is so late it's just ridiculous...
> 
> Thank you all so much for the comments and the messages on Tumblr and all the kudos! You are seriously the best and you deserve the world.
> 
>  
> 
> **Also, in case you didn't know, there's _fanart_ for this fic! You can find the comics [here](http://blaqmarquet.tumblr.com/post/93805987429/did-a-short-sketch-read-the-awesome-m-preg), [here](http://blaqmarquet.tumblr.com/post/94034186054/alright-im-just-going-to-put-this-here-and-go), and [here](http://blaqmarquet.tumblr.com/post/95078049134/okay-ill-stop-now-ahahaha-read). Go give [blaqmarket](http://blaqmarquet.tumblr.com/) love, please! Their comics made me incredibly happy! THE HAPPIEST.**
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you, [ieatkitcat](http://ieatkitcat.tumblr.com/), for shaping this chapter up and making me notice how much bullshit I was pouring all over the place~ You are amazing, thank you so much for putting up with me!
> 
> Anyway, LOTS of angst ahead. You have been warned!

His words should convey safety. His words were meant to settle his restless preoccupations. His words were pronounced low, like a secret only meant for him, and his words were warm, like a tight hug that should’ve wrapped around his senses and should’ve numbed his distress. His words were meaningful, yet his mind refused to completely acknowledge them for what they were: a pledge of reassurance.

He doesn’t believe him completely, as he knows that hearts can change as easily as the shape of a cloud up in the sky. What’s true is that he wouldn’t force himself on the Corporal whenever his feelings finally changed. As it is, he’d be happy with as much time as he could get beside him, pretending to be whatever the Corporal wanted them to be. 

And it _could_ happen; Levi was much older than him, had witnessed many more things that Eren could ever dream of seeing. He had experience— real life experience— while Eren was in every sense just a kid. He supposes it could get tiring to look after someone so young and helpless without an actual reason to do so, and he wonders if there is actually anything that he could give the Corporal that was worth keeping. 

Sex, of course, couldn’t even be taken into consideration. He doesn’t regard himself as actually good at it, but he figures someone who knows what they want could manage and use his body in just the right way. Still, Levi doesn’t want that from him. 

Words aren’t his forte, either, and even if they had been, the Corporal just isn’t the talkative type, therefore he figures his conversational skills also are not the reason why the veteran wants to keep him around.

He could follow Hanji’s advice and just ask him, but he fears it could trigger an episode of revelations that end up with Levi becoming conscious of that he doesn’t actually want to spend any more time than he should with Eren, which would be just devastating at this particular point. 

Maybe they will both eventually understand that it all had been a huge mistake from the beginning, and without Leren there to act as an anchor, they would drift away, and it would be painless. The best available outcome, honestly. However, Eren doesn’t think that would be possible. He’s in too deep, there’s just too much that he could never forget, that would never lose its meaning. 

He’ll let go, though, when the time comes.

He’ll let him go.

 

\--

A hand gently squeezing his ankle shakes him into awareness the following morning. 

The Corporal, sitting by Eren’s feet, waits until Eren has blinked away the sleepiness from his eyes before quietly whispering, “Get the hell up.” 

Two thoughts assault him then, the first being that he still has to tell the Corporal about the plan that Armin, Mikasa and he came up with the day before; the second is that the Corporal looks terrible. His eyes seem glassy, his vacant features somewhat masking the mayhem taking place inside the Corporal’s head. Eren tries to smile, as he stretches and rolls over so he’s lying on his back. 

“Morning,” he speaks softly, patting his hands against his head as he tries to tame his hair into something a little less barbaric. “Is it late already?” 

Instead of providing an answer, the Corporal replies with another question. “Do you want to take a bath now?” Eren shrugs after sitting up, his fingers still combing uselessly through his hair. “I do, but what is the point if I’m gonna spend the whole day training any- _fucking_ -way.” 

Levi’s voice is rough— wrecked. He sounds wrecked. 

“Sure.” Not without a little self-doubt, Eren scoots closer to him and nudges Levi’s arm with his elbow, to which the Corporal just sighs, returning the gesture faintly. 

“Good. I’m glad that you decide against being disgusting when given the choice.” 

“Well, you know me—” Eren starts, shuts his mouth before saying what he had in mind. 

_For you, I’d do anything…_

 

\-- 

The morning is cold, the tiles under his bare feet colder still. Eren starts undressing the moment he walks into the bathroom, his mind still a little foggy, his body tired, keenly awaiting the soothing sensation of warm water. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a bath, too?” He asks, courteously as he folds his nightshirt and places it somewhere near the door without actually looking in Levi’s direction. He registers the sound of water hitting the bottom of the tub, feels the humid vapor enveloping his bare skin, but a reply never comes. 

“I’ll just wait outside.” The Corporal says, walking over to the door without so much as a spare look towards Eren. After placing the empty bucket in which he had carried the hot water to fill the tub by Eren’s clothes, Levi raises his hand to the door handle but he doesn’t open it, his other hand coming to rub his eyes and then pinch the bridge of his nose. Eren, about to pull off his underwear, stares at him with something uncomfortable, akin to queasiness, bubbling inside of him. 

“What?” He produces in a strangled murmur. 

Eyelids close over weary eyes, the Corporal’s lips letting out a heavy sigh. “Nothing. There actually is something that I got to do.” Evasion, a white lie. Eren bites his lower lip, his gaze scornful as it focuses on the older man. “Gotta take a shit, Eren. Do you want me to be more specific?” He asks, his tone changing from something drained to something slightly more confrontational, if not against Eren specifically. 

Giving the Corporal a suspicious sidelong glance, Eren shrugs, wondering if he should push his luck and ask for a more truthful answer or just let the matter go. Levi was entitled to have secrets, after all, although he could’ve tried harder at finding a better excuse to get some privacy. 

“I promise I’m not going to pass out again.” Eren sighs, deciding that further upsetting the Corporal is not worth the trouble. He finishes removing his clothes and walks over to the tub, reveling in the blissful heat of the water enveloping his feet as he gets inside. His sight flickers towards Levi as he lowers his body into the water, trying to define what his next move will be. The Corporal still lingers by the door, motionless, although his shoulders have relaxed somewhat.

“Yeah, I know. And if you do and then you drown in that lame-ass tub, just remember that when I die, I’ll make it my personal goal to haunt you for all eternity in the afterlife, if there is such a thing.” The Corporal replies, to which Eren snorts slightly. 

“Okay.” He hears the door handle being pushed, and then the quiet yet unnerving squeal of the hinges as the door opens. “Are you gonna take long, uh, shitting? ‘Cause I wanted to tell you something.” He rushes to say before the Corporal steps out. He figures the sooner he tells him, the sooner the other man will stop sulking, if their plan makes any sense to him. Even if it doesn’t, Eren will make his best to convince the Corporal, because no other course of action would even begin to slightly please him. 

“What?” The Corporal’s footsteps falter, Eren hears the shuffle of clothing and assumes the Corporal has turned around in his direction. 

“Maybe it can wait until you’re done with your business?” He says, nodding, briefly looking back again only to find on Levi’s face the typical annoyed expression that was so common in him. It made Eren feel significantly better. 

“Fine, Eren. Be mysterious, whatever.” 

“That’s not—” Eren tries to say; however, the Corporal’s retreating footsteps make him halt in the middle of his sentence. “ _Fine_ , then.” There’s exasperation in his voice that doesn’t match the little smile on his face. 

By the time Levi decides to come back, Eren has already managed to get dressed and rinse the tub to the best of his abilities. It probably won’t meet Levi’s standards, but at least the dirt won’t be evident enough to piss the Corporal off. 

“Did I actually take that long or did you do a poor job cleaning yourself?” 

“No. You took forever.” Eren thinks about teasing the man for that, maybe make a few embarrassing accusations, nonetheless, he decides addressing their current situation is immeasurably more important. “I really need to talk to you.” 

“In here?” 

“It doesn’t matter, I guess. But if you’d rather we went back to our— _your_ room, that’s alright.”

The Corporal doesn’t mention the slip, which Eren feels grateful for. 

The place didn’t matter, Eren supposes it would’ve been the same if he’d told the Corporal right there in the bathroom; however, the older man prefers to get back to their room before letting Eren say whatever it was he wanted to say. Once they cross the threshold into the mildly lit area, the window still closed to keep the chill of the night out, Levi locks the door behind them and walks over to his dresser, where he opens a drawer and starts pulling all his garments out. 

After opening the windows to let some fresh air in, Eren approaches Levi, and then makes a lame attempt to sit over the dresser, failing miserably when his arms downright refuse to lift his whole weight from the floor. 

“It’s going to take me forever to get back in shape after this is all over, isn’t it?” He growls, eyeing the piece of furniture like it is the source of all of his problems. The Corporal lifts a judgmental eyebrow in his direction. 

“No.” He says, folding an undershirt in a perfect square. “I’ll make sure you get back in shape in no time… even if it kills you.”

Eren likes this better. He much prefers the Corporal making his ridiculous attempts at humor than watching him being distant and appearing lost.

“Remember I told you I talked to Armin yesterday? Mikasa was there as well.” He starts. Levi only nods, his gaze focused on the task at hand. “She suggested that we run away, but I’m of course not going to do that because that would be just stupid.” 

Eren thinks he sees the Corporal rolling his eyes, but he can’t be sure as his own gaze flickers between the Corporal and whatever else he can find in the room with the potential to distract him. 

“However, we did come up with something else and Armin…  Well he—” A pause, long and charged with apprehension. What if Levi doesn’t agree with this, what if he prefers that no one they know is involved? Despite his resolve, he might not be able to change Levi’s mind even if he tries his best. “He volunteered, sort of, to take care of… Leren.” It is difficult to address the child by a name that is more personal. He takes a deep breath, sucks his lips into his mouth and waits to see if the Corporal will say anything. When he doesn’t, the younger soldier sighs loudly and fixes his eyes on their bed. 

“He, uh, he said that he might be able to desert, and it wouldn’t matter too much to the higher ups because, though I’m sure he’d eventually become someone really powerful, right now he’s practically invisible.” 

Levi finishes putting all the clothes he had pulled out and folded back inside the drawer and closes it softly. “You might think that. You never know.” He says, then starts on a different drawer. 

Eren doesn’t know how to take that, but instead of delving on it, he tries to defend his point. “It works perfectly, Corporal!” He cries out, his hand coming to play with the bottom of his shirt. “I mean, it’s kind of selfish of me, and it’s not Armin’s responsibility at all, but it’d be like killing two birds with one stone. The only reason why Armin is here, risking his life is because I— Because I was so focused on joining the Scouting Legion and Mikasa wanted to protect me, and then Armin only had us two, so I guess he preferred to be in danger over feeling lonely…” 

If Erwin wanted to keep an eye on Leren, he could, and at the same time Eren knew that under Armin’s care, his son wouldn't be raised to become a fighting machine, in case it was discovered he possessed the same abilities as Eren. Armin would find a way to keep Leren safe; he wouldn’t let that become the fate of his child. 

The Corporal’s hands have stopped moving, his silence heavy and suffocating. Finally, he shuts the drawer closed with a sudden movement that forces Eren’s attention back on him. “It could work.” He says, with a short nod. “We’d have to give it a lot of thought, but it’s an option.” 

It’s like the fist that had been constricting Eren’s lungs finally loosens its grip. He sighs noisily and grins down at the Corporal, shrugging his shoulders. 

“It’s a good idea, yeah?” Levi nods again, walking away from the dresser, appearing determined and mumbling something about breakfast and training. Before Eren decides to follow him, though, he asks another question. “Because it’s not like we actually have any other options… right?” 

The Corporal halts by the door, he pulls it open, and without turning back, he replies. 

“No.”

 

\--

Levi turns away from him at some point during the night, and though Eren follows his heat, curling against his back, he finds no comfort in the act. 

He tries to sleep, manages to do so for a few hours only to be woken up by his own restless mind, the only thought in his head being the imminent downfall of the entirety of his hopes. 

He had attempted to go about his life normally, to focus on the things that troubled him as little as he could. But his two weeks had passed too fast; no matter how tight his grasp had been, time just swept by him in a fashion that was almost mocking of his own suffering. 

Between Levi trying to deflect anything that was unusual, Hanji mysteriously disappearing for a few days taking her ability to help Eren to deal with his issues along with her, and Armin and Mikasa flocking around him any time they could, Eren couldn’t keep time off his mind. 

Eren doesn't know how he hadn’t noticed it before but Levi didn’t thrash about in his sleep anymore. He woke up in the same position in which he laid down at night, and Eren was often left wondering if the Corporal even slept at all when morning came. Then he’d regard Eren silently, an apology behind his eyes as he noticed the dark splotches below Eren's own. Sometimes he’d lie in bed for a few minutes, even if sunlight and duty urged them to get ready, and he’d press the back of his fingers against Eren’s cheek, his eyelids low, his breathing calm. Eren guesses the message that's unspoken every time: I'm sorry I can't be better. I'm sorry I can't protect you.

Commander Hackett is expected to arrive that day. 

Levi hadn’t mentioned anything about the plan that Eren had proposed since the first time he’d told the Corporal about it, and Hanji had pretty much ignored him when he’d tried to get her to help them. Mikasa and Armin did like to discuss the basics of what could be their only option, but for some reason, every time they did, it appeared to Eren they sounded less convinced, as if they were just chatting about their dreams for the future, of something that wasn’t clear, but that met their desires’ demands; something practically unreachable, like when they spoke about seeing the ocean and building a big house for the three of them outside the walls when they were younger. 

That night Eren realizes that maybe he’d been too quick to deem the matter as settled, that his problem was much bigger than a bunch of childish ideas could solve. 

His hands clutch around his nightshirt as he curls into himself and he wishes he could claim he didn't have a choice. The decision had been his, the Corporal had been trying to defend Eren and the baby and all Eren could do was agree with Commander Erwin’s requirements. He agreed to put his baby under someone else’s care, he agreed to let go of him and detach themselves from his life, from his future. Eren wishes he could say he’d done it under someone else's orders because that way he could hate someone other than himself. Because that way, he is not to blame. He'd be the victim, not the criminal. He could hide behind easier feelings like hatred and anger rather than guilt. He isn't the bad guy in that case. He isn't the monster that doesn’t care about his own family. 

In the middle of trying to hold back a choke, a thought comes to him swift and unexpected, like a thunderbolt. It makes him cower as the full extent of said thought drenches him in realization. 

They all have to live with this, with the choices they've made. 

Not only the people in a position of power—the Commander, the Squad Leaders— but everyone who had gone out at some point and faced the titans. Because everything counted, from the very act of shooting a smoke signal at the right time to deciding if you're going to fight or run. Life consists of decision after decision, some mundane, some irrelevant, some life-changing. 

And they've all had to make hard decisions. And they all live on. And they don't allow the consequences of those actions to stop them from moving forward— They could, they could just let the weight of their choices bring them down, drown them in self pity, in absolute guilt, allow their decisions to rule their lives for them. But they don’t.

Growing up is even harder than everyone kept on claiming it was. 

That still doesn't keep him from breaking down while he tries to sleep and Levi pretends he's not awake anymore.

 

\--

In the back of his consciousness, Eren recognizes anger as a constant presence. The feeling is like a clingy child adoring of tantrums, a chain snuggly wrapped around his emotions; the first response to anything that moderately resembles an aggression. Anger is the go-to reaction, his default comeback. Anger is easy, it is safe in a way in which he doesn’t have to question himself for what he’s feeling. Anger is an escape, one he has abused too much in the past. 

Anger, again is the first thing that swells in his chest at the sight of Commander Hackett. His heartbeat accelerates; his breathing, on the contrary, slows down, and his fists clench with repressed emotion until the only thing he can feel is pulses of hatred pounding through his veins. 

That man had tried to kill him. That monster had tried to kill his only family. He deserves no forgiveness and he doesn’t deserve Eren’s respect. If it were up to him, he wouldn’t even give the man a glance; and yet, everyone insists that behaving dutifully and playing nice is the best tactic, the smart thing to do. 

Eren had despised the reception ceremony— a formality, really, a very stupid formality— wondering why such a big fuss had to be made about a man with absolutely no value. He’d behaved, though, and it had only been necessary to receive one of Levi’s warning glares to make him remember where he stood. 

Commander Hackett didn’t even spare one look in his direction, walking right past him with an air of arrogance, a pompous sway to his steps. Eren had to pinch his thigh in order to keep himself from starting to yell accusations, to keep his hands where they were instead of wrapping them around the man’s neck.

 

\--

Commander Erwin is paying attention, even if he acts as if his breakfast is infinitely more interesting than Commander Hackett purposefully glancing at the figures of Levi and Eren entering the dining hall and retrieving their meals from the kitchens. 

“Do you trust that boy?” Hackett asks, clicking his tongue and shaking his head, guiding a fork full of food toward his mouth. His eyes flicker briefly to the instrument in his hand before settling back relentlessly on Erwin’s subordinates. Commander Erwin grants one brief look behind him in the same direction Hackett is fixed on before resuming his task, faking a disinterest that he’s certain the Commander will buy. 

“As I’ve told you before, Commander, Eren is loyal. He will do everything in his power to help our cause. His objectives are the same as ours; his utmost priority is defeating the titans so that we can reclaim the world that rightfully belongs to us.” He says, unfaltering, his deep blue eyes set on Hackett, forcing his full attention on him. “I would bet my life on that fact.” 

Hackett scrunches up his lips until they almost disappear below his thick moustache. Then he stuffs his mouth with food and chews slowly, pointing his fork with resolve in the general direction behind Erwin.  He takes his time to swallow before speaking again. “But,” He starts, takes a sip from his cup. “Would you bet Corporal Levi’s life on it, too?” 

The implications of that question are crystal clear, even if Erwin’s eyebrows crease and he pauses all his movements, pretending to not fully comprehend what the man sitting before him is trying to get at. “Commander?” He invites the other man to elaborate, his hands coming to rest limply on the sides of his plate. 

Hackett’s expression hasn’t changed; he still studies Erwin’s features attentively, perhaps trying to determine how truthful the blond Commander was being. His eyes linger on Erwin for a second longer before going back to his half-eaten breakfast. The manner in which the man uses his fork as a baton accompanying his speech is slightly annoying; however, Erwin ignores that in favor of picking up all the small hints and clues Hackett drops: the purposeful looks behind him, the twitching of his eyebrows, that expression of mild disgust. 

“Let’s suppose that, on your next expedition, things get out of control. Let’s just assume for one moment that bad comes to worse. Levi is dead.” He produces, almost disinterestedly. “Is Eren still our ally?” 

 “Of course.” Erwin replies in a beat, with a single nod. 

Nevertheless, his gesture goes unnoticed as Hackett is not looking at Erwin, his attention fully concentrated behind him, and the blond man can only take a vague guess at what Hackett’s seeing, now that he’s really looking. When one wants to find something, any little thing can be more than accusatory, any action, any movement, can be interpreted wrongly. 

Hackett smiles, and the gesture makes Erwin feel so uneasy he completely loses his appetite. “Those two are too attached, wouldn’t you say?”

 

\--

The rest of the day passes without complications, Eren having first followed Levi around and then Hanji as the Corporal fulfilled his training orders. Hanji was unusually quiet, nervously looking around every once in a while, and avoiding the topic any time Eren mentioned her conspicuous behavior. 

“Look, Eren. There’s no point in having you worry as well, yeah? Just let _me_ do the worrying. Sina knows I should exercise that faculty more often.” She groans. “It’s just— Have you ever eavesdropped on a conversation that you’d been better off not knowing anything about? I mean, I don’t regret getting this piece of information, but— Ah, what the hell, listen up.” Her face is a mixture of hesitation and defiance, her fingers running fretfully through her bangs as she takes a step back and leans against one of the columns surrounding the training field. 

Her voice is low when she next speaks, her lips barely moving and her sight focused somewhere on the other side from where they stood. “If all goes well tomorrow— I mean the transformation, when Hackett confirms your value—, we’d be looking at going on an expedition. They’d rush to get everything ready, so it probably won’t even be a month before we’re walking past the wall and into titan territory. ” She sighs, shaking her head. “An expedition, Eren! We can’t have that! Not in your condition. You could, you know, go into labor anytime.” The end of her sentence is nothing more than a whisper, her eyes darting briefly towards Eren. 

“Maybe it will happen before we leave?” Eren dares to say, glancing behind him half expecting to find someone there, listening in. It’s not reassuring, but it’s a possibility that he’d prefer over the alternative: him delivering his child right in the middle of everyone getting devoured by titans. 

“Maybe?” Hanji repeats, sardonic, an amusement-lacking snort escaping through her nose. “It better happen before we leave. I don’t even know how we would deal with that, can you imagine?” 

It’s not that Eren can’t imagine how that would go, it’s more like he doesn’t want to even consider it for a moment. Delivering in secret, probably in the dungeons, hoping that there are no complications, will be hard enough without switching the scenery to something extremely mortal, like titan-infested lands. However, the prospect of the latter happening doesn’t worry him too much, as he’s decided subconsciously to believe that Commander Erwin would never let that happen. He’d find a way to buy them more time. Enough time to have him give birth to his son and— He’s tried to avoid any thoughts pertaining to that particular moment, to the obvious conclusion of his state, the moment when everything will definitely change forever. If for good or bad, he hasn’t been able to define yet. 

He gets pulled out of his thoughts, then, when Hanji clicks her tongue before saying, “Well, look who’s decided to join us.” Eren looks to where Hanji is pointing to witness Commander Hackett and the rest of his squad strolling into the training field in only their uniforms, without their 3DMG. He doesn’t even notice his fists clenching until he feels Hanji’s heavy hand land atop his shoulder and squeeze it lightly, and when he finds her eyes, he reads worry in them. “Maybe we should go.” 

They don’t get too far, though, as they are intercepted by Connie Springer right before they manage to disappear inside the shadowy entrance to the castle. The soldier fidgets before saluting, and speaks only when Hanji tells him to do so after a heavy sigh. 

“Eren’s presence has been requested by Commander Hackett.” He says, furrowing his eyebrows. He bites his lower lip, looking behind him at where the Commander stood, surrounded by his men while the Scouting Legion’s soldiers started to gather a bit to their left. “Immediately.” He finishes, glancing briefly from Hanji to Eren, unsure. 

“Understood.” Hanji says, and behind her mostly neutral tone, Eren is sure he detects concern. 

Every step he takes is a challenge, his gut tightening until he’s sure he’s going to puke at any moment. It’s interesting, because right then Hanji decides it funny to say, “Hey Eren, think you can get sick on command?”, and he rubs his face, snorting humorlessly without replying. 

Commander Erwin is there too, Eren’s comrades standing at attention behind the tall man. Everyone’s eyes are set on him with a variety of expressions hanging on their faces like portraits, unchanging. 

The tension enveloping the training field is somewhat broken when Hackett clears his throat, lucid eyes glinting with something that Eren despises. The man steps forward, looks behind him at his soldiers with a half smile and then turns to Erwin, his chin high in conceited arrogance. 

“Show me what your men are capable of, Erwin.”

 

\--

He’s the last to land, and he does so with a swift motion, his thighs clenching as he endures the whiplash of the cables of his 3D gear recoiling. Even though it takes the world a few seconds to stop spinning around Levi, his eyes have managed to find Commander Hackett, whose expression is as immutable as a statue’s would be. The rest of the man’s squad stare at Levi with a mixture of awe and respect, although they try to conceal it when their leader doesn’t do anything but clear his throat and nod briefly. 

“Good, good. Very impressive,” he says dismissively, his face turned towards his own soldiers, as if examining them. 

Avoiding coming in contact with other members of the Scouting Legion as they get back in formation, Levi pushes his sweaty fringe away from his face with the back of his wrist, his eyes darting briefly towards Erwin; serious and composed Erwin whose eyes slit with silent praise. Next to him stands Eren, who wears an expression of smug triumph, like he’s convinced Levi alone could take on the whole world. 

He’d like to snort at that. Why do this people have so much faith in him? 

His sight moves back to Hackett when he hears his voice addressing his soldiers, and watches as one of them— a bulky, tall and bald man— steps forward from the crowd.

He tries to keep his eyes from widening when he understands what the Commander is expecting of him, then smirks. He wants a show? He’ll get his show alright. 

“Whenever you’re ready.” Levi says to his opponent, getting into a sparring position, spreading his legs and bending his knees slightly, breathing deeply to try to get his body to recover from the strain he’d just put it under. 

The fight is over before it’s really started, and Levi doesn’t even spare a glance in the fallen soldier’s direction as another is already stepping forward. 

By his second victory, Levi is on the verge of collapsing, and greatly appreciates Erwin’s intervention before it actually happens. 

“Should my soldiers find partners among your squad to spar, Commander?” 

Hackett seems to break out of a daze when he hears Erwin’s voice. He looks back at the crowd and then nods with a small shrug. “Of course.” 

Levi observes Eren decline all the offers to spar that come his way, with Hanji by his side, allowing her to do the talking for him. Although he can’t hear what she’s saying, Levi assumes Hanji has a good argument against Eren fighting as the other soldiers eventually desist, although not without giving Commander Hackett an unsure glance before walking away to find someone else to practice with. 

Hackett’s eyes, however, stay fixed on Eren. 

The event ends with Commander Hackett thanking the soldiers for their efforts and reminding them to rest well in order to be ready for the next day. 

After being dismissed, the crowd starts to dissipate. Eren’s friends walk over to him, and start a conversation, after which Levi decides to trust them with him for the time being. Everyone starts moving towards the castle, and Levi allows himself to be dragged along by the crowd’s movement, already imagining the blissful sensation of a cold bath and his warm bed right after. 

Then he sees Erwin approach him from the corner of his eye, and walks a bit more slowly to allow him to catch up. 

“Don’t move, do not do anything, understood?” He whispers, low enough that Levi has to strain to understand what the other man is saying. 

“What?” 

He turns around to catch the exact moment when Commander Hackett makes a signal with his hand to one of his soldiers. The soldier doesn’t even nod, just angles his body in Eren’s direction from behind and the only reason why Levi’s not dashing towards Eren to avoid that soldier’s leg from colliding with Eren’s head is Erwin’s hand between his shoulder blades. 

Fear doesn’t get a chance to set in, although adrenaline is certainly coursing through his bloodstream making his heart beat impossibly fast, all his muscles tense with the underlying, unpronounced order of moving, of protecting. 

His brain registers two things, the first being a general gasp of surprise, the second, the soldier’s body lying on the floor. Then other details start to filter through his tunneled vision, like the fact that Erwin is no longer anywhere close to him, like Mikasa standing before the soldier, her features harsh, her posture menacing. 

The soldier’s leg never made contact with Eren. It didn’t even brush his hair. Mikasa had deflected the blow by kicking the soldier’s other leg, the one supporting his whole weight. He fell on his hip, and his yelp had alerted Eren of the attack. He yells Mikasa’s name, but the young woman’s knee is already connecting with the soldier’s face while he tries to scramble back onto his feet. 

“We’re all comrades.” She hisses. The soldier wails, looking into his blood covered hands. “We don’t just attack our own without warning.” Her gaze never leaves the attacker, but Levi still feels the tingle of her warning circle around the rest of the squad. He tries to look discreetly at Commander Hackett. 

His sight is fixed on him. 

Their eyes meet for a brief second before the Commander smirks and nods. 

“Your reflexes are not very sharp, are they?” He says to Eren, his gaze lingering on Levi for another second before finally settling on the younger soldier. “Have you been training at all? You’re never going to defeat a titan in that condition.” 

“I have, I just wasn’t ready.” Eren replies, his eyes flaring with anger born from humiliation, his fists balling by his sides as he studies the Commander’s bored face. 

“What? You always have to be ready before someone attacks you? Do you know nothing of the real world?” Hackett asks, tilting his head to one side and making a signal with his hand that prompts another of his soldiers to step forward. “Well, then. You’re ready now. I don’t want any more excuses, show me what you’ve got.” 

Panic swells inside Eren’s chest as he watches the soldier adopt a fighting stance, his fists close to his chest, his muscles ready to snap into action and his deadly eyes set on Eren, the target. He copies the soldier’s posture reluctantly, his shifty eyes wide with regret. What was he thinking? He couldn’t engage in fighting, not when he was eight months into his pregnancy and weak as a fucking head of lettuce. 

The crowd takes a step back, making room for them and Eren is about to run in the opposite direction when he hears shuffling behind him and sees a shadow approach from behind. 

His first though is he’s going to get ambushed once more, and he nearly sends his fist flying in the direction of the person behind him when he hears Levi’s voice. 

“No.” 

He feels him coming to stand right behind him, and then hears the steps of two other persons leaving their spots by Erwin’s side and walking towards him. He’s about to turn around when he hears Hanji’s voice. 

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible.” She says, halting her steps just barely in front of Eren. Her posture remains calm, collected, her hands loose by her sides as she sighs noncommittally. “As I’ve stated numerous times before, Eren has to be completely well rested if we want his transformation to work out perfectly, so you’ll have to excuse him.” She nods extending her arm towards Eren, her hand finding his shoulder and turning him around in the direction of the castle. As he spins, he notices Mikasa had been standing on his other side, and both she and Levi take a side step towards each other to block the way through which Eren was retreating. 

“Very convenient, isn’t it?” Eren hears Hackett spit, and he cringes inwardly, fighting the need to look back to see the expression of the man’s face.

 

\-- 

Eren has trouble deciding if he’s glad or angry the others intervened before things got ugly. It all could’ve otherwise gone horribly, terribly wrong, but it was evident that they were all overprotecting him and it didn’t take a genius like Armin to notice something as fishy as that. 

If they wanted to keep Eren’s situation a secret, they were going about it the wrong way. 

Levi hadn’t said anything, his gaze shifting between Hanji and the empty corridor behind them. Mikasa had stayed back at the field, though Eren certainly wished she could be by his side right then as he felt incredibly vulnerable. Something told him that there was more going on than he realized. 

“Won’t you get in trouble with Erwin for what you did?” Eren asks. Both his superiors flinch and look at him like they are only just then becoming conscious of the fact he’s walking with them. 

“We’ll deal with Erwin later,” Hanji starts, blinking slowly and sucking her lower lip into her mouth. “Levi…” 

“What, the dungeons?” He asks, squinting, turning his head behind them once more, unsure of if they were being followed or not. “The dungeons, of course.” He repeats like it should’ve been obvious from the start. 

“No, no. Not yet. Go do something else, but keep out of sight. Maybe get him something to eat? I don’t think anyone will be in the kitchen right now. I need to—” She interrupts herself in the middle of her sentence. After taking a deep breath, she breaks into a smile and nods, patting first Eren on the shoulder and then Levi before turning and continuing walking forward. “Gotta take care of some stuff.  Act _normal_ , Levi.” She stresses, taking one last look at them before disappearing around the corner. 

“Alright you heard the freak, come on.” 

However, Eren refuses to follow the Corporal. “What’s going on?” He wonders, his teeth clenched. They were all hiding something and they should better tell him before it went any further. 

Levi stills and remains quiet for a few seconds, probably waiting to see if Eren would budge but after noticing that wasn’t happening he groans. 

“Walk with me.” He says, extending his hand in Eren’s direction, then nodding softly in approval when Eren takes a step forward. The Corporal’s hand gently wraps around his wrist and he tugs lightly, prompting Eren to keep on walking. 

Levi’s voice is low when he next speaks. “What’s happening is that we just defied Hackett in front of at least fifty fucking witnesses on his side, which are all going to tell the story as they fucking saw it: The titan-shifter is useless. The Scouting Legion does whatever the hell they want, they don’t follow orders.” He says through clenched teeth. Eren is surprised to find that the hand around him hasn’t let go, and that it hasn’t tightened either, despite the fact that Levi is clearly upset. “Eren, we can’t fail tomorrow. We can’t afford that. You have to do what you’re told to do. You can transform. You can do that.” 

Levi steps right in Eren’s way, turning around to face him. One of his hands still holds his wrist while the other comes to rest over his collarbone, his thumb pressing against the side of his neck where Eren’s pulse is palpable, quickening at Levi’s sudden action. 

And when he looks into his eyes, Eren is convinced he can do it. He can and he will, because Levi wants it that way. 

“I won’t fail you.” 

Levi caresses his neck, his eyes never leaving Eren’s as he whispers his reply. 

“Know you won’t.”

 

\--

The kitchens had indeed been empty.They find some bread to munch on, although Eren can’t really concentrate on the taste of it as his mind furiously recalls what had just happened at the training field. 

He is sure they are in trouble and it wouldn’t have surprised him at all if Hackett’s men suddenly busted through the doors and apprehended them under charges of disobedience. 

He actually cringes when he hears footsteps echoing through the corridors right outside the dining hall, looking over to Levi to see his reaction. He seems unfazed, which helps to calm him down, even if his feet are itching to get him out of there as soon as possible. 

Instead of the murderous soldiers he was expecting, Petra and Auruo walk through the massive double doors, Petra’s usual smile crushed by a deep frown.

The Corporal gets up to meet them halfway and after a quick exchange of words, his head turns back to look at Eren calculatingly. He nods then, his hand coming to rest on top of Petra’s shoulder and then he walks past them in the direction they had come from. Both soldiers start moving towards Eren then, quietly exchanging a couple of whispers, still out of Eren’s hearing range. 

“Are we getting executed?” Eren asks, and he sounds more annoyed than worried. 

Petra tries to smile, a weak thing that Eren would’ve ignored if he didn’t appreciate the young woman and her efforts to make him feel at ease when she was around. 

“You should,” Auruo says, rolling his eyes and Petra is slapping his arm before he says anything else. 

“No, of course not!” She cries, then looks disdainfully back at the doors which Levi had disappeared through. “At least I don’t think so. I… can’t really tell when Commander Erwin is angry. I could’ve sworn he looked amused.” 

“ _Amused_?” Auruo retorts, snorting. “The only thing that could calm his fury at this point is fresh blood for dinner. Amused my ass!” 

“You’re terrible, stop saying things like that!” 

Their ridiculous bickering would’ve entertained Eren on any other occasion, but at that moment he really hopes they’d cut their crap and maybe remain silent unless it was absolutely necessary for them to speak. He sighs, pressing his face against his sweaty palms, his elbows resting over the table, and he wishes he could melt right into the wood, disappear so he didn’t have to deal with all these problems anymore. 

“Don’t worry, Eren. I’m sure you’re going to be alright, I mean… They could send you to the dungeons but, uh, you’re already sleeping there, so…” The young woman says, shaking her head and coming to take a seat in front of Eren. He feels her warm hand wrap around his wrist and he uncovers his face, puzzled. “I don’t know what’s going on, but if the Corporal and Squad Leader Hanji think you shouldn’t be fighting at the moment, I support their decision. I think they’ll explain the situation and everything will get cleared up and you won’t get in trouble, if Commander Erwin doesn’t know already.” Her eyes remain on Eren’s, like prompting him to give her an explanation, and he’s about to open his mouth to lie when she looks away, squeezes his wrist lightly, and then releases him to cross her arms in front of her, over the table. 

“Where’s Mikasa?” He asks. He should be more concerned about her, she had no rank to buffer the impudence after all. 

“Running laps?” She says, her statement sounding like a question as she looks back to Auruo for confirmation. “She probably won’t get dinner and she might have to spend the night in the dungeons… Also, I think I heard someone mention she might to be allowed to be present tomorrow, but I’m not sure.” 

“Well, she can’t be trusted,” Auruo replies, nodding, and Eren feels like standing up and driving his fist through his skull; however, the man wasn’t done talking, and what he says next serves to control that violent urge. “I mean, with standing still while these guys do whatever they want. She’ll start slicing asses right off people, Hackett’s included, if they try to purposefully harm Eren.” 

That was true. If there was one thing Mikasa could be trusted with, that was Eren’s safety.

Auruo is scoffing in his direction, but it certainly feels more like an act than actual disgust, so Eren lets it slide, smiling briefly. 

“I’m getting tea,” the man says, folding his arms over his chest. “You want anything, Petra?” He asks then, and Petra refuses with a smile. He then glances briefly at Eren, raising his chin in his direction which Eren interprets as getting asked the same. He shakes his head and Auruo moves to the kitchens after a careless shrug. 

“I think you are very lucky. But at the same time, I— I don’t?” 

“Excuse me?” He blinks slowly at her, completely lost. 

“I never noticed it. Well, I mean, I guess once your body started changing I should have, but there just wasn’t anything that could’ve given you away before, so I didn’t make the connection between your belly getting big and you being pregnant… since I’ve always thought you were a boy.” She continues. Her eyes glint with something sweet, a little mischievous, her cheeks blushing faintly as she offers Eren a smile. “That’s— I _know_ you’re a boy, I meant biologically. And I do think you’re incredibly lucky. Having a baby must be the greatest blessing we can be granted.” 

Eren’s mouth goes dry, he blinks, sucking his teeth into his mouth and avoiding Petra’s eyes as he ponders on what his reply should be. Maybe he should deny it, although, if she knows, there’s probably a reason why. 

“I’m not a—” He pauses. It probably wasn’t worth it going through the trouble of clarifying that he _is_ biologically male, but… with a few adjustments. What is more important, though, is knowing how she had found out. If she had figured it out on her own, other people probably could, too, and that thought fills Eren with uneasiness. “Who told you?” 

“Ah, the Corporal did. Though I guess it wasn’t originally his idea, but Hanji’s.” She says honestly, wincing as if the guilt from learning about something she shouldn’t have caused her actual physical pain. 

Eren clears his throat, shutting his eyes as he tries to get his thoughts in order. Why would they tell Petra? Had Levi and Hanji told the other members of Levi’s Squad, too? He feels betrayed all of a sudden, and in order to avoid snapping at Petra, he decides to change the subject, deal with this newly acquired information later. “So, I’m lucky, but I’m not.” 

“I mean… how it’s all come to pass, because you— because you’re too precious to the military, and they won’t let you raise your child as other mothers have the chance to. The Corporal told us you’re not sure if your abilities can be passed down to your baby, and that that could mean… someone taking your baby from you to find out and start training them for our cause.” She explains. Eren has the sudden urge to grab her hand as her expression starts turning somber, her usually bright face creasing with grief. “It’s not fair, Eren. All of us who’ve decided to face the titans directly have had a choice. We all do this because we know it is right, because we consciously made the choice to risk our lives for the greater good. But your baby won’t have that chance. Maybe they won’t even have the opportunity to have a normal childhood and that’s just too— it’s cruel, Eren.” 

How could he tell her that’s the only thing that has been circling his mind for a very long time now? That she has just perfectly summarized his biggest fears into a few short sentences. He appreciates her concern, but he doesn’t need to be reminded of these facts, and he scowls, running his hand through his hair, trying to conceal his anger, and failing. They stay quiet for a long time. 

“I’m going to try my best so that doesn’t happen.” She then whispers, the sound of her voice surprising Eren. Her eyes are focused on the table between them, though Eren wishes they weren’t so he could read her expression. “The Corporal trusts us. He didn’t ask anything of us, but he trusted us with such an important secret for him, and I will honor that. Every human being should have the chance to be born free, and then make their own choices. We’re making our own choices about this, too. And I just want to let you know that I’m with you.” 

“What are you—” 

He doesn’t have the chance to ask her what that means, as his ears catch the sound of footsteps approaching them, and his eyes search the entrance of the dining hall to find Levi there, alone. His heart swells with relief, a small smile breaking over his face. The Corporal nods in his direction and Eren is standing up before he makes the conscious decision to do so. 

“Thank you, Petra.” He says before he starts walking, his chest warming when he sees on her face her usual smile beaming up at him. 

“Take care of that child, Eren.” 

He wanted to, more than he had ever wanted anything in his life.

 

\-- 

Levi had exchanged a few words with Petra after that while Eren waited by the door. 

Once he has retrieved a clean set of sheets, Levi says it is time to get him to his cell, then remains quiet without so much as hinting at what had happened while he was gone. 

His arm constantly brushes against Eren’s as they advance through the castle’s corridors; it happens secretly, like he doesn’t want Eren to notice, but he does, and it fills him with a warmth that he wishes wouldn’t go away when the Corporal had to leave. The temperature had been dropping gradually outside, now making the dungeons the coldest place in the whole castle, the gray, bare walls doing nothing to give the place a bit of a warmer feeling. 

Eren notices no soldiers following them, and wonders about the reason. As far as he knew, he should be under surveillance at all moments. Without finding a sufficient answer, he decides not to delve on the matter any longer, and supposes it is better this way. The prying eyes would not be missed, nor would the hushed voices and the evident discomfort he produced on others. 

If he wanted to scream and break a few things, he could do it, and no one would stop him. 

The loud chirring of the door to his cell opening pulls him out of his musings, and his eyes search for Levi’s only to discover the Corporal’s gaze eluding him, his sight switching from object to object inside Eren’s cell. 

“I’m not going to get any sleep tonight,” he says, leaning against the frame of the door, his head motioning towards the inside of the cell, prompting Eren to walk past him, the door and into the darkness. 

“And you think I will?” He groans, walking to the worn out nightstand over which he deposits the oil lamp he helped carry, then turning, wondering if he should ask the Corporal about what Petra had revealed to him. 

“You should.” Levi states, pushing away from the door frame and rolling first his shoulders, then his head, before walking into the cell with Eren. 

“Right back at you—” Eren barely finishes his sentence before falling completely silent, his brow creasing as he observes the Corporal lightly pushing the metal bars to close the door while remaining inside the cell. “What are you doing?” 

After exhaling deeply, he turns towards Eren and shrugs one shoulder dismissively. “Locking ourselves up for the night, obviously.” 

“You… are?” 

“Do you see anyone else around? Honestly, Eren.” 

Eren doesn’t know what to make of the situation. He quietly stares while Levi deposits the clean sheets he had been holding in Eren’s arms and then starts stripping the bed, folding the dirty fabric into a neat square and placing it over the floor. 

“But how? I thought I’d have like fifteen soldiers following me around after what happened with Hackett.” 

“Ah, well… We held a meeting of utmost importance where it was determined that I’ve acted rebelliously and I should be punished, so I was sent to spend the night in the dungeons. And, Hackett’s men are a bunch of weasels. They’ve all seen you transform, they know you can do it and it terrifies them to get stuck down here with you with the knowledge that they could just randomly get crushed against the walls of this hideous place if you suddenly feel like going titan.” 

“So?” 

“So my squad is in charge of watching you,” Levi says, a false note of pride to his words. “A few of Hackett’s soldiers will be up there, but I highly doubt they’ll want to come hang out here with us, except for, maybe, making sure those shackles are where they ought to be around your wrists.” 

Eren winces at that, having almost been sure he wouldn’t have to wear those dreadful things that night. “You’re really sleeping here?” 

Levi snatches the clean sheets from Eren’s arms and makes a point of rolling his eyes before he spreads them over the stained mattress. 

“Not on the bed with you, of course. Because that bed is stupidly narrow and I am perfectly capable of sleeping without someone else by my side, you know.” He clicks his tongue, his eyes find Eren’s for a brief second. “I was assigned to another cell, supposedly, but I’d like to see them trying to get me out of here.” 

“You love to get on people’s nerves, don’t you?” Eren says, faking an annoyed sigh. 

“I don’t give a flying fuck about what Zacklay or Hackett say. I don’t give a shit about what Erwin thinks. I don’t know how much longer this will last—” He stops speaking, halts his hands  in the middle of smoothing out the creases of the sheets. “I don’t want to have any regrets.” 

Eren is at a loss for words, his arms hanging limply by his sides. 

“I want to know I did everything I could.” Levi says finally, sighing profoundly as he pats the bed, deeming his work acceptable and then sitting atop the fresh sheets, leaving enough space on his left for Eren to join him. 

“You always have.” The younger soldier whispers, taking a few steps forward until he’s standing right before him and he can feel the heat of Levi’s body fighting the chill of the dungeons, his glacial eyes somehow warmer than he had ever seen them. 

“No, not always.” Levi replies, a flash of hurt tainting his features for a brief second. He pauses, looks around before focusing back on Eren’s eyes. “You’ve always reminded me of someone, you know?” 

“Who?” Eren asks curiously, maybe with a little too much eagerness. 

“Before I joined the Corps, I was a mess.” Levi starts, his forearms coming to rest over his thighs as he links his fingers together. “I wasn’t a good person. I didn’t think about anything that wasn’t my own present, I couldn’t comprehend that there were consequences to my actions. I was drowning in the shadows of the Underground City and I had suffered so much that I thought everyone deserved the same, so I didn’t care when people got hurt.” 

Eren bites the inside of his mouth, his brows knitting together. That didn’t sound like Levi at all. 

“But for some fucking reason, there were people who looked beyond that. Homeless kids that came to me for protection, and food, and I guess— I guess I saw myself in them. The injustice, the pain; and I also saw illusion in their eyes, and I couldn’t keep them away.” Eren can see Levi’s fingers twitching, his tongue darting out to lick over his lips quickly. “But two of them… became my family. There was fire in their souls, and it kept me warm, kept me moving forward, and everything I did, was for them.” 

Levi’s nails dig into the skin of his own hand, and Eren, after noticing, takes it between his palms and turns to sit beside Levi, facing him. He lets go, and though the Corporal pulls his hand away from his grasp, his fingertips remain over Eren’s skin, light and warm. 

“We joined the Corps because we were promised a life outside of the Underground City, and I wanted that for them, and I couldn’t see beyond that. I didn’t think the rules applied to us. I never thought going outside the Walls would be a big deal.” He whispers, and Eren feels his words swell with sorrow. “I couldn’t protect them.” 

Silence fills the space between them and the cold seems to intensify. Eren shudders, his skin prickling and he can perfectly define what the source is. He understands. He’s been there. He’s experienced, in the flesh, the horror of watching someone he loved getting devoured by mindless beasts. The helplessness of being unable to change that person’s fate, of having to remain in the background as a life that gave him happiness and a warmth that had comforted him was extinguished in the blink of an eye.  He clears his throat, unsure of whether he should ask, although his curiosity, again, ends up winning the battle, “What were their names?” 

Levi lifts his eyes, blinking rapidly, coming back from his memories. “Farlan. And Isabel.” He stares long into Eren’s eyes. “You remind me of Isabel. Sort of. Her eyes also shone when she talked about her passions.” He finally pulls his hand completely away from Eren. “I considered them my family, like I do you now.” 

He doesn’t explicitly say it, but Eren still understands what he’s trying to declare. He’s become someone important for him, too. 

The way Eren’s heart leaps inside his ribcage forces him to take a deep breath. He’s sure his eyes have opened wide, his mouth probably hanging open. His lips stretch into a smile, and Levi rolls his eyes again, muttering under his breath. 

“What?” Eren whispers, nudging Levi’s thigh with his knee, still smiling. The Corporal shrugs, the tip of his mouth stretching downwards to one side into a gesture born from annoyance. 

“I was saying that kid should start moving around to frustrate you and get that stupid grin off your face.” Eren wants to look offended, however he just manages to snort and squint disbelievingly. “Does it still move?” The Corporal asks afterwards, his sight lost somewhere in the darkness on the other side of the cell where the light from their oil lamp couldn’t reach. 

The younger soldier remains quiet for a few seconds, wondering why Levi would want to talk about the child all of a sudden when he had been set on avoiding such conversations for the past two weeks. 

“All the time. It’s really hard to ignore him.” He replies, his voice low as he tries to keep any kind of emotion from it. He thinks about leaving it at that, but decides to express his real feelings in the end. “It’s impossible to try to become unattached when he keeps reminding me he’s here, alive.” 

At that, Levi turns to face him, focusing his hard eyes on Eren’s. He blinks, looks at Eren’s hands, lightly resting on his lap, then back at his face. “You shouldn’t have to.” 

Eren sighs deeply, nodding with tiredness. That’s obvious to him now. “I— I know. I don’t want to, but there is nothing else… we can do?” The end of his sentence manages to sound like a question, his gaze shyly meeting the Corporal’s. He still can’t believe they couldn’t come up with anything— _anything_ — better than putting the baby under someone else’s care. 

“Eren,” Levi starts. Eren notices the changes in his tone and body language immediately, then copies his superior into a posture of attention, of seriousness. “That’s not really true.” 

“What?” He asks, leaning forward on his hands, careful not to put too much pressure on his abdomen. His voice rises in frustration when Levi doesn’t elaborate. “What do you mean?” 

Levi lifts his finger and plants it over Eren’s lips as he turns his head in the direction of the hallway behind him, scanning it like he could actually tell anything apart in the shadows enveloping them. 

“Sorry that I’m only telling you this now,” His finger drops from Eren’s lips, and he licks them subconsciously, his eyes fixed on Levi’s face. “We had to make sure.” 

“Sure of what?” The sounds that come out of his mouth are strained, his throat feeling raw with emotion. _Please, please tell me there is another option._  

“Tomorrow we— ”Levi tries to say. His hand had fallen atop Eren’s calf and he stares at it silently for a few seconds before deciding to lift it and let his fingers slowly card through Eren’s hair. Eren, in turn, shuts his eyes tight, forcing air to flow through his nose, in and out of his body. _Please._ “But first let me— I’m sorry. I’ve been distant and I’ve kept things from you. I’m sorry you’re in this situation because of me, because I—” 

Eren interrupts him before he can let another word out, forcefully shaking his head. “I don’t— I wouldn’t change a thing. Anything up to this point, I wouldn’t change. Only the future, I want to keep him, Corporal. I want to be with— ”Eren lets out a sigh that sounds hurtful, turning his face into Levi’s hand to try to find comfort in the warmness of his skin, in the power of his touch and the energy of the affection flowing through it. He wants to scream. _PLEASE_. “You said no regrets.” 

His voice wavers and his eyes sting. His chest hurts like there was a rope curled tight around his heart. He wonders if the Corporal is feeling the same, then lets out a choked sob when he feels Levi’s face coming to press against the side of his own. 

 _… Please_. 

“No regrets.” Levi softly replies. “None at all.”

 

\-- 

He almost feels surprised when he wakes up to complete darkness. He hears shuffling around and then squints when light suddenly assaults his senses. His neck hurts, and he finally remembers he had slept sitting down on the bed, his back against the cold damp stones of the cell’s wall since Hanji had insisted time and time again that he shouldn’t sleep lying down on his back as it could be dangerous for him and his child. 

He rolls his head, grimacing, and finally glances at the source of light to find a shadow lingering there. 

It’s not Levi. 

He can’t look at the person’s face, but he’s certain that the dimension of the shadow doesn’t coincide with the Corporal’s. His face turns to the cell’s entrance, following the sounds his ears had picked coming from that direction to find more people gathered there. 

He hadn’t noticed at what point the Corporal had left the night before, but a quick scan over these figures and then the rest of the cell reveals that the man is nowhere to be seen. 

These are probably Hackett’s soldiers, then, he concludes with a groan. 

“Take these off, will you?” He snaps to the soldier closest to him, making a point of shaking his arms so the chains attached to his wrists clank eerily. 

“Commander Hackett would like to have a word with you.” The soldier says instead, making no attempt to unchain Eren. How proper, Eren thinks, he’d like to have a word with him, like he had the option to refuse. 

“Alright,” he whispers when he realizes no one will move until he accepts. 

The persons handling him are rough; they open the shackles and pull him from his bed without giving him any time to adjust to the shift in his position. He feels slightly lightheaded, white lights dancing before his eyes, yet has to ignore them in favor of coordinating his feet one after the other in order not to get dragged out of the cell. 

Next thing he knows is he’s being forced across the castle until he reaches the Commanders’ wing, and then he’s being guided inside a room that he guesses has to be the one Hackett’s occupying. 

He discovers it’s more of an office than an actual room, and recognizes it as the same one where he had endured his first meeting with the man a few months ago, where he had so ruthlessly stated Eren would die if he failed to transform. 

He’s ordered to sit on a chair at the end of the long table, and when he lifts his eyes, it’s to find Hackett himself sitting on the other side, a steamy cup before him. 

The man is not looking at Eren, his eyes instead skimming rapidly over the lines of a document he’s holding in his hands, and a few infuriating minutes pass before he finally taps the pieces of paper on the table to get them back in order and deigns to look at him. By then Eren has fantasized of at least five scenes where his fist connects with Hackett’s face, his knuckles tingling like he could feel bones crushing beneath them. 

“Leave,” he orders to his soldiers, who bring their fists to their chests before turning around and exiting the room. Eren knows they won’t go far, one of them probably hanging onto the doorknob in case he tries anything. He won’t, though. He has to keep his cool for now, even if it feels like containing his anger will end up dissolving his insides. 

“You wouldn’t be sitting in this office if…” He starts, then pauses and scrunches up his lips. In the end he seems to change his mind and starts once more, “I am convinced that you are capable of great things.” 

Eren feels his brows knit together, contains the urge to tilt his head to one side. Hackett’s tactic was to praise him into becoming his ally? 

“I have seen with my own eyes what you can do,” he stands from his place on the other side of the table and starts walking towards him. Eren confronts his gaze, his eyes never leaving the other man’s. “But I have my doubts, Eren.” 

The younger soldier doesn’t say anything, his chin raised as he tries to keep a smirk from breaking over his lips. He’s right to have doubts. He shouldn’t trust him. 

“I’ve been talking to Commander Erwin Smith, and he’s tried his best to assure me that your heart is in the right place, but I—” Eren decides then that he hates Hackett’s tendency to leave his thoughts unfinished, it leaves a tingling feeling of vagueness in Eren’s brain whenever he does it, and he starts wondering if he isn’t doing it on purpose. “Are you certain you will be of aid in our war against the titans?” 

“Yes, sir.” Eren replies, adding the ‘sir’ reluctantly. 

“Even though you can’t fight?” He proceeds before Eren has the chance to defend himself. “From what I’ve gathered, your body is weak. What do you mean you can’t spar because it will drain you of the energy necessary to transform? Of what use is that to us out there?” He asks, his hand flying to the window on his right side, his voice picking up volume. “Or is it related to the tumor you have growing in your stomach, because of you’re going to die in any case, we might as well just save you some suffering, boy.” 

Eren blinks, wondering if the man expects him to say anything. 

“It’s not a tumor,” He finally says, maybe a little more curtly than he should have, once he deems the Commander is waiting for an answer. Hackett remains silent, his eyes skeptically widening in an invitation to continue. “We don’t know what it—” 

“You expect me to believe that?” Hackett spits. “Do you take me for a fool? Do you think I’m so naïve I wouldn’t ask around, have my soldiers investigate, keep an eye on you myself?” His face by then has taken a deep red color and Eren has to bite his lower lip to keep his mouth shut. 

Hackett takes a deep breath, turns his head harshly to one side before focusing back on Eren, and the look on his face is one of disgust. “You’re very close to Corporal Levi, aren’t you?” Eren doesn’t say anything, doesn’t know what to say. “Has he ever touched you, Eren? Somewhere he shouldn’t?” 

Eren feels cold shooting through his bloodstream, dampening his skin. His eyes skid to the door, wondering if the soldiers could hear from outside. Did Hackett know? _Could_ he know? 

“Speak.” Hackett orders, and Eren shakes his head promptly. “No?” 

“No.” Eren confirms, harshly. 

“So if I take a knife right now and slash you open, I won’t find a repugnant monster in there?” Hackett wonders, a devious smile taking over his mouth. Eren’s features morph into an expression of horror, goosebumps running down his arms, trembling. “You can heal yourself, you can recover from gunshots to your _brain_. You can certainly heal a little gash in your belly.” 

“I can’t!” Eren says, his eyes shutting in an attempt for him to regain control over his body. He can’t feel his hands anymore with how tight he’s clenching them. He doesn’t know if the man would be capable of stabbing him right then and there, but he doesn’t want to find out, so he blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind. “I can only heal myself if I turn into a titan right after.” 

“That’s not true according to the records.” Hackett points to the files he’d been reading, some sort of grin tauntingly stretching over his lips. “You think I just came here unprepared? You grew your teeth back— _bone_ — without having to trigger a transformation afterwards.” 

Eren could try to find a counter-attack to invalidate that statement, nonetheless he’s stopped thinking clearly. In his mind there is a voice screaming that doesn’t let him string his thoughts together, that cries out to act rather than just wait to see if the man will decide to attack him right then. He holds his breath, looks at the open window to their left and wonders if his transformation could kick in before he actually smashes against the floor if he were to jump through it. 

Hackett seems to read his thoughts as he chuckles lightly, taking a few steps away from Eren. “You better wish your... _condition_ can be passed down to your children.” 

Ice washes over Eren’s back, freezing his limbs to the spot, extinguishing any thought that had been circling his mind. 

He does… know. 

“Hoffmann, get back in here.” Hackett calls out, and before Eren can recover from his stupor to bolt out of his chair and run towards the window, the door slams open and Hackett’s soldiers harshly take a hold of his arms and shoulders, pinning him to the chair, and Eren’s struggles turn pointless. 

“You’re going to transform today and cooperate with us.” Hackett declares, his words accentuated by a deep nod. “And after that, we might have to make adjustments to the original plan.”

 

\-- 

The settings aren’t very different from the last time he’d been in the same circumstances, although the variables have definitely worsened and now turn the situation infinitely more dangerous. For one, Eren’s more riled than frightened. His eyes scan briefly over his comrades and over Hackett’s men, who he’s come to consider more as the enemy, even though, supposedly, they’re all aiming towards the same goal. 

He’s grown used to the dubious stares, to the fleeting glances tinted with distrust. What he’ll never grow used to, however, is Hackett’s infuriating grin. The nasty stretch of skin pulled taut over his teeth, half-covered by his moustache. His eyes glint with something iniquitous, something unnatural that makes Eren’s skin crawl, then forces him to look away. 

He knows. He knows and he has the certainty that he can use that information to his advantage anytime he wants. 

Around Eren, the other soldiers take their places, moving around silently, like they are already highly acquainted with the procedures, as if they had rehearsed this same scene time after time. 

The multitude dissipates, the only sounds rumbling in Eren’s ears the swooshing of gas being pushed out of the 3D maneuver gears as the members of the Scouting Legion leap through the air and then the rustling of leaves as they settle at different heights upon various tree branches. 

He hadn’t had the chance to talk to Levi, or anyone else for that matter after his friendly chat with Hackett. He couldn’t warn him. At that moment he only had Levi’s words from the night before to hold on to, and hope that everything would go according to plan. 

“Whenever you’re ready, Eren.” Hackett says. The mocking smirk aimed at Eren spoke of awareness, of power, of the guarantee of subjugation. He could control Eren, he was certain of it, like one could only be certain of blatant facts. Like the sun coming out each morning. Like the color of fresh blood being red. “Do it, boy, come on. Or should we skip this whole show and go directly to your execution?” 

How dare he? How could he _fucking_ make fun of him like it was nothing? Rest the matter of importance as if this situation right here was just an act they had to get over as fast as they could? Did he not know that it wouldn’t take Eren but the minimum effort to end him in a matter of seconds? 

Eren’s convinced he can transform this time as he feels the distinctive sparks of energy flickering inside of him, ready to ignite as soon as he gives his body the order. However, he doubts himself, he doubts that he can transform without going berserk because he can also recognize his rage mixing in with those sparks, and he’s mostly convinced that it will take control as soon as he transforms. 

The urge to kill is demanding, blinding. He could step on Hackett like he would on a slithering, nasty bug. He would hear his bones crushing, maybe his screams right before his life ends. He won’t see the expression of fear on his face, but he’ll smell it, that pungent, acrid smell of horror, and it will run all over his skin, like an armor made of pure power that’ll encourage him to end them all. _Kill them all_. 

This is too dangerous; if he’s going to do anything, he has to do it now before he loses himself. 

But that is something easier said than done, trying to find a clear objective that serves his purpose without putting anyone’s life on the line. He imagines the blood he could spill, the warmth that will never be anymore, splashing before his feet, dripping onto the floor. Lost, lost and wasted. His fault, everything, his fault. 

 _Let it burn red... until there is nothing left_. 

Blind rage consumes Eren vision, but he has to concentrate. Too much is at stake. 

‘ _Obey!_ ’, he orders himself, taking a few steps back. He nods, running his sweaty palms over his face, trying to rub the confusion, the pain and the fear off his skin. I can do this, he thinks to himself, taking another couple of steps away from the crowd. Obey. OBEY.  

His teeth sink into the flesh of his shaky hand, but he can’t feel the pain. What he feels instead is an unlimited amount of raw power twisting and curling around him, enveloping him in a blazing wave of vigor, of wound up energy. His legs and arms feel infinitely longer, his head feels like it has stretched for miles and miles, and his senses feel omnipresent, as if he could identify every single event happening all at the same time and tell the details of each one apart. The word ‘obey’ circles in the vastness of his mind like a worn out prayer, and even though Eren isn’t conscious enough to determine it himself, the word serves as a powerful chain keeping his feral urges under check. 

All the pent up energy writhing inside his body starts to fret, jerking and curling about the order, testing the limits of Eren’s barely conscious self. His leg moves backwards, hits the floor and the whole earth rumbles in submission to his power. 

Why should he have to be bound by a meaningless conviction? Why, when he can crush them all without even wasting a tiny fraction of all his available potential? 

He tries to alleviate the burning in his chest, the contradictory need to kill, by releasing a deafening growl, his arms lifting his trembling, massive fists. 

The titan howls again, taking yet another step back, and its hands come to rub over its face like Eren in his human form had done just minutes ago. 

Hanji, more than anyone else, notices the titan’s struggle, and with an authoritative tone, she addresses Commander Hackett. “I suggest we proceed with the experiment.” 

“Of course, of course.” Hackett chuckles under his breath, stepping forward, his body swaying with mockery. 

He clears his throat, his hands coming to clasp each other behind his back, and without the slightest hint of fear, he lifts his eyes towards the beast. “Eren Jaeger!” He yells, voice deep and resounding. “Kneel, boy.” 

The titan stops its struggling, its hands lowering from its face to peek down at the man talking. For a moment, everything the soldiers can hear is static, a background noise that’s unsettling, foreshadowing of chaos. However, the tension loosens somewhat when the titan sighs profoundly, one of its legs bending, its whole weight dropping on its knee with a wave of scorching air swooshing over the soldiers. 

“That’s very good, Eren.” Hackett praises him. “Should we begin testing?” 

Hanji steps forward, nodding. Her blades are sheathed, although she holds her 3DMG handles in her fists. Eren had been a lot more shaken than she had expected before the transformation and that knowledge makes her uneasy. She can only wonder what Hackett had said to the young man to get him in such an unstable emotional state, and imagines the worst. 

If he has information on Eren’s state… they are probably going to have to kill the Commander. 

Knowing she’s walking on thin glass, fully conscious of the fact that Eren’s composure could snap at any moment, Hanji speaks clear and loud, “Eren, we’ve gone over the basics of this experiment a few times, can you remember that?” 

Nothing happens for a few seconds, and then, faintly, the titan nods. It repeats the action a few seconds later, with a bit more conviction. 

“Excellent, Eren. We will begin by moving those carts to your left all the way across the field to the right side, yes? Do you understand?” She says then, trying to keep her voice from shaking. 

The titan just stares blankly forward this time, and the eyes where Hanji had detected Eren’s conscience orchestrating the huge titan body start to glaze over. 

Something changes then. Something feral crosses the titan’s eyes as it straightens its torso, its mouth falling open until it appears like his jaw has disconnected from the rest of its skull and a long wail is pushed out its throat. Its whole body shakes like a mountain being subdued by an earthquake and the titan raises its hands, then its fingers dig into the back of its neck, scratching, summoning a cloud of vapor from the wound. 

“Calm down, Eren!” The Corporal yells, and even though the titan doesn’t put his arms back down on the ground, its face turns until its eyes are able to focus on Levi. 

All that follows the Corporal’s words is silence. A suffocating, dense silence—only broken by the titan’s loud panting— that manages to empower the uneasiness enveloping the crowd into an agitation that’s almost palpable. Still, they do nothing. They all stare at the titan like animals before the slaughter. 

A drop of sweat that had been collecting on Hanji’s temple slides down her jaw. Maybe they should call the plan off. If she gives Eren the signal now, it might just turn into the trigger that obliterates what little control Eren has over his senses. It could send him into a blackness that allows the titan’s instincts to run free, and she doesn’t know if the bloodshed that would follow would be worth anything in the end. 

“Eren,” The Corporal yells again. Hanji’s eyes snap over to him and she wants to scream at him to stop. Eren can’t do this right now. He _can’t_. “Eren, let it burn red.” 

 _… Until there is nothing left_. 

It’s like magic. Like the blanket that had been covering Eren’s senses lifts, letting him see everything clearly, perfectly. His real objective had been this, all along. He feels control over his titan body as if it was his own human body. The sounds from the world come to him untainted – wind blowing, the dead leaves crunching before shifty feet, the harsh breaths of everyone around him. He’s smiling although he knows no one can tell. 

Maybe Hanji perceives it because she’s drawing out her blades, running out of the way before Eren even manages to get back on his feet. 

Eren’s body sways, his eyes locking on Hackett’s, and he loves the smell of adrenaline tainting the air, he adores the shadow that falls over the man’s face as it finally dawns on him that Eren has no intention of carrying out his pointless commands. 

He should kill him. 

Commander Hackett stumbles back while yelling instructions and the cannons start firing not a second after. 

The plan was not to get Hackett’s men killed, but to stir offensive. 

Levi had revealed to him the night before that special cannons had been installed and hidden among the trees, and their objective was to immobilize him should he rebel by shooting harpoons specifically at certain bundles of nerves that controlled his muscles. Hanji would try to destroy the ones aimed to cause the most damage, but Eren should still try to avoid being in the range of said cannons if Commander Erwin gave the signal use them. 

He sprints forward, and the Scouting Legion soldiers start shooting their 3DMG’s harpoons towards Eren’s body. He manages to avoid them before they can make contact with his flesh, keeps running towards the crowd mostly consisting of Hackett’s squad. 

Some of the soldiers abandon their posts at the cannons, deciding to switch to 3DMG and Eren surveys the area around him. He has to be careful now. He has to allow them to hurt him, however the attack must not be severe enough to impede him from escaping. 

Random bursts of pain start exploding along his legs , all the way up to his thighs, and he glances down only to discover harpoons slotted deep inside his flesh, vapor oozing already from the wounds. He decides to run backwards, with the knowledge that dragging the soldiers across the ground might make them recoil their weapons, or make the wires snap. Before he manages to do anything, however, a loud blast from his left startles him enough to lose concentration for a few fatal seconds. 

His knee then burns as if it has been skinned, his muscles spasming with pain, and when he looks down, it’s to realize long chunks of metal have slotted there, cables attached to their hind-ends, coming from somewhere in the woods. 

The special cannons. 

If he hits the ground, it will all be over. 

Placing a hand over his nape, he does the only thing he can think of: bends downwards and pulls on the cables with his other hand in an attempt to yank the metal hurting him from the joint, so he can move his leg again. He realizes his mistake only after he feels the blades on him. 

Lower to the ground, it’s easier for the soldiers to reach him. 

With panic drenching over his senses, he notices that his movements are becoming slow and uncoordinated. His limbs, second by second, start to feel more like heavy masses of iron rather than extensions of himself. He looses his balance, falls forward over his knees and he howls, trying to follow the flashes of silver and brown inflicting on him blow after blow of pure, raw pain. The feeling of vapor escaping through his wounds is very similar to the sensation of bleeding, and it’s with an asphyxiating sense of fear that he discovers his muscles have been severed to the bone. His hand falls from his neck, his nape exposed to the merciless blades of both his comrades and Hackett’s soldiers. 

He wails, loudly, looking frantically from side to side trying to spot the Corporal among all the commotion. 

Cannons are still being fired, booming. Cannonballs find their way into his flesh and the ache is as real and tangible as if his own human skin had been suffering the abrasions. He feels raw all over, weakening with every second that goes by and he wails again, crying out for help. 

He refuses to let it happen like this. He has to make this work. He had to run away, for his son’s sake. He had made a promise, to Levi, to their child, too. 

He couldn’t allow some strangers to raise his child, devoid of love, forced to endure pain from the moment he was born, stripped from any form of happiness, of fulfillment. He couldn’t let them violate his heart, tamper his spirit, shape his mind into the one of a soldier, give him the frozen soul of a killer. 

This baby had done so much for him, had made him change, appreciate things he had taken for granted, learn so much about himself. He owed everything to this child, retrieving his will to really live, awakening his happiness, teaching him love and compassion and empathy. 

He wants to live for him. He loves this child with all the force his heart is capable of mustering. 

Yet… his muscles refuse to move. His tired body can’t keep up with the healing rate his wounds require. 

He cries out again. 

In a strange moment of half lucidity, he wonders if his titan eyes are capable of shedding tears, if everyone even realized how much pain he was going through. The world starts to blurry around him, fuzzy at the edges. 

He feels his head fall, finally, closes his eyes and waits to be brought back to the harsh reality of his own body by being hauled out from his titan self. 

But the final blow never comes. 

It’s then he notices the extra weight over his shoulder, the sting of pain on his neck; the harsh noises of steel clashing against steel and then Levi’s voice, over every other sound, yelling in his ear. 

“Eren, you have to get up!” 

He snaps out of his daze, shaking his head slightly to clear his vision. What he sees before him amazes him to the point of confusion, but Levi’s voice still screaming in his ear forces him to react instead of allowing himself to get distracted. 

Levi’s Squad is protecting him, deviating the attacks from other soldiers thus granting Eren’s body enough time to start recovering. The feeling in his legs comes back first, a sensation like pins and needles prickling all along the extension of his skin. He gets to his feet before his arms have fully recovered, turns around in the direction he thinks is the right one and starts placing one feet after the other in front of him until he’s running, until he leaves the clearing behind, until he can feel the cool air blowing past him in a blissful display of freedom. 

If he steps on a few people as he makes his way out the clearing, his mind doesn’t exactly register. 

It won’t be long before they give them chase on horseback, and Eren tries to run faster to put as much distance between them and the soldiers as he can. 

“They’re getting closer,” He hears Levi yell. “Eren. I’m going to stop them. Keep running.” 

Eren shakes his head, trying with all his might to make his strides longer, his movements faster. 

“It’s no use. Keep running. I promise I’ll catch up.” Levi’s voice is urgent, and through the imposed silence of his titan throat, Eren can’t express his displeasure at his idea, so he lets out a long growl instead. 

The pain in his neck disappears and he turns around in time to see the Corporal descending atop a tree, to then reach the ground. 

He couldn’t turn back around and just leave him there. He couldn’t. 

However, the reminder that his son is his utmost priority inundates his mind then, and what forces him to plant his feet on the ground and ignore the urge to flee comes from a completely different source: the clashing of his ideals. His heart is divided and he can’t be expected to choose between the two halves. 

“Eren!” His face drops to his right to find Hanji jumping off from her horse, patting the animal on the rump to get it to run back the way it had come. She approaches Levi to whisper something in his ear and the Corporal only nods, glancing briefly up to Eren. Hanji then approaches him and shoots the harpoons of her maneuver gear to start climbing up Eren’s body. “We need to go, Eren!” 

He shakes his head, waiting until Hanji has reached his clavicles to look down at her with eyes he hopes expresses his refusal. 

“We’re so close, Eren,” Hanji pleads, taking a hold of his hair to find better purchase over his shoulder. The urgency in her voice is daunting; Eren feels it ignite a series of trembles throughout his body. “This is for your son…” 

“EREN, GO.” His voice is harsh, relentless. Levi is shaking his arm from the ground, frantically, prompting him to move. 

“He’ll catch up, Eren. I promise. We _need_ to go.” Hanji couldn’t promise that. 

But she was right. This was for his son. He would give everything he had to keep him safe. He would do _anything_. 

Even if it meant… leaving Levi behind. 

His eyes look for the Corporal’s, and even though he’s far down, he perfectly catches the expression on his face. He’s determined. He has bravery and anger and defiance displayed all over his features. He’s not afraid. He has no regrets. And neither should Eren. 

The time has come, sooner than he expected and he... has to let him go.

He starts to move before he can stop himself, turning around, away from Levi, from his old life, and he sprints forward without looking back.

 

\--

 A strange feeling settles over him then, some kind of emptiness that fills his chest and that can’t be expelled no matter how hard he breathes out. He recognizes it, even if he can’t come to accept it. It’s the feeling of knowing he would never see someone again. Definitive, like a cord that snaps after being tense for a long time. It feels loose, then, hurts a little; just a little because his mind is not fully conscious of it. It's a deeper instinct. Just a sensation. Levi feels it then, strong and definitive, his eyes trained on the massive figure quickly retreating until he loses it among the trees. 

“Corporal!” 

It takes him a few seconds to come back to the present, and even longer to turn in the direction of a voice that he supposes he should recognize. His knees are shaking, he notices, his abdomen is clenched tight, his lungs barely getting any oxygen into his system. His fingers are curled firmly around the handles of his blades and he takes a step back in order to keep his balance. 

Soldiers close around him. If it comes to it, he will kill these soldiers, he’s not going to hesitate for even one second. 

For Eren. 

For his child. 

He’d do whatever it took to protect them. 

“Corporal, please!” The voice reaches him again, and by following the sound, he discovers Armin Arlert slowly walking towards him, blades sheathed, one of his hands raised with its palm facing the Corporal and the other guiding his horse’s reins. “Corporal, this need to stop.” 

Levi doesn’t say anything. Though his eyes are fixed on the blond soldier, he’s more focused on what his peripheral vision is catching, on what the grass and dead leaves crunching under leather boots around him tell him about the position of the other soldiers. Armin makes a signal with his hand, mouths ‘no’ at someone behind Levi, and the sounds stop. 

“Corporal, please surrender.” Armin says, blue eyes glinting with something that resembles nervousness. His voice falters, but after a small cough he continues. “There has been too much bloodshed, and between humans! We should be killing the titans, not one another.” 

Levi’s eyebrows knit together, as he wonders what exactly Armin is trying to achieve. This wasn’t a part of the plan. Pursuing him was not what they had agreed on. Probably, although it might just be wishful thinking, Armin’s trying to avoid a confrontation. However, if these soldiers’ final objective is to capture Eren, then it’s futile, Levi will kill them before they can even take one step, with Arimin’s intervention or lack thereof. 

“Many of our comrades have died, Corporal, please!” Armin continues. “Squad Leader Hanji Zoe, is dead. Did you hear me? Hanji is dead!” 

He feels his fists loosen only to clench them again a second after. Dead? But he just saw her leave with Eren. How could she be dead? He has to fight the urge to turn right around, and fear of glancing back only to find a bunch of soldiers carrying both Hanji and Eren’s lifeless bodies assaults him, but he stays fixed on Armin. 

“Fuck you.” He hisses. “All of you.” Armin’s eyes flick to the right for a moment, before setting back on the Corporal. And he gets it. Armin is lying. Armin _is_ on his side. 

“I’m sorry.” The blond soldier whispers, daring to take another step closer. “This needs to stop, you care about your comrades, don’t you? Please, please surrender.” 

But what can assure him that the moment he puts his blades down, the other soldiers won’t take their chance at ending him. What— 

“Corporal… Gunther and Auruo are dead, too.” He hears Petra’s voice, and he looks beyond Armin to find her subdued by a couple of soldiers. She had probably followed them, maybe tried to delay the soldiers. He recognizes a few of Eren’s friends among the faces surrounding him, displaying confusion, fear. 

His eyes shoot back to Petra. Her tears have mixed with her own blood, her hand pushing against her side where he can guess a wound under her cloak is the source of the blood dripping down her pants. 

He lets go then. He loosens his fingers and cringes as his weapons hit the floor with a low thud. He has failed those who trusted him, again. 

He looks one last time at Armin, and the blond soldier nods, a gesture that assures Levi that he has things under control. He has to trust him, Eren said they could, and he has no other choice. 

He allows the soldiers from Hackett’s squad to seize him, kick him down to the floor and only wishes that his comrades whose lives he’s just spared will do the same for him. 

At least… his family is safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters to go! The very last one will be an epilogue of sorts.
> 
> Please don't hate me too much~ BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
> 
> ok. Nana out.


End file.
